kindergarten location issue

[iceberg]

I had a hot debate with my ex today regarding where our kid will attend KG next year. Right now the child goes to preschool in my area and my ex lives 30+ minutes away. I want the child to attend the same school next year but she said no way. She said she is ready to go to court if need but the kid will go to her area next year. I know KG is not obligatory but I see a war coming so how do I prepare for it inclluding future "non-cooperation" because I believe truly that the child should go to school in my area.

 

[standing on the sidelines]

it all depends on school district. To me it would seem reasonable to keep the child in the same school with the same kids for KG as preschool.

What are your exs reasons for wanting the child to go to school in her area??

 

[wretchedotis]

Yes I would say you have 'status quo' on your side in this issue.

Enroll your child in whatever school you want - forward the papres to the other side for consenting signaure. When she refuses - bring it up during trial.

"You don't believe its in the best interest of the child to attend school with his previously made friends in the area?"

Seems to me a judge wouldn't really like school being messed around with from either party.

 

[iceberg]

3 reasons

1. She is the mother
2. My child would attend same school as her 1st cousin who lives with my ex ATM but not the same grade
3. She would spend less time with the child

 

[iceberg]

Yes I would say you have 'status quo' on your side in this issue.

Enroll your child in whatever school you want - forward the papres to the other side for consenting signaure. When she refuses - bring it up during trial.

"You don't believe its in the best interest of the child to attend school with his previously made friends in the area?"

Seems to me a judge wouldn't really like school being messed around with from either party.

She said I will lose custody if I win school. I later called with recorder and asked about custody loss but she knew I record this time and just laughed and denied she said it.

Also KG is not mandatory and if judge don't get involved then the child will miss KG and there will be no status quo for grade 1

 

[wretchedotis]

whoever wins school stands a better chance of winning custody. In my opinion.

 

[iceberg]

I can name many reasons why I am the better parent in this situation but won't bother to type because it is 1 sided story. One thing is for sure and that's our frindly communication is prolly over and radio silence took place

 

[MiViLaLoco]

Iceberg, I completely understand. I've been through this myself with my ex.

In our case, because there was no precident set, and realizing that my ex would never allow our son to go to a school "other than" the one that was closest to his house, I negotiated an additional clause into our separation agreement.

You see...in our case, my ex moved about a 30 minute one-way commute away...in the same city...and then insisted our son go to the school that was 1/2 a block away from his house.

So...I weighed the pros and cons...and then negotiated based on the information I had at the time. Which was: 1-knowing my ex was not planning on staying in that area for a long time, and 2-knowing that my ex had a bad experience with going to school outside of his neighbourhood when growing up...so he had no school friends to hang out with after school till about grade 10.

Pros:
- every other week our son would be able to walk to and from school
- every other week he'd be able to play with his friends from school after school (not so important in kindergarten...but very important as he gets older)
- the school by the ex was a way better school and environment for him than the school he would be bused to from the daycare he was currently attending
- once in grade 1 he'd be able to attend a before and after school program (at either school) and busing wouldn't be an issue
- the ex's fears of our son not having close childhood friends in elementary school would be quelled (this was a huge fear for him and even before we had a child he talked about it often and how he didn't really get involved in sports or anything outside of his "family" because he had no close "buds" to do anything with)

Cons:
- our son would have to change daycares for kindergarten to be in the same school district as the ex (our current daycare did not bus to that area)
- my driving time would increase to 2 hours a day on the weeks I have our son (1 hour in morning and 1 hour after school/work). However, I turned this into a "pro" as my son and I now use the time to tell stories to each other, sing, tell each other about our day...and generally just have fun
- concerns that when my ex moved again he would once again insist on our son going to the school in his area


So, knowing the above "facts" I negotiated an addition to our separation agreement which states that should the ex move out of our son's current school district, or should our son (for any reason) need to change schools then I would be the one to choose where our son goes (while in elementary school). It also states our son would be able to choose, for himself, where he attends high school...should it be an issue.

Now...we are into Grade 1...and our son is having a blast. I'm also planning on moving to the area by his school...for the "friends" too

So I guess what I'm really trying to say...is maybe it would help if you took a look at all the known pros and cons in your situation and negotiate a little so you win the war instead of the battle.

- others have mentioned you having status quo for your child to go to school in your area. You already have a way stronger case than I did...and we had also already settled our separation/divorce at this point. So, in this case what would the pros be for your ex...and how can you negotiate around her cons so they will become pros for her?

My ex and I started our whole "negotiation" from the standpoint that we were both right and that the other person would have to just suck it up...lol. However...after our "emotions" died down (for me anyway) we were able to work something out. But...it did take weeks/months...and we had our son enrolled in "both" schools because we really didn't make any headway until June just before he started kindergarten.

 

[iceberg]

I am glad you managed ti work things out. I have been thinking and there is still time to think and negotiate to find the best solution peacefully. However, my ex's goal is to get full custody. Her parenting skills were great during the marriage but after that our child has not been her priority. I always try to negotiate but she and her folks are a piece of work.

Since we live 30 km apart it is impossible to keep current access after the child starts school full time. After she said that from nxt year I will be an EOW father I replied if the judge sides with her then I will move next to the school to keep shared custody. She cursed me out of anger after I said that.

She wants full custody

 

[MiViLaLoco]

I have a question. Why would you being 30km apart have any bearing on access? Right now, when it is your access time and you are at work, where does the child stay?

On her access week does your ex not already drive 30km each way to bring your daughter to care and preschool in your area?

Either way...30km when your child is in school full time is not a case for moving from 50/50 to EOW...at all! It is 100% possible to keep 50/50 custody when your child is in school full-time and drive 2 hours a day...I'm doing it!!!! My ex and I never once thought that one of us would have to give up our access...that is rediculous...lol.

Custody has nothing to do with school...nothing. Custody has to do with doing what is best for the child and maintaining status quo for the child. Currently if status quo is her bringing the child to your area for daycare and preschool she will have a hard time changing that if you don't want it changed. After all...what she's asking to do isn't just about school...it's about changing your child's complete routine.

In my case there was no precident at all for school. So I really had no solid case for demanding our son go to school in my area as he currenly wasn't. Your case is 100% stonger due to precident being set for a full school year already.

She may "want" to have full custody...however, if you have a strong case of status quo at 50/50??...she will have a huge uphill battle fighting that one. School is definitely not even in the realm of a valid reason to seek full custody from 50/50...lol

If you moving is a feasable option (since you mentioned you were going to do it to your ex)...why don't you put that on that table...you moving to her school district...with a clause stating that should she choose to move out of "X" school district in the future she will be responsible for all transportation of your child to the current school area. That she understands prior to her making the decision to move that the child will remain in current school "X". ...or something to that effect so you don't find yourself going down this road in the future.

Another FYI if you haven't already worked out your separation agreement...My ex and I have a clause in our agreement which states that should either of us move out of the current city area we live in that the person moving understands our child will then stay full-time with the non-moving parent and that parent will automatically become the custodial parent. Access will then be re-negotiated in our child's best interest so the other parent remains involved in his life. Child support will also be automatically recalculated to the moving parent paying full child support to the non-moving parent. (right now we use the offset method as we are shared parenting with 50/50 access). If the parent that moved...moves back to the city area...then custody returns to shared, 50/50 access, and offset child support as per original agreement. This clause has already saved us a lot of conflict...especially since my ex has been actively seeking a relationship that has the potential to move him 2 1/2 hours away. He actually mentioned this to me (surprise!) as things are getting serious and he understands what he is potentially giving up to follow a new relationship should she not be able to move here in the near future.

 

[Tayken]

I had a hot debate with my ex today regarding where our kid will attend KG next year. Right now the child goes to preschool in my area and my ex lives 30+ minutes away. I want the child to attend the same school next year but she said no way. She said she is ready to go to court if need but the kid will go to her area next year. I know KG is not obligatory but I see a war coming so how do I prepare for it inclluding future "non-cooperation" because I believe truly that the child should go to school in my area.

1. Status quo.

2. 30 minutes is not a far enough distance to be a matter for the court.

3. There has been no change in circumstance for this to be a substantive enough issue for court. The judge will point this out.

4. Recommend a school equidistant. You can get an order on consent for your child to attend this school on a 14B motion so the child can be enrolled.

5. School and where your child attends school is not a decision either parent should be making lightly. Changing schools disrupts children.

6. Stop engaging in heated discussions. You will just have to respond to all of it in Affidavit materials. Best you take the conversation to Our Family Wizard or email so you have a record of anything stated, recommended and threatened. Avoid the he-said she-said Affidavit nightmare that may come next.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[iceberg]

I have a question. Why would you being 30km apart have any bearing on access?

When you go to work you cannot take the child to and from the school.

Right now, when it is your access time and you are at work, where does the child stay?

In my house, with my family

On her access week does your ex not already drive 30km each way to bring your daughter to care and preschool in your area?

No, the child stays with me during (pre) school days and that is from Monday evening to Friday afternoon/evening.

Either way...30km when your child is in school full time is not a case for moving from 50/50 to EOW...at all! It is 100% possible to keep 50/50 custody when your child is in school full-time and drive 2 hours a day...I'm doing it!!!! My ex and I never once thought that one of us would have to give up our access...that is rediculous...lol.

First of all, driving 2 hours a day to school is too much. I don't think even the court allows more than 45 minutes. Second thing, you can't drive when you work

Custody has nothing to do with school...nothing. Custody has to do with doing what is best for the child and maintaining status quo for the child. Currently if status quo is her bringing the child to your area for daycare and preschool she will have a hard time changing that if you don't want it changed. After all...what she's asking to do isn't just about school...it's about changing your child's complete routine.

School is very important and children need school. School and custody almost go together.

Again, she don't drive the child to school, the bus picks her up from my house.

She may "want" to have full custody...however, if you have a strong case of status quo at 50/50??...she will have a huge uphill battle fighting that one. School is definitely not even in the realm of a valid reason to seek full custody from 50/50...lol

She is hoping that once child starts going FT to school from her house, she will have grounds for full physical custody.

If you moving is a feasable option (since you mentioned you were going to do it to your ex)...why don't you put that on that table...you moving to her school district...with a clause stating that should she choose to move out of "X" school district in the future she will be responsible for all transportation of your child to the current school area. That she understands prior to her making the decision to move that the child will remain in current school "X". ...or something to that effect so you don't find yourself going down this road in the future.

Moving to her area is the last option. I would move only if I lost in court. She moving in my area is not an option, they have a house and I rent a house.

Another FYI if you haven't already worked out your separation agreement...My ex and I have a clause in our agreement which states that should either of us move out of the current city area we live in that the person moving understands our child will then stay full-time with the non-moving parent and that parent will automatically become the custodial parent. Access will then be re-negotiated in our child's best interest so the other parent remains involved in his life. Child support will also be automatically recalculated to the moving parent paying full child support to the non-moving parent. (right now we use the offset method as we are shared parenting with 50/50 access). If the parent that moved...moves back to the city area...then custody returns to shared, 50/50 access, and offset child support as per original agreement. This clause has already saved us a lot of conflict...especially since my ex has been actively seeking a relationship that has the potential to move him 2 1/2 hours away. He actually mentioned this to me (surprise!) as things are getting serious and he understands what he is potentially giving up to follow a new relationship should she not be able to move here in the near future.

We have that in our agreement. She can't move away with the child w/o my consent or a court order, neither can I.

 

[iceberg]

1. Status quo.

2. 30 minutes is not a far enough distance to be a matter for the court.

3. There has been no change in circumstance for this to be a substantive enough issue for court. The judge will point this out.

4. Recommend a school equidistant. You can get an order on consent for your child to attend this school on a 14B motion so the child can be enrolled.

5. School and where your child attends school is not a decision either parent should be making lightly. Changing schools disrupts children.

6. Stop engaging in heated discussions. You will just have to respond to all of it in Affidavit materials. Best you take the conversation to Our Family Wizard or email so you have a record of anything stated, recommended and threatened. Avoid the he-said she-said Affidavit nightmare that may come next.

Good Luck!
Tayken

This preschool that our kid attends is awesome even my ex likes it. Right next door is kindergarten. So why change. Why look for equidistant school?

I don't know anything about OUR FAMILY WIZARD I took a quick look and it looks like a regular divorce support website. I do save my documents onto USB stick.

Let me ask you this. When it comes to kinder garten, since it is not a mandatory, will the courts get involved. When kids start grade 1 for example, then the judge will rule what s/he thinks is best but in KG what, one parent can simply say I don't want the child to attend KG????