I got screwed because I'm a Father, just like all the Father's before me. Judge asked me a question which was answered in 3 of my court docs, she didn't even take the time to read them>GRRRRRRR, and then she told me to pay daycare on top of the child support, I can't do it...I just can't! Office of the children's lawyer may get involved, but by the time it's done, the status quo will be irreversible. Why did I even bother, might as well walk away
Judge didn't even read the docs!!!
- Thread starter riverbag
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riverbag,
I am sorry to hear the results. I remember reading your other posts and you seemed to have the kids lots and live close by to schools etc. Shared parenting should be the NORM in this country, when both parents are fit. Just because the mother "won't negotiate" shouldn't mean the father is "screwed" if he doesn't have the money to get a lawyer on his case. What a crazy system. Kids need BOTH their parents in their lives, ALL the research shows this, but Canada is still in denial and politicians won't touch this with a 10 foot pole because of the negative reprecussions from women's groups. Sorry, got off on a tangent.
I know you feel like walking away right now and I understand you cannot afford what they are making you pay. When I met my now husband, he literally lived on "rice" after she took over 1/2 his pay. Just keep your children in mind, always believe it will help them in the end if you are there. There is hope that things will change. Are you able to get legal aid? Are the children old enough to voice their opinions? Perhaps they want shared custody, and will voice this to the children's lawyer?
I am sorry to hear the results. I remember reading your other posts and you seemed to have the kids lots and live close by to schools etc. Shared parenting should be the NORM in this country, when both parents are fit. Just because the mother "won't negotiate" shouldn't mean the father is "screwed" if he doesn't have the money to get a lawyer on his case. What a crazy system. Kids need BOTH their parents in their lives, ALL the research shows this, but Canada is still in denial and politicians won't touch this with a 10 foot pole because of the negative reprecussions from women's groups. Sorry, got off on a tangent.
I know you feel like walking away right now and I understand you cannot afford what they are making you pay. When I met my now husband, he literally lived on "rice" after she took over 1/2 his pay. Just keep your children in mind, always believe it will help them in the end if you are there. There is hope that things will change. Are you able to get legal aid? Are the children old enough to voice their opinions? Perhaps they want shared custody, and will voice this to the children's lawyer?
Children's lawyer won't matter much
Children's lawyer won't matter much
My children are too young for their wishes to be taken seriously, my ex worked in the social services field and has had them for the past 7 months to start the brainwashing, and trust me....she's doing it! I won't have an assessment for another 3-6 months..IF I get one and by then I could be living on the street while trying to pay the court ordered daycare and child support...Nope, got screwed, and just like the Fathers before me, I've done nothing wrong to deserve it and only want to be a Parent to my children.
I'll bet the OCL doesn't even get involved, because as the judge said "What you have now if FAIR and GENEROUS ACCESS" Fair my ass
Children's lawyer won't matter much
My children are too young for their wishes to be taken seriously, my ex worked in the social services field and has had them for the past 7 months to start the brainwashing, and trust me....she's doing it! I won't have an assessment for another 3-6 months..IF I get one and by then I could be living on the street while trying to pay the court ordered daycare and child support...Nope, got screwed, and just like the Fathers before me, I've done nothing wrong to deserve it and only want to be a Parent to my children.
I'll bet the OCL doesn't even get involved, because as the judge said "What you have now if FAIR and GENEROUS ACCESS" Fair my ass
wretchedotis
New member
I can understand that sentiment. I don't approve, but I can see why in the darkest of moments it may seem the thing to do.
I'll just take the moment to remind you that your kids don't want you to walk away. They need you to stay around as much as you possibly can. Make no mistake about it, they're counting on their Dad.
*HUGS* I completely understand where you are coming from. My husband felt the same way... many times. Each time he goes to court to fight for what is FAIR for EVERYONE, he gets screwed. Each time he fights for the guidelines, he gets screwed and ordered to pay more than guideline amounts. Why? Because he has me - his wife with an "above average income" (as the courts put it) - to support him.
It is a ridiculous system.
Just keep fighting for what is right and fair... and hopefully one day you'll prevail. We're still waiting for that day to come, unfortunately. But my husband is still fighting, even though the energy that was once there is no longer. But, we still have a glimmer of hope that one day, we'll get a judge that will make a fair ruling, and that will abide by the guidelines and family law act.
It is a ridiculous system.
Just keep fighting for what is right and fair... and hopefully one day you'll prevail. We're still waiting for that day to come, unfortunately. But my husband is still fighting, even though the energy that was once there is no longer. But, we still have a glimmer of hope that one day, we'll get a judge that will make a fair ruling, and that will abide by the guidelines and family law act.
dadtotheend
New member
Friend, the OCL will recommend what's best for the kids, and won't weight the status quo as heavily as the court. Yes, it will take them months to finish, but they will be thorough. And their recommendation will trump status quo for the judge.
This is the time for you to be strongest, reasonable, truthful and committed to what you think is right. If there is alienation, the OCL will probably see it. Mostly do not slag your ex. Be child centred.
I got sole custody after an OCL investigation. Fathers don't always get screwed.
This is the time for you to be strongest, reasonable, truthful and committed to what you think is right. If there is alienation, the OCL will probably see it. Mostly do not slag your ex. Be child centred.
I got sole custody after an OCL investigation. Fathers don't always get screwed.
singledad99
New member
I wouldn't give you any false hopes but I won't given up on my children either. Yes, its tough out there for fathers but hey, fathers are expected to be tough too, aren't they? Don't expect too much from OCL, they are known for their incompetence just like anything else in family law system. All they do is fill up the paper work and endorse the status quo. I had the custody of my son already when they came aboard. They recommended continuation of status quo but the work they did was full of crap and contradictions. They said my ex was extremely abusive of our son but still didn't recommend any reduction to her access. All the time during the investigation the worker was telling that my ex should be put on supervised access until she recovered from her mental problems but no mention of that in the recommendations. As a matter of fact they concluded that my ex was a good mother. (Abusive and good mother???) They also made errors in stating the plain facts which in my opinion were irrelevant to the case but my ex sure make a full fledged fuss about it. If my ex wanted she could easily get the recommendations set aside but somehow she has not done that so far.
What you need to do is to stay calm and stay focused. Don't miss the support payments and don't miss the access no matter what. Instead of engaging into full scale war with your ex, try to build a positive working relationship with her purely for the sake of the children. Most people forget this and escalate the conflict to a level that it becomes impossible to get joint or shared custody.
What you need to do is to stay calm and stay focused. Don't miss the support payments and don't miss the access no matter what. Instead of engaging into full scale war with your ex, try to build a positive working relationship with her purely for the sake of the children. Most people forget this and escalate the conflict to a level that it becomes impossible to get joint or shared custody.
What to expect from OCL?
What to expect from OCL?
After an evening with friends and speaking with my family I am in a much better place. I didn't really expect much from the judge at the case conference, but was spoken to in a way that I meant nothing so I guess I got sidetracked. With OCL involved I believe I have a fantastic chance now, but would appreciate some idea about what is coming, IF they decide to take our case.
What to expect from OCL?
After an evening with friends and speaking with my family I am in a much better place. I didn't really expect much from the judge at the case conference, but was spoken to in a way that I meant nothing so I guess I got sidetracked. With OCL involved I believe I have a fantastic chance now, but would appreciate some idea about what is coming, IF they decide to take our case.
dadtotheend
New member
Don't forget that the wild card is the judge him/herself. There's no doubt they can be wacky. I found that out first hand at one case conference.
Check this out regarding what's coming:
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f7/ocl-involvement-2842/
And do a search on "OCL involvement". There's tons o' stuff to read.
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