Joint chequing account for shared expenses - thoughts?

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billm

billm

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Hi,

My ex and I are thinking of opening a joint chequing account for shared child expenses. I am really hoping this will work out great and reduce any discussions about who spent more than the other etc.

We have 3 kids - equal access and pay offset CS.

These are my thoughts - let me know of any advice

So it would be a chequing account and we each would have debit cards, online access, and online bill paying. Both names on the account, no overdraft. We would automatically put the same amount in each month, adjusting as needed.

Primarily it would be for shared CS covered expenses that has nothing to do specifically with one house such as clothing.

We would use it to pay for school trips, school supplies, clothing, kids cell phones, CS covered extracurricular, possibly bigger expenses such as braces and Section 7 extracurricular (though that would have to be contributed to in proportion to income)

We would not use it for entertainment, food, spending money (aka entertainment)

Every cheque, debit purchase, deposit etc would be texted immediately to the other and all receipts kept in case of dispute. Expenses over a certain amount ($100?) have to be 'preappoved' by contacting the other first.

I get along fairly well with my ex (all things considered...) but the issue of 'I spent money on this so now its your turn' BS is something we both feel is not working so we hope that this is the solution.

Also, as she is contributing equally I feel that the spending will be under control, though I have some reservations about that, but overall I don't think it will be a major problem.

I find that I only have about 2 receipts per week that I am tracking for shared expenses, so I don't think the account will be used that much.

Thoughts?
 
It might be difficult to prove which transactions were attributed to whom as debit cards for a single account to not reflect which card made the transaction, especially for online activity.

Maybe a better way to go about it might be via a pre-paid credit card account with two cards. I remember our joint visa had one account with two cards where transactions on each card were separated on the visa bill.
 
An impressive feat of cooperation. My brain screams NOOOO but you present it in a way that makes it seem like a surprisingly good and reasonable idea ;)
 
It sounds all good on paper, but how long before one party starts hiding stuff and moving money from one account to another to make it look legit?

I won't do it, especially with my experience of "joint account" with stbx




billm said:
Hi,

My ex and I are thinking of opening a joint chequing account for shared child expenses. I am really hoping this will work out great and reduce any discussions about who spent more than the other etc.

We have 3 kids - equal access and pay offset CS.

These are my thoughts - let me know of any advice

So it would be a chequing account and we each would have debit cards, online access, and online bill paying. Both names on the account, no overdraft. We would automatically put the same amount in each month, adjusting as needed.

Primarily it would be for shared CS covered expenses that has nothing to do specifically with one house such as clothing.

We would use it to pay for school trips, school supplies, clothing, kids cell phones, CS covered extracurricular, possibly bigger expenses such as braces and Section 7 extracurricular (though that would have to be contributed to in proportion to income)

We would not use it for entertainment, food, spending money (aka entertainment)

Every cheque, debit purchase, deposit etc would be texted immediately to the other and all receipts kept in case of dispute. Expenses over a certain amount ($100?) have to be 'preappoved' by contacting the other first.

I get along fairly well with my ex (all things considered...) but the issue of 'I spent money on this so now its your turn' BS is something we both feel is not working so we hope that this is the solution.

Also, as she is contributing equally I feel that the spending will be under control, though I have some reservations about that, but overall I don't think it will be a major problem.

I find that I only have about 2 receipts per week that I am tracking for shared expenses, so I don't think the account will be used that much.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
 
oink said:
It sounds all good on paper, but how long before one party starts hiding stuff and moving money from one account to another to make it look legit?
Click to expand...

I don't follow.

Can you give me a specific example?
 
I don't follow either oink- if one party removes money, it will show where the money was transferred to.

Mess- from reading a lot of your posts it seems like for the most part you and your ex have a pretty good working relationship when it comes to your kids. Opening this account will take a lot of friction off both of you, if you both can continue to cooperate to ensure the best interest of your children are met. It would be good if you put a limit on things, such as the $100 rule and that anything over must be approved by the other parent.

I think this account would certainly become useful at the end of summer when most kids want new clothes for school... if you have money built up, it lessens the expense of the parent at that time, there is no money exchanging hands and no reason to argue about who should spend what.

I would be interested to know how this turns out for you.
 
Thanks Berner_Faith. I'll try to post any lessons learned. I have hopes this will be a really good thing as it is the only thing that is not handled very well between us (shared expenses).

Also, I can't see a down side as the worst that can happen is that one clears the account out for the wrong reasons, but that would be a one time event that would end this method and worth the risk of a few hundred dollars.

(I was the OP, not Mess)
 
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Is there any conflict about who buys what? Any conflict about which items should be household-neutral (thus funded by the pot) as opposed to household-specific?

Are you able to plan/coordinate more singular purchases (under $100) e.g. winter coats or boots?

Can you agree (when appropriate) to save some of this month's pot for next month? (since the spending level is seasonal)

Can you see yourselves 'racing' to use up the kitty?
 
dinkyface said:
Is there any conflict about who buys what? Any conflict about which items should be household-neutral (thus funded by the pot) as opposed to household-specific?
Click to expand...

No conflict as to what constitutes shared expense, but I suppose that may come with easy access to shared money - not too worried about that.

There is conflict about who buys what in that we always think the other owes money. She won't do receipts, though she says she will and I think it's to the point that she would. With a joint account, we won't have to exchange receipts etc, everything will be 'up to date'. We've been in conflict over this for years, but given that we have the kids equal time, we both spend about the same. Lately though I have been spending a lot ($240 today - that she approved but didn't offer to give me anything). With a shared account, we'd agree, make sure the account had the money by contributing equally, and spend the money - no chasing each other etc.

dinkyface said:
Are you able to plan/coordinate more singular purchases (under $100) e.g. winter coats or boots?
Click to expand...

I'd rather we just go back to the 'old married way' - joint account, buy what is needed - we never argued about money when married for the most part.

dinkyface said:
Can you agree (when appropriate) to save some of this month's pot for next month? (since the spending level is seasonal)
Click to expand...

I don't think we'll look at it as something that has to be spent monthly. It's so easy to transfer money these days - I can do it from my phone if the account needs more too.

dinkyface said:
Can you see yourselves 'racing' to use up the kitty?
Click to expand...

Not really. Some concern that it will not feel like real money, but that would from both sides and ultimately the kids benefit.
 
Debit/Banking cards on a joint account are assigned different card #'s. This would appear (last 3 digits usually) on all banking stmts and also statements issued by any ABM machine. The card #'s will likely be similar: right up until the last few digits.
 
This was my concern exactly

billm said:
Also, I can't see a down side as the worst that can happen is that one clears the account out for the wrong reasons, but that would be a one time event that would end this method and worth the risk of a few hundred dollars.
Click to expand...
 
billm said:
Thanks Berner_Faith. I'll try to post any lessons learned. I have hopes this will be a really good thing as it is the only thing that is not handled very well between us (shared expenses).

Also, I can't see a down side as the worst that can happen is that one clears the account out for the wrong reasons, but that would be a one time event that would end this method and worth the risk of a few hundred dollars.

(I was the OP, not Mess)
Click to expand...
this is the right mindset. You risk what goes in. Your relationship is of the highest level at this point, you are both motivated, and even if one gets something that is overkill - ie you spent how much on what??? At least it went to your child!!

I tried very hard for this setup to work while we were living under the same roof - it was live status quo, pool our incomes and live as we had been with one exception, any purchase that was not of the ordinary (so her buying a pair of pants for work was ordinary - just buy the pants) but otherwise we were to discuss/approve first. I said I tried didn't I??? But this is only due to my ex's not honouring her word. Risk was the account balance, benefit was the children and buffering the effects of divorce as much as possible - live as status-quo as possible...... it was worth the risk. I think you will also and as your child grows older this may be of an ever greater benefit to all concerned.

Way Go!!! For both you and your ex; for making this method work!!!
 
Update on the shared account idea. Short answer - it didn't work.

We decided to open the shared account, both have debit cards that we could use for shared expenses like clothes etc. The idea was to text a simple message after the purchase stating what and how much was bought (and keep receipts in case the other wanted to see it).

Also to each put the same money in each time as necessary. Pay for the kids cell phones from there automatically. The account is just for expenses that have nothing to do with just one household.

Large purchases decided before hand.

So, I opened the account. It took 3 months for the ex to finally sign on to the account. During that time I spent $300/month (3 kids) from that account - a way to track my spending.

When she signed up, she didn't put any money in, nor did she reply to my email asking how much she wanted to put in. Later my daughter asked in front of both of us to get a new back pack - great I thought, here is the perfect time to use the shared account. My ex said that maybe the backpack would last the rest of the school year etc.. So I (nicely) texted her and asked what's up, its not much money and this is a perfect time to use the account.

She flew off the handle, called me controlling, and said she would take herself off the account.

A few days later I get a text from my daughter saying she was going shopping with mom and could they take money from that account because she wanted some clothes etc.

I texted mom and said the account is supposed to be shared and not to use it until she had put some money in it.

She didn't reply and used the shared account (which only contained only my money). Also, I always spend more than her on shared expenses so her taking money from me was completely unfair.

A few texts back and forth - I told her that the account was to be equally funded by both of us and was not a way for her to take money from me any time she wanted to! I said either put money in there, or take yourself off.

So much for the shared account idea - the real problem is that she knows I spend more than her on the kids and sharing in the costs is not something she is interested in.

When she spends money in the kids, she wants me to chip in, when I spend money on the kids she doesn't feel responsible to chip in.

7 more years until the youngest is an adult!!!
 
Billm, I feel for you. Your plan sounded reasonable and fair. I personally know too well the person I choose to divorce and such an option would be totally unreasonable to me. You would think that the interest of the children would be a priority but reality is a very different story.
Whatever you invest in your childrem, time, love, support and money is all worth it. Hold your head up high, you have shown to your children your good intentions and how a responsible, mature, respectable, and decent person behaves, your wife on the other hand--hasn't.
 
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