winterwolf7
New member
Worth going to court?
I was married for 6 years, we have 1 son who is 4 now and been separated around 8 months. My ex has 2 university degrees and is certified to be a teacher. She stopped working when our son was born and didn’t want to go back. She has a life-long history of depression and always hated her job. I wanted to make her happy so we agreed to survive on my income alone.
Anyways, 8 months ago my ex called me at work and told me not to come home; she had changed the locks and didn’t want to communicate with me in any way. This didn’t last very long as I called the police and eventually was able to return to the home after a week. Unfortunately she chose not to stay, and left with our son. So I was left with the matrimonial home.
Around then we both lawyered up. Since then I’ve been paying her the median amount of spousal support and table amount of child support. My salary was around 57k when we split. Her indication was that we should sell the house. I had no issue with this. I got the house listed and sold it.
Right after I sold it, she changed her NFP suddenly claiming she had tens of thousands of dollars from her family before we were married. We asked for bank statements to support the money being in her name. We have been waiting 4 months but she hasn’t produced anything. As the money from house is held in trust, it will not be released until this is settled. Obviously her goal was to trick me into selling the house and then take the money hostage until I let her get all of it as "equalization". She comes from a very wealthy family.
What is true is that her family agreed that when she was married and wanted to buy her first home, her family would give us a down payment. What is subject to debate is if this situation constitutes an exclusion of NFP from before the marriage or not. The money was not in her name (ever) and was transferred from a family bank account on the day we purchased the home (after 1 year of marriage). According to family law, the money is then part of the joint matrimonial asset being the house and will be split evenly. She doesn’t seem to understand or accept this.
We sold the house for a good profit, but fighting over the equity in it is eating away whatever benefit I might have had from it. My X is not paying her legal bills; her very wealthy family is paying for everything. Thus she seems to feel she can act however she wants, break whatever agreements she feels like, demand ridiculous things, because she has no clue how much all of her shenanigans are costing me and her family in legal costs.
Anyways what it basically boils down to is this:
-She wants $70k of the $100k from the home. She also wants sole custody and unlimited spousal until she chooses to return to work, if ever. Obviously child support too.
-I have offered her $50k from the home, because she has no bank statements proving she is owed anything more than half. I have also offered 1 year of spousal support and child support. I prefer joint custody due to her lifelong depression.
She refuses to go to work and put our son in daycare, though he is old enough to start school in a few months. She also seems to be trying to delay his entry into school for another year. Our son has a genetic condition called NF1, and he’s been monitored and tested many times but is doing fine and hasn’t been diagnosed with anything resulting from it.
I understand that realistically she may be entitled to 2-3 years of spousal support since it was a 6 year marriage, and perhaps I could accept that, but she doesn’t seem to want to set an end date.
All I want is what is fair: Half of the money from our home, joint legal custody with reasonable access (a short visit every week and every 2nd weekend) perhaps a bit more when he is older if it’s practical… and an end date to spousal support. It seems ridiculous that I should have to go all the way to court for these things.
As we begin our court application I already see how lawyers play their game. My lawyer is already pushing me to ask for full custody and child support from my ex. Not because I want it or because it is in anyone’s best interest, but just to be adversarial to force her to compromise before a judge is asked to rule on it. I can see that this and many other nasty strategies are going to be employed going forward, all because my X refuses to communicate with me.
Just looking at the finances I was inspired by Garry’s post in the chat forum. I have considered the idea of trying to take sole custody. After all, if my ex cannot or will not support herself and our child, and I can, it should be a logical choice that I can provide better care and a better home for him going forward.
The fact is that my X has never grown up or accepted responsibilities for her choices. She wanted to end our marriage over very normal, workable issues, and yet she refuses to accept responsibility of her choice and take on the role of being a single mom. Her whole life her wealthy parents have always bailed her out and solved all her problems with money. She never had to work hard for anything. Then she married me and I continued to support her and bail her out. So she is assuming that this is how life works. She wants all the financial benefits of being married to me without me.
I am concerned that going forward to court will make things even worse, and that no one will get what they want. I had high hopes for mediation, but she refuses to go, in what seems to be typical fashion, she is being difficult, refusing to cooperate in any way, and assuming that is grounds for her to have sole custody.
I’m not liking the idea of rolling the dice to see if I get a judge who will accept that, or see that I’ve done everything I can to continue supporting my X and child and only want what is fair.
Do you think court is worth it?
I was married for 6 years, we have 1 son who is 4 now and been separated around 8 months. My ex has 2 university degrees and is certified to be a teacher. She stopped working when our son was born and didn’t want to go back. She has a life-long history of depression and always hated her job. I wanted to make her happy so we agreed to survive on my income alone.
Anyways, 8 months ago my ex called me at work and told me not to come home; she had changed the locks and didn’t want to communicate with me in any way. This didn’t last very long as I called the police and eventually was able to return to the home after a week. Unfortunately she chose not to stay, and left with our son. So I was left with the matrimonial home.
Around then we both lawyered up. Since then I’ve been paying her the median amount of spousal support and table amount of child support. My salary was around 57k when we split. Her indication was that we should sell the house. I had no issue with this. I got the house listed and sold it.
Right after I sold it, she changed her NFP suddenly claiming she had tens of thousands of dollars from her family before we were married. We asked for bank statements to support the money being in her name. We have been waiting 4 months but she hasn’t produced anything. As the money from house is held in trust, it will not be released until this is settled. Obviously her goal was to trick me into selling the house and then take the money hostage until I let her get all of it as "equalization". She comes from a very wealthy family.
What is true is that her family agreed that when she was married and wanted to buy her first home, her family would give us a down payment. What is subject to debate is if this situation constitutes an exclusion of NFP from before the marriage or not. The money was not in her name (ever) and was transferred from a family bank account on the day we purchased the home (after 1 year of marriage). According to family law, the money is then part of the joint matrimonial asset being the house and will be split evenly. She doesn’t seem to understand or accept this.
We sold the house for a good profit, but fighting over the equity in it is eating away whatever benefit I might have had from it. My X is not paying her legal bills; her very wealthy family is paying for everything. Thus she seems to feel she can act however she wants, break whatever agreements she feels like, demand ridiculous things, because she has no clue how much all of her shenanigans are costing me and her family in legal costs.
Anyways what it basically boils down to is this:
-She wants $70k of the $100k from the home. She also wants sole custody and unlimited spousal until she chooses to return to work, if ever. Obviously child support too.
-I have offered her $50k from the home, because she has no bank statements proving she is owed anything more than half. I have also offered 1 year of spousal support and child support. I prefer joint custody due to her lifelong depression.
She refuses to go to work and put our son in daycare, though he is old enough to start school in a few months. She also seems to be trying to delay his entry into school for another year. Our son has a genetic condition called NF1, and he’s been monitored and tested many times but is doing fine and hasn’t been diagnosed with anything resulting from it.
I understand that realistically she may be entitled to 2-3 years of spousal support since it was a 6 year marriage, and perhaps I could accept that, but she doesn’t seem to want to set an end date.
All I want is what is fair: Half of the money from our home, joint legal custody with reasonable access (a short visit every week and every 2nd weekend) perhaps a bit more when he is older if it’s practical… and an end date to spousal support. It seems ridiculous that I should have to go all the way to court for these things.
As we begin our court application I already see how lawyers play their game. My lawyer is already pushing me to ask for full custody and child support from my ex. Not because I want it or because it is in anyone’s best interest, but just to be adversarial to force her to compromise before a judge is asked to rule on it. I can see that this and many other nasty strategies are going to be employed going forward, all because my X refuses to communicate with me.
Just looking at the finances I was inspired by Garry’s post in the chat forum. I have considered the idea of trying to take sole custody. After all, if my ex cannot or will not support herself and our child, and I can, it should be a logical choice that I can provide better care and a better home for him going forward.
The fact is that my X has never grown up or accepted responsibilities for her choices. She wanted to end our marriage over very normal, workable issues, and yet she refuses to accept responsibility of her choice and take on the role of being a single mom. Her whole life her wealthy parents have always bailed her out and solved all her problems with money. She never had to work hard for anything. Then she married me and I continued to support her and bail her out. So she is assuming that this is how life works. She wants all the financial benefits of being married to me without me.
I am concerned that going forward to court will make things even worse, and that no one will get what they want. I had high hopes for mediation, but she refuses to go, in what seems to be typical fashion, she is being difficult, refusing to cooperate in any way, and assuming that is grounds for her to have sole custody.
I’m not liking the idea of rolling the dice to see if I get a judge who will accept that, or see that I’ve done everything I can to continue supporting my X and child and only want what is fair.
Do you think court is worth it?
