Janus
New member
Well, if he really hits her, then she won't have to lie.
I'd be willing to take a hit for 60k, which is what it is going to cost her if she plays nice.
Is claiming domestic violence in a divorce 'worth' it?
- Thread starter goosie77
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Well, if he really hits her, then she won't have to lie.
I'd be willing to take a hit for 60k, which is what it is going to cost her if she plays nice.
standing on the sidelines
New member
yes but you wrote to act like previous incidents just happened, that is a lie. You dont know for sure what it will cost her if she does the fair thing. She wont know if he has a recording device on him and it all comes back to bite her in the ass.
momforever1956
New member
WOW! WOW!
Ummm---I was in an abusive relationship for many years and I truly feel sorry for anyone who deals with an abusive partner BUT--your advice is not only weak, poor and sickening it is actually lying and committing a felony. Oh MY, people like you help create such chaos in an already difficult situation and system.
Black Mailing is illegal!!! You keep this up and if you get caught you are going to sink sink sink and I along with others will watch as you drown,
SHAME ON YOU.
You are completely wrong and out of line. I played fair, fought a horrible battle and I kept my house along with a huge montly cheque, protected even if I return to work. THIS WAS ALL ACCOMPLISHED WITHOUT LYING, THREATENING OR BLACK MAILING.
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momforever1956
New member
Janus
New member
Well done, you clearly won the family law game. Huge monthly cheque, even if you return to work. That is just awesome, a testament to the fairness of our judicial system
standing on the sidelines
New member
I did mine without resorting to lying also.Well done, you clearly won the family law game. Huge monthly cheque, even if you return to work. That is just awesome, a testament to the fairness of our judicial system
Janus
New member
Mercenary?
As we have seen repeatedly, people will use their children as weapons to get money. Taking a hit hardly holds a candle to that I would say.
I didn't use my children as weapons to get money, that makes me better than most of the people in front of the courts in my opinion.
Either way, tell the OP that everything will be copacetic if she plays nice. You won't have the pay the equalization for the matrimonial home, she will.
momforever1956
New member
Well done, you clearly won the family law game. Huge monthly cheque, even if you return to work. That is just awesome, a testament to the fairness of our judicial system
We are not discussing fairness,,, another topic for another post.
We are discussing DV and lying, and abuse and false accusations, felonies and black mailing.
OhMy
New member
More than likely he will find out about the mat home. Taking a hit would be useless IMHO.
It's also dangerous and scandalous to chose that course of action.
The sad part is- advice like that and the fact that people actually do stuff like this -is one of the reasons our family law system is in the state it is.
Bad form. It could be the escalation of divorce will increase the intensity of the violence to a level not yet seen. Very dangerous to play with fire to end in the same result financially.
It's also dangerous and scandalous to chose that course of action.
The sad part is- advice like that and the fact that people actually do stuff like this -is one of the reasons our family law system is in the state it is.
Bad form. It could be the escalation of divorce will increase the intensity of the violence to a level not yet seen. Very dangerous to play with fire to end in the same result financially.
standing on the sidelines
New member
plus once she calls the police that is it, any hope to keep things sort of friendly go out the window. It could all backfire big time.
On another note, I cant see him being charged or whatever having any affect on the equalization. So push the buttons, get hit, or worse killed. It doesnt mean that it helps financially, in fact it will cost more in lawyers fees in the end when he fights her on every little thing.
Janus
New member
Ah, but it all ties together.
My point is that family law is not fair, which means that if you want a fair outcome, sometimes you have to play the game a bit. Do the ends justify the means? I'm not sure. If the ends was stopping my ex from stealing 60k from me, well... some might think it would be reasonable to take some slightly unsavory means to get to that fair outcome.
Family law heavily rewards those who claim DV, especially if it is true. It would be silly to dismiss an available tactic out of hand without giving it due consideration.
momforever1956
New member
You are confusing so many issues here to justify a disgusting behaviour of lying and false accusations. We are NOT talking about using children which is also a very low disgusting way of dealing with a system that has many problems.
With all due respect---this is not about your self esteem or what you perceive as better behaviour in front of the courts. This is about a forum poster who wanted advice as to how would be best to deal with an abusive relationship and getting a divorce.
She has been advised to get out and protect herself best she can. There are laws about property splitting and MH and it may not be financially in her favour but that does not justify in resorting to behaving like a whore, and doing anything including lying and falsely accusing someone and black mailing to get some $$$$.
Whom I feel sorry for is your children, is this an example of behaviour you want them to imitate. Do anything for money, sell drugs, sell your body, sell your families posessions, just get ahead at any costs?? Step back for a minute and review your advice.
momforever1956
New member
Some might think? Some thinks its ok to kill because of colour or religion.
Some think it is ok to kill because of sexual orientation. Some think lots of things, that is why there are laws because what some might think may not be moral or legal or behaviour of a civil person.
Janus
New member
The point is not to go to court. The point is to mess him up so badly in the criminal law system that he signs anything to stop the crap that is happening.
No different than telling people to get exclusive possession of the matrimonial home as a tactic for gaining custody of children.
You can't fix people. If family law allows it, then it will happen. You can't tell people to be nice. Losing half the matrimonial home is unfair, why should she not be allowed to defend herself against that nonsense?
Maybe, if she's lucky, she can also get a nice fat monthly cheque protected even if she goes back to work! Sure, incomes are similar, but maybe she could claim that her career was hindered by the marriage or something.
The point is, my advice wouldn't be so terrible if it were not for the fact that it could be devastatingly effective. Make these tactics ineffective, and then it will stop.
OhMy
New member
Really? All I have from it is being put under a microscope, having to live through questioning, scrutiny, embarrassment, shame, denials and ridicule. Not to mention the legal fees. There was even indisputable evidence to boot, for my case.
How is that being rewarded? Oh, perhaps that I will never marry again? Yes, that would be a reward in itself. The scars, I and the children have? Yeah, I don't think so. It was a Pyrrhic victory to say the least.
My advice is, if you don't have to claim abuse, don't- not unless you want to relive it.
Again, bad form.
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OhMy
New member
Janus, I don't disagree with your underlying position that her having to split the mat home is unfair in such a short marriage.
She could attempt an unequal division based on the length of the marriage which is a more appropriate avenue.
Some case law:
http://www.canlii.com/eliisa/search...lation&caselaw=courts&boardTribunal=tribunals
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momforever1956
New member
This is exactly why that when one hears the ABUSE word, eyes start to roll. I am not suggesting in any way shape or form that abuse doesn't happen, I have first hand been there and lived it. I also am involved with a support abuse group where I speak to groups to put a face on what abuse looks like. Having said that, there are many other ways one can protect themselves from financial ruin. If the OP is threatened in any way she should get protection, but to encourage her to lie is just plain WRONG, BAD ADVICE!!!!
Abusers are smart, they are master manipulators and this can come back to haunt her. If he has any evidence that what she is accusing him of didnt happen, nothing else she will ever say will be believed and there will be severe punishment to her.
Don's misunderstand where I stand. I fought a long hard battle to get a fair settlement and SS. I am all for women being heard and fair play. But to encourage someone to take a poor system at best and destroy it more is just bad, poor, weak, immoral and seriously dangerous. I agree that there are other alternatives to suggest there should not be a 50/50 split for property considering the length of the marriage. There are many different approaches to protect oneselves, but again I will say----dont encourage lying and fraud and false accusations.
Abusers are smart, they are master manipulators and this can come back to haunt her. If he has any evidence that what she is accusing him of didnt happen, nothing else she will ever say will be believed and there will be severe punishment to her.
Don's misunderstand where I stand. I fought a long hard battle to get a fair settlement and SS. I am all for women being heard and fair play. But to encourage someone to take a poor system at best and destroy it more is just bad, poor, weak, immoral and seriously dangerous. I agree that there are other alternatives to suggest there should not be a 50/50 split for property considering the length of the marriage. There are many different approaches to protect oneselves, but again I will say----dont encourage lying and fraud and false accusations.
Holy smokes. I'm not sure what to say now.
But I'm not about to fake anything to save money. I am trying to be a decent person about it all, so I can sleep well at night. So far he seems open to negotiating. I told him what is FAIR is that nobody profits off of the other, period. I think a large proportion of what happens in the whole family court system is disgusting, and people profiting off of others after a divorce is wrong, as is dragging shit out in court for so long that there's nothing left after the lawyers have taken their fill. He said he doesn't want to walk away with 'nothing', so I will make him an offer. If we can agree, he says he is amenable to using the same lawyer and writing up a separation agreement. That said, he's also crying and moaning about wanting to work on things... oh, and claiming that all he did was 'hold' me the other night. You know, by my neck.
IF I wanted to blackmail him, I could easily screw him over in his ongoing court BS against his ex, as I've acted as his lawyer for years. Jumping sides would certainly hurt him and drag that whole nightmare out for him for forever. I have no plans on doing that unless he tries to be unfair to me. Karma and all that.
But I'm not about to fake anything to save money. I am trying to be a decent person about it all, so I can sleep well at night. So far he seems open to negotiating. I told him what is FAIR is that nobody profits off of the other, period. I think a large proportion of what happens in the whole family court system is disgusting, and people profiting off of others after a divorce is wrong, as is dragging shit out in court for so long that there's nothing left after the lawyers have taken their fill. He said he doesn't want to walk away with 'nothing', so I will make him an offer. If we can agree, he says he is amenable to using the same lawyer and writing up a separation agreement. That said, he's also crying and moaning about wanting to work on things... oh, and claiming that all he did was 'hold' me the other night. You know, by my neck.
IF I wanted to blackmail him, I could easily screw him over in his ongoing court BS against his ex, as I've acted as his lawyer for years. Jumping sides would certainly hurt him and drag that whole nightmare out for him for forever. I have no plans on doing that unless he tries to be unfair to me. Karma and all that.
Yes, losing half of MY home that *I* have solely paid for IS unfair. And I will defend myself as much as possible, without faking something that will potentially ruin his life.
I don't need a big fat monthly cheque for anything, I have a successful career and he has never hindered it. I've always made more money than him until his current job, where he finally makes pretty much the same as me. I would never attempt to become the recipient of money I didn't rightfully deserve. Again, not something for which I could feel good about myself.