Intentionally under employed

[Tayken]

Also, my lawyer said that arbitration is not good, and we should go straight to litigation. She said that going to arbitration means paying the person acting as the judge, plus the lawyers, whereas going straight to litigation is just paying the lawyers and court fees… Any thoughts on this?

Your lawyer is full of crap. Arbitration is cheaper. (See Arabian's comments above.)

You will spend more just on trying to schedule something than most arbitrations cost. just to get through the first part of a family law application in Ontario can be months and you just end up in Mediation (Case Conference) anyway where NO SUBSTANTIVE ISSUE CAN BE ORDERED ON. You can't bring a "motion" prior to the hearing of a case conference unless it is an emergency... Which 99% of cases do not have!

With arbitration, you can narrow the issues you are requesting an order for from the arbitrator, present the evidence and get an order. You can limit the time before the arbitrator. If you have a very good lawyer they will know how to get-r-done in arbitration way cheaper than the slow, paper laden and expensive public court system.

Penny wise... pound foolish.

I would recommend you seek out advice from a second lawyer on this one... one who is very reputable... I think you will get a different opinion. Arbitration can end up MUCH CHEAPER.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[arabian]

I agree with Tayken in that you should definitely get some first rate legal advice. There are many, many ways to look at your situation. Part of one part of SS is based on "need" of recipient. If it turns out you are not entitled to a share of an inheritance which may or may not have been blended into your family financial situation (which would exclude it as being considered inheritance), your STBX will not be in such a needy situation.

 

[Tayken]

Tayken...tried to send you a PM, box is full

Hi Sioux,

I do not generally respond to "private messages" . If you have a question I kindly ask that you post it to the public forum so the responses can be integrated into this common knowledge repository for others who may benefit from the response. There are many other high-value contributors (e.g. Mess) who are often more qualified to respond.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[arabian]

I found that arbitration was all-in-all an efficient use of everyone's time. In Alberta there were 5 of us in the room (conference room): my ex and I and our respective lawyers and a judge. The judge was a senior judge. Both sides had to have their briefs submitted 30 days in advance. At the start the judge informed us how she conducted the arbitration. Each side made a presentation and then the lawyers debated everything with the judge asking questions. My ex and I said very little. Near the end of the afternoon we had a recess and the judge came back approximately 45 minutes later and told us her decision. We then moved into the courtroom where my ex stood up and swore to adultery. The judge then read her ruling. So in 1 day we were divorced (officially 31 days later as per the rules). No witnesses, no useless irrelevant she-said/she-said crap.

Divorce judgement for a 30 yr marriage was decided within 1 day. There were no expert witnesses to pay. We were responsible for paying our respective lawyers. That is all.

Be very leery of lawyers who scoff at arbitration. They simply don't make as much money off of you. 4-way meetings and mediation, in my opinion, are abysmal waste of time and money.

 

[Tayken]

... The judge then read her ruling. So in 1 day we were divorced (officially 31 days later as per the rules). No witnesses, no useless irrelevant she-said/she-said crap.

And BINGO was his name-o! KEY POINT! (Thank-you for sharing this Arabian. You should consider writing a main thread about your arbitration experience integrating this very important point! It would be very helpful for everyone and I could point everyone to it easily.)

Divorce judgement for a 30 yr marriage was decided within 1 day. There were no expert witnesses to pay. We were responsible for paying our respective lawyers. That is all.

Bam! Thats the bam! Bam thats another bam!

Be very leery of lawyers who scoff at arbitration. They simply don't make as much money off of you. 4-way meetings and mediation, in my opinion, are abysmal waste of time and money.

I agree 1000%. Lawyers who scoff at arbitration are not good ones in my books. And BAM to the rest of what you said!

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[arabian]

Thank you Tayken.

I have to admit that my lawyer and I were a very good team. We sure didn't waste any time. I retrieved all the documents and evidence and he put things together. We never once made an allegation in any legal motion or affidavit, rather we submitted evidence.

I think people waste too much time in their deliberations on totally irrelevant things.

 

[stripes]

To the OP - depending on what province you're in, you may be able to access binding judicial dispute resolution ("binding JDR") (this may be just a different term for arbitration, which Tayken and the others have advocated, in which case just read what they said and ignore me).

I know a number of people who have gone the binding JDR route rather than court, and none of them have regretted it. Faster, cheaper, and just as authoritative. One shot, and it's done. It sounds like your case is actually pretty straightforward - your lazy-ass ex is asking for a lot of nonsense which he is clearly not going to get: $100K in spousal support? REALLY? - so you might be able to put it to rest fairly easily if you made him a reasonable offer (pay-to-go-away) and then if he doesn't accept it, have a judge tell him the facts of life at a binding JDR. At least raise this with your lawyer - if she just dismisses the idea of a binding JDR out of hand, without very good reasons why, reasons which are specific to your case, you may want to seek a second opinion. Good lawyers want matters to get resolved rapidly.

I'm sorry to hear about your ex messing around with women half his age. A midlife crisis is not a pretty thing to watch, and it's a pathetic individual who takes that particular escape route from his own shortcomings. His behavior will come back to bite him in the ass in some karmic way, but unfortunately the legal system is not the place for ass-biting. I'd suggest getting some therapeutic help so you can process the quite justifiable anger and sadness you are feeling, along with the damage to self-esteem, so that you can compartmentalize these feelings and keep them out of the road to divorce. And give yourself some huge credit for taking the giant step of divorce after such a long marriage. Not everyone has the fortitude to do that.

 

[Better off]

Thank you all for your support and no-nonsense, tell me how it is responses. I am actually seeing a great therapist and have been since August. He helps ground me and gives me a plan to deal with all this BS.

It's interesting to read your comments on arbitration. I will challenge my lawyer next time I speak to her. I really like her and she's all about putting the kids first and staying out of court. I trust her, she's very reputable, and she continually grounds me when I call her after mediation sessions. She tells me to keep going and try to solve it in mediation and to keep all emotion out of the boardroom.

I'm hopeful we can come to some agreement without actually heading to arbitration or court. I am however very curious though what an arbitrator would decide and would love to see him knocked off his insane pedestal that he seems to love sitting on.

We shall see what 2014 brings! I'm hopeful for a bright future with a whole new do-over!

 

[arabian]

I hope you are requesting a MONTHLY detailed bill from your lawyer. I'm sure your bill will reflect your "grounding after mediation sessions." Ca-ching!

Ask your lawyer how often she has personally handled arbitration or litigation?

If your ex is high conflict this nice lawyer might have to get down and dirty and enter the ring (courtroom). Hope she is prepared to do that. You certainly wouldn't be the first person to post of this forum that they had to find another lawyer as the first one didn't feel comfortable going to court.

Also, make sure you haven't hired someone who merely tells you what you want to hear.

Good luck!