I'm stressed and at a point of not knowing what to do :-(

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Martin Onza

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How I got to where I am, I'll never know... ::(:(

- We were married 9.5 years, 2 kids (8 & 6)
- I have EOW and a few days a week.
- She worked (Fed & Prov gov for 10 years)
- June 2011, we decided she stay home for kids and fostering.
- I moved out in Sept 2012, better for me and for my STBX.
- Since Sept, I continue to pay our bills and not getting ahead at all.
- We are amicable, we are willing to work things out without lawyers.
- We have an agreement in place, assuming she can get the house.
- We are nearly there, except our debt is creating a road block.
- We have no equity inour home (poor decisions)
- Without house, we are about $110K in debt (LoC, Credit Card & Vehicle)
- I'm willing to take our debts, to take her name off them.
- She is trying to get the house on her own, but needs her name off our debts.
- I went to bank and they won't approve me,
- Which means she won't get approved.
- Which means no house for her and no agreement.

Anyone have or know of someone who may have had some experience like this? I'm really bummed and racking my mind, trying to figure something out.

Thanks in advance for your help and advice.

O
 
Martin Onza said:
How I got to where I am, I'll never know... ::(:(

- We were married 9.5 years, 2 kids (8 & 6)
- I have EOW and a few days a week.
- She worked (Fed & Prov gov for 10 years)
- June 2011, we decided she stay home for kids and fostering.
- I moved out in Sept 2012, better for me and for my STBX.
- Since Sept, I continue to pay our bills and not getting ahead at all.
- We are amicable, we are willing to work things out without lawyers.
- We have an agreement in place, assuming she can get the house.
- We are nearly there, except our debt is creating a road block.
- We have no equity inour home (poor decisions)
- Without house, we are about $110K in debt (LoC, Credit Card & Vehicle)
- I'm willing to take our debts, to take her name off them.
- She is trying to get the house on her own, but needs her name off our debts.
- I went to bank and they won't approve me,
- Which means she won't get approved.
- Which means no house for her and no agreement.

Anyone have or know of someone who may have had some experience like this? I'm really bummed and racking my mind, trying to figure something out.

Thanks in advance for your help and advice.

O
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Don't do it! If you take all debt on, you will regret it one day. share everything equally and then arrange payments.
 
Share everything equally its the fairest, you don't know what the future holds.
Can she take money out of her RRSP to make payment for house.
 
You aren't helping your children by putting yourself at financial risk by giving up all assets and taking on all debt.

You help your children by being financially responsible. This is important both for day-to-day security, and also to show them a proper example that they can learn from.

You help them by severing things with your ex so that you can both get on with your lives, and this includes severing your feelings of being financially responsible for her. The level of emotion involved that would make you take on all that debt and give up the asset is not healthy. Feeling responsible for her like that is also a control issue, although I understand that you won't see it that way.

If your family debt/asset ratio is that bad, then you simply can't afford to own a house. That is a fact of life for many people. If your ex is going to own a house, she has to put into place a financial/career plan that allows her to do this. Same with you. The financial plan you are presenting here is a train wreck.
 
Martin Onza said:
Anyone have or know of someone who may have had some experience like this? I'm really bummed and racking my mind, trying to figure something out.
Click to expand...
You sell the house, split the debt equally, and declare bankruptcy. Build your credit back gradually and responsibly while you pay off your bankruptcy debt, learn financial discipline, and live a balanced lifestyle. Save some money. Put it down on a new home when you can afford it. Your ex can do the same.

That is what anyone with experience in getting themselves out of such a hole will tell you.

If the two of you are truly amicable and you can partner, then split the debt, you both retain ownership of the house and both continue to share the mortgage. Treat the house like an investment. That is the only magical solution, but it requires both of you to financial responsible. Since neither of you qualifies to take all the debt, and you don't want to lose what little you have invested in the house (down payment, payments for mortgage insurance, etc.) even if it is a net loss now, then you have to work together to keep it.

Working together doesn't include you taking it all on your shoulders. You can't do this alone, it requires collaboration, and that requires your ex stepping up to the plate.
 
Mess said:
You sell the house, split the debt equally, and declare bankruptcy. Build your credit back gradually and responsibly while you pay off your bankruptcy debt, learn financial discipline, and live a balanced lifestyle. Save some money. Put it down on a new home when you can afford it. Your ex can do the same.

That is what anyone with experience in getting themselves out of such a hole will tell you.

.
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that is the best and probably the only option available to both.
 
Sell the house, I agree but prior declaring bankrupcy, you may want to look at all the asset you both have as even RESP, RSP are not exempt from seizure.
 
- We have no equity inour home (poor decisions)
- Without house, we are about $110K in debt (LoC, Credit Card & Vehicle)
Click to expand...

If you are both six figures under water, you may wish to contemplate bankruptcy.
 
Sell the house, put any proceeds towards debt, split what's left of the debt. Both of you start over, at about 55k in the hole each from the sounds of it. You both got into this hole together during the marriage, you each need to crawl out two smaller holes independently after your separation.

You seem like you feel sorry for your ex, and no doubt you want to try to shelter the kids from the upheaval selling the home will cause, but this is reality. Neither of you can carry the home alone. Kids need to learn to be responsible with money, and this will be a good example for them.

Live the right lifestyle and snowball your debt and you won't have to declare bankruptcy for a 55k debt load.
 
Thanks for your input everyone. It's not a road I want to go down. I am looking out for my kids and making sure they are well taken care of.
We are looking into other avenues, to try and avoid the above.

Thanks again.

O
 
The debts are held jointly.

Assets? There are no assets...house, with no equity, car loan, with no equity...pitiful isn't it. :-(

O
 
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