I am being resonable with my lawyer?

[cl4]

I want some opinions. I don't feel comfortable with my current lawyer for various reasons.
I will explain and I want to know if maybe I am being unreasonable. Any input appreciated:
- I feel that me and my lawyer are always on the defensive. My spouse's lawyer is quick with the letters and accustations and mine is slow and not aggressive to respond

- The letters are accomplishing nothing and I stated to him I need action

- It has been 2 mths. since the spouse called the cops on me. had me escorted from the house (no charges or complaint filed- The cops were called, she assaulted me and they asked me to leave). I have not been able to return to the house to pick up my medical devices and medications. This has caused me extreme hardship. When I ask for some time to go, letters are sent back and forth, a time slot of 1/2hr. is made and my spouse usually ends up not allowing me inside. I have complained to my lawyer that I need firmer action and he stated "it's just the way it is". Yet here we are 2mths. later and I have the clothes on my back

- doesn't return phone calls for 3 days at a time

- loves writing letters but has made no action (court attempts etc.)

- I have been assaulted when I go near her (posted elsewhere here) and the police will not do a thing and usually end up warning me despite the fact she comes to my current address and not vice versa.

- The people I am living with now were also assaulted by her and were baffled the police didn't lay charges. They are scared and wanted some sort of court protection or what not- Lawyer did nothing except send a letter to ask her to stop


-during conferences he interupts them frequently to take care of other business, so a 2 hr. meeting is really about 45 minutes and it gets frustrating as you have a point and you have to start over when he's done
Etc.

Am I being unreasonable or do I need a new lawyer? I just feel like I am dodging her and always on the defense. I am overwhlemed but I also am cautious about firing him. I already went through a lot of money and time with him. I really don't know if this is "how it is" or he's just incompetent.

 

[Mess]

To put things in perspective, many of us here have been working our way through this for years, not months. It is not a fast process.

As far as assault goes, realize that lawyers have specialties and family law is not criminal law. A good family lawyer will try to calm things down, not escalate them. I'm not saying that your lawyer is doing the right thing (or doing anything at all) but it is not his specialty to be agressive in pursuing criminal charges.

Taking a spouse to court for separation/divorce is a long expensive process. Like you I thought it would be a quick steady process, but it was small steps that took weeks and months between each.

Lawyers have more than one client at a time and your lawyer is very likely in court for other clients several days a week.

All that being said, there are specific things you need accomplished and you need some of them done quickly. You sound like you need a harrassment order or a restraining order against your ex. Your room-mates can and should give statements and you should get some kind of restraint on her, even a simple tresspass order. A family lawyer will have dealt with these in cases where there is abuse, etc but it is not their specialty.

You need your personal property, medications and equiment NOW, not later, and this part needs to be dealt with urgently. I would say that this is the dividing line with your lawyer, if he cannot help you get your property then he is not going to be your lawyer anymore. This part can't continue.

It's a tough call because your next lawyer may be even worse. I would recommend you put together a binder with sheets of notes and details and your financial statements, everything a lawyer will ask in the first half hour consultation, you know the questions already. Call the Law Society referal line
and give your basic details, call several lawyers and go with the one who has a sensible plan for achieving what need in the short term.

You should have clear targets of what you need accomplished. A lawyer should then look at your targets and tell you what the timeline is for achieving each. Anything you do with your lawyer, any letter, any phone call, any meeting, should very clearly advance you toward one of your targets. If it doesn't then it is just wasting more time and money. You always have the right to ask, "How will this help accomplish my goal?" Especially if it is just yet another letter, etc.

Work with your lawyer, don't expect your lawyer to do it all, but don't let your lawyer do nothing and leave it all on your shoulders either. Compare your lawyer to your doctor. You need your doctor to be responsive, give you good advice, prescriptions, referrals, etc. But in the end you also have to be responsible for following up. Having a profession work with you is teamwork, don't let them run you into the ground.

 

[NBDad]

I have not been able to return to the house to pick up my medical devices and medications. This has caused me extreme hardship. When I ask for some time to go, letters are sent back and forth, a time slot of 1/2hr. is made and my spouse usually ends up not allowing me inside.

Get a letter drafted from your lawyer, to hers and make sure she signs it. Show up at the door at the appointed time with the police in tow. Given the past history of violence, you should be able to request them to come out and monitor the situation as you feel your safety is in jeopardy.

Don't call 911, they should have a dispatch number somewhere you can use instead...call up ~1 hours before the scheduled time and ask if an officer would be available to meet you there to monitor the situation.

doesn't return phone calls for 3 days at a time

Probably has a ton of other clients, etc. What I would suggest you do is have a conversation with him about the expectations on response times. ie. ask him: "What is the best method of contact for you, and what kind of response times can I reasonably expect". It could be that your lawyer is better able to answer email than phone calls or something along those lines.

Believe me you aren't alone, MY highly paid, uncooperative sponge of a lawyer is the same way. I've had a couple of conversations with him about it.

Bottom line is you need to sit down with your lawyer and get on the same page with respect to contact and response times. Let him know you don't expect miracles, but that if there is a hold up (remember, anything he sends to HER side is also dependant on HER lawyer's availability/etc) you would like to be notified of that. (ie. If her lawyer is unavailable for a couple of days, TELL me that. Give me a timeline as to when you will be following up, so I'm not wasting my time, OR yours, with constant phone calls, etc.)

I have been assaulted when I go near her (posted elsewhere here) and the police will not do a thing and usually end up warning me despite the fact she comes to my current address and not vice versa.

Don't open the door. Call the police immediately to have her escorted away.

The people I am living with now were also assaulted by her and were baffled the police didn't lay charges. They are scared and wanted some sort of court protection or what not- Lawyer did nothing except send a letter to ask her to stop

Yeah, that's a CRIMINAL offense, not a family law one. You (and your roommates) should be able to file a peace bond or something with the local police. Go down and ask the desk sergeant about it.

 

[independentgal]

You don't need a lawyer to get your belongings. My ex assaulted me and was not allowed back to the house as per bail conditions. The police contacted me and said ex was coming to get his stuff on X day at X time and for me to be gone. I kept a family member there to make sure my belongings weren't taken.

Am I missing something why you were not given that option? I would call the police and tell them that you want your personal belongings. That you were asked to leave on X day, you have not been allowed to collect your belongings, and that you were hoping for their assistance to allow you to enter your residence and keep the peace as you obtain your items. Many people are not going through a divorce yet they have access to the house without a lawyer getting involved. Unless she has a restraining(or no-contact order) against you, or your bail conditions prohibit it, what is stopping you from getting a locksmith to open the door if necessary and going in.

If it was your residence(matrimonial home) you have an EQUAL right to enter the home(with a locksmith ifnecessary). The cops will discourage it and encourage you to get a lawyer. Just tell them you are going to the residence and you want to arrange a time that they can accompany you. They won't arrange it right away, but be polite about it and I am sure they will allow it. Be polite and DON'T get mad, they won't go out of their way to help you. Don't bring up all the extra details like in your post. Be straight and to the point about what you want to do.

She cannot refuse to let you in your joint home with exclusive possession of the matrimonial home and contents. From your information, you can technically move back into the home. It is just as much yours as it is hers. Who is paying for the home?

 

[dadtotheend]

She's Got You Right Where She Wants You!!

She's Got You Right Where She Wants You!!

Threatening lawyer's letters do nothing to move the matter forward. They just serve to entrench and evidence the conflict which is exactly what she wants the court to see.

The big reason she is doing nothing substantive to truly move the matter forward is that she has you out of the house now and she is establishing a status quo from which (given the high level of conflict b/w you) will almost certainly emerge sole custody for her.

Don't expect any real settlement progress from her. She's going to be quite happy to keep the conflict ratcheted up while the status quo solidifies.

You'll never get her or her lawyer to admit it, but that is the game plan that they have almost certainly crafted.

 

[cl4]

Threatening lawyer's letters do nothing to move the matter forward. They just serve to entrench and evidence the conflict which is exactly what she wants the court to see.

The big reason she is doing nothing substantive to truly move the matter forward is that she has you out of the house now and she is establishing a status quo from which (given the high level of conflict b/w you) will almost certainly emerge sole custody for her.

Don't expect any real settlement progress from her. She's going to be quite happy to keep the conflict ratcheted up while the status quo solidifies.

You'll never get her or her lawyer to admit it, but that is the game plan that they have almost certainly crafted.

Status Quo? With kids it's on my side. So she could keep going for years for all I care. Ihave them 60% of the time. Unless she tries to take a run of that I would challenege. And we do go to court all I hear is the judges like to keep "status quo" so if that happens I should win. Shouldn't I??

 

[sufferer]

Hiiiii

Hiiiii

When i was reading your post I felt as if i wrote it 3 years ago.I had the same probem with my lawyer and I felt the sam ethat she is not aggressive bla blalike his lawyer but believe me your lawyer is on the right path.After my lawyer will receive nasty letters from my ex' lawyer she will be extra nice and will just respond ITS NOT TRUE.I started my case in feb 06 and i had my final orders of suport ,sole custody ad equilization on JAN 08.These things tae time and mudslingers are not appreciated by Mr Judge.
So be patient and don't try to stoop low because other party is doing it

 

[cl4]

When i was reading your post I felt as if i wrote it 3 years ago.I had the same probem with my lawyer and I felt the sam ethat she is not aggressive bla blalike his lawyer but believe me your lawyer is on the right path.After my lawyer will receive nasty letters from my ex' lawyer she will be extra nice and will just respond ITS NOT TRUE.I started my case in feb 06 and i had my final orders of suport ,sole custody ad equilization on JAN 08.These things tae time and mudslingers are not appreciated by Mr Judge.
So be patient and don't try to stoop low because other party is doing it

Where did I say I want to stoop low? I want the letters ot stop and action to start.

Right now with every letter, with every cop visit that she ends up not being charged, with every smug comment or phone call she makes- it emboldens her. My lawyer seems to be caught in this: We'll respond with a letter phase. To me he's wasting my time and money. It takes 2 hours to explain a situation. Another hour to write and approve a letter. For what? The reponse is: He's a liar and here's teh truth. We respond: She's a liar and here's the truth. Repaeat long cycle.

I need action. Not talk.

Anyways thanks for the PM's. I am consulting a few recommended lawyers. If I continue with this one I'll at this until my kids are adults. If she doesn't see I am serious and make her spend money in court she will continue this game. I want to stop it.

 

[sufferer]

I am sorry taht I wasn't of any help to you.Im my situation it worked and I hope the same for you.
Changing lawyers can be extremey expensive too but again you know your situation better than anyone else
BEST OF LUCK

 

[logicalvelocity]

Where did I say I want to stoop low? I want the letters ot stop and action to start.

Right now with every letter, with every cop visit that she ends up not being charged, with every smug comment or phone call she makes- it emboldens her. My lawyer seems to be caught in this: We'll respond with a letter phase. To me he's wasting my time and money. It takes 2 hours to explain a situation. Another hour to write and approve a letter. For what? The reponse is: He's a liar and here's teh truth. We respond: She's a liar and here's the truth. Repaeat long cycle.

I need action. Not talk.

Anyways thanks for the PM's. I am consulting a few recommended lawyers. If I continue with this one I'll at this until my kids are adults. If she doesn't see I am serious and make her spend money in court she will continue this game. I want to stop it.

Why not author your own letters documenting the events creating your own evidence whereby you would have immediate action...