How far is to far

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afraid

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Im a father in Quebec who has won full custody of my two sons
About 2 months ago. There mother will be moving for the 3rd time in 4 months at the end of this month. She is moving 140 km away from me and the kids. She does not pay child support because she is abusing the system she is on welfare to get out of haveing to pay me any child support. She does not have a car so I was driving the kids to see her every 2end weekend but now she is moving to far.

I will spend 6 hours driving round trip every 2end weekend and she has no money to pay my gas. How far is to far to drive so she can spend time with the kids. I think it's not right. It's been 4 months and she hasn't given me a cent for the kids and now I have to drive for 6 hours every 2end weekend.

Am I justified for the way I'm thinking ?? Anybody's option would be great
Thank you
 
you are justified. She is the one moving so she is responsible for pick-ups. if I was you I would offer to keep driving them to where you are driving them to now and meeting her there. It is up to her to drive them the rest of the way.
 
How young are the kids? When my parents split up, we eventually ended up living about 2 hours away. My parents agreed to split the cost of bus tickets and me and my brother rode the greyhound every 2nd weekend. There's a minimum age for this, I believe the oldest has to be at least 12.
 
As a kid who "had" to do visits with parents ... It was a total DRAG, especially when it got all weird with timing, etc.

Not sure how old your kids are, but keep in mind they have their little lives too - and stuff that seems trivial to you may be really important to them ... I do know visiting is important - just try to incorporate their thoughts into the whole dealings regarding time is all I'm saying.

I am a mom myself and my kids live with me. My advice re. your ex (and since you have sole custody) is that SHE is responsible for visits that she has been allowed. If she can't, that is HER problem. Period.

She should come to them. (It isn't fair to cart them off for all that extra "driving" time either - imho. She should "show up" when it's time to visit. And leave when the time is done. End of story.)

Sorry if I sound bitter ... I don't have a bitter divorce myself - it's been easy and my kids are older ... but I remember "how it was" when I was a kid and with visits and things. The kids shouldn't have to "pay" - in extra travelling time, or otherwise - for a parent's decision to move, or job, or whatever.

In my most humble opinion.
 
Thank you for your responses

My son's are 11 years old and 5 years old, like I said she has no money because she is on welfare and doesn't have a drivers licence. In the custody agreement I agreed to dive them to we're she was living which was 35 min's away but she has moved in the complet opposit direction. You'd think snice she doesn't have a car she would move closer to the kidsno farther.
 
I missed the part where you agreed to drive ... But since she "moved" I would think that part is no longer an issue. You may need to set that in writing though.

P.s.... Her having no money and/or being on welfare is her problem. Please don't let that influence your opinion. Welfare is not a necessary or forced-upon hardship - it's her own situation that came about because of her own choices in life. Period. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is what it is. We are all "here" (where we are) because of our own choices.

Also ... remember that how you handle things - in the eyes of your kids - is teaching them how to deal with life. Don't talk down about your Ex, but do let the kids know why things are as they are (in as friendly and kid-like a manner as possible). They should have the love of two parents, but if one can't "afford" things, then that is how that parent is living ... (It's not YOUR responsibility to make the other parent "look better") ... If that makes any sense.

:)
 
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rhondagirl said:
As a kid who "had" to do visits with parents ... It was a total DRAG, especially when it got all weird with timing, etc.

Not sure how old your kids are, but keep in mind they have their little lives too - and stuff that seems trivial to you may be really important to them ... I do know visiting is important - just try to incorporate their thoughts into the whole dealings regarding time is all I'm saying.

I am a mom myself and my kids live with me. My advice re. your ex (and since you have sole custody) is that SHE is responsible for visits that she has been allowed. If she can't, that is HER problem. Period.

She should come to them. (It isn't fair to cart them off for all that extra "driving" time either - imho. She should "show up" when it's time to visit. And leave when the time is done. End of story.)

Sorry if I sound bitter ... I don't have a bitter divorce myself - it's been easy and my kids are older ... but I remember "how it was" when I was a kid and with visits and things. The kids shouldn't have to "pay" - in extra travelling time, or otherwise - for a parent's decision to move, or job, or whatever.

In my most humble opinion.
Click to expand...

You do sound bitter to me, at least.
However, you are on point that it is the parent whom moves away that should be responsable for travel.

afraid said:
Im a father in Quebec who has won full custody of my two sons
About 2 months ago. There mother will be moving for the 3rd time in 4 months at the end of this month. She is moving 140 km away from me and the kids. She does not pay child support because she is abusing the system she is on welfare to get out of haveing to pay me any child support. She does not have a car so I was driving the kids to see her every 2end weekend but now she is moving to far.

I will spend 6 hours driving round trip every 2end weekend and she has no money to pay my gas. How far is to far to drive so she can spend time with the kids. I think it's not right. It's been 4 months and she hasn't given me a cent for the kids and now I have to drive for 6 hours every 2end weekend.

Am I justified for the way I'm thinking ?? Anybody's option would be great
Thank you
Click to expand...

You train of thought is reasonable.

However, what is more important? Being right and not driving the kids? Or keeping in mind that the kids need to see BOTH parents?

I would suggest given your ex's circumstances - you make a comromise.
Tell her you will drive half the time and she must drive the other half.

Now you already know she won't be able to for her half - but at least YOU are doing the right thing and giving your children the opportunity to see their Mom. Even if it isn't as often as before.
 
wretchedotis said:
You do sound bitter to me, at least.
Click to expand...

Gee, thanks for pointing that out. LOL. Please keep in mind that any "bitterness" that comes through in my words is pointed toward my own childhood experience, and it is toward my parents' divorce only... (My own divorce is quite the opposite.)

:) :) :)
 
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