Housework venting...
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So here's the thing...
So here's the thing...
I have a 14 year old with a typical 14 year old's room (AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!) and a 7 year old who leaves a trail of toys and spills behind him where ever he goes. He's so effin sweet about it though...
My 14 year old also has a 14-year-old's desk in the living room so at least she can sit on the internet and ignore me in plain sight. It too is covered in 14-year-old clutter.
I work full time and take courses part-time. I'm going to school full-time in September and working part-time then. I have my kids 5 nights a week.
I think it is spelled O V E R W H E L M E D.
At what point do you take a shovel and just get everything to the curb and then take a firehose to the place?
I'm historically a neat guy, and had a handle on the housework up until the last year or so. But I've been falling further and further behind, and every time I turn my back to cook supper my kids are disassembling something and then spilling something sticky on it and pushing it all under the couch.
I've been working on it. My little guy is tidying and bringing his cups back to the kitchen, and my daughter is doing 3 loads of laundry a week and we have a truce with her room. Even so, I have to do an hour of tidying just so I can sweep the floor.
So my question to the group is, is it just me? Am I totally a loser and disfunctional and need psychiatric treatment to improve my performance, or does everyone go through this?
So here's the thing...
I have a 14 year old with a typical 14 year old's room (AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!) and a 7 year old who leaves a trail of toys and spills behind him where ever he goes. He's so effin sweet about it though...
My 14 year old also has a 14-year-old's desk in the living room so at least she can sit on the internet and ignore me in plain sight. It too is covered in 14-year-old clutter.
I work full time and take courses part-time. I'm going to school full-time in September and working part-time then. I have my kids 5 nights a week.
I think it is spelled O V E R W H E L M E D.
At what point do you take a shovel and just get everything to the curb and then take a firehose to the place?
I'm historically a neat guy, and had a handle on the housework up until the last year or so. But I've been falling further and further behind, and every time I turn my back to cook supper my kids are disassembling something and then spilling something sticky on it and pushing it all under the couch.
I've been working on it. My little guy is tidying and bringing his cups back to the kitchen, and my daughter is doing 3 loads of laundry a week and we have a truce with her room. Even so, I have to do an hour of tidying just so I can sweep the floor.
So my question to the group is, is it just me? Am I totally a loser and disfunctional and need psychiatric treatment to improve my performance, or does everyone go through this?
Gary M
New member
It's not just you, amigo: Mine are 15 & 16 .... summer break is proving, um, challenging.
The "deal" I have with my two is that whatever is on their side of their bedroom doors is theirs, and everything else is mine. This deal, of course, goes largely unobserved by my sweet li'l cherubs, but it does keep the mess to a minimum.
More importantly, it gives me a pre-authorized rant when I get home and the kitchen is destroyed
Cheers!
Gary
The "deal" I have with my two is that whatever is on their side of their bedroom doors is theirs, and everything else is mine. This deal, of course, goes largely unobserved by my sweet li'l cherubs, but it does keep the mess to a minimum.
More importantly, it gives me a pre-authorized rant when I get home and the kitchen is destroyed
Cheers!
Gary
frustratedwithex
New member
You have to redefine what this looks like. You are going to go crazy trying to live up to this old standard if you are in school full time.
I think everyone goes through this.
At 7 years old, your little guy is very eager to please and will most likely want to please you, so get him to empty the dishwasher, set the table, etc.
At 14, she will most likely think everything you ask her to do is unfair. If she is doing 3 loads of laundry a week, that is incredible. Most 14 years old don't know where the washing machine is, let alone know how to turn one on!
For me, I say anything in the public areas of the house need to be kept tidy. If her desk is frustrating for you, I would say to her, keep the cluter to a min. and if it isn't the way you want it you say that you will clear it yourself and then dump in a bin or bag. You will have to do this a couple of times and then she will get the message.
One of the best things I did when time was short, was a group clean. Set the timer for 10 or 15 minutes and clean as much as you can. You take the bathroom, one kid takes the kitchen, one the living room and pick up as much as you can. it won't be perfect, but it will be much better than it was.
Define what you are trying to achieve. A house that is live-able, or a camera ready picture perfect house.
HappyMomma
New member
You are not alone.
I have a 17 year old and a 7 and 5 year old and the 17 year old is by far the messiest of all so I know exactly what you're going through. We had a truce on his room for a long time but I had to nix it because it smelled so bad that it was smelling up the house!
I used to just do it myself but I'm getting much better at making them all pick up instead. It's a huge hassle at first but worth the effort (I think). Things seem to be improving. As frustrated said, the young ones love to please so they are getting pretty good at tidying up after themselves. And once and a while we surprise them with a reward (treat) if they have been doing it without being asked.
I've also done myself the favour of restricting where food/drinks are allowed. I never did before but what a difference it makes! They hate it but they're getting used to it.
Funny that teenagers don't get why a clean place is important. I remember being exactly the same though so I know that it at some point it changes. Unfortunately, it won't likely be until after he's moved out.
I have a 17 year old and a 7 and 5 year old and the 17 year old is by far the messiest of all so I know exactly what you're going through. We had a truce on his room for a long time but I had to nix it because it smelled so bad that it was smelling up the house!
I used to just do it myself but I'm getting much better at making them all pick up instead. It's a huge hassle at first but worth the effort (I think). Things seem to be improving. As frustrated said, the young ones love to please so they are getting pretty good at tidying up after themselves. And once and a while we surprise them with a reward (treat) if they have been doing it without being asked.
I've also done myself the favour of restricting where food/drinks are allowed. I never did before but what a difference it makes! They hate it but they're getting used to it.
Funny that teenagers don't get why a clean place is important. I remember being exactly the same though so I know that it at some point it changes. Unfortunately, it won't likely be until after he's moved out.
NBDad
New member
Yeah definitely not just you. Kids are pigs. 
You only have the 2...wanna trade for my 10?
Between my wife and I we have....
11.5, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 5, 3, 1, 3 weeks.
I swear I can hire them out as a demolition crew. Force of nature unto themselves. Now if only I could harness that power for my own purposes.
Both my 11.5 AND the 9 year old know how to flip the laundry. The others aren't tall enough yet to reach
The 11.5 year old can cook minor meals relatively unsupervised. Soup, Kraft dinner, etc. She's on par with most college kids I know. That was HER choice, she asked to be taught. Recently she's graduated to frying hamburger for spaghetti sauce.
She can also change a diaper, feed, dress or bathe a baby or the younger children in a pinch.
We have some rules on general crap in the public areas. If it's on the floor after I've asked you to put it away, you run the danger of losing it. If you refuse to clean your room *I'LL* do it...but my way involves garbage bags and a shovel. Mind you've I've never actually had to enforce that.
It'll all about the kid, at 7 your son should be able to load and unload the dishwasher, help out with drying the pots and pans, etc.
We have the four oldest in a routine for chores. Kicker is that you cannot expect them to do an adult quality job. Through the week when the kids are doing the big after dinner/before bed chore it's a lick and a promise. Get it reasonably presentable.
On the weekend when I'm home THAT'S when we give it a really good clean. All in the expectations. I don't expect them to be perfect. I DO expect them to pitch in and clean up the messes they generate.
If you are in school, etc and having some issues, maybe it's time to give your oldest some additional responsibility. Or time to start getting the 7 year old more involved.
You only have the 2...wanna trade for my 10?
Between my wife and I we have....
11.5, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 5, 3, 1, 3 weeks.
I swear I can hire them out as a demolition crew. Force of nature unto themselves. Now if only I could harness that power for my own purposes.
Both my 11.5 AND the 9 year old know how to flip the laundry. The others aren't tall enough yet to reach
The 11.5 year old can cook minor meals relatively unsupervised. Soup, Kraft dinner, etc. She's on par with most college kids I know. That was HER choice, she asked to be taught. Recently she's graduated to frying hamburger for spaghetti sauce.
She can also change a diaper, feed, dress or bathe a baby or the younger children in a pinch.
We have some rules on general crap in the public areas. If it's on the floor after I've asked you to put it away, you run the danger of losing it. If you refuse to clean your room *I'LL* do it...but my way involves garbage bags and a shovel.
Mind you've I've never actually had to enforce that.It'll all about the kid, at 7 your son should be able to load and unload the dishwasher, help out with drying the pots and pans, etc.
We have the four oldest in a routine for chores. Kicker is that you cannot expect them to do an adult quality job. Through the week when the kids are doing the big after dinner/before bed chore it's a lick and a promise. Get it reasonably presentable.
On the weekend when I'm home THAT'S when we give it a really good clean. All in the expectations. I don't expect them to be perfect. I DO expect them to pitch in and clean up the messes they generate.
If you are in school, etc and having some issues, maybe it's time to give your oldest some additional responsibility. Or time to start getting the 7 year old more involved.
NBDad
New member
HERE HERE! You'd be amazed at the sticky, crumby issues that magically disappear. We have a kitchen and a kitchen table. That's where you eat/drink.
Since my kitchen table it old as crap, it's ALSO where you color with your markers and stuff. I don't care if it gets on the table. (You won't be able to notice the difference anyway
) I DO care if it gets on the walls or the hardwood floors. HappyMomma
New member
Since my kitchen table it old as crap, it's ALSO where you color with your markers and stuff. I don't care if it gets on the table. (You won't be able to notice the difference anyway
LOL! Same! We re-stained my kitchen table last summer but before that it was covered in drawings, etc. Was almost sad to see it go.
And holy crap! 10 kids!!!! Do you ever have them all at the same time????
Personally, I think you should just let it all go. You can't I know, its dysfunctional so, I am willing to help. You can come over to my place, watch my kids wreck my house, then clean up after them. Pretty soon, you will want your own Messy children back and think you are getting a great deal. Meanwhile, I would have had a break and a few beers and you got to work on your psychotic performance...its win win
P.S. Who does the other 3 loads of laundry? Or wait, better yet...who puts it away?
P.S. Who does the other 3 loads of laundry? Or wait, better yet...who puts it away?
I pay her $10 bucks to do that much laundry, which is half hers and then assorted household stuff like towels and sheets. She folds and puts them away. In her room her stuff gets kind of put away. I do the other other loads mid week for me and the little Mess.
I got her this Ikea wall unit thing for her to put her clothes on.
EXPEDIT Bookcase - black-brown - IKEA
I'd found that her chest of drawers was more often than not filled with old sandwiches from her lunch bag, so I got rid of all drawers and enclosed spaces, she now has open concept shelves to put things on and it seems to be working.
I got her this Ikea wall unit thing for her to put her clothes on.
EXPEDIT Bookcase - black-brown - IKEA
I'd found that her chest of drawers was more often than not filled with old sandwiches from her lunch bag, so I got rid of all drawers and enclosed spaces, she now has open concept shelves to put things on and it seems to be working.
representingself
New member
HappyMomma
New member
Good idea! My son doesn't use his closet OR drawers. That might work! I do the laundry and fold it so I refuse to go the last step and actually put it all away.
My daughter is 5. I make her clean up her toys when she takes them up, and put her dishes in the sink. Its a start I figure right. She also has to take care of her garden by weeding and watering it, and watering the plants in her room. Pretty well taking care of her mess, and make sure all her laundry is in the laundry basket. Start them early right lol.
wretchedotis
New member
Youn could always do what my folks did.
Explosively rant and rave at them over their mess, then have them run around cleaning in fear for an hour.
Didn't really make me and my sisters too happy, but the place got cleaned.
Explosively rant and rave at them over their mess, then have them run around cleaning in fear for an hour.
Didn't really make me and my sisters too happy, but the place got cleaned.
blinkandimgone
Moderator
Yup, Yup and yup! 12 & 16, girl & boy, amazing how little time it takes to make it look like a hurricane hit and they are entirely oblivious to it and my constant sighs of frustration.
Oh yes, EVERYTHING is unfair in my house. I could tell her to please have cake and ice cream for dinner and it would be un-FAIR! The boy is definitely more of a pleaser and accepts what he`s told. The girl prefers to spend more time arguing her chores than it would take her to do them.
We did the '10 minute tidy up' as well, which worked great when the kids were younger. We each had a laundry basket and we'd tour the house room by room, 10 minutes at a time putting things away and dumping things that didn't belong into our baskets until we'd hit every room. Add some tunes and the kids thought it was fun...notsomuch now.
Been there, both of mine have tested the theory - more than once. I think I was more upset by the experience than they were however, it hasn`t happened in years.
One word solution: Dog. No more crumbs, it`s like magic!
I believe it`s a boy thing....
Seriously though, I think most parents go through it. I often wonder WTH happened because I used to be really REALLY good at this stuff, but have come to the realization that currently, the only way to get it all done is to be constantly harping on the kids to do it and I just don't want to spend every day like that. I pick my battles and stand firm on areas like kitchen, bathroom etc and sigh loudly and frequently at the rest.
Rioe
Well-known member
I had a messy messy room as a teenager, and didn't care because whenever my friends came over, we hung out in the basement and they never saw my room. And if the basement was messy, that was my parents' fault and not anything to do with me. I vividly remember one afternoon when I was bored, I headed upstairs to clean my room voluntarily, and on the way past my dad, he said "why don't you clean your room while you're up there?" and I instantly turned right around and didn't do anything. It's the being told that invites rebellion.
Then, when I went to University, my dorm room was the most OCD clean room in the building, because it was all I had for entertaining. If it was messy, it DID reflect badly on me. My parents would have been shocked to see how different it was from home.
Now that I'm a single mom, my house is nowhere near as clean and tidy as I would like it, and used to be able to keep it. I hate it, but I only have time now to keep on top of the essentials, like the kitchen and bathrooms. I have better things to do with my time, like play with my sons. Sometimes I remember to get them to tidy up, or make it so that we're all cleaning up together, trying to instill good habits so I'm a bit ahead of the game when the teen years arrive, but it's hard!
Some of my tactics include putting toys in the storage room if I'm the one who has to tidy them up. And I sweep when I sweep, and if toys are in the dustpan when I'm done, they go in the trash with the crumbs. We also have a Roomba, and they love watching it go, so they'll pick things up off the floor so they can watch the vacuum show.
I keep thinking that I'll invest in a cleaning lady some day.
Mess, have you thought about having a family meeting to discuss how things will change when you go to school full time? This could be a good opportunity to sneak some more responsibility on them in the guise of involving them more in the running of the house. Try giving your eldest the responsibility of making dinner one night a week, say the day of your latest class, from the meal planning to the cleanup. She can make easy stuff at that age, and learn a lot in the process.
Then, when I went to University, my dorm room was the most OCD clean room in the building, because it was all I had for entertaining. If it was messy, it DID reflect badly on me. My parents would have been shocked to see how different it was from home.
Now that I'm a single mom, my house is nowhere near as clean and tidy as I would like it, and used to be able to keep it. I hate it, but I only have time now to keep on top of the essentials, like the kitchen and bathrooms. I have better things to do with my time, like play with my sons. Sometimes I remember to get them to tidy up, or make it so that we're all cleaning up together, trying to instill good habits so I'm a bit ahead of the game when the teen years arrive, but it's hard!
Some of my tactics include putting toys in the storage room if I'm the one who has to tidy them up. And I sweep when I sweep, and if toys are in the dustpan when I'm done, they go in the trash with the crumbs. We also have a Roomba, and they love watching it go, so they'll pick things up off the floor so they can watch the vacuum show.
I keep thinking that I'll invest in a cleaning lady some day.
Mess, have you thought about having a family meeting to discuss how things will change when you go to school full time? This could be a good opportunity to sneak some more responsibility on them in the guise of involving them more in the running of the house. Try giving your eldest the responsibility of making dinner one night a week, say the day of your latest class, from the meal planning to the cleanup. She can make easy stuff at that age, and learn a lot in the process.
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I've had a chat with my daughter about what needs to happen when I go to school, and just addressed it by saying that I won't be able to do everything by myself, I'll need help. She was very positive.
It's not so much that she shirks helping, but rather that she just doesn't really notice it herself. When her desk or room gets too bad I feel like the whole thing is going to start composting any minute, but she just thinks it's normal. I certainly remember being that way as a teen.
So I have to ask, and of course as noted above, if you ask that's when they rebel. If I say nothing, a couple of times a week I wake up and come downstairs and the dishes were done the night before, or something else that helps. She's a good kid, it's communication and her hating to be told.
It's not so much that she shirks helping, but rather that she just doesn't really notice it herself. When her desk or room gets too bad I feel like the whole thing is going to start composting any minute, but she just thinks it's normal. I certainly remember being that way as a teen.
So I have to ask, and of course as noted above, if you ask that's when they rebel. If I say nothing, a couple of times a week I wake up and come downstairs and the dishes were done the night before, or something else that helps. She's a good kid, it's communication and her hating to be told.
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