Homework coordination

D

dinkyface

New member
I am NCP with EOW (Fri after school to Sun 7pm) and Weds overnights.

D6's 1st grade homework is starting. It is handed out Fridays, due Thursdays. It's minimal - maybe 10 minutes daily, or 1 hour in one sitting.

I proposed that whoever picks D6 up for the weekend is responsible for the homework that week, so that D6 doesn't need to do homework twice.

Mother disagrees, and demands that I must give the homework (completed or not) to her at handover on Sunday evenings so that she can review/complete.

I disagree, since this takes away a day of available time for homework, and gives D6 the message that Mom is the homework authority.

The kicker: the school (chosen by Mom) is French, and I have recently lost at trial a bid to move her to French Immersion, as my french is very basic. The judge said I can hire a tutor.

I am willing to do whatever is necessary (no choice, really) to ensure D6 has appropriate support in her homework.

I have a good relationship with the teacher, and other parents - very involved in the school (though due to language I am not allowed to be an official parent council member).

Any thoughts on how to proceed?
 
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dinkyface said:
I am NCP with EOW (Fri after school to Sun 7pm) and Weds overnights.

D6's 1st grade homework is starting. It is handed out Fridays, due Thursdays. It's minimal - maybe 10 minutes daily, or 1 hour in one sitting.

I proposed that whoever picks D6 up for the weekend is responsible for the homework that week, so that D6 doesn't need to do homework twice.

Mother disagrees, and demands that I must give the homework (completed or not) to her at handover on Sunday evenings so that she can review/complete.

I disagree, since this takes away a day of available time for homework, and gives D6 the message that Mom is the homework authority.

The kicker: the school (chosen by Mom) is French, and I have recently lost at trial a bid to move her to French Immersion, as my french is very basic. The judge said I can hire a tutor.

I am willing to do whatever is necessary (no choice, really) to ensure D6 has appropriate support in her homework.

I have a good relationship with the teacher, and other parents - very involved in the school (though due to language I am not allowed to be an official parent council member).

Any thoughts on how to proceed?
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I'm unclear with what you're asking here - are you proposing keeping the homework when she comes to your house on the weekend and sending it back Wednesday night? That would be odd - but like I said, not clear on what you're proposing.

Homework should stay with your daughter. If you want to do some of it on the weekend then for sure, do it. But make sure it's in her bag on Sunday night.
 
HappyMomma said:
I'm unclear with what you're asking here - are you proposing keeping the homework when she comes to your house on the weekend and sending it back Wednesday night? That would be odd - but like I said, not clear on what you're proposing.

Homework should stay with your daughter. If you want to do some of it on the weekend then for sure, do it. But make sure it's in her bag on Sunday night.
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I agree homework should stay with the child at all times. It's their homework not yours.

Also start adding "some" responsibility for her in regards to her homework...time planning etc.
 
I'd suggest that on your weekends, you make sure the child does at least 30m of homework (going by your 10m per day estimate) in those three days, and then after exchange, the mother can check the French and help her finish whatever isn't done during the rest of the week. That way, your daughter can do the easiest parts with you that might not need as much French knowledge for, and her mother can check the French afterwards. Your daughter learns that you consider homework to be just as important at your house as at her mother's. Wednesday nights before it is due, you can give it a once over (even if you don't fully understand it!).

Even in an intact household, there are parents who are better at helping with homework and may be seen as the final authority in specific subjects or in general. As long as you emphasize that it needs doing diligently, I don't think it will matter that her mother is the one who can check it over best. If the Mom makes her repeat the homework, your daughter is going to know whose idea that is, and get better at the homework.

And grade 1 homework is going to be pretty simple. Math is its own language, and she can read French books out loud to you and then explain what they are about in English. It will get her practice at analyzing what she is reading.

Your daughter will be much better off with two parents who insist on homework, even if it involves repetition, than a child with two parents who each foist it off on the other and don't care.
 
OK, so is the recommendation also that when I pick her up from school every Weds, mom should ensure that the homework travels with D6 (in her school bag) so that it can be reviewed/completed in our household before hand-in on Thursday mornings. Mom will not agree to that.
 
dinkyface said:
OK, so is the recommendation also that when I pick her up from school every Weds, mom should ensure that the homework travels with D6 (in her school bag) so that it can be reviewed/completed in our household before hand-in on Thursday mornings. Mom will not agree to that.
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So what is mom's plan - is she going to run to the school in the morning and drop it off? It's due Thursday, it should be in her bag Wednesday night. Unless it was done early....
 
dinkyface said:
OK, so is the recommendation also that when I pick her up from school every Weds, mom should ensure that the homework travels with D6 (in her school bag) so that it can be reviewed/completed in our household before hand-in on Thursday mornings. Mom will not agree to that.
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If you are picking her up from school how would she not have her homework. Or does it only come home on Friday and returned on Thursday

Do you drop her off at school Thursday morning? How would she get the homework back if mom kept it.
 
dinkyface said:
I am NCP with EOW (Fri after school to Sun 7pm) and Weds overnights.

D6's 1st grade homework is starting. It is handed out Fridays, due Thursdays. It's minimal - maybe 10 minutes daily, or 1 hour in one sitting.
Click to expand...

Yes I pick up from school on Weds and drop off to school on Thurs.

I'm concerned that Mom would send the completed homework to school on Weds morning, and instruct D6 to hand it in that day instead of leaving it in the backpack to come home with D6 to us.
 
dinkyface said:
Yes I pick up from school on Weds and drop off to school on Thurs.

I'm concerned that Mom would send the completed homework to school on Weds morning, and instruct D6 to hand it in that day instead of leaving it in the backpack to come home with D6 to us.
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I wouldn't worry about that. If it's done, it's done. Better early than late. :)

Just do what you can on your weekends to be involved and leave it at that.
 
dinkyface said:
Yes I pick up from school on Weds and drop off to school on Thurs.

I'm concerned that Mom would send the completed homework to school on Weds morning, and instruct D6 to hand it in that day instead of leaving it in the backpack to come home with D6 to us.
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Oh now I understand the crux of the problem. It's not getting the child to do the homework, it's foiling a possible deliberate attempt to leave you out of the process.

Well, the homework pretty much HAS to go with the kid between houses. That backpack is going to change hands a lot. Then it goes to school on Wednesday, and the homework should probably be completed by then so the French mother has been able to review it with the child. So it's really all about getting it home that night instead of it being handed in early.

Why not just contact the teacher and ask her not to accept it until Thursday, so that you can review it on Wednesday evenings?
 
So glad I asked! I see my original proposal doesn't work going forward (when homework load increases) because it halves the amount of time D6 has to do it.

I'll aim for
- homework travelling with D6
- doing a part of the homework on my time, and leaving some for Mom. Could be Math with us, reading/writing with mom.
- instilling a strong 'bit of homework every day' schedule, so that if mom decides to do it all and leave none for me, then D6 will get crabby at her.

So the main problem for me is figure out how to make the 'return of homework on weds evenings' happen.

More ideas welcome!
 
Rioe said:
Why not just contact the teacher and ask her not to accept it until Thursday, so that you can review it on Wednesday evenings?
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Because that would make you look like the problem.

Her instance will eventually die off over time. This isn't a hill I go to die on. To be honest, you both are being unreasonable. Her by being demanding and you by being defensive and believing this is an attempt to cut you out.

Do your best to remain involved and help with homework. Let the ex review it if she feels so inclined. You can't stop her from doing it, as the kid needs the homework with them as they may go over stuff in class at any time.
 
I remember those planning books. If I remember correctly the parent signed each day in order for quick notes to be passed between the parent/teacher as part of the communication process. Book reading was an important part in grade one with a separate list. When you have the book, you should also acknowledge those notes going back and forth in order to keep your communication open with the teacher.

While I'm thinking about it, you should also check to see if your on the emergency contact list as well.
 
Next year and maybe even later this year it will be daily homework. You will certainly get your chance to be a part of it.

I don't see any real issue here. The goal is for your daughter to get her homework done... It's really irrelevant how, what, where and when.

Do what you can with her and ignore the rest.
 
Rioe said:
Oh now I understand the crux of the problem. It's not getting the child to do the homework, it's foiling a possible deliberate attempt to leave you out of the process.
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Exactly. When D6 started school, mom instructed the JK teacher not to send any info home with D6 in her backpack. Happily the teacher refused. We have regular problems being informed of school info/events because of the language barrier. Google Translate is not reliable because most info comes via hardcopy, or PDF where the text is not copy-pastable.

The risk of being cut out of school work due to the language problem is going to get worse and worse as homework gets more involved, so I want to be vigilant from the start and work out a solution that works going forward.

Rioe said:
Why not just contact the teacher and ask her not to accept it until Thursday, so that you can review it on Wednesday evenings?
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We can alert the teacher to the plan, but I don't want D6 to be upset if she is instructed to hand it on on Weds. So Mom has to be on board.
 
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The planner books don't start here until grade 2. If and when you do get one, they will be much appreciated. And as someone mentioned, the homework load does increase. My daughter just started grade 4. She is just now getting homework every night. It might only be spelling words but there is something. Also, if there is't any designated homework for you to do with her, perhaps you could get one of those booklets from Chapters...Walmart etc geared towards individual grade levels. My daughter uses them and we do 20 minutes of math every night if she doesnt have any set math homework.
 
I've hit some of the same issues as you dinkyface, with a similar age child (D5), so I can understand your frustration.

- It is the child's homework, so it should simply follow your child, in her backpack or whatnot.

At least your ex seems to have an interest in the homework, as well. In my case, the homework will often not follow D5 home, and yet it does not get done either. (when it finally makes it my way, there is nothing done since the last time I saw it). Parents who want "ownership" of homework, are usually causing conflict. One parent usually wants to claim, that they are the one who routinely makes sure the child does homework, and thrives, because of them.

Perhaps your ex wants to do this, or perhaps she simply does want to review it. As others have said, if it's actually getting done, I wouldn't worry about where it goes, as long as you do get to see it from time to time.

- the planning book, usually starts a little later (like grade 2?). If your daughter doesn't use one yet, it will likely be next year then. That should also follow your child. (I know I will have issues with that following D5)

- D5 makes use of a folder (not planner yet), which would never follow her to my house, despite my requesting it a few times (and the teacher as well). So I would miss out on info too. When the ex agreed with teacher, it would be best for the folder to go between both homes, the ex would routinely strip info out of the folder first, so when I got it, there was only meaningless stuff in it (school SPAM, instead of permission slips, volunteer forms, calendars)

If you're having trouble with getting info, it's best to have your own folder at school, so they can provide duplicate forms. I was having issues with even this at first, but I have found this year, this is working out much better now. The teacher has been very good with providing duplicate calendars, duplicate forms, etc.

- school parent council - that sucks to hear. I am actually on the parent council at D5's school, because I thought it would be a good way to stay in the loop too. I enjoy it. I was also worried though, because it's a faith-based school (also chosen purely by Mom), and I am not of that faith. I mentioned that to the principal, and in my case, they were happy to have me on still.
 
HammerDad said:
Because that would make you look like the problem.

To be honest, you both are being unreasonable. Her by being demanding and you by being defensive and believing this is an attempt to cut you out.
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I'm well aware I cannot control what she does in her house. And also well aware that I cannot propose a plan based on the presumption that she will cut me out.

So we are left with
- homework travels with child and is handed in on the expected due date
- we don't require D6 to do homework twice
- we each leave a reasonable portion for the other parent to do
- if either of us sees a problem with homework done on in the other house, we discuss it first with the other parent, rather than correcting it directly with D6.

With the goals of
- maximizing available homework time
- not penalizing D6 for living in 2 homes
- preferring to do homework on weekdays, to keep weekends free(r)
- each supporting and respecting the other parent's efforts
- keeping any potential conflicts away from D6
- having a plan that works in future when homework due dates change, and if parenting schedule changes
 
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dinkyface said:
Yes I pick up from school on Weds and drop off to school on Thurs.

I'm concerned that Mom would send the completed homework to school on Weds morning, and instruct D6 to hand it in that day instead of leaving it in the backpack to come home with D6 to us.
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I get the main concern, you want to be involved and mom doesn't want you to be involved.

If the work is due Thursday, then it should be turned in on Thursday. Mom should just keep it in the child's bag. Whether it is done or not isn't the concern. If it is done, you still sit with your child and go over it as a review and make sure there are no mistakes.

Mom shouldn't be turning in the homework Wednesday; it should be the child's responsibility. The work isn't due, so the teacher won't be asking for it. If it is turned in on Wednesday, this is Mom's doing, and I'm sure you will be annoyed. However, I don't see where you have the wherewithal to make any change here.

On the whole, I think your solution is simply to express to the child that you enjoy sitting and doing the homework together, it is fun for you, and you like spending the time together. Over the long run, this is the solution because it creates the bond with the child that you both benefit from. If the homework is already turned in, then sit and review something else.

Math would be good, it doesn't depend so much on language.
 
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