hi there

[Just a Mom]

Hi there. I just joined the forum and have been really interested in the comments. I have a 8 year old boy that I have been raising alone since he was 2 when his dad passed away. I met someone who has a 6 year old boy and we have moved in together now. He was only separated and has been getting the divorce now but his ex is angry at my son because he is older and the boys sometimes fight when they are playing. She is now keeping his son away from him and its not nice. I am looking forward to getting to know you all.
Mary

 

[rockscan]

Your partners ex cant withhold the child for that reason and I hope your partner tells her she cant do that. If the kid was getting beat up at school would she keep him home?

You should also make an effort to look at your sons behaviour and try to stop the fighting. I get it that boys fight and brothers are always at each other. Unfortunately because your partners ex is being difficult it creates a problem for you.

Have him remind the ex that this denial of access and he won’t allow it. He should continue to pick kid up for his time and ignore her bs.

 

[CoolGuy41]

Your partners ex cant withhold the child for that reason

In practice she totally can because nobody enforces parenting time and if it went to court she may be able to as well since being bullied is not in her child's interest. The Devil is in the details.

and I hope your partner tells her she cant do that.

Gee, I wonder if he has tried that.

If the kid was getting beat up at school would she keep him home?

Changing schools because of bullies is not unheard of.

 

[Just a Mom]

He has gotten a new lawyer now and it is going to court because she keeps trying to turn their son against his dad. My son isn't beating him up. They bicker over video games sometimes. Its not physical. They usually get along, but when they play videogames they argue and his son is younger and gets angry and frustrated that he doesn't win the games. He is just little. His son has started saying things like "his mom thinks im ugly" or bad things to my son about his dad dying. That has been really upsetting to me and to my son.

 

[standing on the sidelines]

put away the video games when the child is there. Dad should be doing things with his child during this difficult time instead of parking him in front of a tv.

I take it your new partner was already living on his own before you and he moved in together?

 

[Janus]

He has gotten a new lawyer now and it is going to court because she keeps trying to turn their son against his dad.

Hopefully your partner has a better reason than that, because alienation is hard to prove. Something along the lines of "I'm an awesome parent as shown by X, Y and Z so it is in the best interests of the child to spend at least 50% of his time with me".

My son isn't beating him up. They bicker over video games sometimes. Its not physical. They usually get along, but when they play videogames they argue and his son is younger and gets angry and frustrated that he doesn't win the games. He is just little.

I agree with SoS, put the video games on hiatus until this matter is cleaned up. Start playing board games, or going on hikes, reading books, or something else.

His son has started saying things like "his mom thinks im ugly" or bad things to my son about his dad dying. That has been really upsetting to me and to my son.

If you are getting offended by an 6-year old, that's an issue with you, not with the 6-year old. You are the adult, and the kid is facing a stressful situation. You don't get to have hurt feelings here.

If your son is getting offended, let him know that other kid is going through a stressful change, and that he is little and doesn't mean what he says. Your son has had stability and consistent messaging his whole life. Think of this as a good teaching experience for your son: a time to develop empathy for others who may not be in the same situation as you.

 

[kate331]

There are always growing pains in a blended family. Dad really needs to step in and nip this behaviour in the butt, especially about your child's Dad dying.

I agree with the other posters, why is a 6 year old playing video games on his precious parenting time, if its causing conflict?

 

[youngdad91]

Has the children aids society been involved? Did they express any safety concern? If no, then she does not have sufficient cause to deny your ex access.

It's not unheard of mother's to "alienate" children from their fathers. It usually backfires on them with the right lawyer and custody evaluator.

The children fighting thing is just an excuse for her to progress her alienation agenda.

I think she hates and is jealous of you and some anger issues underlining her actions. And quite possibly just looking to cause problems for you two, and her very own child. I take it she has self esteem issues. Think about it.. why wouldn't she just speak to you or your ex about this in an amicable matter as opposed to "just" denying him access. More of a controlpower thing than anything.

Don't tolerate her non sense and use the courts to fix her up.

If the child went back to Mom's with a black eye, then different story. But even then I don't think children's aid would just "cut off" access.

My lawyer would have restored his access within one week. Ask his lawyer to file a motion and send a letter. If they don't agree to reinstate his access or wish to argue the matter, then your lawyer will confirm the motion date and move forward. Your ex needs to first ask the mother though. Ask very nicely and don't give any details. Just confirming that I will be picking up SON_NAME for my parenting time on X date at Y time. If she fires back with a nasty response, just save it and send to your lawyer. Keep asking every time it is your access. Keep it very short and don't get into any details. And don't respond back to her when she says no. You could use these denied requests to your advantage. If your ex makes no requests, then he has "voluntarily" gave up his access. Don't go overboard harrassing her and be polite.

Once you've reinstated the access, you could use this unilateral interruption of his access to seek further access and strengthen your claims of alienation. You would still need OCL to get the child to repeat the nasty comments the mother is making to the child - this is what helped me finally persuade the judge for 50.50.

 

[Just a Mom]

No, I am not offended by the boy saying I am ugly or anything like that. I am upset when he taunts my son about his father dying and that is what upsets me. That my son is upset by this. I understand he is only a child and of course I have spoken with my son about compassion and understanding. Both are quite young and it is challenging for both to manage a situation that they are sorting out emotionally. It is just frustrating that this extra negativity is seems to be coming from mom and affecting their relationship.


They don't play video games a lot. They both mutually request it and we allow it as part of their own personal interaction time together. They bicker outside also when they are playing with the neighbourhood kids at the park etc. As someone said, we cannot manage moms behavior so we need to do what we can positively and constructively when we have him for our time with him. I just worry that she is trying to find excuses from having their son come to us and using whatever she can as an excuse.


- Mary




If you are getting offended by an 6-year old, that's an issue with you, not with the 6-year old. You are the adult, and the kid is facing a stressful situation. You don't get to have hurt feelings here.

If your son is getting offended, let him know that other kid is going through a stressful change, and that he is little and doesn't mean what he says. Your son has had stability and consistent messaging his whole life. Think of this as a good teaching experience for your son: a time to develop empathy for others who may not be in the same situation as you.[/QUOTE]