He's a theif

[Frostrated]

I told my husband last week that I'm done. I gave him another chance to admit he's an addict but he said he was only taking medicinal marijuana. Anyhow, as I've said, he locked me out of our bedroom several weeks ago. He's always home because he's been on short-term disability since May, after his car accident.

Tonight, because he still has no clue I can see his Twitter account, he posted that he's in L.A. for the next three days, catching the Dodgers games! I heard him go out at 2:30 am last night but figured he was getting food or something. Sure enough, just went into my room and he's gone. So while collecting short-term, he's flown off on a vacation! He's spending all his inheritance and insurance money and now he wants half my house??? This is insane!

Edited: I spelled thief wrong in my haste...so embarrassing

 

[Frostrated]

So I've been Googling and apparently you can go on vacation while on short-term. I'm sorry but I don't get it. He's collecting money and spending it on trips? This system is broken.

 

[arabian]

I believe the only time you can't leave the country is when you are collecting EI ?

Ok so now you have insurmountable proof to convince yourself totally that he's despicable.

Move forward.

Sorry you have to go through this.

 

[arabian]

Well you told him it was over....

If you want to escalate things:

If you find his behavior unsettling, perhaps call a security company and have a good system installed. Remove all of his belongings and put into a storage facility (this is important so he doesn't use the excuse he has to get back into the house to retrieve his personal belongings. If he says that you forgot to pack something you make sure he lists it and you will retrieve it for him)

Hire a lawyer

File for divorce with Order for immediate exclusive possession of the matrimonial home.

I know many people will disagree with this, but sometimes someone has to make the move. At the very least, he will have to file a response a/o get a lawyer.

Or ... do nothing

 

[Helpmyspouse]

Arabian has given great advice. If you don't escalate things the situation will languish and he will drive you to the poor house. Now is not the time to feel sorry for him. He is not thinking about you at all. Regain some peace and sense of safety so you can focus on the next steps. You can only feel safe if he is removed from the home. You can't be living under the same roof with an unstable unhinged person. I did it for 6 months. I became a shell of a human. Was down to 100 lbs and could no longer function. Put yourself and your kids first.

 

[Selfrepmom]

I’d be thinking these 3 days are an amazing opportunity to get your ducks in a row. Put the big girl pants on and take care of business

 

[arabian]

get copies of last 3 years income tax returns & NOAs
bank statements
resume & copy of any trade certification/union membership
any other relevant financial information you deem important.

If/when you go to court, his legal aid lawyer will stall your matter for may, many months when you go through proper procedure to request these documents. You have an opportunity to obtain them now hopefully.

 

[Berner_Faith]

Well you told him it was over....

If you want to escalate things:

If you find his behavior unsettling, perhaps call a security company and have a good system installed. Remove all of his belongings and put into a storage facility (this is important so he doesn't use the excuse he has to get back into the house to retrieve his personal belongings. If he says that you forgot to pack something you make sure he lists it and you will retrieve it for him)

Hire a lawyer

File for divorce with Order for immediate exclusive possession of the matrimonial home.

I know many people will disagree with this, but sometimes someone has to make the move. At the very least, he will have to file a response a/o get a lawyer.

Or ... do nothing

Can she really remove all his belongings and lock him out without exclusive possession? To me doing so without that order allowing her to do so could actually hurt her case. I’d speak to a lawyer 100% before doing this. It could certainly backfire on her.

Spend these three days gathering all your information, take pictures and videos of the house contents, remove important documents from the house and set up an appointment with a lawyer ASAP


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[Frostrated]

I was told I cannot change the locks unless I get exclusive possession. I was able to get legal aid with lien against my house, so I retained a really good lawyer, who normally does not take legal aid, but my cousin is friends with him. He's confident and aggressive, which I like.

My husband says he's aiming to leave by the 15th but has upcoming corrective laser surgery on the 7th so he'll need time to recover (he's 53...what a waste of money). He's starting to pack things that he bought me as gifts, which I find very petty.

I've also been losing an insane amount of weight - down 60 lbs since January. The only positive in this whole mess. On the bright side, I finally was offered a full-time job with benefits. I'll be a few months without my $1400 injections but I'm hoping it won't be horrible.

I was just about to change my marital status on the CRA website but there's no place to indicate that we still reside in the same home.

 

[rockscan]

I would take all that stuff out of the boxes and hide it.

My husbands ex made him give back everything anyone in her family gave him claiming they were all on loan. She also changed the locks and refused to let him back in so there is that too...

 

[arabian]

Can she really remove all his belongings and lock him out without exclusive possession? To me doing so without that order allowing her to do so could actually hurt her case. I’d speak to a lawyer 100% before doing this. It could certainly backfire on her.

Spend these three days gathering all your information, take pictures and videos of the house contents, remove important documents from the house and set up an appointment with a lawyer ASAP


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I didn't say "change the locks" - I said add a security system.
She has a right to feeling safe when she is in her home, particularly as he has been absent lately. (Then if he is an ahole you simply change the code). If belongings aren't there, and he phones police, he gets nowhere as they back away from matter as it is "family court matter"). Courts are very slow. What is the saying? "possession is 9/10 of the law" ? I believe that to be true in many cases involving family court. Child lives in the home. Whomever has the kid, keeps the house.

 

[Berner_Faith]

I didn't say "change the locks" - I said add a security system.

She has a right to feeling safe when she is in her home, particularly as he has been absent lately. (Then if he is an ahole you simply change the code). If belongings aren't there, and he phones police, he gets nowhere as they back away from matter as it is "family court matter"). Courts are very slow. What is the saying? "possession is 9/10 of the law" ? I believe that to be true in many cases involving family court. Child lives in the home. Whomever has the kid, keeps the house.

That’s not very good advice... just because she removes him belongings and gets a security code doesn’t mean he’s moved out. You’re advising her to attempt to lock him out “change the code”... which she can’t do without an order for exclusive possession. Getting a security system and changing the locks are basically the same thing... the “code” becomes the key and thus she’d have to provide it to him. He’s allowed to go out, he’s allowed to go on vacation, that does not mean he’s vacated the house, which means she doesn’t have a right to change anything until she gets exclusive possession.


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[Berner_Faith]

I was told I cannot change the locks unless I get exclusive possession. I was able to get legal aid with lien against my house, so I retained a really good lawyer, who normally does not take legal aid, but my cousin is friends with him. He's confident and aggressive, which I like.



My husband says he's aiming to leave by the 15th but has upcoming corrective laser surgery on the 7th so he'll need time to recover (he's 53...what a waste of money). He's starting to pack things that he bought me as gifts, which I find very petty.



I've also been losing an insane amount of weight - down 60 lbs since January. The only positive in this whole mess. On the bright side, I finally was offered a full-time job with benefits. I'll be a few months without my $1400 injections but I'm hoping it won't be horrible.



I was just about to change my marital status on the CRA website but there's no place to indicate that we still reside in the same home.

For CRA they will most likely make you prove you’re living separate lives... go ahead and change your status, you don’t actually say you’re still living together. But usually they want proof to confirm you’re separated.


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[standing on the sidelines]

I was told I cannot change the locks unless I get exclusive possession. I was able to get legal aid with lien against my house, so I retained a really good lawyer, who normally does not take legal aid, but my cousin is friends with him. He's confident and aggressive, which I like.

My husband says he's aiming to leave by the 15th but has upcoming corrective laser surgery on the 7th so he'll need time to recover (he's 53...what a waste of money). He's starting to pack things that he bought me as gifts, which I find very petty.

I've also been losing an insane amount of weight - down 60 lbs since January. The only positive in this whole mess. On the bright side, I finally was offered a full-time job with benefits. I'll be a few months without my $1400 injections but I'm hoping it won't be horrible.

I was just about to change my marital status on the CRA website but there's no place to indicate that we still reside in the same home.

It is petty, but if the stuff doesn't matter to you then just let him take the stuff if it makes him feel like he got one over on you.

Congrats on the job!!! that is one less thing to worry about.

Hopefully he does leave when he says he is. If I was you I would remove personal property like jewelry etc so it doesn't "accidentally" get packed up with his stuff. Easier to just remove the stuff now versus trying to get it back through the courts later.

 

[Frostrated]

Yeah, I'm already missing some pendants that he had bought me. So very petty. While he's away, I'm packing up some stuff I don't want him to steal and dropping it off at my sister's until he's out. I can't afford to start over and clearly he can.

 

[arabian]

That’s not very good advice... just because she removes him belongings and gets a security code doesn’t mean he’s moved out. You’re advising her to attempt to lock him out “change the code”... which she can’t do without an order for exclusive possession. Getting a security system and changing the locks are basically the same thing... the “code” becomes the key and thus she’d have to provide it to him. He’s allowed to go out, he’s allowed to go on vacation, that does not mean he’s vacated the house, which means she doesn’t have a right to change anything until she gets exclusive possession.


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Actually that is exactly what I did. The Order for exclusive possession came several weeks later with the very large interim SS order. Ex tried to get police to allow him to enter but I stood my ground and told police they could provide me with a list of items and I would retrieve them. Of course I had legal advice prior, during and after this.

 

[Berner_Faith]

Actually that is exactly what I did. The Order for exclusive possession came several weeks later with the very large interim SS order. Ex tried to get police to allow him to enter but I stood my ground and told police they could provide me with a list of items and I would retrieve them. Of course I had legal advice prior, during and after this.

That’s great it worked for you but she’s already stated she’s working with a lawyer and was advised not to do so. Unfortunately for her it’s his house just as much as it is hers as they are married. We all know your case is unique and because of that the outcomes you received are not common. I’d be following the lawyers advice and not change the locks or put his stuff out until exclusive possession was awarded.


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[arabian]

I understand what you are saying Berner. True there were some differences in my situation, namely there were no minor children involved. The thing is, exclusive possession is a temporary arrangement. Often it is to let people cool off, which is never a bad situation. If someone has felt the need to go to a women's shelter and/or fears for their own personal safety then I think you have an obligation to yourself and your children to take steps to ensure safety of yourselves and your property. Some people get exclusive possession to preserve the home from falling into disrepair.

If there is no urgency, and money is not an issue then the waiting game (mediation hand-holding, 4-way meetings, case conferences, adjournments) is to be expected. Some people thrive on the drama I guess.

I hope the poster gains some self-respect and confidence. I hope she kicks his ass to the wind before the lawyers drain the home equity.

 

[tunnelight]

Don't do something stupid and childish like changing the locks. If that ever happened to me I would turn around and bring over a lock Smith and claim I lost my keys. LOL.