Help!

[browneyedgirl]

So, recently my ex fiancee and i broke up, I kicked him out due to the constant fighting, lying, his lack of respect of me and my family, wouldnt get a job etc. He initally went to stay in Kitchener with friends who told him that he had to leave since they couldnt afford to have him stay there again(he had been there for 3wks 2weeks previous to this to find work). He then went to Woodstock or London, and was staying in a shelter until recently when he moved to BC-as of today hes in Vancouver. Ive filed for custody and supervised access @my disrection,my question is, because he "ran away" is it child abandonment and will i have to change my visitation order now that hes 1,200miles away? He said he will "try to make it for her birthday in March" but i dont see that happening anytime soon since hes yet again living in a shelter til he finds an apartment with his friend who he moved with. He only texts me once a week to ask how our daughter is doing-shes almost 9months now. and i feel that since hes left(i told him before if he leaves to stay close so he can see her) he wont have any real relationship with her and she wont know who he is whenever he decides to be a father. I should say also, that his contact with her on a daily basis was somewhat limited. He normally would spend an hr or so in the mornings with her and i, then be upstairs the majority of the day on the PS3 or computer or in school(he started the same week he left), doing what he felt, and i was left to do everything-take care of the baby, laundry, cook etc. He also told me he wants to keep in contact "til shes old enough to know who her father is and come visit him for the summer"-i dont know what he idea of old enough is but it seems like by saying that it means a few years from now at least. Anyways.. any advice/help would be very appreciated!

 

[scared1]

Sounds to me a judge would give you sold custody based on his actions. I am sorry he is being so unhelpful. I would go to court and explain to the court briefly the history of things and he may grant some access but not custody. Good luck.

 

[browneyedgirl]

Thanks, I also forgot to mention that he recieved the court papers i sent last month and has signed them and is sending them back soon. He apparently has "relinquished his custody" so im not sure if that means all rights or not?

 

[dadtotheend]

...til shes old enough to know who her father is...

She knows who her father is now.

He lives across the country? In a shelter? You have nothing to worry about custody wise. You have a status quo from which will emerge certain sole custody in the courts if you pursue it.

On the other hand, you're right. It sounds somewhat bleak in terms of your daughter being able to have the opportunity to form a relationship with her father. Sounds like there are some mental health issues here.

 

[browneyedgirl]

Yes hes in BC and im in Ontario. She had a good bond with him up until he started working when she was 2months and that job didnt last long, so he lazed around the house for about 4-5months then worked for 3wks at another job and quit then went to Kitchener for 3wks, came back and 2wks later we broke up,and during the time he was "off work" he mostly stayed in our room or downstairs playing video games from morning til 2or 3am. he got up with her maybe 3 or 4 times at night and just stopped all together. he would complain that when he had to watch her for even an hour that he couldnt calm her down when she cried, and if i took her she was instantly quiet-that alone showed me how little of a bond he had/has with her. And now him moving is just making things all the worse for her in the long run

 

[wretchedotis]

If I may offer some advice that may be difficult to actually take to heart...

I offer no excuses for him 'running away', but time marches on and he may very well regret this mistake one day. Keep an open mind to the future, in hopes he'll want to be around more down the road.

 

[wretchedotis]

Thanks, I also forgot to mention that he recieved the court papers i sent last month and has signed them and is sending them back soon. He apparently has "relinquished his custody" so im not sure if that means all rights or not?

He would still have access rights, unless you can show in Court he's a damger to the child. This is my opinion, not a legal fact. He would still have the obligation to pay child support too.

 

[browneyedgirl]

If I may offer some advice that may be difficult to actually take to heart...

I offer no excuses for him 'running away', but time marches on and he may very well regret this mistake one day. Keep an open mind to the future, in hopes he'll want to be around more down the road.

Thank you. I am aware that yes time does march on and he may want to be around one day. Im not going to keep him from her and as far as his visitation, well as of now i doubt he will be around very often since hes so far away which is sad..I had told him that if he leaves to not go far, and he said "why would i want to stay here? i hate this city". Um..maybe to see your daughter?! as for support, if hes on assistance will they still make him pay? ive been hearing yes and no they cant..so im not 100%sure on this.

 

[wretchedotis]

If there is a court order, he must pay regardless of his situation.

In Ontario, if the parent with custody is on assistance, they will look into the NCP's ability to pay and try to convince him to do so if he is able.

But until there is a court order, I don't think they can make him pay support.

 

[browneyedgirl]

there isnt a court order for support since i havent filed for it. i am on assistance and they will be making me seek support once the custody is settled. he will be on assistance im sure in BC since hes got nothing at all, hes homeless. i really dont need the support money in all reality, and he thinks if he does pay that i wont spend it on our child.

 

[littleman]

unfortunately if he is on government assistance then it cannot be guarnished by law.......assistance is not considered an income source by law.....it is assistance just as the title claims...you can obtain a court order which will follow him however..when he becomes employed this will show up against his SIN and the guarnishment is the first thing that pops up....FRO files with Equifax....which most employers check now with potential employees release...if you are on govt assistance also then if you were to receive CS it would be deducted.......I understand you claim you dont need it and I respect that but your children are entitled to it.......its is my true belief that the only entitlement out of a divorce is CS for the children from biological parent (whether mother or father I dont care- took two to make child and NCP has to help with costs to house, feed & clothe their children til they are of age just the same if marriage remained in tact).

 

[browneyedgirl]

thanks for the info. i doubt highly that he will get a job however, hes had 2 jobs in 2 years that we were together and they only lasted 3-4wks at most. before that he had worked short term jobs(3 months or less) and was on assistance for the rest of the time. i know my child is entitled to CS from him, though the reality of it is he wont likely hold up his end of the deal if/when support is determined.