Sadly, it's quite common
Sadly, it's quite common
Hi StandingMyGround,
Unfortunately, the tactics your ex is employing are very common amongst abusive ex-partners. It's all about maintaining power and control over you.
The Ontario Women's Justice Network is a great resource!
You might find it helpful to contact your local woman's shelter. Even if you're not in need of housing, you can find support and advocacy there. The staff are all too familiar with what you are experiencing. And just talking to them can give you a sense of normalcy.
I feel for you, and hope you continue StandingYourGround!! It's a tough battle, but at the worst times just ask yourself if the "now" troubles are worse than the "then" problems prior to separation.
For me, not having the overwhelming sense of impending doom every time I got close to home is priceless. Just last night at dinner my 4 y/o remarked how nice and quiet our house is now compared to how noisy it used to be. That made the struggles of the day all worthwhile.
Maintain the higher ground, as it were. Document everything possible. Take pictures, save messages. Even if it might seem like you're jumping through hoops for him, you're better to be safe than sorry.
You can defend yourself against child abuse allegations by getting your GP on board and bringing the kids in for frequent "healthy visits", again to document their well-being.
Get the schools/daycares on board, if applicable. Legally, they HAVE TO REPORT suspected abuse. So if your kids have never been reported to the CAS before and have had contact with such agencies, no one suspected anything. Ask for a letter stating same.
If you've gone for counselling, or even have a specific mental health diagnosis, be proactive and request a letter stating that you've been a patient of Dr.A for XX years and during that time Dr.A has not had any concerns as to your parenting ability. As above, if they'd thought something was remiss, they're obliged to report it.
Was he was ever charged with assault?
Ontario's law changed this spring so that the courts must now take spousal violence into consideration when determining custody. It's right in section 24 of the Children's Law Reform Act. They also added a bit that says anything done in self-defence or to protect another will not be considered abuse.
Best of luck to you!
Chin up