Hello Everyone

[Lisa]

Hi there!
My name is Lisa and I recently joined this forum for help support and advice. It has been great! I have three children and dealing with the second breakdown in my life, and it will be the last! As with all journeys in life, it is always eventful. ha! I think this site should be advertised more, as I found it by accident, and am greatful that I did.
Thanks

 

[Lindsay]

Hi Lisa, and welcome!

Glad to hear you've got your chin up through what must be a difficult situation.

Lindsay

 

[hubby]

Lisa

Lisa

Typically the statistical rate for divorces the second time round is apparently higher.

I believe there is a lesson to be learned by one's failed relationship the first time round.

This is why I've taken it upon myself to search for WHY the relationship failed and to not make those same mistakes in the future. How?

Easily, when you first meet someone, you begin dicsussing relationships and what you have learned. You lead by example always remembering the outcome if you don'.t.

Love is always waiting on the horizon, it's up to you and your partner to keep that love flame burning till yer dying days.

This is what I have recently learned ... all at the cost of my marriage albeit.

Hubby

 

[Lisa]

Hi Hubby!

thanks for the advise! I have learned alot in the two relationships that I have ever had, one being that as we grow older it would help if the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with would keep going after the dreams that you set forth at the beginning of the relationship. It has been my experience that I work hard for everything we want and pursue it, and for them it has been that after a while they no longer wish to go after something that does not come easy.
I also know that I am a very strong person with my own set of beliefs and morals, and they cannot be swayed by anyone. I hae noticed that in both relationships I have chosen to be with someone that wants to control me, something that is not easy to do. I know that should the time come to be in a relationship again, I would have to find someone that is as confident as I am in the relationship that allows for each of us to be who we are and not who the other person wants us to be.
My new motto is ...... take me as I am, and I will do the same for you. I fell in love with the person for who they are, not who I could make them be, and I just want the same in return.
I know...... good luck finding that right? LOL So the solution, I'll be single forever! Thanks though.

 

[hubby]

Your never single

Your never single

Lisa,

You'll never be single, you have your children to draw strenght from and your work to occupy your mind.

In the end, the way I see it, you will retire, your kids will move on and where will you be? Alone. Maybe. Maybe not.

It takes two to make a relationship succeed or fail. Each partner has a role in the breakdown. Your's could be for any reason.

Controlling of another person can and is destructive in the end ... would you rather be locked in prison or free to roam where you please?

There are lessons to be learned in every relationship. When you are solving a problem and you try something to fix it and it does not work, do you repeat the same procedure in the hopes all will be fixed. No, you try something different until it does work.

You'll find Mr right ... you cannot wish for it, but must expect it. To different approaches. Wishing means, yeah, it would be nice either way. Expecting meaning, I know it will come to fruition.

Three kids eh? I know the feeling. How have they adjusted to seperation and all it has to offer?

Hubby.

 

[Lisa]

Hi Hubby,

Thanks for the advice. The kids are doing ok, I make myself available to them to talk about how they are feeling, what they want to see happen/change, and encourage them to say what they need to so that they do not keep things bottled up. They obviously have their moments but I am sure that because all of us have a huge network of support available to us, that it is helping us move on to better things and times.

As far as never being alone, you're right, I will never be alone. I am lucky that I have my children, family, and friends. I may later live alone, but that might be a welcomed concept because I have not lived alone since, well, forever! LOL

I find solitude in my job and kids. I bury myself in it most days to help keep my mind off it, and then when we get the chance, the kids and I are gone with our friends playing on our many toys, again something we are very fortunate about. Thankfully I had bought many prior to the relationship, so there was nothing he could take of those.

I am not trying nor am I hiding from a new relationship, I am sure that it will happen at some point again one day, I am sure that I will make some mistakes, I know it won't be perfect, but for now, I am just happy getting to know me again, and being me. I play by my own rules, and not having someone tell me what I can or cannot do anymore is great! No worries, and no fighting within the childrens' ears, we couldn't ask for anything better.

Thanks again.
Lisa

 

[Grace]

I'm quite happy being on my own. I don't have to answer to anyone and have total control over the TV remote.

I don't think it's fair to bring anyone else into the picture until you have total closure from the past. What new partner wants to hear about all your divorce woes anyway.

 

[Lisa]

Grace!

Too True! They say that when you go through a breakdown you should only burden one person, they are your support, and that you should not speak or see your ex for a period no less than 6 months. Although that is hard when going to court, it is a good way of not letting everyone and their mother's in on what is happening in your life.
I have had the experience of both of us going through a divorce at the same time and it was so overwhelming. I will never do that again. I am sure that is the reason I am in the boat I am in.
You need closure from all of it and you need time to heal, find out who and what you are and where you are going. You can't truly give yourself to someone again until you really know who you are giving in the first place.