Harrassing and Bad behaviour

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thebtr1

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So brief background. My husband has been divorced for 9 years. Child has lived solely with him for last 3 years. Son is now 19. My husband has paid and continues to pay EVERY expense for son.
Son currently is in University living with mother. My husband is paying all schooling expenses. Son has credit card for all incedentals he may need including food clothes etc. My husband is also paying the mother $350 a month in rent (which she calls expenses water hydro and internet). The mother has done nothing but harass and badger since my husband and I became serious and it escalated when we recently got married. We have sent a letter to cease and desist which she just sent a reply asking for what statutes shes breaking etc. We have gone to the police and they basically said until she does something violent or damaging they can do nothing. We have been advised by our lawyer to not respond to anything. Which we don't. She is now demanding information about whether my husband has claimed the son on income tax etc (obviously since he has always claimed and paid) She is threatening if we do not answer her she is going to have him audited. So be it. We just want no contact with this spiteful and ugly person. He is getting emails, texts, cell phone calls and messages, work phone calls and messages. Any advice on where to go from here? There is nothing more he could possibly do for his son. She pays nothing! To the point where she was away and called to check if my husband had dropped of new cc and bought groceries for the son because she was stuck over night and couldnt make it home. She hadnt heard from the son all day and said if my husband didnt not reply to her calls her next step was to call police to check on the son and she would tel them my husband was neglegent and unwilling to help. My husband had done all the things he was supposed to but would not reply to her because we are having no contact. Advice please
 
thebtr1 said:
So brief background. My husband has been divorced for 9 years. Child has lived solely with him for last 3 years. Son is now 19. My husband has paid and continues to pay EVERY expense for son.
Son currently is in University living with mother. My husband is paying all schooling expenses. Son has credit card for all incedentals he may need including food clothes etc. My husband is also paying the mother $350 a month in rent (which she calls expenses water hydro and internet). The mother has done nothing but harass and badger since my husband and I became serious and it escalated when we recently got married. We have sent a letter to cease and desist which she just sent a reply asking for what statutes shes breaking etc. We have gone to the police and they basically said until she does something violent or damaging they can do nothing. We have been advised by our lawyer to not respond to anything. Which we don't. She is now demanding information about whether my husband has claimed the son on income tax etc (obviously since he has always claimed and paid) She is threatening if we do not answer her she is going to have him audited. So be it. We just want no contact with this spiteful and ugly person. He is getting emails, texts, cell phone calls and messages, work phone calls and messages. Any advice on where to go from here? There is nothing more he could possibly do for his son. She pays nothing! To the point where she was away and called to check if my husband had dropped of new cc and bought groceries for the son because she was stuck over night and couldnt make it home. She hadnt heard from the son all day and said if my husband didnt not reply to her calls her next step was to call police to check on the son and she would tel them my husband was neglegent and unwilling to help. My husband had done all the things he was supposed to but would not reply to her because we are having no contact. Advice please
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All you can do is ignore it.

Try blocking her email, cell number, land-line, everything.

I think Mess can tell you a specific app that apparently works very well for cell phones. You can file a police report (sounds like you called - but did you insist on filing a report?) and then use that report to contact Bell and have them block her number.

You could attend court, and speak to th Justice of the Peace as to having a restraining order/peace bond placed on her - but there are spefic requirements for that and from what you've said it won't qualify. I would go speak to one anyway, if only to see what they have to say about it.

I am curious to know why you posted in the "Financial" board?
 
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Son has no license or desire to get one. He has bus pass and mother to drive. My husband meets him when they are shopping or having lunch and will drive him home if the ex isnt there.
She is contacting my husband by email, text, cell phone calls and messages as well as now calling his work and leaving messages there.
The contact is never just son related straight to the point contact it is insulting of our house, wedding, him, my children name calling and insults etc. It is ugly and childish. Anything that is required to be addressed concerning the son he addresses with the son and makes no contact with her. Yet it is constant. It has been a year or more of this and it is not declining. She has shown up at our house twice to pick up the son when told not to that he would be taken to a neutral location. We have young children at home that we are trying to protect. She has said the children are not her concern and she will do what she wants. At that point the son yelled for her to get back in the car. We never came out of the house.
She has shown up at a private party put on by one of our friends over the holiday season. She wasent invited but came with an invited guest. We fortunately did not attend as I was sick and my husband had to work. The escalation is starting to become troblesome.
 
I posted because all the harassment is based on financial obligation. I was curiuos also about the financial obligations at this point and how she bases all threats on financial matters. My husband pays for everything!! What does he really have to legally pay? And is there any legal ground for her? She threatens lawsuits constantly
 
Reply only to the stuff relating to the child and be to the point. Keep it to yes or no answers as much as possible.

She cannot "have" someone audited. Should she call the CRA, and they ask her why she believes her information is correct or where she obtained and, and she mentions she is the ex-wife, they will likely tell her to please go away as they don't want to get into the middle of domestic issues or be drawn into the nuttiness.

As for the insults and stuff, you can't change stupid. You can't force her to be a good person or like you. All you can do is ignore it and move on. It serves no purpose getting drawn into a match with crazy, because no wins.

She can say all she wants. It is sticks and stones BS. You don't have to like it, and you can request she cease and desist from making disparaging comments. But you can't stop her.

About the only thing you can do is tell her that you will only reply to messages that relate to the child, and only if they are not demeaning or disparaging. Should she feel the need for insults, that she speak to one of her hens, as you are no long willing to entertain them.

Edit - should she show up at your house, you send her an email, followed by registered mail advising her that she is not welcome at your house or property. That in future, all exchanges will be done at a neutral location, like the nearest police station. That any further invasion by her on your property will be deemed trespassing and you will notify the proper authorities.
 
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Thank you this is certainly what I thought but I wanted an outside opinion. Last threat was that if there was no reply by yesterday she was contacting CRA. If one parent claims the child each year on their taxes and the other parent doesnt file for 3 years then files and also claims the child does CRA just refuse 2nd parents claim as child has already been claimed or is it refused to both parents? This is the current CRA issue. She is only now filing for the last 3 years and is apparently looking to claim the son.
 
thebtr1 said:
Thank you this is certainly what I thought but I wanted an outside opinion. Last threat was that if there was no reply by yesterday she was contacting CRA. If one parent claims the child each year on their taxes and the other parent doesnt file for 3 years then files and also claims the child does CRA just refuse 2nd parents claim as child has already been claimed or is it refused to both parents? This is the current CRA issue. She is only now filing for the last 3 years and is apparently looking to claim the son.
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I think the CRA disqualifies both claims if both parents claim. So no one gets it.
 
No one gets it.

Yes, they will re-assess.

CRA is a dinosaur and this particular rule is especially mean spirited since it's based on the assumption divorced parents will cooperate, but gives each of them the option to stick it to the other parent for a few thousand bucks every year.

Something that HC divorced parents love to do unfortunately...
 
thebtr1 said:
I posted because all the harassment is based on financial obligation. I was curiuos also about the financial obligations at this point and how she bases all threats on financial matters. My husband pays for everything!! What does he really have to legally pay? And is there any legal ground for her? She threatens lawsuits constantly
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Well, assuming that there is no SS nonsense, you only have to deal with the crazy for another 2 years or so, and then this will all be over. Probably not worth getting into any big fight over this. Phone calls can be ignored (with an email message telling her that she needs to email you if she wishes to communicate, just make a form letter for it). Texts can also be ignored. Emails can be responded to once a week unless they are urgent. Work should not be called, and I would state that clearly in an email message to her. Hell, get a lawyer to write the one message on letterhead telling her to piss off or face a court order, shouldn't be that expensive.

Now, if you feel like being annoying, offer to buy the son a new car if he comes to live with you. Not only will you stop paying CS to the mother, but you'll get a windfall yourself in the form of CS from the mother to you. Depending on the respective incomes, you can get the car for free, and possibly one of your own free to boot. Well worth it.

She'll be too busy trying to earn enough money to pay you guys to harass you at that point, and you can use her money to take a vacation. If she bothers you, just thank her for your trip to Cancun, and send a photo.

75


yay for child support!

Wait, no, your kid is older.

glnbeachcouplenormal1.jpg



That's a better picture of what CS for a 19-year old looks like.
 
Janus said:
Well, assuming that there is no SS nonsense, you only have to deal with the crazy for another 2 years or so, and then this will all be over. Probably not worth getting into any big fight over this. Phone calls can be ignored (with an email message telling her that she needs to email you if she wishes to communicate, just make a form letter for it). Texts can also be ignored. Emails can be responded to once a week unless they are urgent. Work should not be called, and I would state that clearly in an email message to her. Hell, get a lawyer to write the one message on letterhead telling her to piss off or face a court order, shouldn't be that expensive.

Now, if you feel like being annoying, offer to buy the son a new car if he comes to live with you. Not only will you stop paying CS to the mother, but you'll get a windfall yourself in the form of CS from the mother to you. Depending on the respective incomes, you can get the car for free, and possibly one of your own free to boot. Well worth it.

She'll be too busy trying to earn enough money to pay you guys to harass you at that point, and you can use her money to take a vacation. If she bothers you, just thank her for your trip to Cancun, and send a photo.

75


yay for child support!

Wait, no, your kid is older.

glnbeachcouplenormal1.jpg



That's a better picture of what CS for a 19-year old looks like.
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You sir, just made the 'funny' list. LOL
 
I loved this it did make me smile. My husband is paying for everything just out of love for the child and the feeling of responsibiity. She takes advantage of this and asks for as much as she can. There is no SS and not CS either. She has never had to pay anything and will never have to. 2 years hmmm longest 2 years of my life Im sure but ohhh the party when its over :)
 
If you are not paying CS, then the money you are paying is supporting the child instead of the recipient. I'm not sure why you are complaining.

Let the biomom complain. By the time a CS case wends its way through the court, the kid will not be a child of the marriage anyway.
 
The complaint is we are paying every expense EVERY expense including rent for the son to live in his own mothers house and she still continues to harrass constantly!
 
Maybe, you should be looking what CS would cost you. Technically,it seems to me you are paying CS and
S7or the equivalent of it.

If he is living at MOM place, how was the rent amt determine. As for CS, it would be determined base on your hubby salary and guideline table.
check MySupportCalculator.ca

As for other expenses, only S7 would count and divided in proportion of the ex and your hubby's income.

If you are paying more than that then it would be easy to give a reality check to the mother by sending her what exactly your share is. if your amount is less then there is nothing to complaint about.
 
Well my ex husband reported me to CRA and they audited and reviewed me. My ex husband wasted CRA's time so I disagree with HammerHead's comment because CRA did not tell my ex husband to go away. There has to be a good reason to report someone and there is an address you can mail information into and an anonymous tip line.

In so many words, CRA will not tell someone to go away because they don't want to be involved with the nuttiness.
 
Just curious, since you are saying that you are not paying CS or SS, then to who are you paying these expenses to.

If you are paying directly the son then this would mean the arrangement is between the son and the father only.
 
Moolight said:
Maybe, you should be looking what CS would cost you. Technically,it seems to me you are paying CS and
S7or the equivalent of it.

If he is living at MOM place, how was the rent amt determine. As for CS, it would be determined base on your hubby salary and guideline table.
check MySupportCalculator.ca

As for other expenses, only S7 would count and divided in proportion of the ex and your hubby's income.

If you are paying more than that then it would be easy to give a reality check to the mother by sending her what exactly your share is. if your amount is less then there is nothing to complaint about.
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Son has cc for everything he needs food, clothes, expenses. Tuition husband pays. cc covers books and school expenses. Dental and optical paid by my husband. the mom has not paid and does not pay a dime for her son.
Son lived with us in our new home but could not handle the city to country change as well as now living in a house with 2 young children. He then moved to his moms till school started then he was going to do residence. Residence didnt happen and as soon as school started mom demanded rent in the amount of $350 and she would go away. Actually she said "its a small price to pay for you to get rid of me". She received the first payment then demanded the new amount of $500. We had written 6 months of cheques for $350 and were not going to increase it. She has then escalated the harassment to questions about money, provisions in will for son, taxes, if I have a life estate on our purchased house, life insurance etc. All accompanied by insults and ugliness attack my husband children and myself.
I assume we will be getting contacted shortly by the CRA.
The mom has done everything possible to alienate son from father. And the relationship is suffering. Which in turn my husband is suffering as well. 2 more years is going to be a long haul. And I dont know what relationships are ging to be in the end but I know it is ugly and painful.
 
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CRA will not contact as he was living with you when husband claimed him. Now at his age, you can only claimed his tuition and book and if you are paying for them, make sure you have the receipt and it will be fine.

My ex also claim one of my child and that did not go anywhere as he was not living with ex.

Face it, you would be paying CS who depend on your hubby salary would be higher or lower. Children can remain on extended health benefit till 21 while in school and there is also plans available to student.

So really, I do not see the big deal here, If you prefer you could just pay the equivalent of CS and she would not be able to claim any rent or harrass you for any increase as this would cover it. 2 years will go by fast, average litigation last longer than that and would cost you.

At that age a child will respect you to not get involve and let your hubby deal with it. At 19, he is old enough to judge for himself and basically if you were paying for school residence, it would be much higher than that and there are not tax deductible.
 
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