Happy Holidays. Learning to adjust and move forward.

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Beachnana

New member
This is the " first" Christmas split for our little guy and we have come to realize that new family traditions will need to be founded and one of them is to have a "christmas season" Of which Christmas eve and day are only 2 days within the month long celebration. We started on December 1 with cookie baking, gift buying and wrapping ( hilarious results with a 2 year old) Christmas music has been playing and we cut down our tree and decorated the house early. We just had Christmas at our house this past weekend. Including a family church service, carols, stockings, presents and lots of snow ( very convenient lol) all the treats and visits with family and friends. Lots of pictures were taken and I will scrapbook this celebration as I have always done in the past. It seems to have taken the pressure and sadness out of being apart at Christmas and allows us to not focus on really what is 2 days out of a whole year. That is a lot of work for only 2 days, so why not make it a month long celebration? We will catch a couple of days at the end of the month to finish off the celebration with some New Year fun

I had read in another post that the parent not with the children during Christmas week should take the opportunity to try something new for that week. Good advice and advice we will be taking.

Sure there are still " issues" ongoing and being tussled back and forth, but thanks to this forum and all the " straight shooters" even though some are a little harsh we are learning to adapt and focus on the important things in our lives. - family, friends, traditions and memories made.

I saw a poster in a store
" As far as everyone else knows we are a perfectly normal family. We just rewrote what is 'normal'."

I am going to print that out and put it on the fridge.

Happy Holidays what ever that means for your family.
 
Sounds like you are making the best of things.
Good job & Merry Christmas.
My kids were much older for our fisrt Xmas apart.
Not to belittle the difficult situation but perhaps since your child is so young it will be easier for HIM?
 
Yea, that is what we are hoping. That as he grows up he will see " our normal" as how it is with his families. 2 traditions in 2 households. Each with merit and each including him. A friend of our family is also divorced and her little girl told her its okay to have so many families and as she gets more christmases than her friends she is lucky. Through the eyes of a child!
 
No don't put that on yourself. I have had several harsh comments thrown at me and not all from you. I am a big girl and can take it. Sometimes I more and likely needed it. I know that sometimes the situations just overwhelm and we jump to a decision or a course of action,that perhaps is filled with emotion not sense. That is why, despite some hard knocks, i continue to view this forum as a good parachute when I am falling and forgot to see if there is a soft landing. I do not always agree with some of the comments, nor particularly like them and sometimes I look at others situations and think WOW. Not how I would handle it. But then that is what a forum is for. 3rd party opinions and experience to, help,guide your own decisions. Now I am getting too philosophical about this place!

Definetly time for some eggnog!
 
Setting new Christmas traditions is an excellent idea. Very forward-thinking.

Hope you and your family enjoy the season of sharing, laughing and loving.

Keep fighting for what you believe in!
 
lmao! love the kitty on the top of the ladder! just saw this one..

1525395_10202739031377129_366599622_n.jpg



OK, OK...time to stop hijacking the thread :)
 
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Angry and evil! lol! The point being that pets as well as little kids really don't care much for all the fussing over Christmas - we do! They can sense that we are stressed out about the holidays. Divorce just adds more confusion to the mix.

As Beachnana wrote earlier, it's important to make your own traditions and not have the child feel that he/she is deprived but rather benefiting from having 2 Christmas' worth of fun!
 
Beachnana said:
This is the " first" Christmas split for our little guy and we have come to realize that new family traditions will need to be founded and one of them is to have a "christmas season"...
Click to expand...

Beachnana it is well known on this forum that I am strongly opposed to grandparents becoming involved in court matters. I am of the opinion that a family law matter is between the parents and no other party.

So, I may be "harsh" with your comments but, ultimately, it is not your best interests that matter but, that of the child as defined by Rule 24 of the CLRA.

See my highlight above... The child in question is not your child and although your title (grandparent) you are not "the parent" of this child. You are the parent to your daughter, whom is a grown woman who herself has her own child. I point this out in a harsh manner to save you having to hear this from a justice in a loud voice echoing down the halls of the court house.

Overbearing / overprotective grandparents are common in court rooms and many need to be told to disengage and let their children be parents themselves. I have had audited a number of motions and trials in which the justice identifies that a grandparent is the cause of the family break down it is sad. There appears to be a subset of grandparents who are just over-involved in their adult children's lives.

Don't be that person. It could have a SIGNIFICANT impact on the custody and access claim that your daughter has put forward. Your "helping" may in fact not be helping the situation.

"When Helping Hurts..."

When Helping Hurts - How Professionals Become Negative Advocates - Or Not - High Conflict Institute

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
I am currently struggling with that issue at my GF's place.

Two years ago, they were still in their old house, and maintained their traditions, with the father joining them on Christmas morning.

Last year, they had left the house to move into an apartment. It was a chaotic time. They had a real tree though the apartment management forbade it. They were going through a difficult time as my GF's mother was in the hospital. The kids's father did come over for the morning.

This year is still in the apartment. Small fake tree. My GF's mom died last spring, so its an emotional time.

The older child, the son, is fine with it.

The daughter is not. She is upset about the tree, the fact my GF wrapped presents for my kids. She asked pointedly if I was going to be there, and pointed out I was not family. Our plans had been that I would go there after my church service on Christmas eve, stay overnight and then leave in time to not conflict with the kids father coming over (I do get along fine with him, but the kids need alone time). This is what my GF proposed. But after the recent comments from her daughter, I've offered to just stay home. We can do something special on boxing day or something.

It is a challenge.
 
I'm really sorry Downtrodden. That's really tough to deal with. I hope in time, things smooth over with the kids.

Speaking of Christmas traditions, I'm want to start a new tradition of spending a day doing charity work with the kids over the holidays. I've already done my normal donations and I am signing up for snow angels this year myself (shovelling snow for seniors) but that won't work for the kids because of schedules. Does anyone have any good ideas for one-day type charity work over the holidays?
 
Thats a very good idea. My church has a breakfast program they run seven days a week, it is in Brampton, there is probably something closer to you but let me know if you want more details.
 
Thank you DD and Janibel. I'm actually closer to the Windsor area and not a religious person but calling a local church or the Salvation army is a very good idea. I was also thinking about calling a local nursing home. There's so many residents who seem to be alone over the holiday. This will be the first Christmas without my mom so visiting an elderly person might be as beneficial for us as it is for them. I'm going to do some research this week and figure something out.
 
Tayken said:
Beachnana it is well known on this forum that I am strongly opposed to grandparents becoming involved in court matters. I am of the opinion that a family law matter is between the parents and no other party.

So, I may be "harsh" with your comments but, ultimately, it is not your best interests that matter but, that of the child as defined by Rule 24 of the CLRA.

See my highlight above... The child in question is not your child and although your title (grandparent) you are not "the parent" of this child. You are the parent to your daughter, whom is a grown woman who herself has her own child. I point this out in a harsh manner to save you having to hear this from a justice in a loud voice echoing down the halls of the court house.

Overbearing / overprotective grandparents are common in court rooms and many need to be told to disengage and let their children be parents themselves. I have had audited a number of motions and trials in which the justice identifies that a grandparent is the cause of the family break down it is sad. There appears to be a subset of grandparents who are just over-involved in their adult children's lives.

Don't be that person. It could have a SIGNIFICANT impact on the custody and access claim that your daughter has put forward. Your "helping" may in fact not be helping the situation.

"When Helping Hurts..."

When Helping Hurts - How Professionals Become Negative Advocates - Or Not - High Conflict Institute

Good Luck!
Tayken
Click to expand...
Duly noted. reference to "our little guy" goes for all our little family members its just our families term of endearment we use for them all. Sometimes they are "the little ones" We are a close family, who share in each others happiness and sorrows. I won' t apologize for that. And just because I am vocal on this forum it should not be assumed that I am interfering in anyway in the relationship before, during or after. They did that all on their own together and apart. I did not and never would go to the court room, deal directly with her lawyer or try and deal directly with the dad. If my posts infer that, I will need to be more diligent in forming the wording to reflect I am merely the information gatherer. Although I did get a little involved in the Christmas Celebration planning, after all I am a fabulous cook, a great decorator and have a big beach house to accommodate the family. And this post was my acknowledgement of a year of growth for our family in moving forward and accepting our new family structure. I have been very lucky and have been happily married for 36 years, so this forum became our source of knowledge and hopefully support when decisions were being figured out in, dare I say, a whole new world to us. But your comments, not so harsh really, have been duly noted and I will be very cautious of my involvement from now on.
 
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