Good Start to the Week

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Pursuinghappiness

New member
I just got back from spending the afternoon at my lawyers office cleaning my files. We through 95% of the stuff out and I did the same thing with the files that I had at home.

It was cathartic and awesome!

Yesterday, my husband's kid texted him to let him know that his ex-wife was in the process of getting engaged. He's paying over 4k a month in SS which ends in their agreement as soon as she gets married or lives with someone.

Damn good week so far!
 
Sounds like a great week for you for sure. I would dearly love to purge all of my files.

Thanks for the inspiration!
 
I had to keep my final orders but most of it went. It really was a cleansing experience. Going through it, I honestly could not believe how much paper the whole thing accumulated and it seemed like it happened a 100 years ago.

Hopefully, I won't end up back in court for any reason and acquire more crap.
 
Pursuinghappiness said:
I had to keep my final orders but most of it went. It really was a cleansing experience. Going through it, I honestly could not believe how much paper the whole thing accumulated and it seemed like it happened a 100 years ago.

Hopefully, I won't end up back in court for any reason and acquire more crap.
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To quote the Honourable Madame Justice Judy:

You want me to deal with something that happened X years ago sir?! Absolutely not. I refuse to!​

Relevance dies fast in family courts with the passage of time. So you are wise to purge it all really.

Glad you are doing well!

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
The week after I obtained my divorce judgment, I went through the mountain of paperwork that I accumulated over 3 years of litigation. Most of it was copies of worthless affidavits and garbage that is on file at court.

Felt good to get rid of it ... I kept only the important stuff : the divorce decree itself and the settlement.

Funny thing was that the brunt of it was Ex's lawyers (3 of them) who were trying to catch up on Ex's file - that's where the money went. A lot of back and forth letters to basically repeat the same old issues.

Congrats on weeding out the mess! :)
 
Thank you Janibel.

What was really weird was when I was going through the stack, I kept thinking about the amount of energy that I expended trying to get it all together for all the court dates and most of it didn't even really get reviewed.

And if my ex had just settled in the very beginning with the offer I originally presented, he would have done far better than he ended up doing after over 5 yrs of litigation and legal bills.

Such a meaningless waste.

They should have litigation document shredding ceremonies.
 
Pursuinghappiness said:
Thank you Janibel.

What was really weird was when I was going through the stack, I kept thinking about the amount of energy that I expended trying to get it all together for all the court dates and most of it didn't even really get reviewed.

And if my ex had just settled in the very beginning with the offer I originally presented, he would have done far better than he ended up doing after over 5 yrs of litigation and legal bills.

Such a meaningless waste.

They should have litigation document shredding ceremonies.
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Yes ^^^, same here as with most cases. We spend hours fussing, fretting, preparing and for what? Sleepless nights worrying over affidavits that will be ignored by the judge, accumulating worthless "evidence", motion after motion of useless/unenforceable agreements ... yes, it is a meaningless waste of energy and horrendously expensive.

I wish separated newbies would read these posts and understand the pointlessness of not settling early on. If not for your finances, then do it for the kids sake.

Lawyers will promise you the moon and the stars, truth is you'll end up with 50% of whatever is left of the marital pie (if you're lucky that is).
 
Pursuinghappiness said:
What was really weird was when I was going through the stack, I kept thinking about the amount of energy that I expended trying to get it all together for all the court dates and most of it didn't even really get reviewed.
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I had the unique opportunity while sitting in a Brampton court room, auditing family law motions, to be there when a lawyer and their hunch-person rolled in 4-5 legal boxes of paperwork on a moving dolly! I had never seen such a display before!

The judge actually made fun of it and pointed to the boxes and noted no justice would sift through all the materials ever and the lawyer should know better.

Not sure if the lawyer actually thought it was a good thing to do this and it would actually look good to the judge?

I wish I could quote the judge perfectly but it went something like this...

All the pile of boxes demonstrates to me is who can demonstrate is who can generate the most nonsense.​

It is amazing how much a very angry and un-managed litigant and their negative advocate lawyer can create in a simple family law matter.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
The worst part is that even if a justice can try to cut the crap and make such remarks in the court room, if you are the "victim" of such vexatious and over the top litigation you don't have that luxury. You're forced to respond to every piece of horse hockey or it goes on the record as the uncontested truth.

Just because the Justice didn't want to review the paper mountain, doesn't mean at least one of the litigants hasn't had to become painfully familiar with every document.
 
Congrats PH I was able to purge many things that brought on chest tightening and almost panic attacks.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Tayken said:
I had the unique opportunity while sitting in a Brampton court room, auditing family law motions, to be there when a lawyer and their hunch-person rolled in 4-5 legal boxes of paperwork on a moving dolly! I had never seen such a display before!

The judge actually made fun of it and pointed to the boxes and noted no justice would sift through all the materials ever and the lawyer should know better.

Not sure if the lawyer actually thought it was a good thing to do this and it would actually look good to the judge?

I wish I could quote the judge perfectly but it went something like this...
All the pile of boxes demonstrates to me is who can demonstrate is who can generate the most nonsense.​
It is amazing how much a very angry and un-managed litigant and their negative advocate lawyer can create in a simple family law matter.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Thanks for the laugh Tayken!

Ex and I both are self rep, and he did this very same thing at one of our Settlement Conferences. He walked in and started dropping stack after stack on the table loudly, looking pretty smug, no doubt trying to intimidate me. While I held in my giggles.
All before the judge entered the room. We walked out with an agreement in my favour, which was worse for my ex than I originally offered to settle on, and none of his piles of papers got reviewed or even addressed.

Another time, he attempted to address a small, inconsequential comment I made in an email in 2009, I could hear the judge roll his eyes.
 
Congratulations Pursuinghappiness!

I had a similar moment a coupe of weekends ago when I was sorting through the contents of my storage unit in preparation for clearing it out completely. I found boxes of old correspondence (remember how people used to write letters, not emails?) going back 25 years, including piles and piles of letters from the ex, back when we were "soulmates". I thought about whether I wanted to keep them and "nah, that's all water under the bridge". So all of his letters went into the recycling bin, while I kept letters from everyone else. I thought I might get a bit emotional about getting rid of all this history, but actually felt almost nothing at all, except for a little vague sadness that it ended up so badly.

Then went home and weeded out all the no-longer-necessary material from my divorce files. More into the recycling bin.

So there are very few traces of the ex or the marriage left on paper anywhere ... It's another step forward.
 
My "files" are now reduced at home to 4 large plastic bins. My lawyer's office would have at least the same amount of bulk or more. I have had to refer to the material on occasion. My files are mingled with business records. Things that seemed so important 5 years ago now only evoke a laugh from me (letters and emails sent to me from ex's g/f as well as love letters which employees discovered and turned over to me). I really don't have the inclination to go through it all. Perhaps someday.

I know someday soon I hope to find a place to have a large bonfire. This is certainly something to look forward to.
 
Summer or 2012, I had a good time BBQ'ing the wedding photos. I only kept the video as there are ppl who have passed away in my family and it's all I have to remember them by.

It does feel good to "symbolically" get rid of the past especially after more than a quarter of a century (gulp) of accumulated junk!

I did keep the most precious product of our marriage ... my son lol!
 
Since we settled before court, mostly I just have a few dozen e-mails and draft agreements. I still browse them occasionally wondering at how life turned out. My ex left the wedding album when she left and I still have it, although it is increasingly like looking at someone else's life.

Strangely, I still kept my ex's stuffed animal from when she was a child. It reminds me of what a different person she once was. Some day I'll pass it onto my son I suppose.
 
My mother kept two files boxes of all court filings from my parents' divorce for years. When I turned 25 I took them to work and dumped them in the shredder box. It was a big relief to us kids but my mother was angry I did it as she wanted to keep a "reminder of how horrible your father is". Then she wondered why we all needed therapy and stopped putting up with her continuing to hold on to the anger. Letting go is good!
 
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