Forgiveness

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mummer1962

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I just want to say to everyone who is going through hell...that i went to trial last month and feel really good about the outcome. I want to say that I totally forgive the Respondent and his wife who criucified me and my child throughout the process and i feel free and alive again. I and my daughter hold no grudges against the lies and pain that they brought against us and are moving on nicely with whatever the judge decides. I will not let this get in the way of our beautiul lifel. My daughter has a wonderful father who is my husband and has been with her since she has been siix years old. We will no longer feel guilt for her praising him as a father and i will live my live as it was before all this mess..in peace and harmony. I wish the same to all you.
 
Your husband may be a Dad to her, but he is not now nor will he ever be her Father. You'd be doing your daughter a disservice to suggest otherwise.

IMHO, of course.

Gary
 
good 4 u mummer.

the ultimate goal is to move on and accept the whole thing as having happened.. BUT IN THE PAST.

If nothing else, forgive yourself the worst that the whole experience brought out n you. If you're anything like me, there was that one moment... and it's over. Phew.
 
Semantics,
Yes a father is biology....a dad is the one who cares for you when you are sick, supports you througth anything, kicks you ass when you need it and never ever lets you down...Yes Gary, my husband is her DAD.
And...my forgiveness is not depedent on any interpretations by anyone on here, it is simply meant as my way to let it go and hope that others can do the same....
 
One of the things my ex had to realize after we broke up...

Her and my daughter weren't a package deal.

And even if my ex hated me and I didn't have much love for her, I was still there for my kid.
 
HammerDad

well said... i think the package deal concept is a huge problem for some people. You divorce your spouse not your kids.
 
I will never forgive my ex, nor do I think I should. That said, we get along just fine and I don't carry a grudge. I think forgiveness and the ability to move forward in a positive way are separate concepts. One doesn't require the other.

Civility is mutually beneficial. Forgiveness is earned.
 
About_Time said:
I will never forgive my ex, nor do I think I should. That said, we get along just fine and I don't carry a grudge. I think forgiveness and the ability to move forward in a positive way are separate concepts. One doesn't require the other.

Civility is mutually beneficial. Forgiveness is earned.
Click to expand...

I agree completely. I am doing my best to move on without anger, but I don't think I can ever forgive someone who isn't the least bit remorseful for what they did.
 
Rioe said:
I agree completely. I am doing my best to move on without anger, but I don't think I can ever forgive someone who isn't the least bit remorseful for what they did.
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"Remorseful for what they did"?? btw, it takes 2 to get married, and 2 to breakdown a marriage ...
 
TimePeace said:
"Remorseful for what they did"?? btw, it takes 2 to get married, and 2 to breakdown a marriage ...
Click to expand...

Two to get married, sure, but not every marriage breakdown is nearly so mutual. No doubt my ex considers it MY fault that I had a high risk pregnancy during which I was not allowed intercourse so he had no choice but to satisfy his sexual needs with someone else?
 
Rioe said:
Two to get married, sure, but not every marriage breakdown is nearly so mutual. No doubt my ex considers it MY fault that I had a high risk pregnancy during which I was not allowed intercourse so he had no choice but to satisfy his sexual needs with someone else?
Click to expand...


LOL.
sorry... made me laff...totally reasonable reason to destroy intimacy and trust. i don't blame him :rolleyes:
 
I'm going through a trial right now and see that my ex is apathetic liar, however her issues are her problem, I only look at my side of the fence.

BTW, Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, only you. When Jesus was nailed on the cross, he did not say ''you villains, I hope you burn in hell.'' But he said ''Father Forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'' For us here, We can only try.
Incredible.
 
Forgiveness and remorse is a 2-parter.

I can feel regret and in some cases remorse for decisions I made during the marriage. I take steps to correct the mistakes or change my ways.

My ex needs to do the same. If they aren't going through that process but instead choose to use me as a scapegoat and direct all the blame my way, it becomes impossible to forgive.

Ultimately we shouldn't go through our lives carrying grudges, but to truly forgive and let it go and keep dealing with someone, we need to know they aren't going to keep pulling the same shit over and over. Unfortunately for some of us, the behaviour of our ex's has become habitual for them.
 

I believe May Angelou said it....

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different<O:p</O:p
 
"...it takes 2 to get married, and 2 to breakdown a marriage ..."
Yes to the first part. Takes two to keep a marriage strong, but takes only one to tear a marriage apart.
 
Definitely forgiveness and remorse are linked. It took me many months, of forgiving daily, sometimes hourly, but I eventually figured out that no matter what he claimed, he wasn't sorry and was going to keep on cheating and lying over and over, and then I stopped forgiving.

The closest I feel like taking any blame for my relationship breakup was for mixing up confidence in a strong marriage with assuming the marriage was strong. When someone is a masterful liar, it's nearly impossible to realize there's a communications gulf.
 
"The closest I feel like taking any blame for my relationship breakup was for mixing up confidence in a strong marriage with assuming the marriage was strong. When someone is a masterful liar, it's nearly impossible to realize there's a communications gulf."
Amen to that.
 
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