Financials--proving the paper trail and uncovering the truth

[ddol1]

I hope somebody could lend their knowledge and experience in the court process when it comes to proving or disproving our financials which dictatte the final net family properties for both of us and finally the equalization payment. Naturally from the Ex it is all denial, lies or she has no recollection. Her lawyer likes to call me bizarre!! (ok maybe I am but the claims aren't.... and perhaps after how many months of trying to figure all that went on under my nose - I am biased - but today my using the words lie and deny are my being polite....)

Yes I have had several people who started in disbelief and ended with their conclusion of total disbelief in what my ex actually did. The paperwork and her signatures, her bank card, her closing out joint accounts and transfering everything into her accounts. My accident 25 years ago and the settlements paid go all the way back to the 80's, important today as we decided back then to deposit them into my retirement fund, transfering as soon as possible into my RRSP and there it sits today.

Family Law states the payments for damages, pain, (all non income type payments) are now excludable as they were kept seperate and in no better place than my RRSP). I also have plenty of issues going back just a few years (3-4) when I did get real sick, but again going back to the 80's, not every receipt is still here but there is a very strong paper trail going back to the actual check stubs of the payments to the flow of the payments until my rrsp contribution room opened up to allow the deposits.

My Three Questions are:
1. The lawyer said that we would probably need to hire the forensic accountant to sign off on the paper trail and the evidence (due to the amount of money involved and how many years going back - and there are alot of bank statements I do admit but at least I have them or all would be lost). This just due to the fact that she refuses to accept anything, regardless of the issue she has chosen to lie, deny or otherwise claim no recollection eventhough there is paper records, bank account records and all the documents which tie back to day one, all the bank records with her signature, her bank card. When evidence is really obvious is there ever any reprocussion to the party who choses to deny and lie regardless (as in having to cover the cost of the accountant that just shows her lies over and over??? - In the end, that is when the evidence does prove to be overwhelming - would a judge even care what the cost was to prove a party's lies?

2. Going back to the 80's is a long time, no the records are not 100% complete but the majority is here, payment stubs, tax records, that show at least the money was saved, then the rrsp deposit records are here... does this type of evidence need to be 100% from 25 years ago or is it the case of really , really strong evidence given what records are here today enough to meet that burden of proof?

3 the last few years when I did get sick (I actually got so low as to be only be able to speak jibberish at times, short term memory was horrible and I have had to rebuild several years of my life through the help of others, with the documentation mostly and I really only learned much of my financial horror only after she said divorce as I have mentioned in the past.) So my question here is when it comes to the courts - do they put great wieght on the actual statements and documents that can be presented - more so than say what I may say or she may say..... The court would rather see and accept her signature on a document(s) or her signature at the bank, or her bank card and pin number begin to carry more wieght than "her lies"?

 

[arabian]

Forensic accountants are expensive. They will likely require a substantial retainer.

Documentation is indeed the way to go. If you are adept at using spread sheets I would suggest that you summarize the information. Present that to your wife and ask her what her feelings are on retaining a forensic accountant. Basically indicate that you are willing to go that route if she puts up 1/2 of the retainer. Be magnanimous about it and present yourself as just wanting to get the facts 100% correct etc.

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

Arabian:

I'm not sure why she'd agree to joint retain a forensic accountant. I certainly wouldn't in her shoes. Its not just the extreme cost that would take...its the fact that these are personal funds, not business funds...so not only does the accountant have to look at ridiculously old records...they'd have to look at how the funds were used. ie...if the funds were then used for marital expenses or to buy material property which may already be included in equalization. In order to prove misuse, I'd assume you'd have to prove these funds were used for the accused spouses personal gain instead of things that benefitted either the children or the marital household.

If I were her, I'd take my chances being order to pick up costs for this because its unlikely anyway given the nature of what's been alleged. The costs and time are extremely prohibitive. Unless she's got some secret swiss bank account squirrelled away with a clear line between his disability rrsp deposits and subsequent withdrawals to her account number...good luck with that. Anything other than that and I'll bet you the forensic accountant bill far, far, far, far outweights any benefit in equalization at the end of the day.

If I was a judge, one of my first questions would be "If this allegedly dates back to the 80's, why didn't you know your ex was supposely stealing from you for that length of time?" For instance, if my spouse was making extractions from my RRSP, it would show up on my statement. If the use of those same funds was to pay expenses to enrich the marriage or benefit the kids/family (ie, vacation, kid's tuition, boats)...its a waste of time.

It just sounds to me that this may be valid...its a lot of looking under rocks for nickels & dimes and that never bodes well for the party that's wasting time and money looking. In my opinion, there's a very clear agenda here.

 

[arabian]

PH - good points.

Offering to put it to a forensic accountant would probably shut both parties up and enable them to move on. I assume that the funds in question are well over 500,000? (a fund pd into for over 30 yrs would be substantial) If that is the case 10 - 15K might be justified. OP could go and get a quote before he presents the proposal to the ex.

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

I assume that the funds in question are well over 500,000? (a fund pd into for over 30 yrs would be substantial) If that is the case 10 - 15K might be justified.

Arabian: I totally agree. If this person has an account with 500k sitting in it that the OP could prove is directly tied to his disability payments, 20k to use an accountant to figure out that glaring smoking gun is no big deal. Again, she's highly unlikely to agree to pay for it until ordered though.

Just my opinion however, that the more likely scenario is that if funds were removed...both parties were either aware of it in some fashion and/or the monies were used to benefit the marital household or children. Again given the length of time and the frequency of withdrawals...you'd have to be pretty spaced the hell out not to know what was going on. I get a lot of statements from my accounts and if I was having monies withdrawn since the 80's...believe me, I'd know about it.

Just my opinion but what it sounds like to me is the "Because you dumped me, I now want to keep all my money from our long marriage even though we both used it to benefit the marriage" and frankly, that's not gonna go over too well in court. Its akin to bitching about the credit card bill during a divorce because your ex used to buy a lot of shoes and food that you didn't eat.

Unless she's got an account with a whole lot of money sitting in it which can be directly tied to his disability payments...this is probably going to be an expensive paperwork nightmare and a total waste of time and money.

However, I guess it won't be the first or last time someone spent a crapload of money on a pointless crusade rather than just figuring out how to become empowered and independent after divorce.

Offering to put it to a forensic accountant would probably shut both parties up and enable them to move on.

Agreed again, I'm for any suggestion that gets people to move along and get a life. But given the mentality here...in my opinion, it probably ain't gonna happen.

I like these types of posts though because they help put my situation into perspective and make me realize how fortunate I am in my own divorce situation. Everytime I read a post like this, I think...well my ex is crazy but not THAT crazy. Unlike these OPs, I might actually get my divorce mess over by the next millenium (I hope!)

 

[Rioe]

you'd have to be pretty spaced the hell out not to know what was going on.

If I recall his situation correctly, he WAS spaced out due to injury and pain medication. He has said that she had power of attorney for him and looked after all the finances. And now, due to the separation, he has finally gone through the finances and discovered that a lot of money is unaccounted for.

You can tell from his posts that he's still affected by the pain and medication.

Just my opinion but what it sounds like to me is the "Because you dumped me, I now want to keep all my money from our long marriage even though we both used it to benefit the marriage" and frankly, that's not gonna go over too well in court. Its akin to bitching about the credit card bill during a divorce because your ex used to buy a lot of shoes and food that you didn't eat.

Unless she's got an account with a whole lot of money sitting in it which can be directly tied to his disability payments...this is probably going to be an expensive paperwork nightmare and a total waste of time and money.

However, I guess it won't be the first or last time someone spent a crapload of money on a pointless crusade rather than just figuring out how to become empowered and independent after divorce.

Agreed again, I'm for any suggestion that gets people to move along and get a life. But given the mentality here...in my opinion, it probably ain't gonna happen.

I like these types of posts though because they help put my situation into perspective and make me realize how fortunate I am in my own divorce situation. Everytime I read a post like this, I think...well my ex is crazy but not THAT crazy. Unlike these OPs, I might actually get my divorce mess over by the next millenium (I hope!)

And again, if I recall his situation correctly, it was one of those long term marriages where his injury payout was put into the marital home instead of being kept separate, with the intention that this short-term decision would be balanced out by his benefiting from her support and pension later in life. Now she seeks to separate from him and keep the entire marital home without paying back any of the injury compensation money or any spousal support or any share of her pension.

He probably is going overboard getting a forensic accountant, but in his place wouldn't we all be worried about a judge believing our ex's story without one?

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

And again, if I recall his situation correctly, it was one of those long term marriages where his injury payout was put into the marital home instead of being kept separate, with the intention that this short-term decision would be balanced out by his benefiting from her support and pension later in life. Now she seeks to separate from him and keep the entire marital home without paying back any of the injury compensation money or any spousal support or any share of her pension.

He probably is going overboard getting a forensic accountant, but in his place wouldn't we all be worried about a judge believing our ex's story without one?

Firstly it was simply my opinion...based on some other information I was privately messaged.

However, she can't keep the proceeds from entire house anyway and spousal support will be ordered if entitlement is proven, whether she likes it or not. You don't need a forensic accountant for either one of those things.

Again, if there's a trail between disability payments to secretly banked monies....the expense and time of a forensic accountant is highly recommended. I'd do it too. However, if a litigant was trying to say...this money came out, was used to purchase marital property or pay bills...and I don't like what it was spent on even though it benefitted either the household or the children, its a lot harder road and probably less worthy of the expediture.

I wish I could go back in my marriage and say that I want all the money back from my paychecks during that time for purchases that I didn't like or didn't agree with but obviously that's unreasonable. Hiring a forensic accountant for those types of things would be highly wasteful. Frankly, a lot of people realize during divorce that they wasted a lot of money on frivolous partners or frivolous marital items during divorce, get super pissed off about it, and spend a lot of time and money trying to recover it rather just realizing that they're better off moving on.

Just depends on what the situation is. And given the duration of time of these alleged unnoticed withdrawals (and I sincerely hope that the OP hasn't been on copious pain drugs since the 80s), it simply makes one curious as to what the actual situation is.

Again, the OP can spend money on hiring whatever accountant he wants...its his money to waste. If I was his ex, however, I wouldn't agree to pay a dime of it until ordered.

 

[Rioe]

I wish I could go back in my marriage and say that I want all the money back from my paychecks during that time for purchases that I didn't like or didn't agree with but obviously that's unreasonable. Hiring a forensic accountant for those types of things would be highly wasteful. Frankly, a lot of people realize during divorce that they wasted a lot of money on frivolous partners or frivolous marital items during divorce, get super pissed off about it, and spend a lot of time and money trying to recover it rather just realizing that they're better off moving on.

This makes me realize one huge inequity of equalization. What if one spouse liked non-material things, went on a lot of solo vacations, lots of expensive spa weekends with friends, with nothing to show for it, etc. The other spouse collected something material, artwork, cigars, baseball cards. Say each spouse spent the same amount of the household entertainment budget on their respective hobbies, so the money asset was divided equally all along. Now at separation, the non-material spouse is entitled to half the value of material spouse's collection, purely because it's tangible, even though both spouses spent the same amount of money along the way. Does that seem right?

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

Rioe:

Along those lines, this is a funny article Hubby sues wife over $1m shoe collection in divorce battle | The Sun |News .

You raise a good point and unfortunately I think its a case of modified Caveat Emptor...ie, beware of who you marry. I think the bottom line is that couples need to understand how marital assets work...especially in the event of a dissolution. You need to agree and have common values on how to spend money inside the marriage and be careful of what/how you acquire assets in the event of divorce. The example you gave is an interesting one. I think it would be naive to assume that people in marriages always spend money equally though anyway.

Divorce will probably never be completely fair but the laws are pretty clearcut with regard to property division. I have no doubt that for some people its really hard to just realize that they made not only an emotional mistake but a huge financial one and move on.

Tayken brought up a point once that engaged couples should attend a class about divorce including custody and financial equalization before they were able to obtain a marriage license....and given the divorce rate (especially due to financial issues), its probably a very good idea.

 

[randomjohndoe]

I think it is unfathomable to request an audit of 20 years old events. Forensic accountant? Who keeps all records for 20 years, any way? Wait, 20 yeas is only 92, we are talking at least 25 years back.

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

I think it is unfathomable to request an audit of 20 years old events. Forensic accountant? Who keeps all records for 20 years, any way? Wait, 20 yeas is only 92, we are talking at least 25 years back.

I totally agree...particularly for non-business funds where you have to consider how the funds were used. The expense of a forensic accountant for this would be extreme and unreasonable.

You can't blame your ex-spouse for your own lack of personal responsibility for the last 30-some years. The judge won't either.

I'd question the ethnics of any lawyer suggesting this to a client and the mentality and motives of any client who'd consider doing it.

 

[arabian]

I do. Through my divorce my ex even requested some documents from me which I happily provided. Didn't help him but certainly put the facts on the table. Maybe this OP just wants to deal in facts rather than fiction. If it's substantial amount of money, and if it is relevant in his case, I wouldn't be surprised to learn he hires someone in the accounting field. He doesn't necessarily need a "forensic" accountant you know.

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

Arabian:

Again...if the funds are substantial and weren't used to purchase marital property or pay bills or fund the kid's...I agree with you. A forensic accountant is in order.

But for 30 years of personal finances? Maybe 5-10 years....but you have to admit that 30 years of personal...not business funds..is highly ridiculous. I don't have any accounts that I haven't checked a statement on for 30 years.

 

[arabian]

yes I agree. Banks are only happy to provide records (for a not-so-cheap fee) going back many, many years.

Is it worth it? I wouldn't think so as just the cost of having the lawyer review it would be large. I think it's pretty anal. Oh well, each to their own nightmare.

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

Arabian:

Unless she's got a swiss bank account full of cash...I would say it isn't worth it to go back that far. And the problem is that lawyers LOVE clients that they can trump up this type of nonsense with.

I just know of a couple cases where the ex-spouse tried to show a siphoning of funds without their knowledge. ie... coworker that got divorced...she had spent about 80k on plastic surgery, then once she had it...she left him for another guy....and her ex tried to suggest she basically robbed him of funds for this. It went no where and the fight cost a lot of money for both of them. If she had 80k sitting in a bank account that she withdrew after he left, he may have gotten somewhere.

As you said, it is a nightmare. I'd hate to see the cost of this particular divorce at the end.

 

[arabian]

Pursuinghappiness: Agree - some people just don't get it. Their intent to prove the other party wrong blinds them from reality. My divorce took 9 months to complete but my ex & his g/f still take me to court a few times a year and lose. Incredible waste of money. Maybe some people try to keep the fight alive as a way of staying in touch/control with each other? People like these should be banned from court rooms unless they pay huge retainers to court before each action they file. That would certainly put my ex in check LOL

 

[ddol1]

This post generated the type of responses I had hoped for just in that there is a long story (yes pieced together somewhat over the last year as I learned and began to understand what was happening (ed) and as a few lawyers (Tayken saved me from going crazy back then and his guidance has proved to be invaluable, with special thanks to Mess) who all pointed out specific rules and how to possibly find the similar CANLII cases. But right from the first response which was it would be great if we could sit down, be honest, put the actual records, deposits and yes just admit that yes we got this payment and set it aside - in my case this was for retirement which turns out to be the seperate type of investment the law and the various types of exclusions in the FLA - Sect 4 and 5 mandate (and must be proven which generated my question #2)

I am sorry I wasn't here yesterday..... this would have been easier. To help - but sorry it is a bit long - something I wanted to avoid - answers most issues brought up and hopefully brings light to what I had hoped to learn as I move forward, to get through this divorce before I die:

To all who posted:
So to the old days (and the confusion or extrapolating current to the old days), she never took a dime, she worked with me and I her and she was given the authority to sign, transfer, buy and sell on all my accounts - had to in the beginning as medically I was unable to keep up - as the years went by it worked well and never questioned it again, no need to, there was 110% trust, even in the last years that is until 2010 when for the first tiime in 4 years I was actually able to even make sense let alone do something.

My Ex took all the money, paid the bills, the house, made our savings, rrsps, RESPs for the college funds. We were not rich, we did not blow money on cars or vacations. Even then at the end I still had 100% trust but I began to ask the right questions.... I for the first time since 2006 was medically able to review our accounts (beyond what she told me) and find the answer to "where did it all go???" She wouldn't print the stuff out, spent the next three months changing the stories and inbetween this and my needing to retreat back to take care of me and the pain that would bring me to my knees.... I finally asked her to either print out all the accounts or I will call our bank manager and he will help....... She just coldly asked for a divorce last March. Huge shock after all we went through but I accepted she had enough and she needed out. Even the first look I only saw that accounts were more or less empy.

We were a really good couple and went through tremendous hardships that most would not have survived and right up to 2006 we were on the same page, we had the same net worth, she would on occasion print out the accounts and I would review and make any changes - back then I was lucky to learn from mutimillionaire investors and brokers, to hear the behind the scene info and world markets and I discussed every move we made with my ex and she executed all the trades and kept on eye on the markets while I continued to make money for the family. A solid relationship (was always my goal to min taxes and then again when we retired we would be able to spread the income and again minimize the taxes.... I have no problem with the old days - heck she was the one who WAS the saver - I was the money earner and we were well matched, raised three good kids and today we are here - one thing with my ex's saving money, she typically saved every piece of paper you can think of and it was moved across the country a few times to boot!

To Rioe: Thanks - you actually do remember the essence of what I am facing today even if some of the details are off. You do understand the issues. Everything has her signature, her pin number online access and The bank's head office is willing to declare the transactions to show who in fact moved the money, lost the money, and transfered out of our accounts what will be most of what is now missing - and they are doing it at no charge - they assured me this was the right thing to do and given the circumstance - they could never see charging a person like myself who is just trying to survive on $910 a month......

As far as some. ok lots! Posts went slightly off the topic but that is ok as it is the settement that needs to be overcome but I shall just say the going back to the 80's was a shocker to me until the lawyer pointed out that my accident was in the 80's, the funds were invested and then transfered to my RRSP the very first we were able - until then the funds were kept on the side as "my only retirement fund". This concept is hard to grasp for most but imagine anyone of us who at age 27 is informed that because of an accident, surgery after surgery and then told were not eligable for CPP while on WCB (the accident even happened before we actually got married) and now because you will have no employment income there was no RRSP's either.

OUr only option was to create ddol1's on the side retirement account fund and the only money that ended up in this account was actually the injury settlement money, no family income ever - WCB every two week "paycheck" went where? You guessed it - to pay the bills and feed the family like any good husband or wife should do.... that is to sign it over to the better half so we eat and have a roof over our heads!! But now you have your final shocker out of all this, because of your accident 25 years ago the age 65 CPP retirement that we all get, well you wont. Not all of it anyways as the government tells you you will only be eligable for 45% of it because of all your up and down years. So I am left with the need to retain what savings I do/did have.

The last piece is how; how did it all, how did this all happen when I got real sick, sicker than I ever been and the time when I depended on her to just hold down the fort and keep our family going..... It started in 2006 when my Ex got me into the doctor's - I had my first real solid mental breakdown and a few months later, as I learned last week is 20K in GIC and Canada Savings Bonds cashed to nowhere then the two months in march 2007 which the 40K, or so I thought, LAst month I learned it was 58K all gambled away on the highest risk penny stocks - 8 months later it was all, 95% gone - no recourse - no shares in belly up closed down companies...... from there it was take more and more, to feed and hide the lies and she did a good job of it too - sick as I was, trusting as I was - she managed it.

 

[ddol1]

For those who care to see to the end (gosh I typed 10,000 words.......sorry - didn't know how to make it shorter....

What my Ex began and just went on and on - (there is actually so much more!) This was not meeting any fudicial responasability she had to her family, to us, and to me. Here we sit today....... her claim, while I was sick I did it all myself, then it was I forced her, then I have no knowledge. To end this; this is why my Bank Manager looked deeper, he personally went into the system and pulled and printed every missing statement that I couldn't find - not for the last seven years but he did it on his own time, a little every day and he went back all the way to the begining, some up to 17 years and he did it for no charge, no fees - he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do - he just couldn't believe what she did, where she transfered funds and so much she lost gambling in stocks that without me, had no business to risk all our and all my savings - everything. She never asked for help, she never - this is not unfair, who blew things on vacations or toys - we had none!!! Three years and I am told I am not required too wonder why or what if, it is and she needs to accept some responsability, then we can talk. I would like to talk but it will not happen, listened to the pros, the duty council, more - get a lawyer....it is your only chance.

To Arabian: (smart girl! how much does 20K of family law excludable excluded disability, thankfully it was saved in my rrsp though, worth after 2 or 3 decades? - this is my retirement and thank god cuz like Rioe said we had a financial plan and while we were dumping money in her RRSP and yes, the houses that I was depending on her work pension for the last 20 years. There actually is a section in the SS guidelines 7.2 that bring up so many components when looking at long term marriages)

Arabian - I read your first comments and then your responses to PH, who really doesn't get an ex who really could.... (that is ok PH because I have heard that so many times, first with my lawyer's first sentence, "she has lived off your disability and now that there is nothing left she wants out now before her cards come all falling down", first I thought HARSH?? "then he said, please understand this is your wife of 20 plus years but now is your Ex and this is not the first time I have seen this". But then the Bank Manager, our mediator, and every other person/professional that has looked into my disaster and the common assessment is - "IN my whole career, 20 - 30 years I have never ever come across an Ex like yours, I truely feel sorry for you and what you are facing today."

To Arabian again - thought OMG if only my ex would even concider sitting at the table..... in the end I probably would drop half just be done but this is what this post was about. What does one do when their ex asks for divorce and finds out there is actually divorce laws, and a Family Law Act??? Week one, she just went ballistic that I would actually google "how do you get divorced in Ontario?" Well the last nail was given the fact I do have the medical issues, I really did give it my all and then more but My Ex's response was NO. No? - HElp me understand no? What came next blew my mind.... time to actually visit a lawyer. That was the last straw in her mind - I actually had to ruin things by going to a lawyer!! So again, why this post - "How do you negotiate or deal with NO? (My Ex thought, no looking at the books, the bank accounts, we are never to look at again and Spousal Support - no, no, no - I won't have the money to give you support??? So I will admit today that three months down the road, somebody must have told her that if your ex is on cpp disability and making what?? You are going to have to pay something! She told the mediator that she was offering $200 tops, if you or him thinks that I am going to pay what that government program says, YOU ARE CRAZY!! More than $1200 - Never!!!! The medeator was actually emabarrassed - he said again, never had he seen and he never thought this was going to happen - he would of ended medeation before that - he said I will not be charging you for any of the time I waisted of yours.... after I apologized to him for having to witness; This.

To PH: Not sure if I am an idiot to think going back, read Mittler v Mittler that goes back to WWII! But the concept of this is not an insane husband but sadly an Ex who took it upon herself .lost and didn't say a word except keep on taking the funds - I wonder today what might have happened in 2009 if she would have owned up to what was the truth - to me at least, I really do believe in the better or worse and forever - given the last 20+ years - hmm, she would have been forgiven - we would have found another way........ but I am told I can't say sorry to anyone for surcuming to a "lifelong" battle that I still put up the best fight I can - just these days there is not much fight left..... one day you may get it - like what yourself and hadenough helped me to get something long ago...

So for the rest it does come down to how many records were kept versus into the shredder - turns out my Ex won those discussions of do we really need to keep records of our first bank account, Canada Savings Bond, GiC or even our taxes that we actually do have all our taxes right back to when we were 16 years old - many were missing in the inbetween years untill the branch manager who was the one who opened my eyes and pointed out those links that saw so much money being transfered back and forth. But why did she not hit my official RRSP? Because it is the bank's policy to call and discuss this with the actual owner - and my Ex new it. Then she tried to short the bank by creating a bank overdraft one day after I was assured it could not.... When I flipped it generated Apologies from I do not know how many major bank managers from so many departments - they knew better and they put a full red flag blanket on both her accounts and mine too, for my protection untill our divorce is finalized.

To Rioe - like the shoe story - reminds me of my tool collection today, came into the marriage with a lot and over the years as things came up added tools to get it doone - built and repaired so many cars, built or renovated seveal homes that we raised and grew and supported our family, even built nearly every piece of furnature in our home from day one (my talent in working with wood as a passion) but I actually figured I roughly added almost $300,000 in our common net worth today that we will be dividing as per family law 50/50 - and she now wants to "sue me" for doing something with my life between all the surgeries (was often my get better method) because all she has to show for herself is sitting on the couch watching tv and the many cross stitch pictures - nice ones too - just not the same in anyway it is looked at. So she is after my tools now - sigh!!!

Thanks to all.

 

[murphyslaw]

Soooo to put it bluntly...she cleaned out all the money then she decided she wanted a divorce?She sounds like she has severe issues with controlling you even now.Im guessing that woodwork is something that you deeply enjoy and helps you deal with stress?That's why she is going after the tools.They are a source of comfort for you.Its never just about money .You are trying to fight back and its really annoying her that you are doing that.So in her world it makes perfect sense to go after whatever makes you happy.Keep strong.Don't give in to her -she will keep on coming for more.Keep digging too,you are right to do it.You may never get a penny back but you will know the full truth of what went on in your dark years.Good luck !

 

[Pursuinghappiness]

Soooo to put it bluntly...she cleaned out all the money then she decided she wanted a divorce?

That's what the OP wants you to believe anyway...

she was given the authority to sign, transfer, buy and sell on all my accounts -

She has legitimate legal access to the money. Problem number one.

My Ex took all the money, paid the bills, the house, made our savings, rrsps, RESPs for the college funds. We were not rich, we did not blow money on cars or vacations

Usage of the funds were for legitimate household and child expenses. Problem number two.

she did, where she transfered funds and so much she lost gambling in stocks that without me, had no business to risk all our and all my savings - everything.

So what? I don't know many people that were invested in the market in the last 10 years that haven't lost significant money. She's allowed to invest money she has legal access to however she decides unless you have a dual signatory requirement for the transfers. Problem number three.


What you're trying to say that is because you were drug dependent and of it, your wife took your money and used it imprudently. And while that may be true, join the club. There are a number of people on this forum that could wax on for days about the imprudent use of marital funds. If you gave her legal access to them...a forensic accountant can't help you.

What I see is someone who is very very scared because they have have a habit of not supporting themselves for some time and was relying on their spouse to take care of them while they're out of commission on copious amounts of pain medication. She's under no obligation to do so and I can hardly blame her. I don't think I'd want that kind of life either. She has every right to a divorce and a different life if that's what she wants. I know its not in your best interest and you don't feel its fair. But maybe after years of it...she had had enough.

You may be able to get some little relief here but its unlikely given the nature of you giving her legal right to the money (unless she violated dual signing procedure taking the money)...and the nature of the usage of the money. Basically it sounds like its gone...and that the rest of it is going to be wasted on a lengthy, convoluted divorce. You're not the only person dealing with that here either...its fairly common.

Good luck hiring the forensic accountant...I think you're going to be wasting time and money...but you wouldn't be the first or last person to do that during a divorce.

Personally, I'd find a way to become more self-supporting...but that's me.