Financial Issues

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shouldhaveknownbetter

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Commom law for 4 years - partner earns 50k and I earn 190k
We met while she was in school and she has been working for the past two years. We have a 3 year old child. I paid all the expenses including childcare. Involved in caring for my child. We do not have any joint assets or debt

Partner wants sole custody and I will not accept that.
Partner will not accept joint custody and 50/50 shared parenting
Partner has suggested I take the child in return for an upfront payment and waiver of all financial obligations, child support and section 7.

Spouce has stated that if we cannot agree, she will seek sole custody and move to another city 500k away plus seek spousal, child support and section 7 expenses. I have retained a lawyer whose opinion is that we could stop the move to the other city but my spouse insists she can do as she pleases.

My question is do you think I could get joint custody and 50/50 parenting if I had to go to trial in Toronto? I have no issues paying child support and/or spousal for 2 to 4 years.

In terms of spousal, is 2 years likely? and what level would it be set at? ie. low, mid or high?
 
I think that you are being reasonable. SHe is upset and trying to rattle you at the moment.

How are you planning to pay child support if you get 50/50? She would not get sole custody at this time. Make sure you document all your offers/interactions so that you can show co-operation.

Spousal support would probably be on the high side, given your income. I think you should be paying all section 7 expenses due to income discrepency. That is just my opinion, however.
 
he earns almost 4 times as much. That is 100%. Plus, if he offers this, she may be more agreeable and less likely to argue. He may well be ordered to do this, anyway, so why not attempt to use it in negotiations to his advantage?
 
[FONT=&quot]Yeah, your ex is all over the place here! Her pendulum is swinging crazily between wanting sole custody and basically offering sole custody to you as long as she doesn't have to pay child support! Lots of emotional upheaval going on there, as I'm sure you can imagine.

My guess, though obviously knowing extremely little of your situation, is that she desperately wants to cut all ties to you personally and never have anything to do with you again. She doesn't want the ongoing interaction that shared custody would involve. So she wants either her or you to get the kid and go on your merry separate ways. However, probably due to the income disparity, she thinks that if she gets the kid, you should pay, but that if you get the kid, she shouldn't pay. If you can still talk to her, see if you can ferret out why she's considering such extreme and unrealistic proposals. Once you know the why, you can begin to work around it.

What I recommend you do is try to mediate an agreement with her. Point out that by default, you have joint custody now, and she can't just run away with the child. Let her know you've done some research, and tell her how shared custody and offset child support works. Phrase it as saving her some lawyer money. Tell her it's possible to arrange switches between parents so that there is minimal interaction (ie, one parent drops off at daycare, the other parent picks up). Tell her equal interaction with both parents is best for the child, and that you hope to meet in the middle of the two extremes she has suggested. Suggest that you guys negotiate by email or MSN or something, if she doesn't want to talk to you face to face, so the discussions can be less emotional. This has the extra benefit of recording her threats to run away with the child, and anything else damaging she might threaten.

I would do your best to get 50-50, as it is best for the child in the long run, and it sounds like you have been an involved dad. Then, child support will be determined for you by tables and the offset method, adjustable annually by income, in a (relatively) fair way that isn't really open to negotiation. Neither you nor she can waive the obligation of child support, as it is the right of the child. Section 7 expenses are also usually proportional to income, adjusted annually. This method is recommended as you never know what will happen to your incomes in the future. They may not always be so disparate.

The best way to get 50-50 permanently is to do your best to get it now, during the initial upheaval. Look after your child as much as possible, go to appointments and events, drop everything anytime your ex asks you to take the child, etc. Stay in the matrimonial home being the dad; let your ex be the one to move out if she doesn't want to be around you. No matter how hard it is, be the stable parent for your child while your ex continues to be the one all over the place.

As for spousal support, you supported her through school and her obtaining of a job. No, her income isn't as amazing as yours, but someone can live on it, and you'd be paying her lots of child support once you get the 50-50, for much longer than any spousal support obligation would last. Maybe open negotiations with the view that no spousal support is warranted, and be willing to be talked down to two years. In the long run, two years isn't very long at all, and probably cheaper than a legal battle would be. Plus, she'll feel like she's 'won' something and maybe ease up on something else, like shared custody, which is worth way more than mere money.

Read Tug of War by Brownstone and Surviving your Divorce by Cochrane. Great background, and grounding, for anyone going through separation, especially with children involved. It's good that you have a lawyer, who ought to have explained all of the above to you in the initial interview, but you can save a lot of money by doing research here and elsewhere. Lawyers love to drag out the process by encouraging you to be adversarial and go to court, but don't fall for that if you can work out an agreement (or most of one) with your ex yourself. The truly evil thing about family lawyers is that one of the very first things they find out about you (because you have to do financial disclosure form 13) is how much money they can wring out of you!

Good luck.
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Good for you for caring and facing you obligations as a parent.
Unless there is history of abuse or involvement of the CAS, the Courts now look at parents sharing, making it joint custody 50/50.
She better have very good reason for movng so far away. If she is doing it out of spite, I wish her good luck. I would get your lawyer to get things rolling as soon as possible before she actually moves as are you 100% she is bluffing and not going to do it?
It's easier to deal with it before than after the move as one knows, people come up with all sorts of excuses for moving, from financial difficulties, to where family support is etc.... all comes down to the Judges decision.
I don't understand how any Judge will look at this situation and make any sense of her wanting to give you sole custody over her not paying child support. A parent has a legal obligation to pay the other parent child support to the one who has full cusotdy; I am not sure if a Judge would even write such an Order to be honest with you as people's situation including income changes from week to week, month to month. Working one day and laid off the next.
I haven't hear the word "visitation or access" on her part if you get full/sole custody, I am correct? if so, something doesn't seem right in wanting full custody to no custody if you waive your right to child support and expenses?
 
If you are still living in the same house, make sure you don't leave. Buy a digital voice recorder and record 100% of the time when you are in the house and/or outside the house in her presense.

You want 50/50, that is best for the child. Document/journal all your involvement you have with your child. If you made breakfast, packed her lunch and brushed her teeth, document it. You read a story and put her to bed, document it. You must show your involvement as a parent.

As for what she wants, she is in for a rude awakening. She is probably being fed a bunch of entitlement BS by her hen friends. She cannot remove the child from the child's familiar surroundings and away from the other parent without the other parents consent or a court order. Should she move, you file an emergency order to have the child returned to the matrimonial home, for custody and supervised parenting time for your ex.

She has no idea about the law. But make sure you don't fall into the "she/you sign away all rights for money or being absolved of c/s etc." Those aren't legal. A parent cannot waive the child's right to support from both parents.
 
Trying to work things out

Trying to work things out

Thanks for the support. I initially proposed shared parenting and my lawyer suggested it as well. It is she who is opposed and proposed me having sole custody. In turn, I offered her as much access as she wants but she says she just wants to move on with life and does not want to share our daughter with me. I am aware of what my legal obligations are and her income will rise significantly in the next few years to the six figure level so if we did a 50/50 share, I would want section 7 expenses to be proportional and child support to be set using the offset method, reviewed annually using line 150 of our income tax returns. My lawyer has said if she goes with me having sole custody route, there are ways around the child support and s. 7 expenses so that she would not have to pay.
 
shouldhaveknownbetter said:
My lawyer has said if she goes with me having sole custody route, there are ways around the child support and s. 7 expenses so that she would not have to pay.
Click to expand...

Your lawyer is wrong.

Child support is the right of the child. Parents cannot waive the child's right to be supported by both parents.

You can waive receiving c/s all you want. However, any waiver would not hold up in court.

If I were you, I would get in writing (email, text etc) her willingness to give you sole custody. This information would be very beneficial to you should you end up in court in a custody battle. It would make her look like she is only after custody for the child support and was willing to give up custody so long as she was absolved of any financial obligation.

Stay focused and continue to the best parent you can be. Your child deserves as much.
 
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