Financial disclosure and Child support

100% with everything Rockscan said.

The house.....its either you buy him out and get yourself approved for a mortgage without his name on it, or you move. Based on what I read, you will need to move. Who cares if he will be able to buy a house soon after? With his salary, that is to be expected.

Children....it will be joint custody and 50/50 parenting. Do not try to claw back his time to increase your supports. That will bite you hard in court. The kids are allowed equal time with both parents.

Supports..... quit stalling. It is obvious you are stalling to delay the inevitable. You do need to fill out a Financial Statement and account for your business. You may get imputed.

Not sure if others have said this, but it is strongly recommended to seek therapy or counselling to adjust to your new reality. You have a new boyfriend, but seem all up in arms on how negative your life is (or will be) by virtue of your ex-husband no longer having financial ties to you. You mentioned you sought advice from friends.....they are not lawyers, nor necessarily people who have been through the family court trenches, and will simply be biased to your views and nod their heads with everything and anything you say.
 
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rockscan said:
No because you were following an agreement.

Look, you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by trying to avoid the inevitable. Your ex isnt your personal bank account who has to give you what you want. Plus child support is for the kids not to subsidize your income. You really need to take a hard look at your life and also the law. You really should go looking through some cases on canlii.org. See where the decisions fell in cases similar to yours. Hand him over you financial disclosure, do your math on what he paid vs what he owed, figure what the amount of spousal and timeline you were entitled to, figure out your share of the home and then make a deal. The longer you drag this out the more you lose.


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There is no agreement though unless you are saying there is an "implied" agreement that I accepted he paid the bills and the unilateral amount he decided was sufficient amounts of child support.

I did do a search on canlii but I can't find similar situations. It just seems like if he wants to kick me out from my home and make me sell then he can do it very easily. I can't afford a three bedroom condo or house in Toronto. I would need to move over an hour or 1.5 away from my children's private school.

Why would I lose if I drag this out? He's being forced to pay rent and no bank will let him get a mortgage since he already has one to pay for the house I am living in. Isn't this my best case scenario right now?
 
LovingDad1234 said:
100% with everything Rockscan said.

The house.....its either you buy him out and get yourself approved for a mortgage without his name on it, or you move. Based on what I read, you will need to move. Who cares if he will be able to buy a house soon after? With his salary, that is to be expected.

Children....it will be joint custody and 50/50 parenting. Do not try to claw back his time to increase your supports. That will bite you hard in court. The kids are allowed equal time with both parents.

Supports..... quit stalling. It is obvious you are stalling to delay the inevitable. You do need to fill out a Financial Statement and account for your business. You may get imputed.

Not sure if others have said this, but it is strongly recommended to seek therapy or counselling to adjust to your new reality. You have a new boyfriend, but seem all up in arms on how negative your life is (or will be) by virtue of your ex-husband no longer having financial ties to you. You mentioned you sought advice from friends.....they are not lawyers, nor necessarily people who have been through the family court trenches, and will simply be biased to your views and nod their heads with everything and anything you say.
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The house I live in is worth around 2.5 million dollars. I can't get a mortgage high enough to buy him out and I don't think he can buy me out either. Since our expenses were very high during the marriage due to a disability one of my children have I would only receive around 300k after the mortgage and debts of the marriage have been paid off.

My new boyfriend is great and we have been together for over 3 years now. I met him a few months after my husband left me but he does not earn nearly enough for me and my kids to have the same standard of living my ex provided. My boyfriend was (and still is) also behind on child support payments for his kids so I also need to consider that as well.

I don't think I am being selfish by wanting to maintain the best standard of living for myself and my kids. I just don't think it's fair my ex husband will be able to wash his hands of me and not care that I can't afford to take them on vacation or buy them nice things.
 
There is no agreement though unless you are saying there is an "implied" agreement that I accepted he paid the bills and the unilateral amount he decided was sufficient amounts of child support.
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You are assuming he made unilateral decisions. You refused to sell so he had to make decision. He could have spoken to a lawyer who told him what to pay. He may have been paying more than he was supposed to. Or he could have been paying all the spousal he was required in these four years. Have you done those math calculations yet? Better get to it.

I did do a search on canlii but I can't find similar situations.
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It takes hours and days to dive through canlii. Your efforts werent enough.

It just seems like if he wants to kick me out from my home and make me sell then he can do it very easily. I can't afford a three bedroom condo or house in Toronto. I would need to move over an hour or 1.5 away from my children's private school.
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He wants to sell property he is invested in. Stop making this about poor you. You are in business, you understand you had a contract with him and it ended. He wants to complete the contract and sell all the outstanding assets.
Your ex is also not responsible for your finances anymore. If you were worried about this you should have been saving for this inevitability years ago. Instead you thought of yourself and your needs.
If you have to rent then you have to rent. There are thousands of other parents who survive with much less than you because they put their kids above their own needs.

Why would I lose if I drag this out? He's being forced to pay rent and no bank will let him get a mortgage since he already has one to pay for the house I am living in. Isn't this my best case scenario right now?
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Because you lose legal fees and possibly his costs as well when you end up losing (with this attitude it is inevitable). If you don’t have approximately $100,000 liquid assets right now then you need to smarten up and settle.

The house I live in is worth around 2.5 million dollars. I can't get a mortgage high enough to buy him out and I don't think he can buy me out either. Since our expenses were very high during the marriage due to a disability one of my children have I would only receive around 300k after the mortgage and debts of the marriage have been paid off.
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A judge won’t care about any of this. The fact is he wants to sell, you don’t. He has a right to complete the final aspects of your relationship. You refuse to accept it. You can’t afford the house, it must be sold. Period.

he does not earn nearly enough for me and my kids to have the same standard of living my ex provided. My boyfriend was (and still is) also behind on child support payments for his kids so I also need to consider that as well.
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So you have found someone new to pay your way. Should have asked for a tax return on your first date! If you want a man to pay your way through life then you did this wrong. Not only that but you are also preventing him from supporting his kids. You really are a selfish low life.

I don't think I am being selfish by wanting to maintain the best standard of living for myself and my kids. I just don't think it's fair my ex husband will be able to wash his hands of me and not care that I can't afford to take them on vacation or buy them nice things.
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You are selfish. You are incredibly self centered and self absorbed. This isn’t about your kids at all. This is about you and what you want.

Berner is right, you are a hot mess.


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OP - you really need to stick to your lawyer's advice. Ignorant comments masked in arrogance won't help you. You may be able to stay longer in the matrimonial house but we wouldn't know. You haven't done anything wrong yet, but you need to analyze your opinions.

Is it better to have the house a few more years or all the support money in hand? What is your goal here?

The longer you wait, the more money you'll lose. Spousal can run out before you get the cash, home prices will keep going up, and lawyers and court fees will cost more.

You're looking at $300-$400k in equalization and 10k+ a month in support. Change may be scary, but you'll be able to buy a house and move on no problem. Make a reasonable offer then go to court.
 
rockscan said:
You are assuming he made unilateral decisions. You refused to sell so he had to make decision. He could have spoken to a lawyer who told him what to pay. He may have been paying more than he was supposed to. Or he could have been paying all the spousal he was required in these four years. Have you done those math calculations yet? Better get to it.

I did the math calculations. Assuming I did it correctly he would be making the minimal spousal/child support payments he owes m. I am assuming those amounts are correct because he would need to pay me 7.5k in child support and due to section 7 expenses if I had contributed, the net amount would be about the same.

It takes hours and days to dive through canlii. Your efforts werent enough.

I read a few cases but only bits and pieces of each case apply to my situation


He wants to sell property he is invested in. Stop making this about poor you. You are in business, you understand you had a contract with him and it ended. He wants to complete the contract and sell all the outstanding assets.
Your ex is also not responsible for your finances anymore. If you were worried about this you should have been saving for this inevitability years ago. Instead you thought of yourself and your needs.
If you have to rent then you have to rent. There are thousands of other parents who survive with much less than you because they put their kids above their own needs.


Because you lose legal fees and possibly his costs as well when you end up losing (with this attitude it is inevitable). If you don�t have approximately $100,000 liquid assets right now then you need to smarten up and settle.


From what I understand I can claim legal costs as a deduction if he and I get into it over child support. I was with him for about a decade so I think I would be entitled to at least mid level spousal support.

A judge won�t care about any of this. The fact is he wants to sell, you don�t. He has a right to complete the final aspects of your relationship. You refuse to accept it. You can�t afford the house, it must be sold. Period.


So you have found someone new to pay your way. Should have asked for a tax return on your first date! If you want a man to pay your way through life then you did this wrong. Not only that but you are also preventing him from supporting his kids. You really are a selfish low life.

My boyfriend didn't pay any child support at all because he couldn't afford to. After we met and started our own business he is making some payments. I was hoping the money I receive from my ex will be able to help reduce my debt and my boyfriend's debt so we can start a good financial journey together. The job he has as my employee is the highest paying job he's ever received

You are selfish. You are incredibly self centered and self absorbed. This isn�t about your kids at all. This is about you and what you want.

Berner is right, you are a hot mess.


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I gave up everything to be with my ex husband when he proposed. I moved away from my family and had to start fresh without any support. When he picked up and left me without any warning and took the children I thought I would never see them again. I probably should have went to counselling but my ex would use that against me in court as a reason why I should not be allowed joint custody of the kids with him. I am trying my best to pick myself up and I think I am doing okay since I have my own business now but it's never going to be a 500+k a year business. I have no shame in wanting the best for my children.
 
Money from your ex to reduce your new boyfriend’s debt.

The hits just keep coming.

Get this through your head—> your ex is not responsible for your lifestyle, your boyfriend’s lifestyle or a standard of living YOU believe you should have.


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rockscan said:
Money from your ex to reduce your new boyfriend’s debt.

The hits just keep coming.

Get this through your head—> your ex is not responsible for your lifestyle, your boyfriend’s lifestyle or a standard of living YOU believe you should have.


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Try as you might... you’re not getting through. Don’t waste anymore energy on this thread... she’ll be back a few months from now crying the poor me...


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StillPaying said:
Except that this is the exact needs based reason on why she'll qualify for spousal.
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She may be entitled to SS but that doesn’t mean she gets to keep a house or quit a well paying job. No one cares if you can’t afford to buy. No one cares if your new bf can’t afford his own life. That’s not how SS works


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Berner_Faith said:
She may be entitled to SS but that doesn’t mean she gets to keep a house or quit a well paying job. No one cares if you can’t afford to buy. No one cares if your new bf can’t afford his own life. That’s not how SS works


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Not to mention the people who stumble on this thread in the future and see this and say “see, she said the same thing I am”. Anyone looking for info in the future needs to see that others said this won’t fly in court.


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StillPaying said:
Is it better to have the house a few more years or all the support money in hand? What is your goal here? .
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She has already said that she would not get approved for a mortgage on her own. Her ex wants his name off of the title of the house so that he can move on with his life, get a new mortgage for a new house, etc. No judge would ever force an ex-husband to stay on title of the house his ex is living in, if he wants to sever ties with his ex. Its either she finds a way to get approved for the mortgage on her own, or she moves. Period.
 
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith

She may be entitled to SS but that doesn�t mean she gets to keep a house or quit a well paying job. No one cares if you can�t afford to buy. No one cares if your new bf can�t afford his own life. That�s not how SS works

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Not to mention the people who stumble on this thread in the future and see this and say �see, she said the same thing I am�. Anyone looking for info in the future needs to see that others said this won�t fly in court.
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Don't get side tracked in what's irrelevant. Income will be imputed, the house will get sold at some point, and equalizing/support will be paid. OP has done nothing wrong yet.

No judge would ever force an ex-husband to stay on title of the house his ex is living in, if he wants to sever ties with his ex. Its either she finds a way to get approved for the mortgage on her own, or she moves. Period.
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The matrimonial home is different in that regardless of title/lease/rent, either spouse can remain in the house until court ordered. There are many reasons exclusive possession is provided. It's still ex's asset, OP will still get valuation date value, but without all the details a lawyer is needed to know if/how long OP can stay.

Is the goal to fight to continue to receive spousal via expenses paid, or get the money directly.
 
StillPaying said:
Don't get side tracked in what's irrelevant. Income will be imputed, the house will get sold at some point, and equalizing/support will be paid. OP has done nothing wrong yet.



The matrimonial home is different in that regardless of title/lease/rent, either spouse can remain in the house until court ordered. There are many reasons exclusive possession is provided. It's still ex's asset, OP will still get valuation date value, but without all the details a lawyer is needed to know if/how long OP can stay.

Is the goal to fight to continue to receive spousal via expenses paid, or get the money directly.
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The ex will have proof of the four years of letters seeking the sale of the house.


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rockscan said:
The ex will have proof of the four years of letters seeking the sale of the house.
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Indeed. But meaning what exactly. Is he avoiding court, hiding income, waiting for limitation periods, avoiding arrears, avoiding paying more, etc? Based on what was said it sounds like he's getting a discount right now.
 
StillPaying said:
Indeed. But meaning what exactly. Is he avoiding court, hiding income, waiting for limitation periods, avoiding arrears, avoiding paying more, etc? Based on what was said it sounds like he's getting a discount right now.
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I doubt he is getting a discount. She is probably guestimating on his income. Plus on a short marriage and her working full time I doubt spousal is as high or as long. More than likely he was told he would be obligated to pay five years spousal and it is coming up to the deadline and he knows how long court takes.

On a 2.5 million house in Toronto with kids in private school and excess expenses he was probably either paying the right amount or more.


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rockscan said:
I doubt ......She is probably ........ I doubt........More than likely ....... probably ...........
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This thread was written for dramatics. Ignore the fluff and stick to what's relevant.

It's a medium marriage and he's paying support on the low end based on needs.
 
I don’t think it is realistic for the OP to expect to have the same luxury lifestyle as pre-divorce. Honestly she is sounding rather entitled. Many people including myself are existing on much much less and in not very ideal circumstances. I myself am going in debt monthly just to buy my meds and pay my debt, and I even had to give up my apartment and move in with a friend as my medical conditions at this time as well as the pandemic don’t make it reasonable for me to try and work again just yet.

OP, even if you cannot afford a home in such an expensive neighbourhood, it sounds like you could easily rent. My suggestion is to allow the house sale, settle up equalization and support, and move on with your life for both your sake and your children’s.
 
avoid the mess

avoid the mess

The OP is going to put everyone through a rough ride with their self-entitled beliefs.
What a curse!

Like most cases their best goal would be to avoid a fight that drains time, emotions and finances.

The ex makes a lot and could be very generous in helping resolve this issue.

-Ask them to make several offers/options in good faith and keep good faith by being fair and reasonable on its reception. Let each other know you don't want an ugly legal fight, no one "wins" in that scenario. The first offer is important and could set the tone.

-Give them a general idea of what you want in the offers, even say that you hope to keep the house if you like and explain the financial hurdle. Be ready to accept that you have to move, but you might get lucky.

-Asking for custody and access beyond 50/50 is asking for trouble but you can ask them what they would like to do differently.

-Get an arbitration on children's issues clause in there...it will save you both.

-Ask that they pay for a lawyer to review the offer on your behalf, you are not entitled to this. Chose wisely, avoid a litigious one. You can always change later if you chose to spend gobs of money on a fight; their war chest is bigger than yours and really trials are for the treacherous.

-Do you own research too. Don't fall for the devil whispering in your ear "but you can get more", most lawyers LOVE to fight almost as much as they love your money. They are excellent manipulators. Try 2 if you like.

-Mediate/directly negotiate after the consultation to get all the little things settled up and have lawyers finalize it. Collaborative law? Again avoid lawyers for this easy stuff. Do you really care who gets the kids on Easter or that they want them signed up for hockey every year?

-Wrap it up and move on for the sake of yourself, the ex and your kids. If not expect this to go on for about 4 years and beyond.

The costs of assessing the business could be huge. Hope ex has a good heart and the OP should find one themselves one, right now they sound poisoned.

remember "to settle" means to compromise if you both feel like you didn't get the best deal that is normal.
 
I'm just amazed at the level of honesty that OP shows in expressing her true goals and beliefs. My experience has been that people incl. my ex try to act all virtuous and righteous but their actions do not reflect that. Here we have the OP who is openly admitting all these self-centric, self-entitled things and says I have no shame in wanting these things... wow!
 
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