Yowza, your case is ugly and you need to do some serious thinking here on what is the most important to you. Spoiler alert: it isn't a house.
He left and took the kids with him and I didn't want him to take them again so I changed the locks.
You should have gotten a lawyer at that point and started the process for written custody. If you had done so, you would not be in the position you are in now. But since hindsight is 20/20, you have to deal with the situation now. He will argue you changed the locks, you will argue he took the kids, a judge will reprimand both of you for being silly and this will just go round in circles costing more and more money. Admit you both were wrong and put your thinking cap on.
How much rent would I need to pay? Does this happen all the time?
Look up occupation rent or matrimonial home in this forum and see what comes up. For the most part you will have to calculate half the expenses for the past four years and determine what that monthly cost is. Then subtract that from what he paid you in child support. That should tell you what you owed him (or what was covered) for those years. If he made 500k a year then his share of child support is much higher and could have covered your costs which you will use in your argument. Again, the back and forth arguing costs money.
My ex knows this is my business already. I told him in writing and then I tried to backtrack by putting it in someone else's name but I don't think that looks good.
Then you have to provide him with full business info. It's your business, you share that info. You lost your right to protect your new partner when you a) opened a business with him and b) put him on the name of it. Your ex is within his rights to seek details on the business since it is your business.
We have 50/50. I used to make 150k+ but I am making only around 50k now since my business is still new but my new partner makes full salary + expenses. I didn't need the money since most of the expenses were paid by the ex.
And this is where it gets ugly. You quit a job paying you about three times more than your current income for no other reason than you had someone paying the bills. Technically you had off-set so you should have been paying each other. If he has a good lawyer he will a) demand an income be imputed to you and at $150k a year he will likely get it and b) demand repayment for the overpayment of child support and section 7 expenses. Even if he has a lawyer with half a brain this will be requested. Again, get your calculator out and start tabulating. This is going to cost you at least $50,000 to fight if he digs in.
I do not have full custody. Should I try to get full custody? Is it too late after 4 years?
Too late, you have status quo now so there would have to be an extreme situation (i.e. he was arrested for molestation or murder) to have the kids taken from him. Not to mention this would be a really shitty thing to fight for after four years and because you want to keep a house.
His lawyer has been trying to get me to sell the house for years but no formal request was put in via the courts. Can this be used against me?
Anything can be used against you in court, it's all dependent on the strength of the argument and the judge on your case. The bigger question is, do you want to pay for mudslinging or do you want to pay to get an order in place? Mudslinging is expensive. Not to mention that if this goes to trial, the loser could be on the hook for costs. You should have considered selling the house when asked or considered making an agreement to deal with the matrimonial home. Your best bet is to look at the current situation, what the worst case scenario is (you lose and have to pay your legal bills, his legal bills and you lose any amount in the house).
I didn't' want to sell because I needed some time to get back on my feet.
If you were earning $150,000 a year this may be hard to prove but this will be something you have to have in an argument with proof.
His brother also loaned money to us to buy the house and has an official lien on the title of the house but I think it was paid back but my ex and his brother are lying and saying this is still a debt. How can I prove this was paid back?
You can either speak to the bank (which may be difficult if he is on the title only) or subpoena the records or title. You could also go to your local land registry office and request a property perspective to see what loans are against title. That may help as well.
I am the majority owner of this business. I can't afford to buy anything where we live. My ex is an accountant making about 500k a year. My daughter has disabilities and her expenses are 100k+ but I didn't have to pay for anything and my ex never asked but I can't afford to contribute anything since I am also in debt
Look, your case is a mess because of decisions you both made. If you were making $150,000 a year and decided to dump it either before or after separation to open a business then you made a bad decision. Your first priority was your kids. It doesn't matter what happened, you now have to fix this mess you both go into. You are looking at having to answer for why you quit a high paying job to make no money and have no benefits and why you have failed to work out an arrangement for things. More than likely with his income the way it is, the costs will be covered but by holding onto a home he isn't living in, he gives away any ability to do anything else. You are in living in his property which he wants to sell and be done with. He is well within his rights to do so.
To start you will need to sit down and make some serious calculations of what the costs were at your current salary and what the costs are at your previous salary. Then what the value of the home was on marriage and separation dates and estimate half that value. It can be ballpark if that helps. From there you need to determine what is worth it for you.
You are calculating what is called "equalization" which means everything you had on marriage date and everything you had on date of separation. Go online and get a financial statement form and fill that out if necessary. This includes loans/debts and assets. If he had a pension, you can estimate. In fact all of your numbers will probably be estimates. That will help you determine what you should have split on date of separation. That will give you a good idea of what your "equity" from the marriage is and how much money you have. My numbers for a legal battle will cut into that.
His lawyer will advise him to file a motion to order the sale of the home and then you will have the added cost of legal representation. Your best bet is to crunch the numbers and then go from there. You may have to get a job and let your partner run the business. You may also need to rent for a period of time until you can get on your feet. Either way, if this gets pushed to court you will not have the luxury of sitting back and waiting.
This all sounds awful and scary but you have an opportunity to get in front of this (so to speak) before it gets ugly and expensive. One of the key terms in Family Law is unreasonable behaviour. Keep that in mind, be reasonable and make an offer.
You should also get a lawyer.
