family home

[HammerDad]

Infidelity is irrelevant in Canadian law when it comes to divorce. Divorce in Canada is no-fault. All infidelity does is reduce the time you are obligated to wait to file for a divorce from 1 year to immediate. Notwithstanding that though, it doesn't sound like you have an evidence. You are just "sure". Why are you "sure"? Do you have some sort of tangible evidence to show that he did, or just a hunch?

Regarding the house, to me, you have a number of hurdles to overcome. While I am not familiar with BC law, the fact that you co-mingled the gift from your parents into a joint asset, muddies the waters as to the ownership of the gift. The fact that he also put monies into the joint asset further muddy it in that you both did the same thing with the same intentions to share in the benefits of those funds.

The fact that you paid the bills will be offset by the fact that he quit his job to look after you. You guys made a joint decision that you each would assume those roles of caretaker and provider for the relationship. It would be patently unfair to your ex to punish him for choosing to care for you instead of continuing to contribute towards the house, after all, you both decided that was what you wanted to do.

IMO, your best argument revolves around getting the gift from your parents excluded. Just know, he gets his monies back as well. The sweat equity he put in the house would be taken into consideration as up-keep and increased value. Once you've each taken your monetary contribution out of the house, you then split the remaining value.

You both muddied the waters when it comes to your contributions to the house, but the amounts are clear. He shouldn't be excluded from the remaining value due to your joint choice that he withdrawal from the work force to care for you. And if you were successful in doing so, I have a feeling you would get hit with spousal support for a long period of time as his career and earning potential suffered due to the decision to care for you instead of further his career.

Edit - I forget another issue that muddies everything is he is on both title and the mortgage. He is an owner of the house and entitled to it value. I would believe you have a very weak claim for all of the equity in the house (minus his $30k or whatever it was).

Also, I don't recall whether he quit his job before or after the house was purchased. If you guys bought the house 9 years ago, he worked for a couple years contributing to the mortgage, then quits to take care of you, well....isn't it reasonable to also contemplate those years he contributed?

But anyway, I have a feeling a judge would find that not equalizing the house would likely be unjustly enriching one party and to do so would be unreasonable given the circumstances.

 

[DowntroddenDad]

he got half the house?? my mind is reeling! how could this happen! im sick he's not! if he went out and got more jobs he could up his income, but he's claiming only minimal earnings for last years taxes. i think he's hiding money.

Make him a fair offer which gives him back the money he sunk into the house, and the value of his renovation work. Then you see where you stand. He may ask for his share of what the increase in the value would be, and that would be fair, but assessing a percentage(20% of the increase? 50% of the increase) would be negotatiated.

The house doesn't have anything to do with whether you are sick or not.

If he took care of you, to the detriment of his earning potential, then he can claim spousal support.

 

[FightingForFamily]

Divorce (and the common law equivalent) is one of the worst things to confront, both emotionally and financially. You should each assume you will lose, at the VERY minimum, 10 years worth of finances. I lost everything I had accumulated my entire adult life, and in addition, am paying so much support that I will not even begin to be able to rebuild my finances for years to come. I may not be able to afford a home on my own ever again.

90% of the time houses are sold and split. You should accept this right away. Your partner gave up years of career and earning potential for you, and now that requires accountability. You must pay him back for the sacrifices he made. Recent behaviour aside, it sounds like he did a lot of things for you and invested a lot into your relationship. He will be compensated for it to some degree.

 

[OrleansLawyer]

that even though he is on the mortgage and title but didn't pay anything, the house is legally mine.

Title is title. It is the legal way of writing, in big block letters, "I own all or part of this". There is no magic way around it. It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship, married, related, or complete strangers.

im on disability, i can't work, he can! surely that entitles me to keep the house

That is an issue related to support, not equalization.

My lawyer has been telling me that i have rights to the whole house based on that section.

Location: bc

In Ontario, the mingling of your inheritance in the house would remove its excluded status. Many (most?) posters on this forum appear to be from Ontario, and so there will be a large sample bias on the advice you will receive.

Family law is different from province to province. Legal advice from a lawyer in BC would be the best way to address your issues.

 

[phaydra]

I just found out he filed a certificate of pending litigation on the house and a notice of family claim. he is going for spousal support. he wants the maximum for five years. I don't think i'll ever get this man out of my life! how can i make this as clean as possible. i don't want to be paying him for the next five years! also, I didn't know about the cpl. My lawyer told me it's a first come first serve basis. does this mean when we sell the house that he gets paid out first? im really frusterated with my lawyer. He should have told me about this and I would have filed one first. But he also says it may work in my favour because he's the one who started the action in court?so i can go for costs?

 

[standing on the sidelines]

I just found out he filed a certificate of pending litigation on the house and a notice of family claim. he is going for spousal support. he wants the maximum for five years. I don't think i'll ever get this man out of my life! how can i make this as clean as possible. i don't want to be paying him for the next five years! also, I didn't know about the cpl. My lawyer told me it's a first come first serve basis. does this mean when we sell the house that he gets paid out first? im really frusterated with my lawyer. He should have told me about this and I would have filed one first. But he also says it may work in my favour because he's the one who started the action in court?so i can go for costs?

First off I am going to tell you something you may not like, your lawyer promise you the moon but its a judge who will decide. Dont count your chickens before they hatched when it comes to costs.

What you need to do is do all the number crunching that needs to be done. You may as well face the truth, he will get something out of the house. As for SS that is hard to say but he did look after you for a number of years when he could of been out in the workplace.

 

[HappyDays]

I think it's more reasonable that he would get awarded costs.

You admit he invested into the house and renovated it, plus he's on title and mortgage, but you don't want to give him any equity.

You admit he gave up his career to care for you and that you make 3x what he does, but you don't want to give him any spousal.

People on disability still pay equalization, spousal, and everything else...

 

[Rioe]

Don't think that just because he's started litigation court is now inevitable. You can still make him offers to settle and negotiate. He probably doesn't want to go to court either, he just wants you to be fair with him.

He's asking for max spousal support probably because his lawyer convinced him to start high. He will likely accept less. The less equalization you offer, the more spousal I bet he'll want.

 

[DowntroddenDad]

Don't think that just because he's started litigation court is now inevitable. You can still make him offers to settle and negotiate. He probably doesn't want to go to court either, he just wants you to be fair with him.

He's asking for max spousal support probably because his lawyer convinced him to start high. He will likely accept less. The less equalization you offer, the more spousal I bet he'll want.

Very wise advise.

Many people in these situations start off with what we call "Blue Sky" bargaining tactics. If you ask for everything, you may not get everything but you might get something.

He probably has a reasonable claim on some equity and some support. Make him a reasonable offer, point out the costs of court, and hope for the best. If you can give him enough equalization/equity he might relent on spousal support ( a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush).

 

[phaydra]

This claim he gave me doesn't make sense. he says hes only asking for half the house, but this is what he put in the family claim notice. can someone tell me what this means in english? it looks like hes asking for the same thing three times, and that he wants the whole house? under orders he put:

1)declaration that the respondent hold her interest in the property in trust for the claimant.
2) in the alternative, for a determination of the interest of the claimant in the property held by the respondent and a declaration that the respondent hold the interest of the claimant in trust for the claimant.
3) In the alternative, for a declaration of the interest of the claimant in the property held by the respondent and a declaration that the respondent holds the interest of the claimant in trust for the claimant.

what does holding in trust mean? is he saying he wants the whole thing now? and does this mean he wants to stay on the title and mortgage? He said he wanted to sell and now i get this...does this mean he doesn't want to sell now?

 

[DowntroddenDad]

This claim he gave me doesn't make sense. he says hes only asking for half the house, but this is what he put in the family claim notice. can someone tell me what this means in english? it looks like hes asking for the same thing three times, and that he wants the whole house? under orders he put:

1)declaration that the respondent hold her interest in the property in trust for the claimant.
2) in the alternative, for a determination of the interest of the claimant in the property held by the respondent and a declaration that the respondent hold the interest of the claimant in trust for the claimant.
3) In the alternative, for a declaration of the interest of the claimant in the property held by the respondent and a declaration that the respondent holds the interest of the claimant in trust for the claimant.

what does holding in trust mean? is he saying he wants the whole thing now? and does this mean he wants to stay on the title and mortgage? He said he wanted to sell and now i get this...does this mean he doesn't want to sell now?

When a house is sold before all the equalization is agreed to, it is standard practise to put the proceeds of the house into a trust. Typically they will be released once the equalization is agreed to and signed. I went through this myself.

 

[phaydra]

im sorry i've been such a bag everyone. i look over my past posts and feel such a deep sense of shame. W're all in the same boat here, and yet im standing on my high horse thinking i'm entitled to the world. I had a long talk with a good friend of mine lastnight who helped me realize that even though it sucks, this isn't the end of the world, and he IS only asking for half. this could have been so much more complicating. I just want this to be over. I want to forget all this ever happened. I want to not want to cry everytime I hear his name, or see him in public. I have to respond to him, but my emotional three ring circus cost me my lawyer too. He said it was probably better for me to work with someone else. I was shocked, but it took that to really tear down the walls of my selfishness. I'm remembering all the times my ex has been there for me. I remember how he supported me in my darkest days, i remember all his i love yous, and it's going to be okay baby, and all the things he would do for me, that i have to do for myself now. I don't feel really all that angry anymore...just sad, defeated, and really tired of it all. the worst thing about it all? I did this to myself. Now i have to deal with the s*it storm i created, and the aftermath...and now, without my lawyer. It's all on me. I'm sorry to all I may have offended.

 

[arabian]

No one is perfect, particularly when going through a break-up. Don't be hard on yourself. Learn from your mistakes and put one foot in front of the other and carry on.

Not having a lawyer right now might not be a bad thing. Take time to reflect on what it is that you really want that is fair then focus on that.

 

[standing on the sidelines]

you were going thru a rough time and stuff was still really fresh in your mind and emotions. You depended on your ex and now you have to learn how to depend on yourself. Its scary but you can do it. Contact social services and see what they can offer you in regards to home care etc.

You will have good days and you will have bad days. Just remember during the bad days that there will be good days in the future.

 

[DowntroddenDad]

im sorry i've been such a bag everyone. i look over my past posts and feel such a deep sense of shame. W're all in the same boat here, and yet im standing on my high horse thinking i'm entitled to the world. I had a long talk with a good friend of mine lastnight who helped me realize that even though it sucks, this isn't the end of the world, and he IS only asking for half. this could have been so much more complicating. I just want this to be over. I want to forget all this ever happened. I want to not want to cry everytime I hear his name, or see him in public. I have to respond to him, but my emotional three ring circus cost me my lawyer too. He said it was probably better for me to work with someone else. I was shocked, but it took that to really tear down the walls of my selfishness. I'm remembering all the times my ex has been there for me. I remember how he supported me in my darkest days, i remember all his i love yous, and it's going to be okay baby, and all the things he would do for me, that i have to do for myself now. I don't feel really all that angry anymore...just sad, defeated, and really tired of it all. the worst thing about it all? I did this to myself. Now i have to deal with the s*it storm i created, and the aftermath...and now, without my lawyer. It's all on me. I'm sorry to all I may have offended.

You have to learn, as tough as it is, to take the emotion out of the financial discussions.

I don't think in your case you necessarily owe him half. Make him an offer that gives him back the money he put in, pays him for the work he did, and gives him a share of the equity since the renovation. Be on the generous side, but not necessarily as much as your worst case.(so you can sweeten the deal if he rejects it).

 

[init'sowntime]

it sounds like he's saying you never truely owned the house. He wants you to state that you were only holding your interest in trust for him. i'd be very careful. Can you prove that the house was only given to you? was there promisary notes signed? i'd be very careful.

 

[phaydra]

it sounds like he's saying you never truely owned the house. He wants you to state that you were only holding your interest in trust for him. i'd be very careful. Can you prove that the house was only given to you? was there promisary notes signed? i'd be very careful.

No, there was no promissory note signed. I do however have my bank statement showing the money went into my account and the check was to me only. My brother said that even though i have that, my ex is still on the title and the mortgage, and it doesn't matter. I'm working on finding another lawyer to help me make some sort of settlement offer. I was going to type one up myself, but i have no idea what to include in it, or how it should look. can anyone advise me on how to do this? i haven't had much luck looking on the net. My bro and family are coming for a visit next week. my sister in law is excellent with words, she says she will help me draw one up, and my brother says he will pay for any fees i have to do this, so for now things are moving along. My Dad has also been in contact (we don't talk much) and he offered to help as well. I just have to remember that when I let go, I give my family the ability to come in closer, and to offer support. I am so grateful for my family at this time.

 

[HappyDays]

I'm working on finding another lawyer to help me make some sort of settlement offer. I was going to type one up myself, but i have no idea what to include in it, or how it should look. can anyone advise me on how to do this? i haven't had much luck looking on the net.

There is no standard template or anything for an offers to settle. It just goes by Family Law Rule 18.

First just make a list of all the issues you have left to deal with. Then being reasonable, thinking businesslike with a little give and take, start writing out a sentence for each issue on what you are prepared to offer/accept to deal with that issue. As long as you are honest and fair, you should not have anything to worry about.

In your situation you may have to play around with a few options to see what works best.
- you can offer equal 50/50 of house in lieu of spousal support.
- you can offer him the equity increase in the house plus extra for his work done to the house, plus giving him minimal spousal support for a couple years...

If you can show that your inheritance went directly to the mortgage company to pay that off, $100k cheque going to you and $100k cheque going to the mortgage, then you may get it back. Otherwise, it will most likely be that he is fully entitled to 50% of house And spousal support for giving up his career to support you.

 

[phaydra]

I can show that the money went straight to the house, and that i paid the mortgage every month, he never did. but because he put money and work into the house he's claiming half. should i just keep demanding the house be transferred to my name only, because i was the only one paying the mortgage for the house?

 

[Delaney]

Joint Family Ventures

Joint Family Ventures

The law in this particular area has recently undergone some changes - I would read up on the term "Joint Family Venture." The Supreme Court of Canada recently did an overhaul and the new process should shed some light on your situation.