Ex wants to move with child. We have 50/50 access.

So far the only thing I've agreed to is my daughter moving part time to Sudbury as long as my access isn't affected and she continues to go to daycare in Massey. It was through a letter from her lawyer stating that she was accepting another job and through social media that I learned today was her last day of work. Nothing else has been communicated to me.
 
Question. What happens at first court appearance? This is under ocj. My lawyer said it's basically getting date for case conference. Can anything else happen here?
 
No its just to set the first case conference. You may want to ask your lawyer if they can ask for an urgent date to speed up having it heard but that may be a crapshoot.


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Co-parenting advice needed: How many times in a day am I required to answer the ex on how our daughter is doing when she's with me? lol it's 2-3 times per day. It's easy enough to reply "good" but it's getting more and more aggravating.
 
Stop responding. Tell her once up front that you are busy with child when with you and you will not be answering any texts or calls. If there is an emergency you will let her know otherwise you are going to enjoy your parenting time.


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Easy, I take up to 24 hours to respond. Train your co-parent to have the same expectation. Just because they sent a text doesn’t mean I have my phone on me or am obligated to respond right away. So, I would do a slow fade. First text, maybe take a couple of hours to respond and then preface your reply with “hey, sorry, I was busy being with our daughter, we are both good, see you Tuesday”. Next text 6 hours till your respond. And then just stretch out the responses till 24 hours after her sending a text seems normal. At that point I would use Rockscans script.

If Rockscan’s response sounds like it would work for you right away, do that. I just find sometimes laying down a hard line in the sand, especially after someone has been trained by my own behaviour to have certain expectations, can escalate things unnecessarily.

Also, I strongly doubt you are, but if you are texting her excessively on her parenting time, stop.
 
First case conference is set for Jan 4.

Received text this morning from ex saying that she's been staying in North Bay and that this is where she will be keeping our daughter during her time with her (and that this is why she asked to change schedules to week to week).

Asking my lawyer but I don't know what recourse if any i have. SO much travel for my daughter, and it's worse if I don't agree to schedule change.
 
I would NOT agree to a week on/week off. That will definately open the door for her to push for full custody, attending school in North Bay. Would her Massey daycare even keep her space open if she only attended biweekly? Keep the current schedule and maintain that your daughter's residence is in Massey, NOT North Bay. You can counter-offer that your daughter lives with you full time with EOW with her mother in North Bay.
 
Thanks Tilt, I'm doing exactly what you've said. That, and denying her request for a schedule change for Christmas. Our agreement beginning last year was to switch on Christmas Day so our daughter can spend time with both parents. She's trying to change this to her keeping her that day so that our daughter doesn't have to travel, but it's apparent that travelling means from north bay. It's getting ugly with blame being pointed at me for forcing extra travel due to denying both requests. Ummm I'm not the one that moved without an agreement or court order!

Anyways, our last discussion on the matter was basically her saying she's enforcing week to week and since christmas is on her week she's just going to keep her. I think this was mostly a hissy fit and won't do this (although I've been very wrong about her before), but a letter from my lawyer is incoming threatening an urgent motion on the matter.
 
Any time a parent wants to change the agreed schedule "for the child's sake" it is fair to counter suggest that you prefer the current agreement but you are willing to have the child remain with you for Christmas Day to avoid "unneccessary travel". Almost never will the other parent agree because it never really was about the child's needs. Even if you had agreed to a week about shedule, Christmas is considered by the Courts as superceeding any week about schedule and she would have had to share, regardless. She is just trying to bulldoze you and minimize your parental role.

Ignore the blame language from her - she is trying to make you react in a way that she can put before the court as proof that you are unreasonable to deal with (and then the court is dealing with two unreasonable parents and tends to throw up their hands and let the bullying parent win). Be brief, calm and positve in your communications - take a few hours before responding (24 hours if possible). I agree your lawyer is correct in escalating to an urgent motion if she makes it clear she is not going to abide by the current agreement.

You are doing great in dealing with a super stressful situation!
 
Thanks Tilt.

So received response from her lawyer, everything is great now regarding the holidays and schedule. They're also saying she hasn't moved her to North Bay (which is a lie), and lawyer even says they've advised her she can't do this without consent or order. So I'm guessing she'll be more vigilant in keeping her in Sudbury during the week.

The only caveat they threw in was that every exchange was to take place about twenty minutes away. I was pretty fine with her doing all the driving lol. (For the record, that was her proposal when telling me she was moving in the first place).
 
Paraphrasing the judge, to ex and her lawyer:
"I'm sorry to tell you, you will not succeed. I've done over 250 mobility cases and she will not win. She will not meet the threshold for mobility and it's not even close. The move is in the mom's best interest. "

I'm so f'ing happy right now. Far from over I'm sure but I can breathe a little.
 
Awesome news!!!

Expect to receive an offer in the next little while. You can counter with full custody to you and eow access to her from where she moves.


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Glad to hear the stress has dissipated for you.


It sounded so wrong that just because her and her BF wanted to move to North Bay that they could force everyone else to as well.
Too bad they sold their houses, it seems silly that they did not wait for a ruling first.
So does that mean the move to Sudbury is off too?
 
goblue said:
Paraphrasing the judge, to ex and her lawyer:
"I'm sorry to tell you, you will not succeed. I've done over 250 mobility cases and she will not win. She will not meet the threshold for mobility and it's not even close. The move is in the mom's best interest. "

I'm so f'ing happy right now. Far from over I'm sure but I can breathe a little.
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Ok. Great that was said at a case conference and hopefully the lawyer representing the other parent will make it VERY CLEAR that they have no clear path to any success with the move.

Not to deflate you but, unless an agreement in writing was reached at the case conference on Jan 4th was reached and an ordered issued to that effect you need to be very dilligent.

Parents who want to move often will try to move and disrupt access despite being told at a case conference that their case has no merit and these strong warnings are given.

If the other parent moves forward with a motion on the subject the judge you just had can't hear the motion. So the other parent will get a whole different judge to state their case to. I wish judges had more power at case conferences and that their advice/opinions could be shared forward but, often they are not.

Hopefully you walked away from the case conference with more than a strong opinion and an order to that effect.

Be very mindful that a parent who wants to move who doesn't accept the sage advice of a conference judge will start to hurl all sorts of things at you... false allegations... Key point is that "parent's best interests" often come with significant bad judgement on their part.

Hopefully this will be the end of it and the other parent will realize they have no case... But, considering that they have legal counsel who probably has advised them that they can't move without a court order will heed that warning and do the right thing and settle the matter.

I hate to say all this. Not trying to deflate you but arm you with possible situations you may face in the near future.

Hopefully the other parent doesn't have legal aid.
 
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Thanks for the responses, much appreciated.

pinkHouses, yes, for now there's no mention of possible relocation to Sudbury (only temporarily during her weeks with her).

Thanks Tayken, no problem, I'm not deflated at all. Up until the case conference I was basically hoping and praying, but now I've heard first hand from the judge how difficult getting mobility is. There was no orders made at this case conference and I know it's far from over. I hadn't thought of those possibilities you brought up so I will keep them in mind. I actually have no idea what to expect from the other party, as I am genuinely surprised by every move she made these past six months.

Based on her lawyer's remarks during the case conference, I see their only real strategy is to make it look like I don't have support in this area. Knowing this, I would definitely be able to flood the court with affidavits from family, friends, and community leaders who are more than willing to help out should this get to trial.

They even threw a hail mary at the end and announced she is now pregnant and that she's now being forced to choose between her daughter and partner. (This was a planned pregnancy, as she had to have had an IUD removed). Again, all about her.
 
Update: Finally received an offer to settle last week. Unfortunately it wasn't much of an offer, she would still be moving my daughter. Trying to entice me with no child support, which I do not care about. She texted me about the offer after it was sent, which is literally the first time she tried actually discussing anything about this since it all started. She's saying the legal costs of trial would better be spent towards our daughter's future, and that she's made several concessions. Still kind of has the attitude that she's in a position of power. I'm going to counter with basically same offer she sent me, in reverse. Trial Management Conference in May, not totally sure what to expect.
 
goblue said:
Update: Finally received an offer to settle last week. Unfortunately it wasn't much of an offer, she would still be moving my daughter. Trying to entice me with no child support, which I do not care about. She texted me about the offer after it was sent, which is literally the first time she tried actually discussing anything about this since it all started. She's saying the legal costs of trial would better be spent towards our daughter's future, and that she's made several concessions. Still kind of has the attitude that she's in a position of power. I'm going to counter with basically same offer she sent me, in reverse. Trial Management Conference in May, not totally sure what to expect.
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What have the judges at your conferences said up to this point?


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rockscan said:
What have the judges at your conferences said up to this point?


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Click to expand...


Just had the one case conference so far, he said she doesn't meet the threshold for mobility and it's not even close. That she won't win.
 
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