Ex wants to meet girlfriend

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SRT said:
Also the possibility of 3) does not want you to be happy, so says does something to jeopardize your new relationship. Seen it before.
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That's exactly what it is: control and fear. God forbid the kids will like new girlfriend. If a new gf is no good - it's no good. If she is good - it's even worst. In any case it's no win situation. The ex has absolutely nothing to discuss with the new partner at this point.

Read about million cases when the situation between the ex spouses worsened when ex husband started dating/re-married. Ask Working Dad here or read his case (was posted here a couple of times).
 
oink said:
So what did you expect your EX to discuss with your BF :confused:
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I didn't expect them to discuss anything - I was mainly trying to be mindful of (what I presumed were) my ex's protective parental instincts, thinking he'd want to know who was hanging around his very young daughter. I didn't expect that them to become buddies.

My offer was also partly in response to my ex not telling me that he had introduced his new girlfriend to my daughter or that she (and her daughter) was moving in with him - this I found out via Facebook. I thought that was really discourteous on his part, as it meant my daughter was put in the position of feeling like she had to keep daddy's new girlfriend a secret from me. I didn't want to be a similar kind of jerk, so I offered to set up introductions in advance. He said he didn't feel any need to meet the bf, and that was fine with me - but at least he had the chance.
 
they're both agreeable to it then it shouldn't be a big deal. But the gf doesn't want to, nor is she obligated to.

I hope the ex doesn't think she can approve or disapprove of the gf being in the kids' lives? Not sure what she feels meeting the gf will accomplish, especially if she decides she doesn't like the gf....does she thinks she can ban her from your and their lives?
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Agreed but I think a planned meeting would be awkward. It implies that the ex is approving of the new partner which isn't a requirement. I think its always comforting to meet the people your children are spending a lot of time around and looking up to as potential adult role models.

I've met and spoken at length to my new partner's ex-wife a few times at family events for their kids that I've had to attend and it was pleasant and she was very gracious. But I would never meet her one-on-one for a planned get together.
 
My ex had thanksgiving dinner with her fiance and his ex (and my kids and their kids). And it slipped out that they were engaged (his ex hadn't known). And it still seemed to have gone ok. But I will pass thanks..My ex has made a scene with a previous GF, I am not going to let her have another chance.

I've shaken hands with my GF's ex, but have no desire to have a long conversation.
 
It is the secrets and putting the kids in the middle if those secrets which bother me. Example: It is never good to tell your kids that you are engaged to be married but in the same breathe tell them not to say a word to the other parent.
 
smileandwalkaway said:
It is the secrets and putting the kids in the middle if those secrets which bother me. Example: It is never good to tell your kids that you are engaged to be married but in the same breathe tell them not to say a word to the other parent.
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Its a very difficult line at times.

I've been open with my kids. I fully expect that they will share anything that I say with their mom.

My GF on the other hand, was married to someone with severe mental illness problems that at times cause abuse to occur. That and her kids are younger than mine meant that for months we kept the relationship secret. In the summer while they knew we were good friends(I and my kids stayed weekends at their cottage), we didn't discuss the nature of the relationship, we didn't hold hands etc. in front of them. It has only been recently that we have "come out" so to speak, and we have been seeing each other for 8 months.

We have never told her kids to lie, but they have not shared the fact that their mother has a close male friend with their father. Most of our dates happen during their time with their dad.
 
I see no problem with that. My only point is that if/when you are in a relationship you deem serious enough to bring your kids into then it should also not be kept an intentional secret from the other parent. You are either in or out in the relationship.
 
smileandwalkaway said:
I see no problem with that. My only point is that if/when you are in a relationship you deem serious enough to bring your kids into then it should also not be kept an intentional secret from the other parent. You are either in or out in the relationship.
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In my GF's case, it isn't a matter of being in or out that is the issue, its a matter of causing a psychotic break that could be harmful to all involved. She did recently find a way to tell him that worked, but she has to walk on eggshells around him.
 
Mother said:
Stripes, can you please clarify why do you check his fb? Are you still friends with him there?
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Sorry to be unclear - no, we aren't Facebook friends. Someone who is FB friends with his girlfriend told me she had posted details of meeting my daughter and how happy she was about her new future - I checked this (the gf had everything public on her page), so that's how I figured it out. Perhaps a bit creeper-ish on my part, but I really didn't want to interrogate D8 about it.

What did people do for drama before Facebook was invented??
 
stripes said:
Sorry to be unclear - no, we aren't Facebook friends. Someone who is FB friends with his girlfriend told me she had posted details of meeting my daughter and how happy she was about her new future - I checked this (the gf had everything public on her page), so that's how I figured it out. Perhaps a bit creeper-ish on my part, but I really didn't want to interrogate D8 about it.

What did people do for drama before Facebook was invented??
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This is the challenge with how you set up FB security. If you use friends only, you limit the abiltiy of others to see your stuff, but you limit making new friends from your friends of friends.

Me, I assume my ex has full access to my timeline because my daughters live with her, and she could use their logon when they aren't busy. My GF does have her ex on FB so they can share pictures, but now he can see her relationship status.

I never post anything I would be ashamed to be seen on the front page of the newspaper. So I'm good.
 
I think this is all over rated. Who the hell cares if the new girlfriend meets the mother of the kids. What is meeting them going to prove and tell the other? Okay, the girlfriend has black hair, wears Lulu Lemon and doesn't file her nails right... the mother is a teeny bit overweight, gets professional highlights and her shoes are cheap or expensive...that is what these little meetings really are about - they give ammunition. Let the women work it out themselves IF at all... it is their choice. They opted into a relationship with their partner and his children, they didn't opt into it with their ex.

Now some of us can have a relationship with the ex. I do - she curses at me regularly lol. I'd like to think she is drunk as heck when she sends me her rants, but no, she is stone cold sober I'm told...

I've even offered to meet with her. She prefers to hide behind her emails. Fine. I don't respond to her emails for the most part because they are useless and normally about my private life and I don't want to invite her in. I have set boundaries although several years later she still refuses to abide or even acknowledge them. So be it. I still ignore them.

So, the moral of my story is, I do believe this is about control. I am a mother. I am a stepmother. If I want to meet someone I will extend that invitation to that person myself. The only reason I extended an invite to my partner's ex is that she continuously emailed me many, many, many times a day and a week. I figured she must want a relationship with me otherwise she wouldn't be doing this. She then told me that she had to see that her ex had changed before she would ever meet with me. So here we are several years later and we have spoken only twice ever despite a hundred times or more having had the opportunity to speak. So you see, at least in my case, this IS about control. She wasn't really interested in talking to me, or getting to know me (although she asked her ex many times to meet me). This was about controlling my and my partner's time through emails, and about peaking into our private lives.
 
Serene said:
I think this is all over rated. Who the hell cares if the new girlfriend meets the mother of the kids. What is meeting them going to prove and tell the other? Okay, the girlfriend has black hair, wears Lulu Lemon and doesn't file her nails right... the mother is a teeny bit overweight, gets professional highlights and her shoes are cheap or expensive...that is what these little meetings really are about - they give ammunition. Let the women work it out themselves IF at all... it is their choice. They opted into a relationship with their partner and his children, they didn't opt into it with their ex.

Now some of us can have a relationship with the ex. I do - she curses at me regularly lol. I'd like to think she is drunk as heck when she sends me her rants, but no, she is stone cold sober I'm told...

I've even offered to meet with her. She prefers to hide behind her emails. Fine. I don't respond to her emails for the most part because they are useless and normally about my private life and I don't want to invite her in. I have set boundaries although several years later she still refuses to abide or even acknowledge them. So be it. I still ignore them.

So, the moral of my story is, I do believe this is about control. I am a mother. I am a stepmother. If I want to meet someone I will extend that invitation to that person myself. The only reason I extended an invite to my partner's ex is that she continuously emailed me many, many, many times a day and a week. I figured she must want a relationship with me otherwise she wouldn't be doing this. She then told me that she had to see that her ex had changed before she would ever meet with me. So here we are several years later and we have spoken only twice ever despite a hundred times or more having had the opportunity to speak. So you see, at least in my case, this IS about control. She wasn't really interested in talking to me, or getting to know me (although she asked her ex many times to meet me). This was about controlling my and my partner's time through emails, and about peaking into our private lives.
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This....that is the Million Dollar question innit? A lot of people like to create this notion in their head that, if they meet and chat, everyone can just get along and become one happy family, that might even take vacation together :rolleyes:

How people react in front of you, and behind your back, are two different things. If the separation was civil/amicable and rational with no bad blood, I can see people getting along just fine to a point, but if it was nasty with a lot of money spent on lawyers....I doubt there will be get togethers
 
Serene said:
I think this is all over rated. Who the hell cares if the new girlfriend meets the mother of the kids. What is meeting them going to prove and tell the other? Okay, the girlfriend has black hair, wears Lulu Lemon and doesn't file her nails right... the mother is a teeny bit overweight, gets professional highlights and her shoes are cheap or expensive...that is what these little meetings really are about - they give ammunition. Let the women work it out themselves
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but what if it is the guys? Can we go into the alley and sort it out between us?
 
would that I could have the super-happy-fun-time-extended-family-week-end ski vacation (or whatever)!
That all the assorted kids over three generations could all meet, have fun, and the adults would all just be 'normal' for a week-end?

In a perfect world...

until then, keep dreaming.
 
Mess said:
but what if it is the guys? Can we go into the alley and sort it out between us?
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Not necessary.

Ex had a relationship before separation and then moved in with him right after. My first words to him was "thanks buddy, I owe you a beer!"
 
SRT said:
Not necessary.

Ex had a relationship before separation and then moved in with him right after. My first words to him was "thanks buddy, I owe you a beer!"
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Am sure the EX' of the few on here who were already shagging "their new man" whilst going through the in-house separation said exactly just that :D
 
If she wants to get together invite her to join you in a threesome...............


A women always shows her true self while eating pie!!!!!!
 
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