Ex started ADHD meds for son unilaterally

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winterwolf7

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In the past I posted discussing my son who was diagnosed with autism about a year ago while my ex and I went through separation and divorce.

Since then, we have a signed SA and in fact a divorce order. I was relieved to be successful in obtaining joint custody so I could have some input into his special needs for school and medical reasons. This is all documented in our Minutes of Settlement (which form our SA).

During the negotiation with my ex she pushed that she be allowed to make all decisions and keep me informed of the outcomes. However in order to settle, she withdrew this and agreed to joint decision making because I consented on other matters (me giving her tons of money basically).

However despite this, my ex remains a very controlling person. She has a long history of unilateral parenting decisions regarding our son:

-In her Answer to my court application she declared that my son also has epilepsy. I have never heard of this anywhere except this court document. Why was I not informed? Is this a fabrication or true?
-She took my son for an MRI. I was not consulted and in fact had no idea it had occurred until 3 months later when she e-mailed me 1 sentence stating it had happened and the results were fine. I would have liked to be there for him.
-I have sent written requests several times asking for the dates, times and places for his group therapy and treatments so that I could participate, observe and learn in order to better assist him when he is with me. I received no cooperation.
-This morning I was "notified" that he is now on ADHD medication and sleep aids and sent instructions on administering them. This was never discussed with me either, and I do not agree with administering Melatonin as a sleeping aid to anyone, let alone our son. However I have no opinion on the ADHD drug. We'll see how it works and if the side effects are manageable. I knew right away something was VERY different when I picked him up for his visit last night. This morning I learned why, he was now medicated.

I give full props to the children's hospital and the ottawa children's treatment centre for doing their best to keep me involved. If it weren't for them I would know absolutely nothing.

Keep in mind I am not opposed to the treatment. Last night's visit showed me the results are encouraging. However, starting these meds with no discussion or consultation is in contempt of our SA. There is a repeated, documentable pattern of her doing this and I do not want it to continue.

Suggestions?
 
Melatonin is a common treatment for kids with ASD, it's well known that they typically have lower than normal levels of melatonin and benefit from supplements, especially given that there are very few and very minor side effects from melatonin. ADHD meds have WAAAAAAY more side effects to be concerned about - trouble sleeping being one of them, which the melatonin can help with.

Yes, she should have consulted with you, you should have been present or at least had the option of being present at the appointments. Perhaps consider trying one of those online family calendars? That way the info can be input directly in there from each of you and you don't actually have to speak directly to each other about it.
 
Winterwolf:

I would be seriously ticked off at the situation too. I don't have any suggestions of how to fix it but I did want to add that there's are additional things to be concerned about.

Just a question, is he taking melatonin everyday...and if so, why? Has he always had issues with not being able to fall/stay asleep?

Although melatonin is a naturally occuring hormone, I don't get why a kid would have to take it every single day? That's very odd to me. Things you should watch out for are that if he doesn't get a full 8-9 hours of sleep while taking it, he can end up very groggy the next day. In addition, in some people...its been known to cause adverse effects...in fact, the opposite of a good night's sleep...bad dreams, paranoia, agitation. I could understand if he was taking it as an occasional sleep aid...but for a child to take it everyday is really odd to me and can have seriously consquences if he's school age.

The ADHD drugs also can have a lot of side effects...like loss of appetite, agitation, mood swings....again, he needs to be monitored while he's on the stuff.

Its not just a matter of telling you what doses he's taking..its a matter of you understanding what to watch for while he's in your care.

Total nonsense that she's doing that without consulting you...hope some posters have some good advice for you.

Best wishes.
 
Due to his autism, our son is already an extremely poor/picky eater. Most days the best you can say is that he ate enough so that he won't die today. But he generally dislikes food and eating. Sometimes nothing you give him will persuade him to eat, other days he's willing to eat some parts of a meal. It's never predictable, he may love one food one day and be utterly uninterested in it for weeks afterwards.

His manual dexterity is well below average though at age 5 is finally starting to use utensils regularly.

His toiletting has been consistently good which is awesome and a huge relief, though the training was slower than usual.

He has always been a great sleeper, generally sleeping 8-10 hours every night without waking since he was 2. Since starting school some days he has taken longer to fall asleep but otherwise no disruptions.

My understanding is that the melatonin is a pre-emptive strike against the insomia effects from the ADHD medication. I am concerned that my son already eats very poorly and the ADHD medication may make that even worse.

I am an NCP with a weekly visit for dinner and EOW.

I could pursue a motion for contempt, requesting OurFamilyWizard be ordered, and costs. But so far my ex and I have managed without court. I will consider recommending for us.
 
Yes the Melatonin is daily. I have read about it and several members of my family have tried it, all with disastrous results. Thus I would have requested a different sleep aid, such as Valerian Root. However I wasn't given any input.

Should I contact my son's various doctors (assuming I can get their names) and discuss with them?
 
Yes, definately contact your child's doctor and discuss your concerns. We've used the melatonin for years, on and off, and it's worked very well. It may be that it is a daily dose at the moment but that it will switch to an as needed basis if his schedule gets turned around or his circadian rhythm gets thrown off - often times due to weekends away, overnighters with friends, late night activities etc.
 
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Winterwolf:

I'm no expert on melatonin but I've used it myself right during my in-home separation as I'll only take herbal medications and I was having issues staying asleep. I had terrible results with it because it literally did the exact opposite of what its supposed to do....gave me nightmares and very restless sleep. But I know nothing about using it for kids with ADHD...Blink sounds like she has more information.

I know that my nephew has ADHD and has taken a couple different medications...which have helped, however, have severly lessened his appetite. He's a very thin teenager.

Again, I don't have these types of issues with my stbx (yet) but I would imagine that if you start calling his doctors and getting different information, etc...its going to escalate the issue. Now you've got two parents basically going behind each other's backs to get information and getting differing recommendations.

I think somehow you're going to have to come to a mutual understanding and sharing of information. I don't see how you can parent a child and monitor their health without coming to a common understanding and consensus on treatment. You may want to initially talk to his doctors just to come up to speed...but personally I can't see how this would fix the issue longterm (again, just my opinion since I have no experience in these matters).

It really irritates the hell out of me when parents can't put the kids first and respect the other parent's right to know what's going on with their very own child....especially when it concerns their health. Absolutely ridiculous, you have my deepest sympathies.
 
...just to offer up another suggestion for a natural sleep aid.... I've recently started taking Skullcap in a brewed tea form.... and wow do I ever feel rested in the morning... It's only as needed - about a mug before bed.....
 
winterwolf7 said:
However despite this, my ex remains a very controlling person. She has a long history of unilateral parenting decisions regarding our son:
Click to expand...

You can retrieve all of your child's medical records as a custodial parent. There are a few sources of medical records you should get:

1. All the ministry health records. This will outline all the "encounters" the child has been with any OHIP billing clinician. You will also get the ICD-9 billing code associated with the "encounter type".

2. From the Ministry Health records you can then go to each clinician listed and request all the medical records for each encounter. The Ministry records will have the date of the encounter, encounter reason (i.e. Well Baby Care), and other information about the clinician (family health team, hospital the encounter happened at, info etc.) It also lists the diagnostic imaging billings and lab orders and you can then go retrieve those too.

3. Also request all the encounters from TeleHealth Ontario as well. TeleHealth Ontario keeps well documented encounter notes for each call they receive and instructions provided.

4. Mental Health records for your child are not easier to get as they are not part of the public OHIP system "always". If it is a private therapy provider and you know who it is you can go in and request the documentation. Also, the Family Practitioner should be aware of the mental health provider as a part of your child's general circle of care. The medical records from the family practitioner should include the referral (if one was made).

5. Alternative practice... Depending on the child's age there could be a drug to drug interaction of the melatonin with other medications being taken. (Known as a contraindication -- contraindication - definition of contraindication in the Medical dictionary - by the Free Online Medical Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.) As melatonin is a non-prescription drug it may have been self administered (through "internet advice") or a natriopathic doctor. Again, it is hard to tell what ND the child would have been taken so asking the FP or parent may help find the records.

You are a joint custodial parent and don't rely on the other parent to provide information. Go get the information about your chlidren's health and well being yourself.

winterwolf7 said:
I give full props to the children's hospital and the ottawa children's treatment centre for doing their best to keep me involved. If it weren't for them I would know absolutely nothing.

Keep in mind I am not opposed to the treatment. Last night's visit showed me the results are encouraging. However, starting these meds with no discussion or consultation is in contempt of our SA. There is a repeated, documentable pattern of her doing this and I do not want it to continue.

Suggestions?
Click to expand...

Get all the information regarding your chlid's health care. Read it all and then work with the clinicians yourself and get involved. Don't rely on the other parent to dictate things to you when you are a joint custodial parent.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
You have joint custody, you are in exactly the same position as the ex. So why don't you just take your child to the doctor yourself, have the child checked out, find out what meds might be prescribed and why? Your ex is doing this without consulting you, there is no reason why you should have to ask your ex.

I have sympathy but you are being completely passive in this. The child needs to go to the doctor, even if only for occasional checkups. So just take them. You don't need permission.

Your ex doesn't need permission to take the child to the doctor. My ex and I share these duties but we do it when necessary, not when we "both agree." If I think one of the kids has strep, I take them in for a swab and notify my ex of the results later.

Your ex should be notifying you, yes, but you should also be equally involved, and you shouldn't be asking, you should just be doing. If your ex dropped dead tomorrow you would have to take the initiative and arrange the doctor and dentist visits regularly. So take the initiative now, and arrange for half of them. Without asking.
 
A caution, though, in doing that: OHIP will only cover a certain amount of visits for a specific purpose, per year. IE: Physicals/checkups will only be covered every 12 months.

When booking the appointments, make sure to ask if it is covered by OHIP.
 
That's never been an issue with us, we have a Family Health Team contract and get as many visits as we need. The doctor's get a flat rate from OHIP.
 
blinkandimgone said:
A caution, though, in doing that: OHIP will only cover a certain amount of visits for a specific purpose, per year. IE: Physicals/checkups will only be covered every 12 months.

When booking the appointments, make sure to ask if it is covered by OHIP.
Click to expand...

Actually, what happens is that most clinicians do not know the limits. (Well Baby Care consults have a cap.) They will bill OHIP plan directly and OHIP will reverse the charge. So you will still see the clinical encounter most times on the OHIP record and the reversal.
 
Mess said:
That's never been an issue with us, we have a Family Health Team contract and get as many visits as we need. The doctor's get a flat rate from OHIP.
Click to expand...

Generally the number of encounters for "Well Baby Care" (ICD9 V20.2) I believe has a cap of 10 clinical encounters for the child being insured by OHIP. (I could be wrong it could be 5 in the year.)

What can happen is if a parent takes a child to a walk in clinic and the clinican bills the encounter as V20.2 it burns down the allowable limit. So if the parent in question is going to clinics for advice (doctor shopping) they can burn down the allowable limit. As this count is managed at billing the primary care clinician wouldn't know and would bill OHIP. The reversal comes generally in a a future billing cycle. Most primary care clinicians won't charge their client though as it is quite petty.

What should happen though is the primary care clinician should be investigating why the child is in-and-out of the clinical settings. Parental anxiety? Factitious beliefs about the child's health? A real problem that hasn't been properly diagnosed?

If the child has been diagnosed with autism there is a whole different billing pattern for the clinical encounters and usually a specialist involved as well billing against OHIP. The encounter allowance should be at different thresholds that are higher.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
You're overthinking it. The dad should take the child to the regular physician, there is no need for it to be at the overbilling point unless the mother has already been taking the child in too often. If there is billing for that appointment, it will be a fraction of the cost of taking the matter to court.

If the father is feeling that they are left out of the loop, the solution is to get back in the loop. Nothing is going to change the mother, what the father can do is change what his role in the situation is, change it into participant from observer.
 
Morning everyone,

There are many herbal meds that can help many people...but be aware that these herbal fixes can interact very quickly with prescribed medication.

As for the ADHD my youngest son who has the Learning Disabilities was on medication for it. I didn't know who he was anymore. He didn't sleep well, his appetite was nil, he was lethargic, had no interest in anything around him..I couldn't stand it. He was always hyper, bubbly, active, funny, lovable and now he was lost.

I took him off the meds and have never looked back. Today he's getting married in September. I have finally been able to get him on a pension after trying for years. He still bounces all over, can't sit still but he's being "Ryan" and that's how we love him. The good point being: he takes all his hyperactivity and puts it into his house, his yard ect...it's wonderful and I wouldn't change him for the world.
 
"This was never discussed with me either, and I do not agree with administering Melatonin as a sleeping aid to anyone, let alone our son. "

I am not a doctor but I have tons of experience with ADD/ADHD, including being a happy ADDer.

Who gave your kid melatonin? Was it a doctor or someone else? If it was the former, ask for any supporting evidence they have that indicates that is a good idea. There are studies on melatonin but nothing decisive that it is effective for ADD/ADHD.

Are there are other sleep aids being given? Long term use of sleep aids can be very dangerous, in adults and children. Typically given in the beginning if some types of ADD drugs are given. Concerta for instance will cause trouble sleeping, especially in the first few weeks.

What other drugs are being given? They can be a godsend and they are safe. Though there is clear evidence that they can stunt growth. It becomes a measure of quality of life versus this serious side effect. You did not say your kid's age. If he is 13 and 6'2 and overweight the growth issue is not an issue.

How was your son diagnosed? You say the MRI was normal. There are differences in scans of ADDer's and non-ADDer's, though this area is somewhat controversial and may not be considered in a Canadian hospital. You need to fully research how the diagnoses was made and compare it to accepted standards in checking for ADD. Too many times teachers say that the kid is hyperactive and therefore has ADD. You need to find a doctor/psychiatrist that has solid experience with it.

Whatever you do, do not be afraid of ADD/ADHD. Many successful people have it and use it to their advantage. Billionaire Sir Richard Branson of the Virgin Group is on record as having it, he cannot add up a row of numbers. If you approach it right it will benefit your son. On the other hand many parents ignore their kid's needs until their kid is being put in a body bag. Undiagnosed attention disorders are one of the top contributing factors in fatal teenage car crashes. I suffered for many years because of misdiagnoses and/or ignorance. I am so much happier today -minus my divorce mess.

Get informed. Research the research, a lot of misinformed people post crap or others try to sell you snake oil as a cure.

Here is a great site where you can find resources for your research. TotallyADD.com
 
Melatonin isn't given for ADHD, it's given for autism and ASD. People with autism are known to produce lower levels of melatonin which can disrupt your circadian rythms and cause sleep issues, 70 % of children with autism have difficulty sleeping. Melatonin is a naturally occuring hormone and given in relatively low doses to children can help regulate circadian rythms and increase healthy sleeping patterns - extremely important for kids with autism.
 
Mess said:
You're overthinking it. The dad should take the child to the regular physician, there is no need for it to be at the overbilling point unless the mother has already been taking the child in too often. If there is billing for that appointment, it will be a fraction of the cost of taking the matter to court.

If the father is feeling that they are left out of the loop, the solution is to get back in the loop. Nothing is going to change the mother, what the father can do is change what his role in the situation is, change it into participant from observer.
Click to expand...

This is on the assumption that the clinical community understands the legal concept of "joint custody" and the OP's access to the information. The vast majority of registered clinicians do not understand the concept of "joint custody" and their legal responsibilities to communicate with both parents openly about the child in question's health.

The "source of the truth" is legally the child's medical record. Medical records are governed by strict clinical practices. The information that is needed to know (past history) is best obtained from the "medical evidence". Often, the clinician won't openly discuss the patient or sees thousands of difference clients and won't be able to tell you much or will "forget" critical information and details.

This is why Police #5-05 of the OCPS exists and why clinicians are governed and their records are audited in accordance with this policy. Not to say all clinician's are "bad" just, very busy people who see a lot of people.

It is easier to have a conversation with the "evidence based medicine" in hand. Furthermore, it is the best information to bring to *another* clinician for a second opinion of the health care that has been delivered to the client (patient) in question.

Over thinking... More "over-educated" in this area of law probably would be a better explanation really.

Navigating the complex interactions between different clinician's in a child's complex circle of care (i.e. Autism/ADD/ADHD/et all...) is not something most people have to do. For parents who live together it is hard to keep track of everything the doctors tell them... Let alone being in a conflicted separation/divorce.

Much more (and is being done) has to be done to help the clinical community understand the difference between "joint" "sole" "parallel" "shared" and "crappy" parenting that happens after separation and divorce. Considering the divorce rate... The colleges are WAY behind in helping their members (clinicians) understand the implications properly in their practice of medicine.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
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