Ex keeps introducing kids to new girlfriends

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ipodtouch

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I need to know if there is any way to stop my ex from getting incresed time based on the fact that he is now entering his 4th relationship with a girl and introducing the kids to these women. I don`t think it is healthy for them and need to know how to go about stopping an extra day being added based on this. The kids are very fond of his current girlfriend and he is seeing other women behind her back on Plenty of Fish. I am worried that the kids will be affected by the revolving door of women. What can I do....
 
I do not agree with what he is doing either. He should wait until he is in a stable relationship before introducing her to the kids. To me that is the moral thing to do.

I really do not think that you can do anything to stop it though. As long as he is treating the kids right and none of these women have their own issues with drugs etc then there is really nothing you can do. It is his life.

Seems like you are a little too involved with his personal life if you are following his moves on the dating website.
 
You are understandably concerned, as I was as well about this new woman my STBX husband is moving in with after us being only separated for 3 months, bringing her to family parties etc. My daughter even said one day '______ was in your spot in the car Mom!' I was p*ssed right off. I had to realize there wasn't much I can do about it. I ended up saying to him 'I realize there isn't much I can do about this situation but I want you to know that I think it is inappropriate and any child psychologist would agree.' I'm going to keep the communication open w/my kid about this woman and any others who might come along in the future to make sure I get positive feedback about her. I guess there isn't much you can do about the fact that your ex is a dog that way, good thing you are 'rid' of him so to speak.
 
You can't argue an increase in visitation/access on the basis of someone's relationship status.
If a child is fond of someone's present gilfriend, then introducing them wasn't a bad thing, was it?
What's wrong with 4 relationships? There's no limit is there?
Move on if it's not working, right?
As you grow, mature, and come away from a marriage you know what it is you're looking for and mean to find it.

Moving someone in after only 3 months? OH MY GOD. They should for sure wait till 4 months.
Where are new girlfriends SUPPOSED to sit in the car? The trunk? Back seat? C'mon.

I disagree that a man that dates a lot is a dog.
In my book he's a hot tamale stud muffin.
:D
 
I don`t care what HE does.....I care about how the children perceive all these different women coming in and out of their lives. I think it sets up a negative foundation for relationships. The kids also get close to some of these ladis then once again have them ripped from thier lives.....not to mention he meets them from dating sites......who`s to say that they aren`t `bunny boilers``!!!! They could take out thier anger for him on them.......who knows.....he doesn`t get to know them enough before he brings them around.

I have been with the same man for 5 years now so definately NOT overly involved for ny reason othe than my kids well being. I don`t keep track.... it is just an incredibly small world.....and kids say the darndest things...
 
".....not to mention he meets them from dating sites......who`s to say that they aren`t `bunny boilers``!!!! They could take out thier anger for him on them.......who knows.....he doesn`t get to know them enough before he brings them around"

Until ths comment I was sort of leaning towards your opinion. Are you kidding me, seriously "bunny boilers" because he may or may have met on a dating site. they may take thier anger out on your child because he met them on a dating site, c'mon now get a grip. Perhaps you could provide a list of only the proper places for a person to meet someone. Geeeez!

Thinking there is more to this than implied here so far........
 
if he is cheating on the current girlfriend then that is between them. There will always be people coming in and out of kids lives. Is it not better that he keeps looking until he finds the right one? You may have been lucky to find your mr right but he still hasn't found his miss right. Besides someone who is around long term could have issues also. The kids may be learning not to settle with someone if it doesn't work.

Why were you looking for/at his profile on the dating site anyways?? If you do not care what he does the you would not be doing that. It just strikes me as strange.

As for the bunny boiler comment, you can meet those in a church or where ever. They are not just restricted to dating sites. There are good people out there and bad. I have know people that used dating sites and one is wonderful woman who is now engaged to the man she met on the dating site. In this day and age it seems like the internet has opened up a whole new way to meet people other then the bars etc. It is not a bad thing.
 
By the way, did I mention that it is making me NUTS that my ex is living with his gf, less than 3 months after we separated? NUTS! This seems so abnormal to me! How does a person go from being married w/a family to MOVING in with some one else almost immediately? I have to BITE my toungue all the time around my daughter about this, I think it's insane.
 
Bunny boiler means (psycho.....as in Glen Close from 9 1/2 weeks). I think that meeting someone from a dating site, bar whatever is FINE BTW....I am prone to feel HOWEVER that what is NOT FINE is introducing them to multiple ones BEFORE you REALLY know them!!! I feel that finding Miss right is wonderful.....but feel that once you know she IS "Miss Right" THEN introduce her to the children. The children have now seen him sleep with 4 different women. Do you honestly feel this is appropriate?!?!

BTW....I DO NOT creep his POF profile!! As I said in a previous post....It's a small world after all! I don't care what HE does. I care about how this is being percieved by the children AND that he seems to have complete disregard for thier well being. PERIOD!!
 
I would agree it could be a little inappropriate, if I understand correctly you have been with one person for 5 years he with 4. Not the end of the world. I seriously doubt you would be successful in limiting his time with his own children due to that. You were obviously fortunate to meet a good person right away, there is nothing wrong with including friends or "friends" in activities with our children in my opinion.
 
I understand that point. "IF" he were introducing them AS "friends" which he is NOT. These women play "house" on his weekends with the kids and the kids see him go into the same bed. They have now seen 4 different ones in and out of Dad's bed....they have wanted to know where girlfriend #1 went because they had fun with her kids then (without any "explanation")didn't see them anymore. Now we are on to #4 (she is an absolute doll BTW. She is SO great to my kids and they love her....IMO THAT is the only thing that counts), but it has come to light that he is creeping again and I worry how the kids will react when #4 is gone and another chick comes waltzing in to his home and bedroom!!! I don't want my kids getting the impression that it is okay to "screw around" because this is the example he is setting for them. Am I not in my right mind to be concerned about what negative impact this will have on them for future relationships? SOTS makes me feel like I am being psychotic for worrying what kind of impression this will leave. Am I wrong to ask that he just WAIT and carry on with his "private life" IN private.....when the kids are away from him?!?! I didn't think it was such a huge deal but apparently "I" seem to be the one in the wrong according to some of you....???? I don't get it....where did morality go?! These are kids....should we not be concerned about what they see and who they are associating with???
 
I did say that I did not agree with it in my first post. I agreeded with you that he should wait until he is in a stable relationship. But in this world no one can force someone to act morally.
 
Please suppose that instead of a divorce, a parent was a widow(er) or a single parent from the start. Would having a series of relationships be cause for the Children's Aid and the Courts to apprehend the children and place them in foster care?

You are trying to show that he is an unfit parent, please realize that you have to show this by producing behaviour that would apply to anyone and everyone, not just your ex, your children, but all families.

Also realize that you are focusing on behaviour that is visible, obviously you can use the wonders of the internet to find him on a dating site, and you can keep track of his relationships by asking the children. How would you feel if he was keeping your parenting under a microscope, checking your fridge for expired yogurt or using a web cam to track every time you yelled at the children?

None of us are perfect humans, and none of us are perfect parents. Children are resiliant and can weather some storms and turn out to be decent adults. You may be causing them more harm by setting up an adversarial confrontation than he would by having yet another girlfriend.

You do the best thing for children by taking the high road, and showing them a good example and being a decent role model. Don't focus on criticizing others, you are only teaching them to criticize others including yourself.
 
What is his basis for asking for increased time? My understanding is that there needs to be some material change in circumstances to warrant requesting a change the access schedule.

How do you know he is seeing other women? Just because his POF profile is still visible? Have you been baiting him on POF to verify that he is communicating with other women? Do you know when he last logged in to POF?
 
Mess said:
Please suppose that instead of a divorce, a parent was a widow(er) or a single parent from the start. Would having a series of relationships be cause for the Children's Aid and the Courts to apprehend the children and place them in foster care?

You are trying to show that he is an unfit parent, please realize that you have to show this by producing behaviour that would apply to anyone and everyone, not just your ex, your children, but all families.

Also realize that you are focusing on behaviour that is visible, obviously you can use the wonders of the internet to find him on a dating site, and you can keep track of his relationships by asking the children. How would you feel if he was keeping your parenting under a microscope, checking your fridge for expired yogurt or using a web cam to track every time you yelled at the children?

None of us are perfect humans, and none of us are perfect parents. Children are resiliant and can weather some storms and turn out to be decent adults. You may be causing them more harm by setting up an adversarial confrontation than he would by having yet another girlfriend.

You do the best thing for children by taking the high road, and showing them a good example and being a decent role model. Don't focus on criticizing others, you are only teaching them to criticize others including yourself.
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very good answer
 
I'm 100% with Mess on this one. You can't control how your ex behaves with regards to your children. The only thing you can do is be the best parent you can, set a good example, and very quickly the kids will see that disparity. This not only applies to new partners, but bad-mouthing the other parent, complaining about money, needling the kids for information and all the other stupid things some divorced parents do. Kids are smart - they know who is looking out for their best interests.

I've been separated for 3 years and have dated quite a lot. The only GF my kids ever met was a woman I dated for 6 months leading up to it and only at my daughter's insistance. I think it is better to err on the side of extreme caution, particularly in the early stages of the separation.
 
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