Ex hostile towards me in front of child...

court

court

New member
Hi everyone, it's been a while since I have been here :)

Now that I have FRO involved I really no longer need to discuss anything with my ex, however , since FRO is involved he has become (even more than before) extremely angry and resentful towards me. He is talking very negatively about me to our D6 and swears (C**N, W***RE and on and on) in front of her at our (very public) bi-weekly exchanges which makes her cry. After this last weekends episode I don't think it's in her best interest for me to continue doing the exchanges but don't currently have anyone who can help with these exchanges until mid-July. What do I do? I do have Sole custody and there is no access order stamped out, we have just agreed with every other weekend but where does the line get drawn, how much should a child be subject to? What avenues do I take right now? Shall I keep meeting him myself and continue having her witness this until July? What about the stuff he is saying to her? I am self-repping so don't know what steps I can arrange to get supervised visits or whatever is needed until she is at least a little older to stand up to him or of an age where she can legally decide not to go see him.

Thanks in advance,
 
You could have him meet you at the police station (or coffee shop ;) )but I'm not sure that would be best for your daughter either and I'm sure he would not agree.

He might be a little less willing to make an Ass of himself in those places
 
FB_ said:
You could have him meet you at the police station (or coffee shop ;) )but I'm not sure that would be best for your daughter either and I'm sure he would not agree.

He might be a little less willing to make an Ass of himself in those places
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Is there someone who is still friends with both of you who could come with you? Or even just someone he doesn't hate? Having a witness might shame him or at least make him worried. If you had someone you really trusted to do the exchange for you, even better.
 
We have no mutual friends and I do have someone that can come with or do the exchanges entirely for me but it won't be until mid-July, until then I am stuck with a decision to make. I don't want to hold her from her father but at the same time I don't want her subject to this abuse, it's really aggressive and scary. The police station is an idea...
 
court said:
We have no mutual friends and I do have someone that can come with or do the exchanges entirely for me but it won't be until mid-July, until then I am stuck with a decision to make. I don't want to hold her from her father but at the same time I don't want her subject to this abuse, it's really aggressive and scary. The police station is an idea...
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Somewhere with lots of witnesses and a situation he would be less likely to do it. It is not a healthy situation but you should probably not withhold access as this would make things way worse and possibly look very bad on you should it end up in court.
 
I don't think you could change it to supervised access, but you could certainly change the pickup drop off location to a public place with witnesses.

In the mean time, just bring a video camera with you or use your cell phone. That should change his demeanor during transfers pretty quickly.
 
She's 6 so she is in school. Have him pick D6 up from school on Friday, and drop her off at school on Monday. No need for you to meet at all.
 
Find a place tim hortons, or McDonalds that has two entrances you use the same door everytime he the other door.

If you don't mind me asking, why don't you have equal shared parenting is there a protection concern with regards to the other parent, or has he decided that he doesn't want equal shared parenting. You say you have no order but you have sole custody. I'm confused. How can you have sole custody without an order for access?
 
I agree with the Supervised Access Centre. They have programs where they supervise drop off/pick up. Even smaller cities have them and his behaviour would be documented by professionals.

At the very least I would record and I would clearly let him know I am recording. You may never get him acting awful on tape that way but hopefully it would make him act more appropriately in front of the child.
 
This is a horrible situation, court. My X is currently texting our S15 and being negative towards me, his mother. I'm not sure how to make this stop either.

For your sake, as well as your child's, I certainly hope this stops. I like the video camera idea. Wonder if that would work?
 
involveddad75 said:
If you don't mind me asking, why don't you have equal shared parenting is there a protection concern with regards to the other parent, or has he decided that he doesn't want equal shared parenting. You say you have no order but you have sole custody. I'm confused. How can you have sole custody without an order for access?
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When I went to court to get custody ordered I went to the case conference requesting joint (he worked too much for shared) and when he didn't show up twice the judge automatically gave me Sole custody. I didn't fill out the forms for access (dumb yes) and so that wasn't put in the final order. When a final order doesn't have access specified at all, what are the default terms? Does anyone know?

Thanks for all the advice, I especially like the idea of meeting inside a Tim Hortons or something similar since he will be less likely to insult me in front of people. A public parking lot doesn't seem to make a difference to him but inside a facility might, I will also bring a video camera :)
 
dinkyface said:
She's 6 so she is in school. Have him pick D6 up from school on Friday, and drop her off at school on Monday. No need for you to meet at all.
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That would be ideal, I live 80km from him though and he wont' do it, that's why we meet in the middle.
 
Who moved away?
If you go to tims or mcd other the other door approach.
Lol check it has two entrances. Lol
My ex got the judge to change locations once, to one she picked. Turned out it only had one entrance.
We now do exchanges in a plaza parting lot.
Once both children in school this September, all exchanges will be done at school.
 
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involveddad75 said:
Who moved away?
If you go to tims or mcd other the other door approach.
Lol check it has two entrances. Lol
My ex got the judge to change locations once, to one she picked. Turned out it only had one entrance.
We now do exchanges in a plaza parting lot.
Once both children in school this September, all exchanges will be done at school.
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Common locations are (in high conflict situations):

- *In* the McDonalds/etc.. in front of the service counter.
- *In* a crowded area like the food court of a mall.

Key point is that you shouldn't be exchanging the children in a parking lot with a high conflict ex. The stories that I have seen used about these locations is just scream out that they need to be done in front of cameras.

Anywhere there is full security surveillance is a fine place to go.

The highly conflicted often change their tune when they know they are being recorded.... Well, most of the time.

Here is the supporting theory applied:

"Bike thefts slashed by 50% at University after scientists install a picture of a pair of EYES above the cycle racks"

Bike thefts slashed by 50% at University after scientists install a picture of a pair of EYES above the cycle racks | Mail Online

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
In a public library maybe - where there is an expectation that people will keep their voices down, and everyone can hear you?
 
I go through this a lot as well.

Almost every exchange, and theres no need for it. I say barely anything (Im recording :cool: but I get it all on tape, the put downs, the agression, the gaslighting...) all in front of the child..and her neighbors...and her parents.....as wel currently do the exchange in front of her parents house.

Sadly...because she doesnt drive the suggestion to do the exchanges elsewhere got stymied. The child is only 2 so theres almost no way to conduct "faceless" exchanges all the times. She doesnt want me bringing anyone to the exchanges.

But I do get so tired of the way she puts me down in front of the child....makes me wonder what she says and how she acts when Im not around.
 
Tayken said:
Common locations are (in high conflict situations):

- *In* the McDonalds/etc.. in front of the service counter.
- *In* a crowded area like the food court of a mall.

Key point is that you shouldn't be exchanging the children in a parking lot with a high conflict ex. The stories that I have seen used about these locations is just scream out that they need to be done in front of cameras.

Anywhere there is full security surveillance is a fine place to go.

The highly conflicted often change their tune when they know they are being recorded.... Well, most of the time.
Click to expand...
It also protects the false allegations. One might be accused of being high conflict, but it might also be that one parent is simply trying to create smoke.

In either case having camera's protect each other from the others behaviours, but the same can be said that they also protect from false allegations.
If a parent makes an allegation, you can simply ask the accuser to produce the camera evidence that proves the act. Otherwise withdraw it.
 
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