Ex claiming he never received my emails

[Nadia]

I guess this question is directed at the more savy IT people out there.

My ex now claims because he blocked my email address he has not been receiving any of my emails over the past few months.

However, none of my emails bounce back and he has copied me into emails he sent to the school and I received his email.

Last week I emailed him informing him I would not be able to drop off the kids that evening and could he possibly pick them up. Received a call from his mother that morning asking me to confirm if I was dropping off the kids or did I want them to pick them up because her son had to work.

Is there any case law or any personal experiences that anyone can share when the opposing party incorrectly claims they were not getting any emails, but there is evidence to indicate that they in fact did receive them?

 

[dinkyface]

If he blocked them, it would not bounce back to you. You can test this by creating a test email account at the same domain (assuming it is not a business email) and sending an email to it.

By blocking them, he has chosen not to read them. Just the same as if he had decided just to not open them, or never check his email. Only the fact that he decided not to read them (and admitted as much) is relevant. How he did that (blocking) is not relevant.

Do you have anything in your order about HOW you are supposed to communicate?

How often do you email him? Is there any chance you could be over-communicating?

Personally, I would not rely on email to arrange a change of plans the same day.

 

[Nadia]

So, all the information related to the childrens medical appointments, extra curriculum activities, information about their medical needs, request for an adjustment to Child Support, payment towards medical expenses, assistance with special section seven expenses is all for naught?

Can he now explain his failure to attend medical appointments, extra curriculum activities by claiming he never got the information/details because he never received the emails?

I also sent him offers to settle/request for disclosure via registered mail which confirmed delivery/receipt, but yes, he could claim he never actually opened the envelope.

Just occured to me: it is not the fact that he refused to accept the emails (by allegedly blocking me) but the fact that I sent emails to him regularly related to the children which is significant. I guess at least I have a record of that, should he claim...she never notified me.

If he claims that he could not attend such and such an appointment because of lack of information, is the Judge not likely to say...she sent you the information, that you refused to open the email or delete it or had it blocked is on you?

 

[Nadia]

Do you have anything in your order about HOW you are supposed to communicate?

How often do you email him? Is there any chance you could be over-communicating?

He was emailed as necessary. It was not every day but I would say a couple to several emails every week specifically related to the children.

I think he has been receiving my emails as evidenced by the fact that he had his mother call me on the Friday morning following an email from me. There honestly would be no other reason why his mother would call to find out whether I was dropping the children that evening or not. The regular schedule dictates that I drop off the kids on Friday evenings which I have done for the past 4 years. If there is a change of plan, I send him an email ahead of time like I did this past week thereby prompting his mother's call to me.

I think based on this alone it is reasonable for me to assume he is getting my emails. Whether he admits or denies it is neither here or there, what is significant - is it reasonable for ME to assume that he was receiving my emails as evidenced by the fact that his mother called me to confirm alternative arrangement for that evening following an email that I had sent HIM the day before

 

[dinkyface]

So, all the information related to the childrens medical appointments, extra curriculum activities, information about their medical needs, request for an adjustment to Child Support, payment towards medical expenses, assistance with special section seven expenses is all for naught?

Sadly yes, since he decided not to look at them. That is why any significant negotiation info should be sent registered mail, or by proper services, if in litigation.

Can he now explain his failure to attend medical appointments, extra curriculum activities by claiming he never got the information/details because he never received the emails?

Nope - he has decided not to attend by ignoring the emails.

I also sent him offers to settle/request for disclosure via registered mail which confirmed delivery/receipt, but yes, he could claim he never actually opened the envelope.

He could, and would look extremely bad for it.

Just occured to me: it is not the fact that he refused to accept the emails (by allegedly blocking me) but the fact that I sent emails to him regularly related to the children which is significant. I guess at least I have a record of that, should he claim...she never notified me.

Exactly.

If he claims that he could not attend such and such an appointment because of lack of information, is the Judge not likely to say...she sent you the information, that you refused to open the email or delete it or had it blocked is on you?

Yup. Except ...he did not 'have it blocked' ... HE BLOCKED it! For some reason you are hesitant to understand he is making these choices.

Make sure you have your proofs safe ... perhaps you could take screen captures (Shift-Printscreen, then Edit/Paste into Paint - if using windows) of your sent emails. Because usually there is a limit to how long sent emails are kept online. There might be a better way, not sure.

 

[Nadia]

Yup. Except ...he did not 'have it blocked' ... HE BLOCKED it! For some reason you are hesitant to understand he is making these choices.

No, I agree with you. He is making a conscious choice not to communicate via email or for that matter any other way.

 

[dad2bandm]

Nadia... try this service, which I use.

readnotify.com

You setup your email to use the service, and then you send to a special format of email address, to send to your ex. That utilizes the readnotify.com service, and allows:

- a much better method to get a "read receipt" generated, by the service, and not totally dependant on the recipient okay'ing a read receipt

- a "certified" feature, that generates a certificate, etc...that can be linked to the email, to show it was not "tampered with". ex. This certificate matches the email, which means, this is the email that was sent on such and such a day

- gives you a list of what you sent that receipient - if anything, that helps me in looking at "hmm...they still have not read/responded on issue X"

Check out their info...as it has an explanation, etc. I've been using it, and it's handy. The ex has told me same "I didn't get the email!". Then why does my email show you read it, at such and such a time. (I don't tell her that...but I can show when she lies - I'm keeping it under wraps for now, until she figures it out).

My question would be, how does your ex want to communicate then, about your child, if he's going to block email? Did he suggest something else?

If not email, use OurFamilyWizard.

 

[good_mom]

Appointments....advise him but don't expect him to be there. Remember it is not up to you to judge his attendance but to communicate the appointment...It can be frustrating when we set an expectation of a person to care.

Why should he attend when you make life easy for him? You control the appointments....and have issues when he does not show up.

Let him take on some of the responsibilities and be a parent.

Are you in a share custody situation or sole custody?


You just might get his attention with a monition....he seems to not be responding to anything and you seem to be wasting your time and money with letters.
.

 

[Nadia]

Well, that is a very pathetic response Good_mom
We specifically have a court order in place requesting his attendance at these appointments. I don't make the appointments. The appointments are given to us by the Hospital and are provided based on service providers availablility.

I hold no expectations, only that he can't say "I was ONLY unable to get involved in my kids life or attend any medical appointments, because she refused to let me know what was going on."

And I am certainly not wasting my time by sending him Offers to Settle. They are served as per rules. If he chooses to ignore them and claims he is choosing not to open the registered letter but signing for receipt/delivery, that really does not bode well for him.

 

[good_mom]

You do realize that we on the form are not mind readers...and sometimes people don't provide all the information in the post. Having to read your full bio of postings on here...way to long to do.

You are doing what is need to be done and DaD2bandm gave you a service to use so calm down and see that you are doing the best for you child.

Get the medical office to contact him directly to advise him of the appointment.

Do you sign in for the appointments? If so get a copy of this every time...prove he did not attend.

SO you are worried that he says you did not send the info and you are.

Why? He seems not be worried about attending?

What has your lawyer said about this?

If no one is holding him accountable what is the use of the court order?

 

[Nadia]

I'm sorry got to put you on my ignore list good_mom. The bad grammar not to mention the lack of critical thinking here is mind boggling. Its not my fault your "too" lazy to read the background stuff. "Forum" (not form) members comment on what is posted.

Thank you to everyone else and the private messages with helpful advice.

 

[Mess]

Nadia, I was going to recommend readnotify as well.

Refresh my memory, do you not have as part of your order that communication will be by email?

OurFamilyWizard also has a verified communication system.

If he blocks your email, he cannot complain that you didn't attempt to notify him.

I would send him any future notifications by C.O.D. post.

 

[Nadia]

OurFamilyWizard also has a verified communication system.

I would send him any future notifications by C.O.D. post.

I sent him an Offer to Settle proposing the use of OurFamily Wizard over six months ago when Tayken suggested the idea back then. He never responded. The Offer to Settle was sent via Registered Mail and he signed for it.

What do you mean C.O.D. post? He can still deny receiving the contents in question at least with email one can see exactly what has been sent and when.

I can't force him to respond to anything if he chooses not to, but I do need to make sure I cover my back, by making it clear all reasonable efforts were made to communicate and that I had no reason to believe he was not receiving my emails including the most recent one informing him of the change to drop off.

I have zero communication with his mother. No phone calls, no face-to-face meetings. The ONLY reason she called me on the Friday morning (first time in a very, very long time) was because he asked her to call me and find out what the arrangements were for that evening AFTER he had received an email from me, asking him to pick up the kids instead of me dropping them.

 

[Nadia]

Refresh my memory, do you not have as part of your order that communication will be by email?

Yes, the order states parties must provide each other with their email addresses.
Why would parties be ordered to provide email addreses if not to use email as a form of communication.

 

[Mess]

Yes, the order states parties must provide each other with their email addresses.
Why would parties be ordered to provide email addreses if not to use email as a form of communication.

My C.O.D. comment was just my sense of humour.

I agree, he cannot reasonably refuse your email, and with this in the court order it must be understood that you will communicate by email.

 

[Nadia]

It's just not even emails related to sharing information. When ever I received a cheque from HIM for the cost order or medical expenses. I scanned them in as a PDF before taking them to the bank and sent him a polite email letting him know I'd received the cheques (see attached PDF) but that they were back dated three months ago.

Eg. Cost Order cheque due in January, he finally gets around to sending it on April 1st but then dates it as January 31st.

Last time we were in court he alleged that the reason I had not received his cheques, was because I was refusing to accept his cheques. "I've tried to give them to her, but she just won't take them." In fact, he continued "your honour I have the outstanding cheques in my back pocket."

At the end of the motion I quickly reminded the Judge he had told her he had the outstanding cheques, and would it be possible for him to hand them over now. The Judge looked at him. He looked all flustered and said he'd actually left them in his truck. Police officer at the court who was going to walk me to my car then accompanied me back to his truck and we waited while he wrote out the outstanding cheques.

 

[stripes]

I don't have any better advice than anyone else, just wanted to send my sympathies. I too have an ex who won't communicate or acknowledge emails. Once I accepted that this was just another manifestation of his generally being a jerk, life actually became easier. He won't confer or collaborate on any decisions involving the kid, so by default I end up making them. My emails have gone from asking for his input to something like this:

"I propose doing xyz (renewing kid's gymnastics, taking her for a dental checkup, switching pickup times, having her birthday party , etc). If you would like to suggest an alternate arrangement, I am flexible. Please let me know if you would prefer a different plan by date/month. If I don't hear from you by date/month, I will assume the plan I have outlined is accepted and will move ahead. Sincerely".

Then I figure I've covered myself, and am cleared to move ahead. I used to spend way too much time trying to be collaborative and co-operative before I realized that a) he had no interest in reciprocating; and b) I was tying myself up in knots worrying about his reaction, which was way too much deja vu from the marriage.

 

[DowntroddenDad]

I had very similar circumstances. During the negotiations for the separation agreement, she wouldn't answer or acknowledge any emails at all. She did however forward some to her lawyer to answer.

But things can get better. My ex will now chat with me when I call the apartment to speak with the kids.

 

[Nadia]

Thanks for sharing your experience Stripes. That was very helpful

But things can get better. My ex will now chat with me when I call the apartment to speak with the kids.

Downtrodden, I do not wish to be pessimistic about matters, but this is highly unlikely to happen in our case. It has been over six years since our "official" seperation and we probably have at least a dozen court orders and countless endorsements. I am financially crippled from the litigation and just devastated that I have to deal with this immature, "bullish" behavior after all these years.

 

[DowntroddenDad]

Thanks for sharing your experience Stripes. That was very helpful



Downtrodden, I do not wish to be pessimistic about matters, but this is highly unlikely to happen in our case. It has been over six years since our "official" seperation and we probably have at least a dozen court orders and countless endorsements. I am financially crippled from the litigation and just devastated that I have to deal with this immature, "bullish" behavior after all these years.

Well even I don't think things will always be smooth between the Ex and I, but I will enjoy some peace at the moment.

Nadia, in your case, I'd agree with your assessment. I think my kids may have had something to do with it.