I am approaching my child's 18th birthday, the mother specifically told me not to ask to have payments adjusted for 16 years (she is VERY well off). Her case worker somewhere sent me income statement requests 2 times - which I ignored.
I understand I have to somehow have her agree to end the support, but i'm afraid they are going to try to come after me for arrears in some way.
Any advice here? I figure if they came after me -- it would END me financially. I'd lose my home, and my actual family would be homeless.
I've probably handled this poorly, but i'm trying to figure out how to end this where nobody gets hurt, but i'm afraid of what might happen if she somehow thinks that this could be some kind of financial windfall.
She isn't my wife, we were never married. She's well off now, but wasn't long time ago.
She's never requested an adjustment, never requested financial statements from me (exception of a case worker asked a few times by snail mail only), no communication in 16 years.
Do I owe her support that is not paid? Based on the existing order in place -- NO
I'm surprised nobody else has jumped in here to suggest that you need to reframe your approach to this child. Just because you were never married to the mother and she didn't ask for support adjustments and you haven't had any contact with the child still does not mean that this child is not your responsibility. You were responsible to support the child based on your income, and adjust that number annually with your income changes. The mother couldn't absolve you of that responsibility years ago - it was the child's right. So yes, you could be on the hook for quite a bit of arrears. And responsibility doesn't automatically end at age 18. If the kid goes to university, you could be required to pay CS and tuition and living expenses for four more years.
This child deserves your financial support just as much as your 'actual' family does. Also deserves your emotional support, but I guess you messed that one up many years ago. If you haven't had any contact, how do you know that the child hasn't been homeless and hungry?
Anyways, to spare you the need to defend yourself, here is my best answer for you.
Write a letter to the mother, inquiring about the child, and their plans for future schooling, so that you may know if child support continues or not. Inquire if she would like you to update your CS amount to correspond with your current income, or if she still feels that her own greater income is sufficient.
Don't mention arrears, but be prepared to pay them. If it happens, it would not be required as a lump sum, but a regular amount on top of normal CS to pay the arrears down gradually. If you haven't had contact with the mother in many years, you have no idea if she is still doing as well as she was then or if she struggles now and could use the extra money for the child, especially if there are university expenses coming.
Lastly, you would do well to take an interest in the child, and pursue a relationship on an adult basis. This kid may have spent his/her whole life wondering what his/her father is like, and why he's not around.
