encouragement??

Status
Not open for further replies.
R

riverbag

New member
Hi All,

I sure am getting tired of Legal Professionals telling me how the current offer my Ex has is "a Great Offer". How implying that visiting with my 2 young children (5 and 1) is in their best interest and how as a Father, the best thing I can do is settle for what is being offered. Is the legal system that freaking lazy that they just tell men to "settle" instead of taking a REAL look at what is going on, the abuse of the legal system by Mothers who kidnap and hold hostage the real victims in this process, the children.

I will not be giving up, and I will MAKE the court system at least listen to me and hopefully take a REAL look at my children's current situation and then tell me that being a weekend Father is what these children really need.

GRRRR
 
YOU did not mention the time you were offered. If ti seems fair the judge and lawyers will think so as well. IF you are getting every weekend that is a good deal. Some people make it less time than that. If they think you want to see them every day that may be deemed unreasonable.
 
The children "deserve" an equal amount of time with both Parents as it has been proven to enable them to thrive, so anything except 50/50 is NOT in the best interests of the children. Every second weekend is only "fair" if the non custodial parent is considered unfit to parent the children....This "fair and generous" access crap is just a way for the lawyers and judges to settle something quick without having to actually look into the situation.
 
I am from the US and these hours are set in most states by law. THey resort to virtual visitation if the child lives elsewhere. If people in Ont demanded schedule guidelines in law then this would not be an issue. I undererstand Manitoba has such guidelines.
 
I completely understand where you are coming from. [Rant]You are their parent just as she is. There should be no difference in determining access. It should automatically start at 50/50 and then be required by the other party to legally prove why your kids should not have the right to be parented equally by both parents. And I don't buy the crap that the kids need their mother more especially when they are young. There are plenty of different schedules that can accomodate young children and provide them with the opportunity to flourish with each parent. Fortunately for me I was able to secure 50/50 parenting for my child but I clearly understand the overwhelming imbalance that exists in terms of mothers asking for custody of the children and relegating the father to be a cash machine, Disney-Dad every other weekend. There are plenty of excellent fathers out there who are actively involved in their childrens lives. [/Rant]

Scared1, you mentioned in your post "if it seems fair" then the judge and lawyers will think so as well. In my first meeting with my lawyer he told me to erase the word "fair" from my vocabulary because it is not a legal concept. "Fair" is subjective and most mothers think that relegating their ex's to eow access is completely "fair". And the fathers then face a massive uphill battle to 'prove' they are worthy. This imbalance completely ignores what is in "the child's best interest" which is a healthy loving relationship with both parents and if the father wants to be a 50/50 parent, why should the children be deprived of this?

And River, I too heard the "this is a good deal" from my lawyer many times and in terms of financial matters, he was almost certainly right although I felt like I was being robbed. He was weighing the entire financial costs of proceeding with case conference, trial etc. He was also weighing what the probable outcome would be during the trial as well However, if the custody/access of my son were in dispute and not 50/50, then I most certainly would never listened to this logic as I can always make more money but the time with my child is a time limited commodity worth fighting for.

My best to you.
 
Check out this petition in the US

Presumed Shared Physical Custody Equals Happier and Healthier Children Petition

and this link


For The Sake Of The Children (Report) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

and this one

Convention on the Rights of the Child - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The rights of the child and the best interests of the child is to have TWO loving parents involved in their upbringing, not a visiting one and a custodial one.

In My case, I have been relegated unwillingly to a visiting Parent by my Ex and have been advised numerous times by legal professionals to "settle" for the "fair and generous" offer my Ex has put on the table, yet noone has been able to explain how that offer is in the best interests of our children, or why I should "settle" except that it would end the court case....so I guess I won't be settling
 
"I can always make more money but the time with my child is a time limited commodity worth fighting for"......this, this is the phrase that will get me through today. This is the reason why I will not lie down. The normalcy I feel when they are with me, the joy I feel when they accomplish something they have worked at (walking is the current thing), the happiness I see in their eyes when they are with me, all of these things and so much more move me forward. Thank you all for your support, some of you unknowingly through your own posts....I may not get what I think is in the best interests of my children, but I won't willingly lie down and let it happen.
 
riverbag said:
"I can always make more money but the time with my child is a time limited commodity worth fighting for"......this, this is the phrase that will get me through today. This is the reason why I will not lie down. The normalcy I feel when they are with me, the joy I feel when they accomplish something they have worked at (walking is the current thing), the happiness I see in their eyes when they are with me, all of these things and so much more move me forward. Thank you all for your support, some of you unknowingly through your own posts....I may not get what I think is in the best interests of my children, but I won't willingly lie down and let it happen.
Click to expand...

Way to go dude!

That quote at the top about making more money is exactly where I'm at when I go into my daughter's SK class to volunteer, or go on field trips with my kids.
 
Links to papers which will help you with your case.

Children need BOTH parents after divorce, 80% of Canadians agree on shared parenting. It's only our legal system that won't change the status quo, due to resistance from lawyers etc. who profit from the way it is now. Canada has one of the HIGHEST parental removal rates after divorce. Over 90% of CP's in Canada are women. In the US it is around 83% female CP's. Canada needs to change and I thank YOU for being one of the men with the time, energy and money to fight what is rightfully yours all along, the right to raise your own child, along with the mother, whether the relationship is intact or not. Good Luck to you!!!!

Canada’s Foremost Custody Expert: Family Court “A National Shame” | Shared Parenting Works

http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/179/April7_Kruk_Summary.pdf

http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/181/April7_Kruk.pdf

See ALSO:

Shared Parental Responsibility A Harm Reduction-Based Approach to Divorce Law Reform

Edward Kruk PhD, Associate Professor, School of Social Work and Family Studies, University of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC, V6T 1Z2, Canada, edward.kruk@ubc.ca

Abstract:

The purpose of this article is twofold. First, our aim is to provide a selective overview and analysis of divorce research in the past five year period (2000-2005), during which important new data on children, families and divorce have appeared. Much of this data challenges current socio-legal policy and "practice wisdom," and includes: (1) the emergent perspective of adult children of divorce reflecting upon their experiences and preferences growing up as children of divorce; (2) studies comparing child and family outcomes in joint and sole custody families, and (3) new data on the distribution of child care tasks and responsibilities in families. These data support an approach to postdivorce parenting based on reducing the harms attendant to divorce for children and parents, parental equality and family autonomy as most in keeping with children's needs and the principle of "the best interests of the child, from the perspective of the child," which, it is argued, provides a more child-focused standard for child custody determination than current approaches. Second, building on this research foundation, we propose a new model of post-divorce parenting: a "shared parental responsibility" framework, in which parental responsibilities precede custodial rights, and children's "best interests" are addressed by means of identifying both their needs and parental and societal responsibilities corresponding to these needs.

Journal Title: Journal of Divorce & Remarriage:
Research and Clinical Studies in Family Theory, Family Law, Family Mediation, and Family Therapy
Volume: 43 Issue: 3/4
ISSN: 1050-2556
Pub Date: 25 August 2005
Page Range: 119 - 140
DOI: 10.1300/J087v43n03_07
 
scared1 said:
YOU did not mention the time you were offered. If ti seems fair the judge and lawyers will think so as well. IF you are getting every weekend that is a good deal. Some people make it less time than that. If they think you want to see them every day that may be deemed unreasonable.
Click to expand...
How can you say this is a Good Deal Scared? I agree with DADTOTHEEND why don't you settle for that?
 
His ex lives 40 min away so the only way he can see them more is if he moves or she if forced to move back. The courts do not like to do that anymore.

She can always be more liberal but Many parents do not see them or cannot that often. I still think he needs to set up phone and computer time to supplement. That is better than no time.

I know many families in the US who have not seen kids in years from lack of caring or wars. But you can see them for a distant. I know men and women who have gone on 3 or 4 tours of duty for wars. I did not see my own son but 4 times in 2 yrs when he on active duty. It tore my heart out.

Then my spouse now wanted me to force me to put my auti child into a care center then he filed for access to her?

People say I am not thinkig straight. I know many a parent that gets very other weekened for 6 hours or less.
 
scared1 said:
His ex lives 40 min away so the only way he can see them more is if he moves or she if forced to move back. The courts do not like to do that anymore.

She can always be more liberal but Many parents do not see them or cannot that often. I still think he needs to set up phone and computer time to supplement. That is better than no time.

I know many families in the US who have not seen kids in years from lack of caring or wars. But you can see them for a distant. I know men and women who have gone on 3 or 4 tours of duty for wars. I did not see my own son but 4 times in 2 yrs when he on active duty. It tore my heart out.

Then my spouse now wanted me to force me to put my auti child into a care center then he filed for access to her?

People say I am not thinkig straight. I know many a parent that gets very other weekened for 6 hours or less.
Click to expand...
Hhmm....have you been drinking? What is the big deal, ya he could move a little closer for conveinience, but 40 mins isn't far for a willing and able father to have equal shared parenting that he should have just as much a right to as well as his child's right to his father. As for military families, that is an entirely different thing altogether.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top