Emotional / Fianancial abuse defence - Does she automatically get Mat Home

[mf1iaat]

My stbx claims I am emotionally and financially abusive.

We went to a mediator off the record, and she indicated that as a result of my behavior a judge would automatically award my ex the mat home and have me pay off the remaining mortgage. Essentially the judge wouldn’t move the kids from their mat home and hence I have to buy it out for the ex

She also wants me to pay off the car and transfer to her name and pay off a $3k credit card statement.

We both live in the house with 2 young children. The current arrangement is amicable and civil as we work through the separation.

In order to pay out the mortgage, car and credit card I would have to liquidate all my rrsp’s, and a duplex property owned by my company . Doing so would financially wipe me out with nothing save for my consultancy business. I am the only employee.

I also had a significant RRSP portfolio before we were married but the mediator says that wouldn’t matter to the courts based on my behavior!

I though equalization of property would essentially mean we have to sell the house, split the equity and go our separate ways, with me responsible for CS/SS and negotiated other costs.

Does this make sense? Does equalization trump my alleged behavior or the other way around, or I am missing something?

I worked out that even with my CS/SS she probably couldn't afford the house.

I am speaking to my accountant and lawyer this week.

Thanks,

 

[Rioe]

Yeah, talk to your own people, don't take advice or believe a thing your ex says, even if she says her lawyer said it. And I don't know about that mediator you found either! She didn't seem very neutral!

Do your best to stay amicable and civil, especially once lawyers get involved. Lawyers tend to ramp up the conflict as this draws out their fees.

Basically, equalization works that you take your assets minus debts at separation date and subtract the assets minus debts each of you had individually at marriage, and then divide it by two. That's what each of you should walk away with. You are each entitled to half the house minus half the mortgage, no matter who started with it, however.

You paying off the mortgage and giving her the house is absolutely ridiculously unfair, and no judge would order that. Your behaviour and the reasons for the break-up are also irrelevant. Canada has no fault divorce.

There is lots of information on equalization around here, just do a search for that term and you will find lots of ideas on how to do it fairly.

However!

The big question around here is going to be what are you two planning to do about your children? How are you going to be involved in their lives in the future? Equalization is actually a secondary issue to the main one, which is how to proceed with your separation with the least amount of disruption to the children's lives. Keep their best interests in your mind throughout the whole process.

 

[staysingle]

Do your own research on equalization. It really is quite straight forward. The noted mediator was a joke.

Here is your potential big problem looming. She is getting advice from a lawyer. That lawyer will convince her to a) claim domestic violence. This will assure her the house, the kids everything!. Just because its "amicable" now doesn't mean that will change in a New York second. Think about it, if she or the mediator is playing the emotional-financial abuse card already you can bet the allegations will only get more serious. Why? because an allegation of physical violence or verbal threats is enough for the police to arrest you, remove you from the house, criminally charge you. Then CAS is called and you are visiting your children a few hours a week supervised.

Just to clear your criminal charges can take 6 to 9 months.

False domestic violence allegation against men , by some senior lawyer accounts, is growing rampant and many lawyers for women are encouraging this as it is certain victory in all family court matters.

 

[FightingForFamily]

I believe the statistic is about 80% of separation/divorce involve one spouse trying to claim abuse of the other. Sometimes it's true, sometimes not, but authorities are stuck trying to separate the two and this will complicate matters enormously.

And in divorces delays means more cost and less access for Dads, who are usually the ones mired in allegations.

I'm going on 6 months trying to clear mine and counting...

 

[Chris2008]

Well, i don't want to make it all doom and gloom. In my case, there was no evidence of physical violence so they didnt press anything.

because an allegation of physical violence or verbal threats is enough for the police to arrest you, remove you from the house, criminally charge you. Then CAS is called and you are visiting your children a few hours a week supervised.

 

[billiechic]

I believe the statistic is about 80% of separation/divorce involve one spouse trying to claim abuse of the other. quote]

For SHAME! anyone who alleges falsely that there has been abuse is making things worse for those who were abused to see justice and protection! While it might be a good "tactic" to pull in order to rattle the other side, you are laughing in the faces of all the real victims and rubbing their noses in it.

It is a fact that conflict escalates at the end of relationships (in most cases) but that doesnt mean the screaming nasty names at each other for 2 months is abuse. It may be abusive, but it is nothing compared to what real victims suffer.

That said, it might be true that 80% of divorce cases have one or both parties complaining about abusive behavior, but I dont think that 80% are actually claiming to be abusive relationships.