Dsicouraged and concerened!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Hello Oils006,

Yeah, that's true people around you usually have a better perspective of your marriage ... call it a third eye's view!

Well at least you both agreed on most of the points. But man, 1200$/month cheeeze that's quite steep.... did she work at all? One of my business partners went to court with the idea to get 6 days for him and 8 days for her and the judge rendered it so he gets the child 3 days and she gets him 11 days! Go figure! She worked so his child support isn't that significant.

>"Don`t get discouraged there is plenty of successfull single women out there. >The women you find shouldn't care about the little empire you have built before >her."

Yeah, successful women! I happen to know quite a few! Some have admitted to me that a large portion of their money is placed in accounts pertaining to their mother or father and some go through the trouble of placing their money in reputable off shore accounts. I should do the same. However I know, that failure of disclosure can abolish a prenupt ! But they still do it.. cause really how is one to find out?

I wish everything goes well in you new relationship!

Regards
Rob
 
Hello Mess,

I was wondering, for a prenupt, if I stipulate that all my assets that I owned before the relationship are mine and the same goes for her's, is that at least bullet proof?

"Rob, just marry someone who has a job. She won't be economicly disadvantaged by the marriage, and you won't be liable for alimoney. This solves all of your problems."

And that's exactly what one of my friends did!

"Now, the problem may be that you have nothing really going for you other than money, so no woman will date you for any other reason than money. If that is the case, changing the law isn't really going to solve your problems, is it?"

Naa! I am fun guy, very social, I play tennis, I play an instrument, love parties and love good restaurants... enjoy my city.... I am well liked by all my employees and heck when they deserve it, I even give them an end of the year bonus. I throw Christmas parties for them and my friends... I really appreciate the people around me.... what you are seeing here is the bad and the ugly side of me (which I hate being perceived this way) simply because I am trying to get to the bottom of these hypocritical divorce laws and its not working :-)

Look these laws need updating! That's all!

Sincere regards
Rob
 
Concerned,

You are smart and knowledgable to figure this out. Too many men find out about the unfairness of divorce laws in Canada only after the wife leaves, taking his kids, and half his net income (in many cases like ours!) for the next 18+ years, and half his assets. I married a guy who is paying for 2 kids and a lazy ex-wife, and I'll admit that I had no idea how bad it could get when the ex decided she no longer wanted to work and moved away and kept taking us back to court (through her free lawyer) for MORE, MORE, MORE!

I am the one who has assets and savings and make more money than he does, so a least he knows I won't screw him over like his ex did if we ever break-up, which I can't ever see happening, but strange things do happen!

If you find a good women you must find out if she has a track record of being fair to men, and understands the bias against men, understands how important fathers are in their childrens lives, understands basic math and how child support plus "extra" expenses can literally reduce a middle income paying man to living in poverty, then she might be a good bet.

Before he met me I had lived with my boyfriend for 8 years, in a house HE bought before he met me. I was 'told" I could get 1/2 the appreciation in the house (since I paid 1/2 mortgage and renos) and I said "no way"! It is HIS house and it was MY choice to live there. Why should I benefit because he was smart enough to buy a house and I wasn't? Things like that can tell you whether the woman is TRULY independent, cause many proclaim to be, but the minute things turn sour, suddenly you "owe" them something.

My husband is the most incredible man and father, and we now have 2 kids together. I have told him that if we ever split up, the kids will be shared 50/50 and NO money will change hands. I would NEVER go through the "system". I 100% believe in this.

All kids need their dads, and all people should be able to live and work and reap the benefits of their hard work. The kids will benefit at the house where the parent works hard, and see that is how life is. Right now, they see the father work hard and live in a crappy basement suite, while mom works PT and lives in a nicer bigger home. Could be confusing.

Anyway, good luck, if you want to find the right women, cause there aren't many of us out there! That must be why eight, yes 8 men (basically every boyfriend I've had!), had asked me to marry them before my current husband. I said no, I was waiting for the right guy and I found him. And it had nothing to do with money.
 
Oh, and one other thing. MAke sure if you meet a girl, you are both on the same page about having or not having kids. Sometimes a women will "compromise" her birth control when she wants a child and her partner doesn't. That is unfair and the father is hooked into CS for a child he didn't agree to have. One of the reasons my ex of 8 years and I broke up (we were engaged) was becasue I realized I DID want kids, and he didn't, so we had to end it. Some women will not realize it is his choice as much as her to have a child or not, and figure he'll love the kid, once it's born, which he will, but that is still not right and likely will lead to separation down the road, and a whole lot of money going to a women who was less than honest.
 
got2bkid said:
Oh, and one other thing. MAke sure if you meet a girl, you are both on the same page about having or not having kids. Sometimes a women will "compromise" her birth control when she wants a child and her partner doesn't. That is unfair and the father is hooked into CS for a child he didn't agree to have. One of the reasons my ex of 8 years and I broke up (we were engaged) was becasue I realized I DID want kids, and he didn't, so we had to end it. Some women will not realize it is his choice as much as her to have a child or not, and figure he'll love the kid, once it's born, which he will, but that is still not right and likely will lead to separation down the road, and a whole lot of money going to a women who was less than honest.
Click to expand...

Great advice. Not that children two parties create should be unsupported, but there are certainly way too many cases of men paying CS for kids they did not want to have, simply because they were tricked by dishonest women who had their own agenda without a care for the men's wishes. Although I hope thus doesn't happen often... I do know of several such cases. So beware. After all, there are sperm banks for a reason, right?
 
Hello got2bkid & #1StepMom,

>I married a guy who is paying for 2 kids and a lazy ex-wife, and I'll admit that I >had no idea how bad it could get when the ex decided she no longer wanted to >work and moved away and kept taking us back to court (through her free >lawyer) >for MORE, MORE, MORE!

Good Jesus, is a women allowed to just decide to stop working and in consequence chasing her ex for more money !!!!!!! ?????

That does it..... if laws don't change... I am out ! And based on all that has been discussed here, no marriage and no common law for me.

I appreciate both of your transparency on the subject....It was nice to exchange with you both. And to all single ladies, you just let another good one get away! Hope all you single guys read this post and learned a thing or two.

Regards
Rob
 
Rob, society is not demanding you stay in! No one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to marry, so there is no need to run off to a monestary for protection.

Was your intention to take applications for "wife" from a help wanted ad in the newspaper?

Don't get married. You don't want to. So just don't. We don't care what you do. No one have a vested interest in you marrying, other than wedding planners and florests. And those Black Widows you see prowling around outside your bedroom window at night. But the rest of society just doesn't care.
 
Well Mess, don't worry, I won't loose sleep over it that's for sure.

But one thing I learnt is, single dads can share their horror stories til they are blue in the face. But you know what, unless theirs a plan on the table, to do something about it, nothing will change for them or all the rest of the single dads that will be future victims. I say this because I sympathize what victims of divorce go through. But for me, hah! What matters is that I got an eye opener about this stuff, cause I know that tonight I will go to bed knowing, I don't owe anything to no one. And as you said that I am the last one anyone should care for, and do you know why.....

>>> because I got *no problems*.

Cheers and good luck ! But remember this, push an object, and the object will move!

Rob
 
Rob, I think you've got your answer.

No point in stirring things up here. Nobody here chose to get married,and have kids knowing they would get divorced, nobody wants to go through this pain or see their kids suffer.

Now that you know the consequences, stop gloating that you won't make the same mistakes we have. You are rubbing it in all of our faces. And you can sympathize with what some of us are going through, but until you have children of your own you will NEVER understand. You can't predict your future, none of us could.
 
billiechic said:
Rob, I think you've got your answer.

No point in stirring things up here. Nobody here chose to get married,and have kids knowing they would get divorced, nobody wants to go through this pain or see their kids suffer.

Now that you know the consequences, stop gloating that you won't make the same mistakes we have. You are rubbing it in all of our faces. And you can sympathize with what some of us are going through, but until you have children of your own you will NEVER understand. You can't predict your future, none of us could.
Click to expand...

Well said!!! :D
 
Hmmm....well...I was in what I thought was a decent marriage. Not without its problems but everyone has problems right? It lasted 18 years..we have 3 children and one day I started to suspect something wasn't right . I won't get into details but suffice it to say we suffered a tragedy in our lives and he responded very inappropriately. It took very little effort on my part to discover that he was having an affair. The marriage ended and because my children were older and somewhat aware of the situation they chose to live with me. Unfortunately my oldest daughter didn't have a great relationship with him and still doesn't...the other two children visit him but have no desire to live with him although I push for visits and try to foster a better relationship with him.
He paid the table amounts for child support sometimes but has now stopped paying altogether....he's now over 17,000 in arrears and is taking ME to court because he feels he's paid too much in the past. I'm just barely getting by and trying to give my children what I can but its difficult.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that I believe some of these laws are in place to try to prevent this kind of situation from happening. Unfortunately there are men AND women out there who will try to take advantage of a situation. I don't understand the women who "go after everything they can get" as much as I don't understand men who don't want to pay child support and /or don't involve themselves in their children's lives (I think its so damaging to children when they think their Dads don't want to see them)
Money isn't everything....I'd rather die with someone by my side who loves me....that would provide me with more peace than knowing my net worth was a couple of million dollars. : )
 
Hello billiechic,

Oh man oh man you are so wrong, the last thing I want to do is rub anything on men or women that went through divorce turmoil.

The message I am trying to get across here, is if nothing is done to upgrade the laws, then we will always be confronted with unfair laws. I am trying to convey that its not impossible to do. Because this is the justice system that screwed up here, not the couples that got divorced. Do you get this! I am working with you and not against you.

Look, we have laws, their not fair for none of us, so what could be done to modify them. If we all believe that its the law and the law can't be changed, well then what's the use! I believe if the right people get involved, anything is possible. Its just a matter of knowing where to start.

Look, in any divorce the only thing that is lost for good is love. But suppose, your a man and unfairly lost the farm, the house, the car.... who's fault is that... THE JUSTICE SYSTEM ! Not the x-wife. Nothing says that the laws can't be changed with retroactive paybacks ! If you suffered financial loses that made no sense .... well then you deserve to get it back, why not ! They took it away from you unfairly, you deserve to get it back from the government. I know I am being quite extremist here, but on the other hand, legitimate.

Heck, I see my business partner... he is going through hell, with ridiculous counter offer "propositions" about who gets the house and by how much and they are playing words on the payment of what he is owed .... and so on... you think I am proud of that. Hell no my friends. Indirectly it impacts me too... its like he is not the same partner I had when we started the business !!! Its like the world is coming down on him.

I don't know what else to say! Really people from all the Internet sites I have visited, I don't see any positive congregation towards trying to change the laws. Its sad.... for all of us.... and me too, and prenupt or not, I will be alone for a very long time because of these divorce scenarios... and you think that it makes me proud to the point where I would rub it in your face ...no way!

So then one has to ask him or herself, why are the laws set up this way. Hey, can anyone broadcast the answer...? we have read so many unfair law scenarios to men and we are aware of them but why do the laws persist on staying the way they are... regardless how unfair they are!

But I *think* the laws are set up this way for a reason. Focusing on the unfair laws to men, its sad to say, but generally speaking, women have it a little harder than men do in terms of biological hormones and stuff and furthermore they have to give birth! All this unconditionally. You are born as a women and weather you like it or not, you have to carry out this wonderful role of a women and a mother. And we men have to pay for that in the form of what we call unfair laws so to level the field. Common guys lets admit it, we come on this earth and the most we ever worry about in terms of our biological maintenance is a shave and a haircut. And that's why the laws are hard to change. But what the justice system seems to forget, is that some of the laws are being abused, and thats the grey area right there in the justice system that needs to be updated.

On behalf of all the men and women that have been treated unfairly, I sincerely sympathize with you and ask yourselves this very question.... dam it, why can't the laws be upgraded ?

You see, like most of you, I am not a lawyer, so its hard for me or us to know how to put pressure through a legal movement so to instigate change on the grey area of the laws. Perhaps making some sort of a pact with the government has to be introduced....or raise awareness to the government that this is simply unfair..... or something like that!

Sincere regards
Rob
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top