Documentary on the male experience in separation and divorce

[pokeman]

the request is simply for 8 men to participate in "The documentary will present the Men's experiences in coping with family breakdown and divorce"

i so hope its in HD

 

[Nadia]

the request is simply for 8 men to participate in "The documentary will present the Men's experiences in coping with family breakdown and divorce"

So, with 8 men the documentary is likely to be representative? How will the producers ensure that they are representating the "voice" of all men's experience of divorce? Or are those producing this "documentary" not claiming to be representative in any way, but simply giving voice to "8 men" and their stories so to speak? In which case, what will this documentary achieve other then give us "a snapshot of 8 stories?"

It certainly is not likely to be a social commentary on men's experience of divorce given such a small and unrepresentative sample.

As a side note: There are certain members on this site (Mess, Blink, Tayken and others) who are very respected on this site through reputations they have built over time in the valuable advice they have shared with other members. Criticizing them in any way will not win you any votes/influence on this site and will simply cast you as someone who is fishing for high conflict individuals.

 

[Tayken]

Why don't you learn something about moderating before you offer barfly advice

This comment, and others raised by the person in question is no different than the past set of possibly highly conflicted individuals who continually come to this site attempting to exploit users.

 

[murphyslaw]

Of course the producers are going to get 8 well balanced males who did the right thing and were logical and got 50/50 shared custody and circumnavigated the legal quagmire with ease.Does anyone believe this?Or will they rile up men having a tougher time, to sensationalize it?There is so many people out there who want to be bored by the logical musing of intelligent fair minded understanding men.Doesn't seem like many would want to watch that.The lack of medical professionals to assist in making this, the lack of detail in its content.....Quite frankly your motivation is very suspicious.You should not be asking for anyone to participate who hasn't already come to a final custody order.Apparently you don't care about detail like that-which in turns gives more weight to my suspicions.

 

[Tayken]

You and Tayken are the most irrationally fearful and angry people I have encountered so far. You persist at projecting your own fears regardless of what was stated.

If you have nothing positive to contribute, go elsewhere. Your trolling on this thread is not helpful and not welcomed.

Unfortunate that you haven't bothered to read my other threads and jump to conclusions which possibly further demonstrates your inability to research content.

I post into this thread so people, whom are possibly going through an emotionally stressful time (family separation) are not drawn into disclosing information which could end up used against them in family court. So their emotional state is exploited and they seek proper methods for resolving conflict rather and solving their problems.

Your continued return to this thread, it being the first post ever made by you as a poster, is a rather puzzling pattern of behaviour to say the least.

The posters whom are supporting your efforts are even more curious. I highly recommend you do some serious research on the "8 men" you do interview. Background checks, reviews of their court files and a deeper investigation into the "beliefs" they are providing would be only the wise thing to do as a journalist.

You can use the "search" button to search for the user whom is supporting you and you can read their posting history, feedback from other senior members and their position and standpoint on matters prior to "interviewing" them.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[Tayken]

Of course the producers are going to get 8 well balanced males who did the right thing and were logical and got 50/50 shared custody and circumnavigated the legal quagmire with ease.Does anyone believe this?Or will they rile up men having a tougher time, to sensationalize it?There is so many people out there who want to be bored by the logical musing of intelligent fair minded understanding men.Doesn't seem like many would want to watch that.The lack of medical professionals to assist in making this, the lack of detail in its content.....Quite frankly your motivation is very suspicious.You should not be asking for anyone to participate who hasn't already come to a final custody order.Apparently you don't care about detail like that-which in turns gives more weight to my suspicions.

Excellent and valid points that more than likely the possibly HCP who originated this thread will never answer or address. More than likely they will turn to their egocentric/narcissistic patterns of behaviour and throw insults, call you a "troll" and as always, stop using logic and critical thinking.

It is very interesting to see the projections of blame, allegations against other posters "emotional state" and other common patterns of behaviour from HCPs from the original poster.

Nothing constructive has come of the thread other than further possibly revealing the true motivation for the documentary. Hard to say as the original poster continues to demonstrate avoidance in the matter.

 

[Tayken]

You and Tayken are the most irrationally fearful and angry people I have encountered so far. You persist at projecting your own fears regardless of what was stated.

If you have nothing positive to contribute, go elsewhere. Your trolling on this thread is not helpful and not welcomed.

Interesting pattern of writing that the poster uses:

Everyone should note the use of the expression "the most irrationally fearful and angry people".

Talking to extremes is a common pattern of behaviour for highly conflicted individuals. They try to maximize emotional response by making far reaching allegations and usually only talk in extremes. "the most" is an extreme.

What fears am I projecting? As you probably haven't read my threads and bothered to do any research you would have noticed that I have a thorough understanding of the concept of psychological projection.

Another interesting observation is the use of insults by this poster. Calling someone a "troll" is a directed insult. What is more revealing is that the "troll" comment and other attempts to leverage a psychological term (projection) without providing cogent and relevant evidence in support of the argument being presented by the poster.

For those interested... This is what writing a response to a HCP before family court is like. Empty statements, lacking evidence, emotional reasoning and continuation of allegations with no supporting facts.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[SteveB]

It is clear to me now that many of the members here are likely in the midst of difficult custody battles. They may be prone to anger and aggression, and in need of legal advice. Our project is aimed at men who have experienced family breakdown, but are settled and not in crisis. As such, this is not an appropriate place to solicit participants for our film. Nothing that I have written nor could write will change the perceptions expressed by some of the members above.

I have asked that my account be deleted, for reasons of personal safety and the safety of members of our project. If I have offended anyone, please accept my apologies and good-luck to those of you who are trying to rebuild your lives. You can succeed and move past the natural feelings of anger and resentments. We have encountered many men who have done just that.

 

[Mess]

It is clear to me now that many of the members here are likely in the midst of difficult custody battles..

There are also many members here (Waves!) who have long since finished their custody battles, have a lot of experience with the courts and with conflict resolution. There are even people with extensive legal experience, multiple degrees, business experience, financial experts. There are people who have been through conflict resolution processes and are very conversant with the process. There are people with extensive research experience and are well versed in the ethics of research (and yes, that includes documentaries.)

These are the people you have been chatting with. You made a great impression. Good luck with your research.

 

[Tayken]

These are the people you have been chatting with. You made a great impression. Good luck with your research.

Research:

Research - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Research and experimental development is formal work undertaken systematically to increase the stock of knowledge, including knowledge of humanity, culture and society, and the use of this stock of knowledge to devise new applications (OECD (2002) Frascati Manual: proposed standard practice for surveys on research and experimental development, 6th edition.[1] It is used to establish or confirm facts, reaffirm the results of previous work, solve new or existing problems, support theorems, or develop new theories. A research project may also be an expansion on past work in the field. To test the validity of instruments, procedures, or experiments, research may replicate elements of prior projects, or the project as a whole. The primary purposes of basic research (as opposed to applied research) are documentation, discovery, interpretation, or the research and development of methods and systems for the advancement of human knowledge. Approaches to research depend on epistemologies, which vary considerably both within and between humanities and sciences.

 

[Unevenplayingground]

Bullying

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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For the Wikipedia guidance essay, see Wikipedia:WikiBullying.
Bullying is detrimental to students’ well-being and development.[1]


Bullying is the use of force or coercion to abuse or intimidate others. The behavior can be habitual and involve an imbalance of social or physical power. It can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion and may be directed repeatedly towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.[2][3] The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target".
Bullying can be defined in many different ways. The UK currently has no legal definition of bullying,[4] while some U.S. states have laws against it.[5] Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation.
Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more "lieutenants" who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse.[6] Robert W. Fuller has analyzed bullying in the context of rankism.
Bullying can occur in any context in which human beings interact with each other. This includes school, church, family, the workplace, home, and neighborhoods.

 

[HammerDad]

I've been through the ringer, although, I managed to keep my custody battle outside of the courts.

I do believe there is a biase in the courts as well. But I also feel that biase is dimishing over time. Why? Because more and more parents are becoming equally involved in their children's lives. More and more parents are becoming educated about custody and their rights.

Sites like this one hopefully help parents from making the stupid mistakes that were common in divorce...mainly stopping one of them from moving out of the matrimonial home. Keeping the kids under the same roof etc.

I don't see what, if any, benefit a documentary would have. If it leans either way, as in pro-dad etc., feminist groups will denounce it as being pro-father rhetoric. If it comes off as pro-mom, fathers groups will go after as being further proof of gender biase. I see it as a lose/lose scenario.

A better documentary would be to follow various families that have 50/50 custody and show the pros/cons of such an arrangement and how each parent needs to work with the other parent to deal with the kids.

But if the OP wants to do this documentary, all the power to them. But if it turns into a bitchfest for the 8 guys to vent about how the family court system is biased, don't be surprised if it is dismissed as junk reporting. Because likely the documentary won't show all the stupid moves the guy did to put himself in the situation where he allowed the courts to screw him over.

 

[Tayken]

Bullying

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

For the Wikipedia guidance essay, see Wikipedia:WikiBullying.
Bullying is detrimental to students’ well-being and development.[1]


Bullying is the use of force or coercion to abuse or intimidate others. The behavior can be habitual and involve an imbalance of social or physical power. It can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion and may be directed repeatedly towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.[2][3] The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target".
Bullying can be defined in many different ways. The UK currently has no legal definition of bullying,[4] while some U.S. states have laws against it.[5] Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation.
Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more "lieutenants" who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse.[6] Robert W. Fuller has analyzed bullying in the context of rankism.
Bullying can occur in any context in which human beings interact with each other. This includes school, church, family, the workplace, home, and neighborhoods.

Debate:

Debate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Debate is contention in argument; dispute, controversy; discussion; esp. the discussion of questions of public interest in Parliament or in any assembly.[1]

Debate is a method of interactive and representational argument. Debate is a broader form of argument than deductive reasoning, which only examines whether a conclusion is a consequence of premisses, and factual argument, which only examines what is or isn't the case, or rhetoric which is a technique of persuasion. Though logical consistency, factual accuracy and some degree of emotional appeal to the audience are important elements of the art of persuasion, in debating, one side often prevails over the other side by presenting a superior "context" and/or framework of the issue, which is far more subtle and strategic. The outcome of a debate depends upon consensus or some formal way of reaching a resolution, rather than the objective facts as such. In a formal debating contest, there are rules for participants to discuss and decide on differences, within a framework defining how they will interact.

Debating is commonly carried out in many assemblies of various types to discuss matters and to make resolutions about action to be taken, often by a vote. Deliberative bodies such as parliaments, legislative assemblies, and meetings of all sorts engage in debates. In particular, in parliamentary democracies a legislature debates and decides on new laws. Formal debates between candidates for elected office, such as the leaders debates and the U.S. presidential election debates, are sometimes held in democracies. Debating is also carried out for educational and recreational purposes, usually associated with educational establishments. The major goal of the study of debate as a method or art is to develop the ability to debate rationally from either position with equal ease.

Informal debate is a common occurrence, the quality and depth of a debate improves with knowledge and skill of its participants as debaters. The outcome of a contest may be decided by audience vote, by judges, or by some combination of the two.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[Tayken]

I've been through the ringer, although, I managed to keep my custody battle outside of the courts.

I do believe there is a biase in the courts as well. But I also feel that biase is dimishing over time. Why? Because more and more parents are becoming equally involved in their children's lives. More and more parents are becoming educated about custody and their rights.

And is being demonstrated in jurisprudence (case law) should the OP bothered to read more deeply on this website and in CanLII.org.

Sites like this one hopefully help parents from making the stupid mistakes that were common in divorce...mainly stopping one of them from moving out of the matrimonial home. Keeping the kids under the same roof etc.

As the Honourable Justice Pazaratz so thoughtfully identified as "truisms" of what people do in family law matters to establish a "status quo".

I don't see what, if any, benefit a documentary would have. If it leans either way, as in pro-dad etc., feminist groups will denounce it as being pro-father rhetoric. If it comes off as pro-mom, fathers groups will go after as being further proof of gender biase. I see it as a lose/lose scenario.

This is the question posed but, has gone unanswered. The expectation from a lot of people coming to this site is that it is a "pro-father-movement" of some sort and that the community of users here support gender roles in parenting.

A better documentary would be to follow various families that have 50/50 custody and show the pros/cons of such an arrangement and how each parent needs to work with the other parent to deal with the kids.

No need to do this. There are already piles of them and clinical research (evidence based medicine) that outline this. It isn't "news" it is just fact these days.

But if the OP wants to do this documentary, all the power to them. But if it turns into a bitchfest for the 8 guys to vent about how the family court system is biased, don't be surprised if it is dismissed as junk reporting. Because likely the documentary won't show all the stupid moves the guy did to put himself in the situation where he allowed the courts to screw him over.

Hopefully the OP heeds your warning and focuses on what is needed and not what will only continue to make matters difficult for the only important parties to a family law matter... Children.

 

[murphyslaw]

May be of interest but anyone ever see the Ricki Lake show?Well in terms of that show, they would be nice concerned etc about whatever family issue that the victim was appearing on tv for.THEN right before they went on ,the producers would work up the victim into a frenzy ,deliberately getting them worked up over the issue, to get ratings.As soon as victim A walked out,their emotions were not in check ,same goes for their mouth.Victim B got the same prepping for the show,the same last minute mental manipulation. There was a verbal bloodbath,both humiliated, and people watched the car crash tv.Rating went well.

Of course two people or more got injured in this arena but do you think the producers of the show cared?Nope.Wasn't their problem if the contestants were too stupid to hold their tongue and said things that could never be unsaid.That being a tv show ,we could say that the people should have known better.This being a unprofessional documentary there is no guarantee that the producers would not use the same tactics as other Tv producers.To associate warning people of potential threat to their custody, is not bullying -it is being a decent human being .

 

[Unevenplayingground]

God complex - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


God complex

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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A god complex is an unshakable belief characterized by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility. A person with a god complex may refuse to admit the possibility of error or failure, even in the face of complex or intractable problems or difficult or impossible tasks, or may regard personal opinions as unquestionably correct.[1][2] The individual may disregard the rules of society and require special consideration or privileges.[1]
God complex is not a clinical term or diagnosable disorder, and does not appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).
The first person to use the term god-complex was Ernest Jones (1913/51) [3] His description, at least in the contents page of Essays in Applied Psycho-Analysis describe the God Complex as belief that one is a god [4]

 

[FightingForFamily]

Not going to comment on the show, personally I feel making not yet married or already married people aware of just how difficult and destructive the divorce process is can only help them make better decisions in their lives BEFORE they end up being the typical users of this site. However in general I am also a bit dubious about what may be learned by anyone watching this documentary. I for one would be interested in seeing it but not participating.

I did a marriage preparation course which touched on family law and other elements of marriage, but if during that course they explained spousal support (for example) in a realistic way, it would have changed the decisions we made during the marriage for sure.

There is some bias in the system (which can be overcome with cogent, relevant evidence, good decision making and proper disclosure) but also there is inherent bias in PEOPLE. North American woman are continuously exposed to the media which attempts to brainwash them into materialistic, arrogant bimbos with delusions of grandeur and self entitlement. Just go read any women's magazines about how to "catch" a man.

 

[murphyslaw]

Well if its a free for all.................................


I have decided to do a study on male muscle tone.I would like some volunteers with good abdominal muscle tone to study for a documentary.No shirts are required.This is not funded by any medical association and has no links to any research projects.I need some volunteers who don't mind being photographed and are happy to participate in such a scientific project


sounds legit?

 

[Tayken]

God complex - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


God complex

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

A god complex is an unshakable belief characterized by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility. A person with a god complex may refuse to admit the possibility of error or failure, even in the face of complex or intractable problems or difficult or impossible tasks, or may regard personal opinions as unquestionably correct.[1][2] The individual may disregard the rules of society and require special consideration or privileges.[1]
God complex is not a clinical term or diagnosable disorder, and does not appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).
The first person to use the term god-complex was Ernest Jones (1913/51) [3] His description, at least in the contents page of Essays in Applied Psycho-Analysis describe the God Complex as belief that one is a god [4]

Discussed in another thread that may have been of some interest to you as it involves custody and access evaluations:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/section-30-assessments-defense-against-pazaratz-12452/

Oh, that is right. You confirmed in another thread that your husband settled final on consent already at a mediated solution (conference). Is this the "uneven playing ground" you are still conflicted about?

 

[Unevenplayingground]

Discussed in another thread that may have been of some interest to you as it involves custody and access evaluations:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/section-30-assessments-defense-against-pazaratz-12452/

Oh, that is right. You confirmed in another thread that your husband settled final on consent already at a mediated solution (conference). Is this the "uneven playing ground" you are still conflicted about?

Yes, Tayken, yes you are right. There, there.

Good luck!
"uneven playing ground"

Your forgot the word "highly"