I guess the issue I'm grappling with is that for religious reasons and the process involved there, the one year wait for divorce (then how long until it's processed?) plus the year long wait for that process means I'm looking into 2016!! before I can move forward with anything else.
Why can't you move forward with that being "married" prevents you from doing? You can find a new place to live, work, and even meet and date other people. Ultimately, being married doesn't stop you from doing anything you want to do other than being married to someone else. But, there are many people in high-conflict divorces that are living in common law with new partners who have been stuck in the multi-year challenge that high conflict divorce brings. The justices care little for your "religious" concerns as the family court is a "civil" (ethically bound) court and not a "moral" court.
Ethically speaking, your partner has every legal right to have as many "affairs" as they want. The family court doesn't govern sexual intercourse between two consenting adults.
If a divorce were granted by the end of 2013, I'd be free and clear by the end of 2014.
Considering you are a "concerned dad" (per your nick name on this site) it is puzzling as to why these questions are related to the elements of being divorced and not the more important issues that needs to be resolved... The custody and access of the children involved in the breakdown of their parent's adult relationship.
The court will prioritize well before a "divorce" is granted the issues of custody and access of the children generally before anything else. So, you may want to re-focus your attention on what is happening to "you" and focus on the only parties to any family law matter that a justice actually cares about... The children involved and their "best interests".
Now I'll pose my question in a different way.
Can I put on the form just one case (i.e. she committed adultery and has admitted to such) and get away with that?
If you like having the other party claim you are "emotionally abusive" and "invading their privacy" sure! But, I wouldn't recommend it. There is an evolving belief that the allegation of an affair is "emotionally abusive" and even bringing that forward as "evidence" demonstrates the person making the claim as "abusive" by doing so. Nothing churns on the evidence of an extramarital affair... Nothing. It is mostly irrelevant evidence that only causes conflict.
Essentially the less gore on the form the better. If she agrees not to contest that, would that work?
Again, the point everyone is trying to make is that there is NO POINT to do this. It will take longer to "fight it out in court" and will take well over a year to even get close to having a court order a divorce if you go that route.
Honestly, you are upset, everyone understands that, but, you need to look at it more objectively... Nothing is "won" on the evidence of an extramarital affair.
I am still trying to decide whether it is worth it based on the advice from here, but in many ways I do not want to be dealing with this into 2016. I need to move on, and for me this is part of the process.
If you don't want to be dealing with this until 2016 then, filing for divorce on the grounds of an extramarital affair is NOT something you should do. It will take at least 3 years to get everything resolved through the slow court process and a justice STILL may make you wait a year for your divorce to clear.
If you want to do this fast, make a reasonable offer to settle, move forward with your life, be happy that you no longer have to worry about the "affairs" and realize that your partner can no longer hurt you through infidelity. That you have chosen to leave the relationship and are not bound by the moral obligations and that a court will NOT morally obligate you to your marriage.
This form should be the least of her worries. When you poop where you eat, and leave behind and enraged wife of a guy you were sleeping with, you have a lot more to worry about than the public record, especially in a very small community where people talk.
I recommend you do not engage in distortion campaigns against the other parent to your children. Your conduct and how you deal with this matter will be front-and-centre evidence of you as a person and more importantly as a parent. If you are in any way shape or form going around and discussing the extramarital affair with others... STOP NOW.
The enraged wife has already once yelled at her in front of one of our kids and to suggest she won't say anything else or it won't get to the kids ears eventually is naive I think. Two of my kids are very good friends with their two kids, so eventually something will give when they ask to play and enraged wife lets something out on why they can't play together.
DO NOT INVOLVE YOURSELF IN SUCH NONSENSE STUFF. Focus on YOU as a parent, not the conduct of others and you will fair much better. If you wrap yourself into gossip (distortion campaigns) it will only work against you - not for you.
I do appreciate the feedback and it has made me take a step back from the edge. I will need to collect more info and contemplate the situation further.
You should be investigating, educating and understanding the elements of custody and access. Not, worrying about extramarital affairs... That is something between two consenting adults and does not harm the children in any way...
Good Luck!
Tayken
