Defeating an unfair and biased OCL report

paco said:
What are the differences of joint and parallel parenting?
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Joint custody - both parents make decisions about the child's health, education and religion, etc, by discussing it and agreeing on a course of action. Most common, best outcome for the kids, both parents equally involved and valid in child's life.

Parallel custody - one parent makes the decisions about education and the other parent makes decisions about health, and there is no discussion with each other. Rarest, seen when the parents absolutely can't stand each other and won't communicate productively, but both parents are involved in the child's life

Sole custody (for thoroughness) - one parent makes all the decisions, no discussion. Should be rarer than it is, happens when one parent is disinterested, abusive to the child, unknown or completely absent, but unfortunately also when one parent is trying to marginalize the other in the child's life.

Sometimes a bitter parent will manufacture difficulty communicating so they can argue for sole custody instead of joint, but the best response is to suggest parallel.
 
So Rioe, in terms of timing, how much time should each parent spend with the kids for parallel parenting, same as joint 50/50?

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paco said:
So Rioe, in terms of timing, how much time should each parent spend with the kids for parallel parenting, same as joint 50/50?
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Custody is strictly about decision-making. It has nothing to do with the time each parent spends with each child. That is access.

You can have sole custody to one parent, with full 50-50 access. You can have joint custody with one parent having no access at all.

Of course, a parent who spends more time with a child is going to know them better and make more well-informed decisions about their education and health needs.
 
So Rioe,if I'm going to offer share custody to her at case conference, with primary residence of kids to mother and access 40/60, do you believe that my offer is reasonable in the condition that she's asking solely sole custody?

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Huh, why would you not ask for 50 / 50 if that is what you want?
If you suggest in court you only want 40 they'll give you 39% or 40% and still make you pay full CS.

You need to ask yourself what is your motivation.
Is this about CS or spending time with your children.

Why does any one parent have to have primary residence, our order doesn't the children have no primary, both residences are equal.
 
Equal Equal Equal.......

Pretty hard to argue you only want 40% and then justify it that all should be equal....Only offer that EVER and stick to it.
 
Okay guys, joint custody will be, no more, no less, it has nothing to do with CS, I just want to be part equaly in their life, God help me with this!

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Don't allow the language "primary parent" for her in your separation agreement. It will be difficult to change in the future, has tax implications and can be used against you. If she or her lawyer tries to slip it in, insist that it be removed.
 
0kay then, got it, joint custody and 50-50 access, there's a pretty dark road ahead but I have to face it!

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You won't believe this, I just came from my daughter's school where she is singing with other kids in front of the parents, but her after school teacher came to me and telling me that my daughter will be withdrawing from the concert by my ex if I stay. I was just shocked. I explained the teacher that she can't do that because there is no court order allowing her to act as primary parent with sole custody and I asked her who told her that, then teacher said that my daughter said. I realized the situation so I preferred to leave and to allow my daughter to sing on the school stage rather than having her withdrawn by my ex. Imagine how I left, that hurt me a lot...

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paco said:
You won't believe this, I just came from my daughter's school where she is singing with other kids in front of the parents, but her after school teacher came to me and telling me that my daughter will be withdrawing from the concert by my ex if I stay. I was just shocked. I explained the teacher that she can't do that because there is no court order allowing her to act as primary parent with sole custody and I asked her who told her that, then teacher said that my daughter said. I realized the situation so I preferred to leave and to allow my daughter to sing on the school stage rather than having her withdrawn by my ex. Imagine how I left, that hurt me a lot...

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Its tough to say what the right thing to do is in this situation. Im interested in hearing what others would do.
 
nogoingback said:
Don't allow the language "primary parent" for her in your separation agreement. It will be difficult to change in the future, has tax implications and can be used against you. If she or her lawyer tries to slip it in, insist that it be removed.
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My fight is that I signed an agreement that states that she would be the primary resides not primary parent or primary caregiver. Is it all the same in language terms ?
 
The only agreement we have is that I have access every Wednesdays from 5pm to 8pm and every other weekend from Saturday 10am until Sunday 8pm, there is no primary or secondary parent in there, so basically she has no rights to obstruct me visiting my daughter to school, correct?

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paco said:
You won't believe this, I just came from my daughter's school where she is singing with other kids in front of the parents, but her after school teacher came to me and telling me that my daughter will be withdrawing from the concert by my ex if I stay. I was just shocked. I explained the teacher that she can't do that because there is no court order allowing her to act as primary parent with sole custody and I asked her who told her that, then teacher said that my daughter said. I realized the situation so I preferred to leave and to allow my daughter to sing on the school stage rather than having her withdrawn by my ex. Imagine how I left, that hurt me a lot...
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Unfortunately, the way to fight that is to fight it. Stay there, watch the concert. Your ex will do one of two things. She will leave your daughter there, in which case you have called her bluff and get to see the concert. Or she will drag her daughter out of there, upsetting her. Then you have a bit of ammunition to demonstrate that your ex does not have the child's best interests in mind by putting her in the middle like this, using her as a weapon against you. The more incidences of this that you can document, the better your likelihood of success in court. It is not YOU harming and upsetting your daughter either, so don't feel guilty. It is your EX doing this. By falling for your ex's tactics, you just let her keep winning.
 
Rioe, I've chosen to leave and doing this I've respected my daughter's wish. And it's documented because her teacher is the witness and I'll follow up with the principal so I can have it in writing of what happened. Any judge will appreciate my gesture avoiding the conflict with my ex for kid best interest.

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