A quick exit, break down or 22 yr. old marriage. Always differences, no support financially, or in marriage, help in the household or with kids 1 with ADHD. Final straw 4 months ago: He refused to give up and take responsiblity for a drinking and driving charge in the boat 2.5 years ago. At the time he put my, then, 16 year old son in the seat at the last minute. He was charged with Care and Control while intoxicated. Both the kids were supeonad sp? to court by the crown. At this point the marriage blew up because I am totally against this and believe my ADHD son will blow up in court, also due to the lesson they would learn etc. etc. So it spiralled out of control with him blaming me for everything that happend in the marriage. I kicked him out. Never would I have thought the marriage would end this way. Getting better every day. Would this be a deal breaker for you too?
deal breaker?
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dadtotheend
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How can anyone answer that question without all the perspective that comes with 22 years of marital (non)bliss?
Deal breaker?
Deal breaker?
The marriage had its good points and bad points. I was committed to the relationship good and bad. The deal breaker was when he would not take responsibility for his actions: I offered to do anything to help him, he has his own business which he wouldn't have lost because of a loss of licence for a year. This is a huge moral issue for me asking the kids to lie and say my son was driving the boat when he wasn't- to save their fathers ass. The kids have been taught all along that honesty is the way to go. My teens chose to lie for him: not possibly knowing what could happen on trial. The kids knew how I felt, and he knew I felt about it. I think its very very selfish, and he's thinking about himself again in the marriage. Then putting an ADHD kid in the hot seat, knowing he's a ticking bomb and almost always freaks out when someone's in his face. Little emotional control when angry: will more than likely swear at everone: causing possible charge towards himself. Something like this happened recently resulting in son barely ending up in jail: without his fathers intervention he would have. Why would you knowingly put a kid like that in harms way?
Deal breaker?
The marriage had its good points and bad points. I was committed to the relationship good and bad. The deal breaker was when he would not take responsibility for his actions: I offered to do anything to help him, he has his own business which he wouldn't have lost because of a loss of licence for a year. This is a huge moral issue for me asking the kids to lie and say my son was driving the boat when he wasn't- to save their fathers ass. The kids have been taught all along that honesty is the way to go. My teens chose to lie for him: not possibly knowing what could happen on trial. The kids knew how I felt, and he knew I felt about it. I think its very very selfish, and he's thinking about himself again in the marriage. Then putting an ADHD kid in the hot seat, knowing he's a ticking bomb and almost always freaks out when someone's in his face. Little emotional control when angry: will more than likely swear at everone: causing possible charge towards himself. Something like this happened recently resulting in son barely ending up in jail: without his fathers intervention he would have. Why would you knowingly put a kid like that in harms way?
One of my kids is special needs. He ketp screaming at here. This can drive her crazy. Hypersenstive to sound. It stressed it our and made her sick. Putting the blame on the kids is bad. If there were other issues I can see how it built up to this. I can see how you felt the kids were in danger. Ask the court for a waiver for your son and get a dr to explain how going to court may be difficult for him .
standing on the sidelines
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to me once he tried to get his son to take the fall for him that showed what kind of a person he has become. I take it he (father) was charged with the DUI in the boat?
It was the father. I always knew he was selfish, but never expected that to happen. I tried everything to get him to understand what he was doing, his response the son wants to make amends (son said at the scene, in fear, dad was driving). Just crazy stuff if you ask me.. then the marriage got thrown on the block. If I was angry with is lack of help and complained he would respond by throwing blame back in my face. The last straw was when he said I had to follow his rules or he would never consider staying. After hearing all his puts downs, I told him to leave. He hasn't once called me directly, no trying to get back together. When I asked him if he was finished with the marriage he said yes. What a shock to everyone in the family, to friends and myself. I own half the problems. I will never hear from him that he was to blame for anything. I'm moving on, and know that there's nothing I can get him to do to stop the fiasco re: the charge and our children. So I'm moving on and have a strong feeling I'm better off without him. Is it normal not to miss someone after 4.5 months or maybe I'm still in shock in some ways. Going to a support group. Can hardly wait till he tries to screw me out of money in court. He will and I always knew he had that vinctive wrotten side to him. He had the kids pack him up and move him out of the house, with me in it. No thought about how the kids would feel. Took both kids for 2 weeks. Have no idea to this day why my 16 yr. old daughter was mad a tme. He had been talking to her about me, from some comments she had made before. Sucks all the way around. Now keeping my distanc and my cool.
Ah maybe not. I would still try to bring it up in court. Is this the son he trying to make take the blame for his actions?
This is the son he's trying to take the blame for his actions yes. I won't be going to criminal court. X and kids have decided to do it. I would have like nothing better than to have the charging officer supea? my sisters and I who were on the boat as well. Didn't happen. I will bring it up and have brought the issue up to my lawyer who is handling the separation and likely the divorce. That is the end of him. His loss. Now all I can hope is if his charge gets thrown out of court and the kids don't have to go through that, especially with the possiblity of purjury for the kids. At this point I couldn't care less if he got off the charge. No longer the issue. I just think he's a total scum bag.. opened my eyes to what I have been really going through. You wouldn't believe the petty stuff he said I need to stop for the marriage to continue. Unbelievable and arrogant. Even his sister thinks he's arrogant. How I lasted that long and would have continued is beyond me. On with my life. Will probably be back here looking for legal advice about spousal support... he made alot more than me. wish me luck. thanks for your replies and good luck to all who are in similar boats (no pun there).
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