Daycare Reimbursement and Custodial Parent's Vacation

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GrandiOs

New member
My ex and I have a standard agreement when it comes to daycare reimbursement - I reimburse proportional to my income compared to hers. Given our disproportionate incomes because my ex only works part time, that reimbursement is nearly 100%.

She is the custodial parent and I have visitation.

Our eldest is old enough to stay home for the hour between school and her return from work, and so normally only needs daycare services for half days for our youngest.

She has decided to go on a vacation without the children. They'll be staying with me, but I still need to work.

As a result, we need full time daycare for the week for both children. I have agreed to cover our youngest (as I conceded that it would be likely that he'd be there anyway), but I'm having a real problem justifying reimbursing her for our eldest.

What say you?
 
She is the custodial parent and I have visitation
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Don't forget what you said here, as we moved down the list.

I reimburse proportional to my income compared to hers.
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Personally, most of us are in the same boat, but not at "close to 100%"
Our eldest is old enough to stay home for the hour between school and her return from work, and so normally only needs daycare services for half days for our youngest.
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I hear ya, but there are many "older kids" that attend and enjoy the "before and after" programs
She has decided to go on a vacation without the children. They'll be staying with me, but I still need to work.
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I am sure you cherish and are excited about this...NO?


As a result, we need full time daycare for the week for both children. I have agreed to cover our youngest (as I conceded that it would be likely that he'd be there anyway), but I'm having a real problem justifying reimbursing her for our eldest.
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I see where you are going with this, but note that this can get real ugly. Refer back to the above point about you enjoying the time with your kids i.e. make the most of it by building stronger bonds, create memories that are everlasting, capture it on your smartphone...this is pricesless

What say you?
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It can play out this way...she throws a "fit", you respond and things get out of hand...where does this get anyone? This is one of those situations where you have to bite your tongue, and don't see it as her getting one over you.

Just my opinion and how I will personally handle this matter! (It doesn't mean it's the best way for everybody)
 
I'm thrilled with the opportunity to have my kids more - no question - but tripling daycare is not an insignificant amount - especially when she's not going to be contributing more.
 
On principle, I would say that if she shouldn't expect your to subsidize her vacation. If she's going away for her own enjoyment (as opposed to for work or other purposes), she should pick up more of the tab for that week. Childcare is a S7 expense when it's necessary for the parent to go to work or school.

In practice, however:

How much is a week of care for the eldest going to run you? Is it a ridiculous amount?

Does this sort of thing happen often? Are there lots of "vacations" on the horizon, or is this more a one-off?

Are you satisfied with the quality of the child care, and okay with your eldest being there for a few more hours a week?

Is this worth a confrontation with your ex?
 
Well, nothing is worth the confrontation... I'm just worried about it being a precedent.

Calmer heads always prevail, I suppose.
 
^ Not to nitpick, the Idiomatic expression is actually

cooler heads prevail
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:-)

Rules-to-Always-Being-a-Gentleman1.jpeg
 
On principle, I would say that if she shouldn't expect your to subsidize her vacation. If she's going away for her own enjoyment (as opposed to for work or other purposes), she should pick up more of the tab for that week. Childcare is a S7 expense when it's necessary for the parent to go to work or school.
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I've read this somewhere (in Quebec Law) that daycare is only considered "daycare" if the parent is WORKING or SICK or getting an EDUCATION.

Have you attempted to impute full-time income to this part-time worker? Does it even make a difference for CS , I guess not....
 
I've read this somewhere (in Quebec Law) that daycare is only considered "daycare" if the parent is WORKING or SICK or getting an EDUCATION.
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Don't even bring Quebec into the equation, that province is in a league of it's own. I benefited from that previously

The province of Quebec in Canada introduced free public all day kindergarten in 1997, then introduced a subsidized day care program for younger children in 1998. The program initially offered day care spaces for $5 per child per day and the fees were later increased to $7 per day. Currently, Parent Central reports that around half of Quebec children under the age of five are in the subsidized day care system. The subsidy provided by the government amounts to around $10,000 annually per day care space
​
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Source​
 
Daycare fees are section 7 if they are necessary for parents to work or attend school. In your situation, the extra daycare fees are necessary because one parent has gone on vacation. Therefore they are not section 7 and should be borne entirely by your ex.

However, the cost of fighting for her to pay it may exceed the money you are fighting about. Unless there is a way for you to simply not pay it, it may not be worth it. But if she usually pays the daycare and you reimburse her, you can simply not reimburse her that money and make her be the one to start the fight in court, it might work out for you.
 
My take on this is it won't be worth it. Mom is offering you extra time with the kids. You accepted, however you have to work, so it now becomes a section 7 expense. The only way it wouldn't be a S7 expense is if you declined the extra time so she inturn hired someone to watch the kids while she went on vacation.

Do you have any family willing to help you out?
 
GrandiOs said:
...She has decided to go on a vacation without the children. They'll be staying with me, but I still need to work.

As a result, we need full time daycare for the week for both children...
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Why does "daycare" arrangements this week, differ for the oldest child? Isn't there a short period of time, before/after school still, that they can still manage on their own (since you mentioned that in first post), or is there something I'm missing?

I would look into friends/family helping with this, if it's possible. Especially with the oldest. Or perhaps, he/she can hang out with one of their friends/parent, and go to school together that week?

*My* first email to the ex, when she told me this news, would have been,

"Have you made arrangements for the kids, when you go away?"
...and then...
"Do you have the extra costs/daycare covered for this, while you go away?"

No way, would I pay extra daycare costs because the custodial parent takes a vacation.

Especially if she emailed me to tell me this, and I had it in writing.
 
FYI, I had a similar situation a couple of years ago...ex dropped me an email saying she was going off on vacation, and it was my responsibility to figure out daycare/babysitting. She said I was responsible for half the cost of this.

I let her know to have a good time, but if she was going on vacation without the kid(s), she would have to do the legwork for babysitting/daycare, and would be responsible for the costs of her vacation.
 
I would look into friends/family helping with this, if it's possible.
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Another reason to get to know/ make friends with other parents. Since everyone might have a different schedule, you never know when an unforeseen circumstance can lead to you need help with pick up/ drop off on "your days"...calling the ex might not be an option

Organize playdates/sleep overs etc
"Do you have the extra costs/daycare covered for this, while you go away?"
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Two wrongs don't make a right though
 
FWB said:
Your own comments analyzing the other party's nonchalant attitude
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I don't know what you mean by this?

My comments, were what I would say in this situation, which is what I stated. To be clear, to put it back on "vacation parent", about how they were planning on accomodating their "vacation". All of this is a "vacation" expense.
 
No way, would I pay extra daycare costs because the custodial parent takes a vacation.
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This is what spun my response.....in short, no point fighting fire with fire in this one off situation.

What is to say when this person gets back, they will be oozing joy, some that might be directed towards you????? Vacation does have that impact on people
 
dad2bandm said:
I don't know what you mean by this?

My comments, were what I would say in this situation, which is what I stated. To be clear, to put it back on "vacation parent", about how they were planning on accomodating their "vacation". All of this is a "vacation" expense.
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And when NCP's go on holidays, sans kids, leaving them fulltime with the CP, extra daycare/babysitting expenses are incurred as well.

As S7 expenses are shared proportionately, an NCP could and would incur an extra vacation expense to the CP. Are you also then saying that the NCP's should be responsible for any daycare expenses caused by them as they holiday?

This is where there will never be any reform to the FLA. Small stuff, and tit for tat mentalities, seem to get the best of most people.

When my ex went on vacation leaving kidlet with me, I paid the extra expense to the sitter, kept my mouth shut [I know, I know, hard to believe!] and focused on relishing the extra time I had with kidlet.
 
mcdreamy said:
And when NCP's go on holidays, sans kids, leaving them fulltime with the CP, extra daycare/babysitting expenses are incurred as well.

As S7 expenses are shared proportionately, an NCP could and would incur an extra vacation expense to the CP. Are you also then saying that the NCP's should be responsible for any daycare expenses caused by them as they holiday?...
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Of course. It's attributable to their taking a vacation, without the kids.
If original poster is okay with swallowing the extra cost, then okay. Sounds like they are not.

I know I wouldn't swallow the extra cost, attributable to ex taking a vacation for herself, just like I would not expect her to swallow the cost, if I took a vacation for myself, without the kids. I would not take a vacation without the kids anyway, so it's likely not something, I will have to worry about.
 
And how would you feel if the ex went on vacation for a week and left the kids with a sitter, paying the whole tab. Are you saying you would rather your childen spend a week with a babysitter, rather than with you?

Pretty sure most parents would choose to have the extra time with their children, rather than have a sitter with them to save a few bucks.
 
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