CS after 20 years?!

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cbarker78

cbarker78

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Hey there!!

A friend of mine posted this on our local Moms Board, but I thought I'd get your input as well....

My husband has had a woman's lawyer contacting him saying they are looking at retroactive child support. The child in question is 20 years old and has not been confirmed as being his child. They did have a brief relationship as older teens. My questions are: how far back can they go, and we need a good lawyer and would like suggestions.

Please no judgement, if the adult child is my husband's, we will not fight providing support (not sure how this works), just trying to get an idea of what might be coming ahead. I do know that support can be required while an adult child is still in school, but other than that, not sure?
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Wow. What fun!

First of all, get a paternity test done.

Second, if it is his child, you don't necessarily need a big expensive lawyer. See if your husband can negotiate something mutually agreeable with the woman or the young man outside of court. Being non-adversarial about it will go a long way to helping him develop a good relationship with his surprise son.

Third, something must have triggered this request, and it sounds like it is a need for money. Maybe the kid started university and the woman is realizing how expensive it is. Either that, or he is asking questions about his parentage and the woman figures she can get some money along with his knowledge. If you can figure out what triggered the request, and hence her motivation, you have an edge on any negotiations. Does the son still even live with his mom?

If it is his child, hopefully he will want to get to know the young man, and can even try to work things out as mutual adults, to offer him some support and leave the woman out of the picture entirely.

It's my understanding, though not from personal experience, that child support is usually only retroactive to the time of the support request. So the clock is ticking now, but it won't go back years and years, which is probably your fear. And the woman and her lawyer are banking on this fear getting them what they want. Don't fall for it. I don't believe there will be any legal requirement to reimburse her for 20 years of CS, for example. At this point, that's not support, it's just an unreasonable windfall for her and won't benefit the child at all.

If the young man is going to university, there are tuition costs both parents must share, and child support usually continues as well. Your husband and the woman will each have to provide financial disclosure of income (usually by tax return and notice of assessment line 150) to determine what the child support amount and proportion of tuition expenses would be.

Interesting situation! I would try to deal with the young man directly, develop, if not a parent/child relationship, at least some sort of friendship, along with supporting his education.
 
Won't it depend on if they are just asking vs if it was submitted to court for him to pay ? I'm not sure, but a co-worker did have to pay back because there were orders from a court that he had been running from apparently (and kept moving every year).
Is he listed on the birth certificate as the father, and he never knew that ?
I agree with Rioe-Get a paternity test before paying anything, and deal with the young man directly if possible/he wants.
 
May_May said:
Won't it depend on if they are just asking vs if it was submitted to court for him to pay ? I'm not sure, but a co-worker did have to pay back because there were orders from a court that he had been running from apparently (and kept moving every year).
Is he listed on the birth certificate as the father, and he never knew that ?
I agree with Rioe-Get a paternity test before paying anything, and deal with the young man directly if possible/he wants.
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I'm pretty sure you can't list someone on the BC without their knowledge, they have to sign the forms as well. Without his signature it would be rejected, unless it was somehow forged which is obviously against the law.

Agreed, paternity test and asking for CS backdated for 20 years for a child he didn't know existed is unlikely to be successful. IMO, at most they could ask for support with post-secondary expenses going forward. Perhaps see if there are any cases related to this on Canlii?
 
Often, the court won't award retroactive child support beyond the date that an application for child support was first filed. When my parents divorced my mother didn't take my father to court for child support until 2 years after they separated. They had a verbal agreement, but my dad barely followed through. My mother asked the court for retroactive child support, but they denied her request, and made the support effective the date that was on her court application.
 
If, by some crazy chance, your husband is made to pay retroactively, you should request that the money go directly to the adult child, not the mother. It sounds like maybe this woman didn't want your husband in her child's life, which could explain why she waited so long to seek child support. Even if she claimed to have a good reason to keep your husband away, that wasn't her decision to make, and should have been addressed in court 20 years ago. It's a terrible situation, and I can't even imagine what your husband is going through. To have a child and not even know it - to miss out on all those years. If this is his child, you should talk to a lawyer about any possible legal action that can be brought against her. Not sure there is anything, but it would be worth looking into.
 
billm said:
ummm, why?
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While I'm not aware of any legal action that can be brought, the mother would have, in this scenario, conciously and purposefully denied the father and child from any opportunity to form a relationship. If it were me, I'd be tempted to seek damages.
 
Mess said:
While I'm not aware of any legal action that can be brought, the mother would have, in this scenario, conciously and purposefully denied the father and child from any opportunity to form a relationship. If it were me, I'd be tempted to seek damages.
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The mother was wrong.

But what positive purpose would 'seeking damages' serve?
 
If I find a severed finger in my dinner at a restaurant, what "purpose" does seeking damages accomplish?
 
Moolight said:
Actually you can list the father on the birth certificate without his knowledge or signature.
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'Actually'....you can't. Just verified:

https://www.orgforms.gov.on.ca/IBR/FAQ.html

Once you`ve completed and carefully reviewed the Statement of Live Birth, the parent(s) must sign the form.

If a father's or other parent's information is provided, both parents must sign and certify the form. If a father's or other parent's information is not provided, only the mother must sign.

It is an offence to sign someone else`s name on the form. If one of the parents is unavailable, send the form to him/her to be signed and returned (originals only).
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It would make absolutely ZERO sense to allow someone to put a man's name on the birth certificate without his consent. You could pick anyone you wanted to add and use his name.

If that were the case, I think I'd like George Clooney to be my baby-daddy.
 
If damages were awarded, it would send a clear message to other mothers considering doing the same thing, that it's unacceptable. Unless the father is a danger to the child, physically or psychologically, there's no excuse for denying the child and father a relationship, and even then, it's the court's decision to make, not the mother's. Behaviour like this should not be tolerated or promoted. The child should also be able to seek damages. I would never speak to my mother again had she denied me the opportunity to have a relationship with my father, unless there was an extremely good reason to do so.

A father can't commit the same terrible act that this mother has committed. The closest thing would be if a father kidnapped a newborn and there would certainly be consequences to that. Not informing a father that he is a father should be considered a form of kidnapping. This woman has unilaterally decided to play God with this man and her son's lives, and there most definitely should be consequences for that. This child is now 20. He will never have the relationship with his father that he could have had.
 
Read D.B.S v S.R.G. The definitive case on this topic...three years back from the application ...if she's lucky unless bad faith shown. But ongoing support might be valid if child in school still.
 
Thanks peeps... this is a very interesting case.... she posted an update yesterday ((p.s. this is not my hubby!! I'm a friend of hers within a local mom's group...LOL!!))

we have contacted a lawyer. As for the history, he knew she was pregnant, just didn't know if the child was his and than she was gone from the area. She contacted us approx. 10 years ago saying she wanted no support just a father to her child and we asked about having a test done and never heard from her again. We tried finding her to get the test done but she had married and doesn't live in the local area, never left a phone number so we couldn't find her. So stressed, knowing nothing more can happen until the test is done isn't relieving the stress at all. So many questions and scenarios running through our minds.
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Just wanted to let you know of the update in this situation with my friend on a different parenting board:

so we met with a lawyer today - no retroactive support is being asked for, just support while in school. We asked about doing a paternity test, he said we could of course, although he said he hadn't ever had a case where the person believed to be the father was not the father. Hubby thought we should maybe save the money on the test as it is approx. $800, but I am not going to pay for support until I know for certain my husband is the father. We need to be sure. I am a little panicked at how we are going to be able to afford the cost of the rest, this new monthly expense if he is the father, on top of the cost of the lawyer fees. Money is tight already, going to have to really figure out things. By the time a paternity test is done, could be another month or so before this gets figured out.
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You'd think the mother would need to prove paternity ( pay the $800.00) in this case as she is the one applying for support .
Couldn't any women sue anyone for support and win if the poor sucker on the receiving end couldn't afford the test ?
 
another update.. ((I had asked her if they had seen the child, and if she thought there was a resemblance..))

Based on a picture of the child we seen a long time ago, she does resemble my husband's family and so we asked than to do a test and than she never contacted us again (until now) which made me very suspicious. I even tried to find her with the info my husband had about her maiden name and couldn't find her. She was married once or twice after she had this child, so no luck.

At the meeting with our lawyer we found out the first name of the child was not even right, it was close though so my husband may have heard it wrong. We really did think it seemed weird when she wouldn't do the test many years ago. As for the cost, it is initially split between the 2 parties, but if it proves he is the father, than we are to reimburse their half of the cost. I figure we will hear from our lawyer this week when they receive the official papers pursuing support and at that time I was even going to ask for the blood types of the mother and child. I can check online to see if it is even a possibility, although a test will still be done either way. Just trying to process this. Not sleeping well, sorting through all the scenarios if he is the father. We have young children so how and when do we tell them, to me it is partly dependent on if she will want to have us involved in her life other than financially. I doubt she would be open to it initially. My husband is very upset about this, his obligations to this child if his, has been denied all these years and he has so much regret about somehow having tried to get this figured out a long time ago (not sure how when she left the area) and involving myself and our family. We feel for this young person to have to be dealing with this as well.
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