Court ordered remedies?

[rockscan]

I have some additional thoughts...

1. I am the Applicant in this matter and make this affidavit in support of my motion.

BACKGROUND

2. The Respondent and I began residing together in 2011 and separated in 2013. There is one child of the relationship, NAME DATE OF BIRTH.
3. Since the separation I have moved to LOCATION while the Respondent remained in [location].
In 2014, the Respondent and I agreed to parenting-time via supervised visits INSERT HOW THAT OCCURED.

6. Since DATE, the Respondent’s parenting time has been sporadic.
7. In 2016, I filed an application with the court to set parenting time and child support. The Respondent agreed to full custody and sole decision making to me with set parenting time for him outlined. ATTACH AGREEMENT

8. In April 2019, the Respondent filed a Motion to Change to decrease child support. We agreed on consent that I would have “sole custody” for a $1000.00 reduction in arrears.

9. On November 11th, 2019, the Respondent informed me he was voluntarily quitting his job within the [job] and was moving in with his mother in [location]. As a result, the Respondent stated he was going to be seeking to have 50/50 decision-making responsibility and parenting-time with [the child]. ATTACH CORRESPONDENCE OR TAKE OUT

2021 MOTION TO CHANGE

10. On May 4th, 2021, after failing to reach an agreement on child support and parenting time, I filed a motion to Change seeking to increase support and the distance I could live in Ontario.

11. The Respondent and I negotiated a Consent Motion to Change on July 16th, 2021. Among other remedies, the Respondent received an additional week of parenting time and access to the child via cell phone.

13. On August 10th, 2021, an endorsement from [the Justice] stating “The Motion to Change and Consent Motion to Change do not match on the issue of child support arrears, parties are to clarify. Both parties should file a 14A Affidavit to confirm the amount of arrears.” (Refer to Exhibit “A”)

14. I submitted my Affidavit on DATE.

15. On November 26th, 2021, the Respondent initiated Court proceedings via a Response Motion to Change seeking to have split decision-making responsibility, majority parenting-time, and having [the child] reside at his residence.

20. IN DATE following concerns raised by OUR SON, I sought counselling for [the child] from the [Interval House] to which [the child] has been participating with since then through his counselor [counsellor name].

23. In January 2022, I was contacted by [social worker] of FACS with concerns due to a third party complaint in which [the child] had been informing individuals that he was being emotionally abused by the Respondent. DETAILS ARE ATTACHED AT EXHIBIT XXX

26. I provided [CAS social worker] with various pieces of documentation detailing injuries [the child] has sustained while with the Respondent (Refer to Exhibit “D”) in addition to various videos in which the Respondent is calling [the child] derogatory terms, and a letter that the prior social worker from FACS suggested [the child] write to the Respondent detailing the deterioration of his mental state. (Refer to Exhibit “E”).

29. On DATE [the social worker] initiated a Child Protection investigation into the Respondent.

30. Between January and March 2022, the Respondent had become increasingly more hostile toward [the child] which prompted various instances in which [the child] refused to leave his residence in [location]. (DO YOU HAVE PROOF? IF NOT TAKE IT OUT)

32. I obtained disclosure from FACS and was provided their Child Protection report. This report identified [the child] making various claims such as his fears for his safety when with the Respondent. THIS REPORT IS ATTACHED AS EXHIBIT XXXX

34. In March 2022, [the child] informed me that he was going to resort to self-harm if he was forced to resume any further visits with the Respondent. I IMMEDIATELY SOUGHT SUPPORT FROM MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS (Refer to Exhibit “G”).

37. ON DATE [the child's] family doctor, submitted a referral to a child psychiatrist (Refer to Exhibit “I”)

38. FACS suggested I seek assistance from the Maltby Centre in which I sought resulting in a referral for a child therapist. It should be noted that during the intake, it was determined that there was a risk of self-harm if [the child] were to attend visits with the Respondent. Further, it was stated that there was a possibility of [the child] harming the Respondent prior to harming himself.

40. The Respondent and I attended a Case Conference on March 25th, 2022. At that session, [the Justice] prioritized the discussion around the child’s mental health concerns and ordered OCL involvement.

OCL DECLINED THE CASE....

41. On April 6th, 2022, as a result of the Respondent missing various parenting-times with [the child], I contacted [CAS social worker] to contact the Respondent to obtain some confirmation on what was occurring.

42. [CAS social worker] informed me that the Respondent was not going to contact [the child] nor exercising any parenting-time with [the child] until [the child] is wanting to resume. (See Exhibit “J”)

43. At 7:42 pm, on April 6th, 2022, the Respondent responded to a text message stating he is hoping that once [the child] receives mental health assistance that he will want to resume visits with the Respondent. (See Exhibit “K”)

45. On April 8th, 2022, the Respondent contacted [the child] via text message expressing his desire to return to the court ordered parenting-timePLEASE SEE CORRESPONDENCE AT EXHIBIT XXX

49. Between April 8th and April 13th, I had attempted to communicate with the Respondent about his PARENTING TIME on Wednesday, April 13. PLEASE SEE CORRESPONDENCE AT EXHIBIT XXXX

53. At 3:45 pm, April 13th, 2022, the Respondent and his mother parked outside of my parent’s residence. [the child] exited the school and walked right past the Respondent without acknowledging him. I had asked [the child] if he was going with the Respondent at which time [the child] said “No.” IF YOU DON’T HAVE PROOF OF THIS CONVERSATION, DON’T INCLUDE IT, IT’S HEARSAY

54. On April 16th, I contacted the Respondent in an attempt to once again formulate a plan of action to resolve this matter. The Respondent stated to me “[the child] is looking for attention and everyone is giving it to him but me. That’s y he doesn’t want to come here.”

CONCLUSION

55. There ARE documented child protection concerns RELATED TO EMOTIONAL ABUSE.
56. [the child] has stated to third party mental health professionals, school board professionals (teachers and principal), and to both parties that he will resort to suicide if force to attend any time with the Respondent.

I HAVE REQUESTED OF THE RESPONDENT AND HIS COUNSEL THAT THE RESPONDENT PARTICIPATE IN JOINT PARENT CHILD THERAPY AND PARENTING COURSES TO HELP REPAIR THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE RESPONDENT AND OUR CHILD AND ALL REQUESTS HAVE BEEN DENIED SEE EXHIBITS...

 

[kate331]

Why not have CAS do the protection order through court and suspend his parenting time until they are satisfied the child is safe with him during his parenting time? They can ask for all parenting classes & therapies instead of you.

And at the very least ask them for a "position letter", to submit with your motion. Also they can make a "safety plan" for your son and his dad while in his care.

Just my 2 cents. I feel your pain, I also have been through this.

 

[rockscan]

Why not have CAS do the protection order through court and suspend his parenting time until they are satisfied the child is safe with him during his parenting time? They can ask for all parenting classes & therapies instead of you.

And at the very least ask them for a "position letter", to submit with your motion. Also they can make a "safety plan" for your son and his dad while in his care.

Just my 2 cents. I feel your pain, I also have been through this.

This sounds like a better plan.

Also, ignore the emojis in my previous post. It came up that way with the characters I used.

 

[Hide on Bush]

Why not have CAS do the protection order through court and suspend his parenting time until they are satisfied the child is safe with him during his parenting time? They can ask for all parenting classes & therapies instead of you.

And at the very least ask them for a "position letter", to submit with your motion. Also they can make a "safety plan" for your son and his dad while in his care.

Just my 2 cents. I feel your pain, I also have been through this.

CAS wouldn’t do it. I actually had to get the social worker removed from
the child protection investigation because she was disclosing my exs mental health information to me and making comments such as “he’s just a babysitter” and told my ex my son “is just looking for attention” two days after my son said he would kill himself. I can only imagine what she told my ex.

We are currently in the progress of getting a new social worker but when I spoke with the supervisor, she said that mediation is likely going to be unproductive because it’s not a me and my ex matter, it’s a ex and my son one. They are the ones who recommended therapy. But of course, not in writing.

When I enquired about CAS doing the order, I was told they wouldn’t do that unless there was a danger to the child and with my son just refusing to go, there is no immediate danger to him.

I will ask the supervisor I was speaking with for further details.

As for my Affidavit, I really appreciate the help.

Every conversation I reference I have proof of occurring through home surveillance cameras or text messages. There is no claim I made that I don’t have documentation proving.

 

[kate331]

This doesnt make sense, at least to me. So your son has a social worker through CAS, what are they doing to help him and keep him safe? Where were they when you had your son in a hospital for threatening self-harm? They know your ex has court ordered parenting time, and are OK with a 10-year-old basically making his own decisions to keep himself safe?? Did you "voluntarily" sign an agreement with them to help your family or was it court ordered?

I'd be asking the courts for an order for disclosure of the CAS file and notes or its just hearsay. I recall when I was going through my separation a wise poster here, I believe it was Tayken said if CAS isnt concerned, either will a Judge be.

 

[Stillbreathing]

CAS are a waste of space. I had CAS involved with my children. They even wrote a letter to the court that my ex’s access should remain supervised or the children would be at risk. However, they refused to actually attend court in person which infuriated the judge. Once we were firmly embroiled in litigation and there was a custody and access assessor, CAS refused to get involved. They told me the court ordered assessor would do a risk assessment. The court ordered assessor out and out told me her role did not include risk assessment, that was the role of the CAS and she was only concerned with custody and access. As the years went by and my ex started to escalate, CAS still refused to go to court. The worker told me “we’re not there for mother’s like you who do everything right”. She also told me that she agreed the kids were at high risk if my ex ever got unsupervised access and they would only intervene when he hurt them again! Don’t waste your time with CAS. We had CAS from Peel region, Toronto, Durham region and Kawartha Lakes involved in our matter. Each as useless as the other.

 

[Hide on Bush]

CAS are a waste of space. I had CAS involved with my children. They even wrote a letter to the court that my ex’s access should remain supervised or the children would be at risk. However, they refused to actually attend court in person which infuriated the judge. Once we were firmly embroiled in litigation and there was a custody and access assessor, CAS refused to get involved. They told me the court ordered assessor would do a risk assessment. The court ordered assessor out and out told me her role did not include risk assessment, that was the role of the CAS and she was only concerned with custody and access. As the years went by and my ex started to escalate, CAS still refused to go to court. The worker told me “we’re not there for mother’s like you who do everything right”. She also told me that she agreed the kids were at high risk if my ex ever got unsupervised access and they would only intervene when he hurt them again! Don’t waste your time with CAS. We had CAS from Peel region, Toronto, Durham region and Kawartha Lakes involved in our matter. Each as useless as the other.

Based on my experiences I completely agree with this.

 

[Hide on Bush]

So, again with my lack of experience, is a Affidavit in support of my motion to big if it is in total 100 pages? The Affidavit itself is 10 pages, but the Exhibits are voluminous. The CAS report is 40 pages itself and I have A-N in Exhibits including doctors notes, referrals, text messages (very few), offers to settle etc

Is there any need to include the following:

- Previous Orders (there are two that show a clear history of my ex failing to act in the best interest of my son ie requesting child support to be terminated, saying he wanted 50/50 for the purpose of lowering CS so he could get a larger mortgage, asking for $1000 off of arrears to pay for snow tires on his car etc)

- Offers to Settle

- A Request to Admit with the Response to which my ex stated he was qualified to make mental health assessments (he most certainly is not. He dropped out of HS), that he believed my son is making the claims to seek attention etc

- Endorsements from Judges

 

[rockscan]

Court ordered remedies?

You dont include offers to settle.

Does the cas report have a summary?

How is your affidavit still ten pages? It should be shorter. This motion is to suspend parenting time and get therapy. You dont need to discuss anything else.

 

[Hide on Bush]

You dont include offers to settle.

Does the cas report have a summary?

How is your affidavit still ten pages? It should be shorter. This motion is to suspend parenting time and get therapy. You dont need to discuss anything else.

I’m working on widling it down now but I am also looking at the length of my exhibits. The CAS report doesn’t have a summary.

I’ll remove the offers to settle. But what about prior orders and endorsements?

 

[rockscan]

Unless they are direct proof you need, dont include them.

 

[kate331]

Is the CAS file heavily redacted? Honestly, I think it would take a Judge a lot to suspend a parent's access, so the more information the better imo.

What about supervised access as an alternative? Its your responsibility as parent to help facilitate some kind of relationship even if you have to resort to more creative ways, hopefully you are facilitating phone calls and facetimes.

 

[Hide on Bush]

Is the CAS file heavily redacted? Honestly, I think it would take a Judge a lot to suspend a parent's access, so the more information the better imo.

What about supervised access as an alternative? Its your responsibility as parent to help facilitate some kind of relationship even if you have to resort to more creative ways, hopefully you are facilitating phone calls and facetimes.

CAS file only has my Ex's portion redacted. There are 10 pages that specifically detail my Son saying he fears his Dad, he has items thrown at him, Dad has threatened to call the cops on him to have him charges, Dad has spoken poorly about me, Dad has beaten the dog multiple times in front of him, Dad has called him "useless", "worthless", "piece of shit", Dad has stated "Tell your mom you want 50/50 and I'll buy you a playstation", "If you don't ask for 50/50 you will never see [Dad's dog] again"

That's just to name a few that is quoted from the report.

As for facilitating access...

Between December 2021 and May 2022 I have (in order):

a) Provided an Offer to Settle offering the my Ex an addition weekend of parenting-time per month in addition to an extra week during my Son's summer vacation. I also stated I would facilitate the travel for the parenting-time (currently Ex is ordered to do all the travelling). Ex denied the offer because I asked for an extra 50km radius on where I can move.

b) Provided an Offer to Settle offering my Ex parenting-time of my Son every weekend from after school on Friday until 6:00pm on Sunday. Additionally, I offered my Ex to obtain an extra full week of parenting-time during my Son's summer vacation. This offer was denied by my Ex because again I was asking for an extra 50km.

c) I obtained a children’s counsellor for my Son after he made claims of the his Dad emotionally abusing him. That counsellor has been seeing my Son ever since.

d) I worked with my Son's teachers and Principal to get my Son to participate in the Rainbow Program which would allow my Son to express his negative feelings in a positive form through art.

e) As a result of the claims of emotional abuse, I contacted Maltby Center and spoke with a child therapist to try and obtain tools to ensure only positive remarks surrounding my Ex were expressed to my Son;

f) Due to my Son's claims of resorting to suicide if he was to go with my Ex, I contacted my Son's family doctor and obtained a referral for a child psychiatrist;

g) I contacted Maltby Center and obtained a referral for a child therapist through a senior mental health therapist who specializes with children;

h) I started working with my Son's Principal, Teachers, and my Son's counsellor to establish weekly counselling sessions with my Son and his counsellor during school hours prior to his scheduled visits with my Ex in order to hopefully encourage positive feelings for my Son to go.

j) Through an Offer to Settle, I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and I which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

k) I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and my Son which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

l) I have offered my Ex to meet with my Son at various locations where we would be present to spend the day with him, such as the gym, Trampoline Park etc. My Ex has not answer any of our offers to date.

m) I have offered for my Ex to make up all of the missed time with my Son at the completion of the therapy. Ex denied.

My Ex has stated "This is a parenting issue, not an abuse one. [child] doesn't like my parenting and you should be getting on board with my parenting to make this easier for me." All while that parenting has resulted in abuse claims and suicidal thoughts...

As for telephone calls and FaceTime, my Son refuses to speak with my Ex. My Son literally asked my Ex to write a letter apologizing for swearing at him, and my Ex still refuses to write it stating I will use his grammar mistakes against him (seriously).

Before the claims of emotional abuse and suicide, I have bribed my Son to go. He refused. I have punished my Son to go. He didn't care.

It also doesn't help that my Ex has texted my Son, as of two weeks ago, blaming my husband and I for all of this. Saying, and I quote "[child] your just seeking attention and your mom and [my husband] are giving it to you making you feel like you can keep defying me."

My Ex has continued to ignore that my Son has claimed emotional abuse from my Ex and has said he would kill himself if he would go there.

How else could I facilitate access. Honestly, at this point, is there even a reason to?

 

[Hide on Bush]

Here is a valid question that I don’t know the answer to…

Is there even a point in moving forward with a motion to compel my ex to do therapy if he is not willing to take any steps on his own?

My Son is refusing to go. Period.

I jumped the gun on a motion because my ex didn’t want to take any steps to help the situation and I didn’t want the courts thinking I was preventing my son from leaving. So I wanted the courts to get involved to compel my ex to seek help.

Is there actually a reason to have this go forward with a motion if the earliest date is September? Or should we just move forward with the original case and ask for a SC and move on?

 

[rockscan]

Its up to you. If he doesn’t seek therapy nothing will change. A court can order it to assist with reunification and improved relations but if your son still refuses and your ex is just as stubborn, nothing will happen. The benefit is he can’t file for contempt as he hadn’t done what he was ordered to do. He still has to pay support and expenses.

If you don’t do anything, he will still continue to show up at the school or the house and continue to send threatening emails.

You were the one pushing for this motion. What remedy did you hope to get?

 

[Hide on Bush]

Its up to you. If he doesn�t seek therapy nothing will change. A court can order it to assist with reunification and improved relations but if your son still refuses and your ex is just as stubborn, nothing will happen. The benefit is he can�t file for contempt as he hadn�t done what he was ordered to do. He still has to pay support and expenses.

If you don�t do anything, he will still continue to show up at the school or the house and continue to send threatening emails.

You were the one pushing for this motion. What remedy did you hope to get?

I was hoping to get my ex to do therapy with my Son and get their relationship back on par.

But on the other end, that is not my responsibility to do that. My job was to take reasonable steps to make my son go which I feel I have done.

As for my ex showing up, my concern was for my son being placed in that situation. But honestly my son has come to a point where he is putting blinders on and ignoring his Dad. When I tell him to go, he says no that he doesn’t feel safe going.

I think this entire time I’ve been trying to parent my ex as well as my Son. I have done my part and that got me wondering if a motion was necessary.

Plus, at this point, I can’t even be sure I’d be able to get my Son to participate in therapy with his Dad. Not anymore.

I read Godard v Goddard and was concerned until I got to the point of:

“No doubt, it may be difficult to comply with an access order, especially as children get older. Parents are not required to do the impossible in order to avoid a contempt finding. They are, however, required to do all that they reasonably can. In this case, the motion judge inferred deliberate and wilful disobedience of the order from the appellant’s failure to do do all that she reasonably could: she failed to "take concrete measures to apply normal parental authority to have the child comply with the access order"”

I think when the only available option is court ordered therapy, I have taken all reasonable steps like stated above.


Between December 2021 and May 2022 I have (in order):

a) Provided an Offer to Settle offering the my Ex an addition weekend of parenting-time per month in addition to an extra week during my Son's summer vacation. I also stated I would facilitate the travel for the parenting-time (currently Ex is ordered to do all the travelling). Ex denied the offer because I asked for an extra 50km radius on where I can move.

b) Provided an Offer to Settle offering my Ex parenting-time of my Son every weekend from after school on Friday until 6:00pm on Sunday. Additionally, I offered my Ex to obtain an extra full week of parenting-time during my Son's summer vacation. This offer was denied by my Ex because again I was asking for an extra 50km.

c) I obtained a children’s counsellor for my Son after he made claims of the his Dad emotionally abusing him. That counsellor has been seeing my Son ever since.

d) I worked with my Son's teachers and Principal to get my Son to participate in the Rainbow Program which would allow my Son to express his negative feelings in a positive form through art.

e) As a result of the claims of emotional abuse, I contacted Maltby Center and spoke with a child therapist to try and obtain tools to ensure only positive remarks surrounding my Ex were expressed to my Son;

f) Due to my Son's claims of resorting to suicide if he was to go with my Ex, I contacted my Son's family doctor and obtained a referral for a child psychiatrist;

g) I contacted Maltby Center and obtained a referral for a child therapist through a senior mental health therapist who specializes with children;

h) I started working with my Son's Principal, Teachers, and my Son's counsellor to establish weekly counselling sessions with my Son and his counsellor during school hours prior to his scheduled visits with my Ex in order to hopefully encourage positive feelings for my Son to go.

j) Through an Offer to Settle, I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and I which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

k) I requested Child Protection Mediation between my Ex and my Son which was subsequently denied by my Ex that day;

l) I have offered my Ex to meet with my Son at various locations where we would be present to spend the day with him, such as the gym, Trampoline Park etc. My Ex has not answer any of our offers to date.

m) I have offered for my Ex to make up all of the missed time with my Son at the completion of the therapy. Ex denied.

This includes OCL denying involvement twice.

 

[blinkandimgone]

Here is a valid question that I don’t know the answer to…

Is there even a point in moving forward with a motion to compel my ex to do therapy if he is not willing to take any steps on his own?

My Son is refusing to go. Period.

I jumped the gun on a motion because my ex didn’t want to take any steps to help the situation and I didn’t want the courts thinking I was preventing my son from leaving. So I wanted the courts to get involved to compel my ex to seek help.

Is there actually a reason to have this go forward with a motion if the earliest date is September? Or should we just move forward with the original case and ask for a SC and move on?

I think it depends in your approach. It's every parent's job to facilitate and encourage a relationship with the other parent. When that becomes damaging for the child, moving to suspend access or have supervised visitation until the other parent takes steps like therapy, anger management etc and improve their relationship with the child shows that you are doing everything you can to facilitate the relationship but in a healthy way for your child. You're not trying to cut off the relationship entirely.

Then the responsibility lies with the other parent to do what needs to be done to restore a regular schedule with the kid down the road. If he refuses, the courts will see that.

 

[rockscan]

I think it’s also complicated by your son’s age. He is ten which is lower than most ages a judge would agree to allowing their voice. Not to mention, what if your ex does do therapy and improves himself, is your son going to continue not to see him?

Im not saying you havent done enough, Im saying your son needs therapy as well and he needs to realize he has to deal with his father at some point. It never gets easy and you can’t ignore them forever. I still deal with my difficult parent and it’s all well and good to ignore them but it still has an impact on my mental health and Ive been in therapy for two decades!

 

[Hide on Bush]

I think it�s also complicated by your son�s age. He is ten which is lower than most ages a judge would agree to allowing their voice. Not to mention, what if your ex does do therapy and improves himself, is your son going to continue not to see him?

Im not saying you havent done enough, Im saying your son needs therapy as well and he needs to realize he has to deal with his father at some point. It never gets easy and you can�t ignore them forever. I still deal with my difficult parent and it�s all well and good to ignore them but it still has an impact on my mental health and Ive been in therapy for two decades!

So my son is on the wait list for therapy and a psychiatrist in which he fully agrees to do it on his own

 

[kate331]

Does your son have a good relationship with his paternal grandparents or any aunts & uncles? Could they do anything to help facilitate some kind of supervised access? Or even visit the child without the father so he doesn't get estranged from that side of his family. Most kids in my experience love going to see their grandparents.

Just trying to think outside the box and outside of court.