My self rep was a total disaster. The other side "forgot" to include my affidavit in the binder and it was apparent the judge had me pegged as a dead beat before it even began. I am anything but. Every point I brought up, including her undisclosed assets and missing financial information didn't seem to matter at all. She is a total gold digger with an incredible sense of entitlement and the system seems to encourage it. Of course she could afford a lawyer as she makes plenty and brings in cs from 2 guys. They are going back 4 years as they say I should have been paying towards extraordinary expenses even though the agreement was for cs and medical/dental. For about 3 years of that time I believe I was overpaying cs by about $100/month if you deducted the fathers payment from my table amount. I walked out of there owing over 10k. I make less than 40k a year. I will probably have to remortgage my house and they aren't even my kids. I am in shock.
court disaster
- Thread starter jeff20
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Well....I feel for you. Personally, If I had to do it all over again, I'll not get involve with anyone with kids, and perhaps others should think it thru first before getting swept away with the lovey dovey stuff
People should be asking what their role is going to be, and what will happen in the event that the relationship doesn't work out. Get everything on paper and signed by a lawyer. There is no doubt a lot of women out there are just looking for a father figure for their kids and someone to bring in extra income
People should be asking what their role is going to be, and what will happen in the event that the relationship doesn't work out. Get everything on paper and signed by a lawyer. There is no doubt a lot of women out there are just looking for a father figure for their kids and someone to bring in extra income
I'm pretty new to this but unless you are claiming for support from her I don't think she needs to provide financial information. Perhaps this is why it didn't matter.
Was your previous agreement re: cs and medical/dental court ordered?
Pursuinghappiness
New member
You can certainly do that and it might help but just note that it won't necessarily stop anyone from still deciding to bring forth a claim for CS with stepchildren. Child support claims can always be opened regardless of what was previously signed.
Tayken
New member
This is why lawyers are important and not everyone should self rep. You need to understand the Rules just as well as a lawyer (or better) when you are self-rep.
Ignorantia juris non excusat - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
You could have filed your own Trial Record and included your affidavit. Not much churns on affidavit evidence as a testamony as both parties are often called to testify viva voce.
What was the access arrangement of the children in question? If it was "every other weekend" then, not much churns on the primary residential parent's income and assets when determining CS and S.7 expenses.
So, your argument was irrelevant to the matters before the court if there is no access or every other weekend "EOW" access to the children in question.
I can see why the justice might have had you "pegged".
Calling someone a "gold digger" is probably not the best argument to put forward before the court. In fact, I hope these words never came out of your mouth before the justice at all.
How someone pays for their lawyer is irrelevant to the proceedings. She could have had rich parents and this argument would have failed before the court. The only thing the court is concerned with is Rule 24 of the Children's Law Reform Act... The children's "best interests".
How long did the children in question reside with you? Suffice to say they would have had to establish that you were in an in loco parent. Clearly if you are as you stated you are "anything but" a dead beat parent one can only assume you have regular access to the children in question and play some role in their life as a parent in loco.
That isn't how child support is calculated. If you are a parent then you need to pay Child Support. It is determined based on your income. The other "father's" contributions could have been brought into the equation possibly but, you have to understand the Rules governing CS determinations. For this, you would either need to study the Rules significantly and figure it out or retain counsel to represent you.
Note the red statement. Yet you stated previously:
So are you a parent to these children or are you not a parent to these children?
Good Luck!
Tayken
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Never denied I stood in place of a parent and never expected not to pay anything. However when the combined incomes of the mother and bio Dad are more than the household ever was when we were together I wonder why I'm paying close to the table amount. I also don't know why it took 5 years for her to suddenly decide she wanted extraordinary expenses and wasn't satisfied with the agreement. Maybe because I tried to lower my payments because my wage dropped in 1/2? Obviously I'm not a rocket scientist but I'm not stupid enough to call her a gold digger in court. Whatever the term is for a woman who took 2 guys to court on constructive trust claims and sued another for breach of promise. Financially motivated? Not sure but I'm sticking with gold digger.
wretchedotis
New member
YAY!!
I get to bust out the below link again!!
Not that I'm pleased for your situation....
Kanye West - Gold Digger ft. Jamie Foxx - YouTube
I get to bust out the below link again!!
Not that I'm pleased for your situation....
Kanye West - Gold Digger ft. Jamie Foxx - YouTube
HappyMomma
New member
And you got involved with her anyway? Shake your head.
(just poking fun at you - we likely all ignored big warning signs or we wouldn't be on this forum).
hadenough
New member
Quote by OP "Whatever the term is for a woman who took 2 guys to court on constructive trust claims and sued another for breach of promise. Financially motivated? Not sure but I'm sticking with gold digger."
And still you chose to be in a long term relationship with her. I guess it's the "Oh I thought I was special/different" syndrome.
We only hear one side of the story on here, ever. Assuming for a moment that your analysis of her (now) is correct, just what was it that you were 'thinking' when you got involved with her? Reminds me of my ex's new wife.
Self-rep'g is definitely a tricky thing. It was a huge miscalculation for you to go to Court without a lawyer. Clearly you did not present, or argue your case well.
Oink; I'm sure some women are seeking out a partner/father figure for their child/ren but there's a lot of women, (and I am one of them) who are not looking for any man to step in as a "father figure" to my son. I have noticed both men and women's eagerness to jump into new relationships however, and for the most part, it's beyond me.
Wretchedotis: I do like that song quite a bit, I confess.
And still you chose to be in a long term relationship with her. I guess it's the "Oh I thought I was special/different" syndrome.
We only hear one side of the story on here, ever. Assuming for a moment that your analysis of her (now) is correct, just what was it that you were 'thinking' when you got involved with her? Reminds me of my ex's new wife.
Self-rep'g is definitely a tricky thing. It was a huge miscalculation for you to go to Court without a lawyer. Clearly you did not present, or argue your case well.
Oink; I'm sure some women are seeking out a partner/father figure for their child/ren but there's a lot of women, (and I am one of them) who are not looking for any man to step in as a "father figure" to my son. I have noticed both men and women's eagerness to jump into new relationships however, and for the most part, it's beyond me.
Wretchedotis: I do like that song quite a bit, I confess.
HappyMomma
New member
Agreed - I also have children from a previous relationship. I would never ask my ex for support for my son even though he clearly was a father figure for almost 10 years.
I am in an incredible relationship now and do you know what the BIG difference is? I don't think my partner is incredible because I love him. I love him because he is incredible. It makes a huge difference. Love truly is blind and people are quick to make excuses for the ones they love. I'm incredibly lucky to finally have done things the right way around.
hadenough
New member
Good to hear that CS Angel. Finding/Being in a good healthy relationship is like finding a needle in a haystack, but it's always nice to hear that it is "possible." All the best to you. I'm sure you make much more conscious choices now. I was definitely once pretty blind - that is evident. Asleep at the wheel even? Ohhhh but I'm "up" now! *sigh*
I have an entirely new/revised set of standards now. I might have even set them so high as to stay single indefinitely.
Ohhhh but I'm "up" now! *sigh*I have an entirely new/revised set of standards now. I might have even set them so high as to stay single indefinitely.
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Kudos to you and CS Angel....there is nothing wrong with setting high standards, and like someone said previously "the need for people to jump into new relationships is beyond me".
You can still have "friends" that you do things with that comes with benefits, knowing that there is no pressure and obligations at the end
If people can just look past the "getting laid" side of things for a sec and concentrate of the matters that can cause you grief down the road, they/we might just see that perhaps a certain person is not the right fit
You can still have "friends" that you do things with that comes with benefits, knowing that there is no pressure and obligations at the end
If people can just look past the "getting laid" side of things for a sec and concentrate of the matters that can cause you grief down the road, they/we might just see that perhaps a certain person is not the right fit
Good to hear that CS Angel. Finding/Being in a good healthy relationship is like finding a needle in a haystack, but it's always nice to hear that it is "possible." All the best to you. I'm sure you make much more conscious choices now. I was definitely once pretty blind - that is evident. Asleep at the wheel even?
I have an entirely new/revised set of standards now. I might have even set them so high as to stay single indefinitely.
I didn't find out about the previous lawsuits until after she left me.
I also found out at the court date that she had consulted a lawyer
2 years b4 she left me. The lawyer advised her to stay 2 more years
so she could get more money from me and to ensure I would end up
being responsible for her kids. She also drained money from our joint account. Still feel that I had it coming? There should be a rating system online for
individuals. I feel for the next guy..
I also found out at the court date that she had consulted a lawyer
2 years b4 she left me. The lawyer advised her to stay 2 more years
so she could get more money from me and to ensure I would end up
being responsible for her kids. She also drained money from our joint account. Still feel that I had it coming? There should be a rating system online for
individuals. I feel for the next guy..
hadenough
New member
Yes it would be ideal if we could 'warn' potential next/new partners of imminent financial/emotional harm and drama, but alas it just doesn't work that way.
The person doing the 'warning' would be painted up as a jealous/obsessed ex lover etc and any warnings would fall on deaf ears. Personally, iid appreciate a 'warning' if there were one to be offered but it just doesn't happen that way.
People show us who they really are all the time. We just choose to ignore it or be oblivious to it. I warned someone once about a woman. She and I were once friends. My customer had met her and was quite smitten. I thought he was a terrific guy and hated to see him falling for her, and her crap. I was not romantically interested in him.
We are still friends today, many years later. She ruined a good few years of his life. 60k in legal fees later, he now raises his 6 y/o child (that they had together) on his own. He's in school p/t, works, and barely has a free moment. He has sole custody. He does not recv a dime in C/S from the mother. She has basically become a transient. She has an older child with a different guy. For 2 years she was collecting the CCTB even though that child was being raised by her father. He also was awarded sole custody.
The person doing the 'warning' would be painted up as a jealous/obsessed ex lover etc and any warnings would fall on deaf ears. Personally, iid appreciate a 'warning' if there were one to be offered but it just doesn't happen that way.
People show us who they really are all the time. We just choose to ignore it or be oblivious to it. I warned someone once about a woman. She and I were once friends. My customer had met her and was quite smitten. I thought he was a terrific guy and hated to see him falling for her, and her crap. I was not romantically interested in him.
We are still friends today, many years later. She ruined a good few years of his life. 60k in legal fees later, he now raises his 6 y/o child (that they had together) on his own. He's in school p/t, works, and barely has a free moment. He has sole custody. He does not recv a dime in C/S from the mother. She has basically become a transient. She has an older child with a different guy. For 2 years she was collecting the CCTB even though that child was being raised by her father. He also was awarded sole custody.
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HappyMomma
New member
Sometimes I feel terrible about not warning my ex's new partner but you are right, she wouldn't believe it anyway.
And truthfully, I'm so thankful she's around. She does all the communicating for him now so I don't have to listen to his crap anymore. It's such a huge load of stress off. I feel terrible about it but I keep hoping she won't figure him out for a while yet!!
I hear ya, but he probably says the same thing about you though?
And truthfully, I'm so thankful she's around. She does all the communicating for him now so I don't have to listen to his crap anymore. It's such a huge load of stress off. I feel terrible about it but I keep hoping she won't figure him out for a while yet!!
HappyMomma
New member
I hear ya, but he probably says the same thing about you though?
Oh he says much, much worse about me. Fortunately for me, he's so HCP that I don't even have to defend myself. It becomes obvious after a while that he's full of it.
hadenough
New member
By CSAngel "Oh he says much, much worse about me. Fortunately for me, he's so HCP that I don't even have to defend myself. It becomes obvious after a while that he's full of it."
Ditto re: my ex. He couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it. That has been established both in, and out of Court. CSAngel: I too am GLAD the ex has a wife. I pity her somewhat but she walked right into the frying pan and threw accelerant on it in fact. Therefore, she (some day) will need to face up to the error of her ways and judgment, just as I have had to, to my own.
Ditto re: my ex. He couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it. That has been established both in, and out of Court. CSAngel: I too am GLAD the ex has a wife. I pity her somewhat but she walked right into the frying pan and threw accelerant on it in fact. Therefore, she (some day) will need to face up to the error of her ways and judgment, just as I have had to, to my own.
Rioe
New member
I hear you! Sometimes, though, I figure after honesty and reliability, if I can get a couple of things in common, that'll do.
Yeah, I didn't warn my ex's new partner about his lying, cheating, manipulative ways, but since she helped him do it, I think that she ought to figure it out herself the hard way.
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