Cost babysitter

G

guydeluxe2018

New member
Hi,

I have an interim order access only on Thursday overnight to Friday morning, 3rd weekend of the Month Fri-Monday. My ex sent me the following text:

"Its looks like 1st week of summer holiday wk od june 26th
Most camps wld have not have opened even martial arts
They open the week after

The camps available are offering half days 9-12 (for reasonable price) then what after coz we work.
Full day $435 eg Idea labs

I suggest we need to slipt the child care that week 2 1/2days each)

Eg
Mum -Mon - wed up 12pm so i can go to work

Dad
Wed 12pm to Friday 4pm drop"

The days she is assigning me I am scheduled to work, I have asked for cost for babysitter during the 2 days the child is with me,and she has refused to contribute and states I have to pay, what am wondering is those days are not my parenting time, she wants me to babysit during the day and drop off the child at her place at 4pm should I be paying for this cost ?​
 
Well you could turn around and tell her you want to stick to the schedule and only take your ordered parenting time and then pay your share of her child care costs for the week OR you can try to work it so you get the extra time with your kids.

Are you not entitled to vacation time? Can you use it for the days to be with your kids?
 
Well, using up all a persons vacation time here and there to babysit doesn't sound feasible, vacation is finite.

I am having trouble understanding the messages. It sounds like she simply wants you to pay 1/2 of child care costs for that week and that would be an s7 expense you are supposed to contribute towards. She is asking for your agreement to send them to the camp at that rate.
 
noteasy said:
Well, using up all a persons vacation time here and there to babysit doesn't sound feasible, vacation is finite.

I am having trouble understanding the messages. It sounds like she simply wants you to pay 1/2 of child care costs for that week and that would be an s7 expense you are supposed to contribute towards. She is asking for your agreement to send them to the camp at that rate.
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So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?

Camp doesn't run the week she is looking for help. The kids need someone for half the time.
 
rockscan said:
So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?

Camp doesn't run the week she is looking for help. The kids need someone for half the time.
Click to expand...

That is a might high horse you are on.

I do not know the values of the OP or why they do not have 50/50 or if they want more.
I do know that vacation time is valuable for mental health, can't be a good parent if you are stressed out.

If the other parent needed more help perhaps they should have went 50/50 with the child?
Perhaps the other parent should use up their vacation time and offer other more valuable time to the OP.

Perhaps the OP can use this to bargain for more time if they want it.

The OP does not have 50/50 for a reason, I don't know what that reason is but their should be no shame in not being cut out for parenting or not wanting to help their ex.
 
noteasy said:
That is a might high horse you are on.

I do not know the values of the OP or why they do not have 50/50 or if they want more.
I do know that vacation time is valuable for mental health, can't be a good parent if you are stressed out.

If the other parent needed more help perhaps they should have went 50/50 with the child?
Perhaps the other parent should use up their vacation time and offer other more valuable time to the OP.

Perhaps the OP can use this to bargain for more time if they want it.

The OP does not have 50/50 for a reason, I don't know what that reason is but their should be no shame in not being cut out for parenting or not wanting to help their ex.
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Wow, just wow.

If you want more time with your kid then you take what you can get and you make it work. If you have vacation time then you use it to spend time with your kid. If you don't want to do that and instead want it for yourself then you pay a share of daycare.

Go and read people's previous posts to learn more about why they are in the situation they are in rather than making uninformed comments and attacking other posters.
 
This is rockscan attacking someone: "So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?"

The original poster's question was about paying for babysitting costs but you went to turn it into something else. He has to work, he has to live, his ex is high-conflict and make unilateral decisions which means she is controlling and attempting to do so here. Did you not read this post? Did you forget the other posts?

He needs the baby sitting item addressed.
 
noteasy said:
This is rockscan attacking someone: "So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?"

The original poster's question was about paying for babysitting costs but you went to turn it into something else. He has to work, he has to live, his ex is high-conflict and make unilateral decisions which means she is controlling and attempting to do so here. Did you not read this post? Did you forget the other posts?

He needs the baby sitting item addressed.
Click to expand...

Actually, your first response in this thread was what I was referring to when noting vacation was needed for mental health. I answered his question on child care. I also know OP is fighting for 50/50 with someone who makes unilateral decisions and withholds the child. When you are dealing with someone like that and it involves more time that you are fighting for, you do what you have to do and take the extra time. If that includes vacation, you give up alone time to be with your kid. If he doesn't and mom needs child care to work as it is her time, he has to pay for it.
 
rockscan said:
Actually, your first response in this thread was what I was referring to when noting vacation was needed for mental health. I answered his question on child care. I also know OP is fighting for 50/50 with someone who makes unilateral decisions and withholds the child. When you are dealing with someone like that and it involves more time that you are fighting for, you do what you have to do and take the extra time. If that includes vacation, you give up alone time to be with your kid. If he doesn't and mom needs child care to work as it is her time, he has to pay for it.
Click to expand...

Been there done that. If he can rearrange his work schedule that will work otherwise this will wear him down.
Bending to the will of a bully doesn't work it simply makes them look elsewhere to cause problems for them.
He knows his limits and the OCL put it at 50/50 and so it looks like it will be that.
If he takes this deal he is likely stuck with it forever, not a good deal forever the mother has to step up.

Asking that for time + more might be a good trade off.

Can we get back to his question?
 
noteasy said:
Been there done that. If he can rearrange his work schedule that will work otherwise this will wear him down.
Bending to the will of a bully doesn't work it simply makes them look elsewhere to cause problems for them.
He knows his limits and the OCL put it at 50/50 and so it looks like it will be that.
If he takes this deal he is likely stuck with it forever, not a good deal forever the mother has to step up.

Asking that for time + more might be a good trade off.

Can we get back to his question?
Click to expand...

I answered his question. There is no care for the kid between school ending and camp starting. She said they should split the time to avoid any costs. To solve his problem easily he says he wants to stick to the order which means mom will need childcare and he will have to pay his share of it.

He wants 50/50. It doesn't matter what OCL says, if he rejects her offer of more time then he makes himself look bad. Anyone on this forum will tell you to take the extra time and do what you have to do. If that means taking vacation so be it. It isn't giving in to a bully or being dictated to. The kid needs care. Either they work together or he pays for child care.
 
I am not someone to you. You speak for everyone. Got it.
Internet forum bully identified.
Thank goodness this forum isn't the end all and be all of Family Law.

I have read some REALLY bad advice on here.
 
noteasy said:
I am not someone to you. You speak for everyone. Got it.
Internet forum bully identified.
Thank goodness this forum isn't the end all and be all of Family Law.

I have read some REALLY bad advice on here.
Click to expand...

Feel free to see yourself out. You seem to feel you know everything anyway, not sure why you're here.
 
Asking questions isn't bullying someone, and we're not going to have threads derailed because you've taken a personal issue with someone. If you feel there's an issue, use the report button rather than derailing the thread, it is possible to disagree with someone or have an opposing opinion without hijacking a thread. You can also use the ignore function so you don't have to read opinions that differ from yours.

Considering how you seem to feel about the forum, and lawyers in general (ironic, Considering where you're posting), maybe it IS time to reconsider if this is the space for you.
 
There are no questions asked that prompted the "bullying" moniker.


There as this put forward by the other responder:
So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?
Click to expand...

If the above quote does not sound hostile to you maybe think about asking this this way in front of a judge and then claiming to be seeking an amicable resolution, I don't see the other party taking it well.
 
noteasy said:
There are no questions asked that prompted the "bullying" moniker.


There as this put forward by the other responder:


If the above quote does not sound hostile to you maybe think about asking this this way in front of a judge and then claiming to be seeking an amicable resolution, I don't see the other party taking it well.
Click to expand...

Actually I could see a judge asking this question. Why you didn't do what you could to be with your kids if more time was given to you. I can also see it in an affidavit against giving more time—the respondent was offered more parenting time during xyz weeks and refused saying they did not want to use vacation time to spend with the children or had no child care.

If you are in court fighting for more parenting time you take what you can and manage that time accordingly. Whether it is via vacation, babysitting, working from home, using a family member etc.
 
rockscan said:
Actually I could see a judge asking this question. Why you didn't do what you could to be with your kids if more time was given to you. I can also see it in an affidavit against giving more time—the respondent was offered more parenting time during xyz weeks and refused saying they did not want to use vacation time to spend with the children or had no child care.

If you are in court fighting for more parenting time you take what you can and manage that time accordingly. Whether it is via vacation, babysitting, working from home, using a family member etc.
Click to expand...

I totally agree with this. In my situation my ex NEVER took extra time offered, and majority of the his time, didn't take it as agreed. Child now lives with me full time and hasn't seen ex since November. Take all your time, and any extra no matter what you have to do to get it. Otherwise you look bad. In my case it wasn't decided by a judge but recommended by the OCL.
 
rockscan said:
Actually I could see a judge asking this question.
Click to expand...

Strawman statement that is.
As a lawyer in front of a judge was the statement I made.

Judges answer to no one and for right or wrong often act so, they are not bound by the same rules.
Please stop moving the goal posts.
 
noteasy said:
Strawman statement that is.
As a lawyer in front of a judge was the statement I made.

Judges answer to no one and for right or wrong often act so, they are not bound by the same rules.
Please stop moving the goal posts.
Click to expand...

If the OP wants to win more time with his kid he should be taking all the time he's offered regardless of the impact on his personal life. And yes a lawyer too would say it “your honour, my client offered the respondent more time but he refused claiming he was unable to take time off or find a care giver for the child”.

Not to mention cross examination “you were offered time on this date, why did you not take it?†And “if you arent able to take time off to be with your child, how will you be able to have shared physical custody?â€

I also always think of what the other side would throw and what a necessary response would be. Because ultimately you have to consider what a judge would think and in cases like this, a judge would look at whether or not the person fighting for more time took the time that was offered every time it was put forward.
 
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It is like endless strawman with you. Here is the quote:
"So you are against using vacation time to spend it with your kids? His ex is basically offering him additional time with his kids but he doesn't want to take the time off?"
Stop moving the goal posts.
 
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