Considering divorce

[Gnat76]

Hello all.
​​​Im going through couples counciling as a last ditch effort to save my marriage but its not going well.
I don't know how common my situation is but we are not sexually compatible. She won't touch me at all and I have a high libido. It's been this way for 10 years. There are two things keeping me in the relationship.
1. My son Is still in high school and I don't want to have to disrupt is his last couple of years. Prior to that there was a death in the family, health issues and covid lock downs.
2. We have significant debt as a couple that is balanced(likely surpased) by the equity in our house. So for me to afford to live on my own we would need to sell the house causing issues with my son above.

it's reached a point where I am depressed all the time and just putting on a smile when around others.

I'm looking forward to being free someday or at least overcoming the depression.

 

[donaldD]

Sorry to hear. Sorry to hear no one has responded.

a. I don't know but it is likely your wife is has a partner that is not you.
b. The best way to divorce is as a friend you do not trust.
c. Gather all the financial information; secure what you can.
d. Record all your conversations. All of them. Buy a watch that records and record normal conversations, good conversations, arguments. Record it all and store it safely.

Talk to a lawyer that does not promote conflict and do that first.
If / When you bring up divorce be prepared for a sh*t storm. It may not happen but it isn't uncommon and it won't be obvious. The knife will be going into your back.
False domestic abuse claims, removal of money from the bank accounts, accumulation of debt.

Serving papers before discussion is also often recommended as it prevents a lot of the money runs on accounts.
A separation agreement is also a common and good path.
Be generous/fair with the settlement offer; if you make them feel insecure it may result in a fight.

A divorce with kids can be done for a few thousand dollars or a few hundred thousand.
You will both require lawyers and make sure that agreement is legit and without gaps and a termination date for spousal support is good; don't say "worry about it later" because exes often become bitter and retaliate via court.