Common As Dirt - Another Case Record

paco said:
You should avoid supervised access, if you're using this centre just for transfer exchanges that's fine

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I'm just (supposed to be) using the centre for exchanges. The time and location are incorrect on the interim order. I've sent a written request to her lawyer to get the ball rolling on changing it. He has not responded. Per Tayken's advice the next step is to send an offer to settle. She's continuing to use access to the kids as a bargaining chip.
 
ninehundredt said:
I'm just (supposed to be) using the centre for exchanges. The time and location are incorrect on the interim order. I've sent a written request to her lawyer to get the ball rolling on changing it. He has not responded. Per Tayken's advice the next step is to send an offer to settle. She's continuing to use access to the kids as a bargaining chip.
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Try to avoid the actual centre for transfers, instead you can exchange the kids using Tim Hortons or McDonald, they're open 24/7 and it's more friendly for kids. You have to be very clear with your ex that you're using a 3rd party just for transfer exchanges only, even if these exchanges are supervised. Let's say the exchange is Friday at 6pm, so she brings the kids at 6pm and you'll pick them up at 6.15pm and you leave right away, she'll continue to stay until 6.30pm. Sunday you bring back the kids at 6pm and she pick them up at 6.15pm, you'll wait until 6.30pm. You need to ensure that both of you are treated equaly when comes to transfer exchanges and the waiting time for both of you. Good luck.

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ninehundredt said:
I'm just (supposed to be) using the centre for exchanges. The time and location are incorrect on the interim order. I've sent a written request to her lawyer to get the ball rolling on changing it. He has not responded. Per Tayken's advice the next step is to send an offer to settle. She's continuing to use access to the kids as a bargaining chip.
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...and one more thing, split the cost with your ex, in this way she's accountable as well and in a near future you may find a different way to transfer your kids, you don't want to pay for this indefinitely, it's an expensive service though. In my case I had no choice but to pay for this, next year we review access, transfers and vacation period.

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paco said:
...and one more thing, split the cost with your ex, in this way she's accountable as well and in a near future you may find a different way to transfer your kids, you don't want to pay for this indefinitely, it's an expensive service though. In my case I had no choice but to pay for this, next year we review access, transfers and vacation period.

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She is insisting on supervised exchanges, but is ignoring my requests to modify the order to get the centre exchanges going. It's mind numbing. I know where you're coming from. The fees for the service will be split between us if this ever gets resolved.
 
ninehundredt said:
She is insisting on supervised exchanges, but is ignoring my requests to modify the order to get the centre exchanges going. It's mind numbing. I know where you're coming from. The fees for the service will be split between us if this ever gets resolved.
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If you're using transfer centres you have to be carefully that both of you are treated equal in regards to time waiting, what happened to me I was fooled and I accepted to transfer the kids at a supervised centre. In fact I was the only one waiting like an i..ot with my kids inside while she just dropped or picked them up without waiting. I was actualy supervised that time (15min) from the time they were dropped off untill the time I left with them. After first exchange I realised what mistake I was going to make so I canceled the agreement right away. My daughter even asked me why those people take notes and watching us all the time, at that moment I realised it was totally wrong as I never needed to be supervised.
So my advise to you is be carefully what you sign and never accept Supervision with your kids.
Supervised transfer exchanges means that a 3rd party takes the kids from mom and bring them to father, and viceversa, as per access schedule, no notes, no questions asked.

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ninehundredt said:
She is insisting on supervised exchanges, but is ignoring my requests to modify the order to get the centre exchanges going. It's mind numbing. I know where you're coming from. The fees for the service will be split between us if this ever gets resolved.
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Until you get this transfer exchanges resolved, push to exchange them at a near police station, they're open 24/7 and it's safe for both of you, many people exchange kids there and it's free.

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arabian said:
This is very good, insightful information Paco.

I am curious. How much does this cost at an access centre?
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I don't know how good it is, it's certainly a cruel reality, it's hurting everyone who goes to lawyers and to courts, who are not able to find a middle way peacefully for the sake of the kids.
It's $100 +tax per transfer, money that normally should go to child's RESP or to take them to Disneyland in vacation. Some centres may charge different amounts.

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ninehundredt said:
She is insisting on supervised exchanges, but is ignoring my requests to modify the order to get the centre exchanges going. It's mind numbing. I know where you're coming from. The fees for the service will be split between us if this ever gets resolved.
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Same ol' delay tactics. Man is it ever exhausting to even read (having been through it).

My ex's LAO lawyer tried the same with the access ctr. I applied for exchanges only and ex apparently applied for the actual visits. I get an e-ail a month later saying "LF32 .. my client has applied to the access ctr and they seem to be still awaiting your application .. I urge you to apply soon as the waiting list is very long". Of course I replied that I 'DID NOT NEED any kind of supervision as all allegations were false (as she even now admits) .. but got no response.

Patience big guy. It's all a game to Mrs greedy, child-abusing gatekeeper and her scummy money hungry lawyer. Delay Delay Delay for status quo is the name of their game.

Good thing you're documenting everything..all delays, all denials etc. Judge will love that when you get in court. Then the judge will scrap the access ctr like mine did, saying that it's very artificial, has too long of a waiting list and .. with no evidence to justify it. A Timmy Horton's will do and bring 3rd parties and cameras if you so choose.

You need a judge to stop her quest for manufactured status quo. Believe me .. a judge WILL put the child abusing gatekeeper in her place. (Yes I call denial of access to a loving parent child abuse ... because it is in my books!). These are children .. not ammunition for personal revenge and emotional turbulence.

When you get tired, impatient or feel like quitting just think about your child's smile .. about how they use to run in to your arms saying they love you .. about how you will FIGHT your ass off for them .. because they need you to. Put a stop to this disgusting gatekeeper .. please.
 
LovingFather32 said:
Same ol' delay tactics. Man is it ever exhausting to even read (having been through it).

My ex's LAO lawyer tried the same with the access ctr. I applied for exchanges only and ex apparently applied for the actual visits. I get an e-ail a month later saying "LF32 .. my client has applied to the access ctr and they seem to be still awaiting your application .. I urge you to apply soon as the waiting list is very long". Of course I replied that I 'DID NOT NEED any kind of supervision as all allegations were false (as she even now admits) .. but got no response.

Patience big guy. It's all a game to Mrs greedy, child-abusing gatekeeper and her scummy money hungry lawyer. Delay Delay Delay for status quo is the name of their game.

Good thing you're documenting everything..all delays, all denials etc. Judge will love that when you get in court. Then the judge will scrap the access ctr like mine did, saying that it's very artificial, has too long of a waiting list and .. with no evidence to justify it. A Timmy Horton's will do and bring 3rd parties and cameras if you so choose.

You need a judge to stop her quest for manufactured status quo. Believe me .. a judge WILL put the child abusing gatekeeper in her place. (Yes I call denial of access to a loving parent child abuse ... because it is in my books!). These are children .. not ammunition for personal revenge and emotional turbulence.

When you get tired, impatient or feel like quitting just think about your child's smile .. about how they use to run in to your arms saying they love you .. about how you will FIGHT your ass off for them .. because they need you to. Put a stop to this disgusting gatekeeper .. please.
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They all play the same game, it was burning my heart in me as I didn't see my kids for two months before I made the mistake and fall into their trap with supervised access exchange centre, big mistake, I should wait until next court session...rushing is no good.

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paco said:
They all play the same game, it was burning my heart in me as I didn't see my kids for two months before I made the mistake and fall into their trap with supervised access exchange centre, big mistake, I should wait until next court session...rushing is no good.

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Indeed. I also went without seeing my D4 for about that time. No parent on this forum will understand what that feels like if it hasn't happened to them (although I'm sure they can imagine). Go to work a happy, loving father .. kiss family and give big bear hugs goodbye. Come home .. family vanished. What hurt me the most was knowing how much D4 was probably hurting by not being able to see me.

Paco's right. Play it slow, steady and use your head. Your ex will only have a case if you give her one. Every syllable must be reasonable and resolution-oriented. If you listen closely you can hear the shovel digging. What they seek is impulsive decisions//behaviors that can be put in ink. Trust me, they'll throw you enough lours .. swim right on past and send out another Offer To Settle/ideas for resolution. Let her fill her affidavits with garbage .. disregard them and focus on primary parent/Best Interests stuff in yours.

It's one hell of a roller coaster ride. We've been through it .. we'll help you get through it.

LF32
 
paco said:
I don't know how good it is, it's certainly a cruel reality, it's hurting everyone who goes to lawyers and to courts, who are not able to find a middle way peacefully for the sake of the kids.
It's $100 +tax per transfer, money that normally should go to child's RESP or to take them to Disneyland in vacation. Some centres may charge different amounts.

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Are you f**king kidding me? Wow - that's expensive. This should be a wake-up call to anyone considering this option and one would think that cost would be a valid reason for a justice to NOT consider this a viable option.
 
And as a interesting aside, Early Childhood Educators are being hired by the access centres due to their extensive knowledge of child development, behaviour management techniques and parenting support.

The attorney general started hiring them a few years ago.
 
The cost is only one variable. The waiting lists add to the delay facilitating false status quo.

The problem is that these services are being misused for custody/Litigation battles.

It should be reserved for parents who lack the self regulation/communication skills and emotional regulation and/or who have a history of violence (physical/verbal)... or even addiction. Right now parent A says parent B is no good ...provides no evidence supporting claims and says that's the only way they can see their child. It's now a standard step on all cases....ridiculous.
 
It's been awhile, but I have a small update. My ex's lawyer got back to me and they are in agreement to change the times on the interim order. The problem is that we tried doing this during the previous motion in early March and the judge refused to make any changes until the OCL report is ready.

I consulted with a new lawyer last week who just happened to be in the court room during that motion, and he confirmed that filing another motion before the OCL disclosure would likely have no result. This temporary judge is apparently a bit of an idiot, and has been a headache for many of the local lawyers.

I've been self representing in the meantime. The OCL disclosure meeting is at the end of this month. Once I have the report in hand (which I am 99% certain will be in my favor) I'll schedule a settlement conference as soon as possible to get this straightened out. Will post back in a few weeks.
 
ninehundredt said:
It's been awhile, but I have a small update. My ex's lawyer got back to me and they are in agreement to change the times on the interim order. The problem is that we tried doing this during the previous motion in early March and the judge refused to make any changes until the OCL report is ready.

I consulted with a new lawyer last week who just happened to be in the court room during that motion, and he confirmed that filing another motion before the OCL disclosure would likely have no result. This temporary judge is apparently a bit of an idiot, and has been a headache for many of the local lawyers.

I've been self representing in the meantime. The OCL disclosure meeting is at the end of this month. Once I have the report in hand (which I am 99% certain will be in my favor) I'll schedule a settlement conference as soon as possible to get this straightened out. Will post back in a few weeks.
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Well don't be that sure with OCL report, I thought the same and they recommended sole custody to mother, expect for the worst...good luck

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paco said:
Well don't be that sure with OCL report, I thought the same and they recommended sole custody to mother, expect for the worst...good luck

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I didn't mean to imply 'favorable' in terms of the custody arrangement, but rather to bury all of this nonsense with the false allegations once and for all. My main priority is to get regular access restored again. This is family court we're talking about after all. A father getting sole custody is about as rare as a pet unicorn.
 
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