Common As Dirt - Another Case Record

[ninehundredt]

Sorry I assumed when you said "your Lawyer" that he was doing the work and you were paying for it.

Offers to settle need to follow existing service rules but not filed with the court. I think anyway, others can confirm.

No I simply can't afford to pay a lawyer for anything other than guidance at the moment. I'm doing the brunt of the work myself. If things start to get tense my lawyer will step in as needed.

I could file any unanswered offer to settle in the evidence stack for proof of efforts made. Let's see if anyone else chimes in on the subject.

 

[FB_]

No I simply can't afford to pay a lawyer for anything other than guidance at the moment. I'm doing the brunt of the work myself. If things start to get tense my lawyer will step in as needed.

I could file any unanswered offer to settle in the evidence stack for proof of efforts made. Let's see if anyone else chimes in on the subject.

Unanswered offers cannot be filed as evidence. The judge can only see them after a decision is made. They are used in the determination of costs only.

It is very common for offers to go unanswered. I had 7 of them go unanswered. The pressure of a looming long motion finally got mine settled 2 days before the motion based on my offers.

You can file them with any conference though as the whole purpose of a conference is to settle matters, but they will not be a part of the continuing record.

 

[ninehundredt]

Unanswered offers cannot be filed as evidence. The judge can only see them after a decision is made. They are used in the determination of costs only.

It is very common for offers to go unanswered. I had 7 of them go unanswered. The pressure of a looming long motion finally got mine settled 2 days before the motion based on my offers.

You can file them with any conference though as the whole purpose of a conference is to settle matters, but they will not be a part of the continuing record.

So how do you prove that you've made efforts at starting a dialogue if the requests aren't entered as evidence?

 

[FB_]

So how do you prove that you've made efforts at starting a dialogue if the requests aren't entered as evidence?

A trial is a clean slate for everyone. The whole point of it is to prove your case. It has nothing to do with settling. Once an order has been given at trial the judge will talk about costs. It's at this point you prove to the judge you did everything in your power to settle this out of court. If the orders are in your favor (better or equal to what you offered) then the judge could order the other party pay your costs.

Offers to settle are valuable tools up until trial. The trial judge is not permitted to know what any offers to settle were.

 

[ninehundredt]

Just tell the judge at the case conference you attempted to restore access number times as noted in Letter xyz. You were denied access without reason. I guarantee you will get something at case conference.

Sorry I've been running around like a madman trying to get all my filing prepared to mail out at the end of the week.

I was under the impression that the judge couldn't make orders at the case conference.

When you said "I guarantee you will get something at case conference" is that what you were referring to?

 

[FB_]

Sorry I've been running around like a madman trying to get all my filing prepared to mail out at the end of the week.

I was under the impression that the judge couldn't make orders at the case conference.

When you said "I guarantee you will get something at case conference" is that what you were referring to?

The judge will very strongly urge an agreement on consent. It will not be what you want but should be something

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[ninehundredt]

The judge will very strongly urge an agreement on consent. It will not be what you want but should be something

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Let's hope so. I scheduled the motion (asking for temporary access) for 10am a couple days after the conference. I'm hoping the judge will endorse my requests after the conference so this will go smoothly.

I'm not so concerned about having an agreement in place (I am certain she will drag that out), but rather focused on regaining access to the kids.

 

[ninehundredt]

Because of some confusion at the courthouse my case conference has been postponed again (yay for bureaucracy). My ex and her lawyer tried to get me to agree to an order of supervised access at a centre, but I declined. I'm fairly confident that I'll get proper access once the motion is heard a couple days after the next case conference.

Surprisingly enough they agreed to a visit on Father's day...which is great news since I haven't seen my kids in over a month. At the same time it kind of begs the question...why insist on supervised access at a centre when you're willing to agree to access outside of one?

 

[paco]

Happy for you, next time you should focus on increasing access unsupervised, explaining that they agreed to have your kids unsupervised on Father's Day so that going forward it should stay the same. Everything should gravitate around this.

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[ninehundredt]

Happy for you, next time you should focus on increasing access unsupervised, explaining that they agreed to have your kids unsupervised on Father's Day so that going forward it should stay the same. Everything should gravitate around this.

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Access on Father's day isn't unsupervised unfortunately, but you take what you can get. My ex will be there the entire time. I'll be asking for unsupervised access when I file my next motion in a month.

 

[mcdreamy]

Your ex is to be the supervisor? Shakes my head.
Have they given any inkling why they deem supervision a requirement?

 

[Beachnana]

You need a 3 rd party there. Witness. Find someone mutually acceptable.

 

[ninehundredt]

Your ex is to be the supervisor? Shakes my head.
Have they given any inkling why they deem supervision a requirement?

This is an informal visit. I don't think my ex should be considered a supervisor, but I agree with beachnana that it might be sensible to have another person there with me.

They haven't offered up any reasoning for requiring supervision, and I don't believe they have any.

 

[FB_]

This is an informal visit. I don't think my ex should be considered a supervisor, but I agree with beachnana that it might be sensible to have another person there with me.

They haven't offered up any reasoning for requiring supervision, and I don't believe they have any.

Sounds like standard operating practice for someone who wants to ride the child support gravy train.

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[ninehundredt]

Sounds like standard operating practice for someone who wants to ride the child support gravy train.

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Except she's already getting full guideline child support. It's more likely based on resentment, or the need for full control.

 

[sioux]

Except she's already getting full guideline child support. It's more likely based on resentment, or the need for full control.

The most common reason why people ask for sole custody isn't it? Self satisfying interest before that of the kid(s)...although most won't admit it, and can't see the future psychological damage they will be doing to the kid(s)

Money money money...and unfortunately their kids grow up to be the same. Cycle continues

 

[paco]

As common as dirt most of the time.
Ninehundret, my situation is very similar to yours, my sc/tmc it's coming pretty soon. Parallel parenting could be an alternative for high conflict couples.

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[ninehundredt]

As common as dirt most of the time.
Ninehundret, my situation is very similar to yours, my sc/tmc it's coming pretty soon. Parallel parenting could be an alternative for high conflict couples.

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It sounds like you're a bit further along, but yes it seems to be the common strand among many of us on here. Parallel parenting certainly is an option, but I would much rather we were able to work together to co-parent properly. I'm going to do whatever I can to make that happen, as I think it would be the best for our kids.

 

[Canadaguy]

Because of some confusion at the courthouse my case conference has been postponed again (yay for bureaucracy). My ex and her lawyer tried to get me to agree to an order of supervised access at a centre, but I declined. I'm fairly confident that I'll get proper access once the motion is heard a couple days after the next case conference.

Surprisingly enough they agreed to a visit on Father's day...which is great news since I haven't seen my kids in over a month. At the same time it kind of begs the question...why insist on supervised access at a centre when you're willing to agree to access outside of one?

This is a typical control thing, and IMO you need to push a little harder back. The courts will keep pushing things back and you may need to check with your lawyer if and how to file an emergency motion for a temp access schedule immediately.

I would use the whole she won't even let you see the kids on fathers day or any other day as a reason for the emergency motion.

Furthermore, I would not ever, ever, ever agree to any supervised access time. There is no reason for it. Call her lawyer and tell him that too, unless they have proof supervision is required, you are not going to do it and a judge will rip his client (her) a new one for denying access for no reason. If he is any sense in him he will implement a temp access schedule TODAY. Try calling him and being aggressive with him to get anywhere. If not then send him an aggressive letter, use this in court showing that you tried but they denied.

At this point making her more pissed off is your least worry. Her being more made can't make anything worse since you can't see your kids now anyways.

The more pressure you put on her, her lawyer and the courts the faster things will move. She will get stressed out and run out of money for her lawyer faster and will make her possibly settle.

 

[Canadaguy]

Try even having daily conversations with her lawyer. I assume you have provided him with an offer to settle, parenting agreement, etc. Keep bugging him to mark up their changes and send back to you.

If they sent you a parenting plan, mark up the changes you want and send back to them. Call the lawyer to review all the points you disagree on. Push him why those points are not valid and that a judge would favor in you for those points for such and such reasons.

Document all this to use in court. That you tried to settle and the main issues are 1.,2.,3. and they have no evidence that supervision is needed, and give reasons why it is not needed.

Remember, more of his time you eat up less money she has to take it to court. It is a great way for her to settle.