Charlie

[Charlie]

My wife has told me she wants a separation.i was shocked at first but after being sent pictures of her embracing with her boss(sent to me by boss's wife who says they were having a relationship) i realize it's over after 24 years of marriage.she says her and her boss are just friends.i tried to keep going with this and suggested counseling but she said you have to want to stay married for counseling to work and she wants out.i never showed the pictures to my son.my son is 20 years old and going to university living with us.living in the house with this women has become unbearable.she barley speaks to me and has begun to shy away from paying her share of the bills.the marriage has completely broken down and i would like to leave.she developed a condition which requires surgery and about 8 weeks of recovery.her family will be taking care of her in my home which is another reason i would like to get the heck out as i now seem to be public enemy #1.she has always worked and makes about $500 less than me a month.if i leave the house am i still responsible for monthly bills etc? What are my options?all help appreciated.

 

[poppabob]

Charlie,
Sorry to hear you are going through this. First do the math and liquidate the assets. Sell the house, yard sale the rest and pay off any outstanding debts before you leave. If anything is left split it as well as any remaining debts. As your incomes are close to the same, spousal support should be minimal if at all.
If possible keep talking and settle it all between the two of you. Do not involve a lawyer unless there is no other way. So far my legal expences exceed 15000 and I am not done yet.

 

[AtALoss]

I agree try to settle as much of that as you can before going to lawyers or courts. You can draw up your own separation agreement. but do have it witnessed. Divorce does not have to be made more painful by the addition of lawyers who want to drag and fight just for the money. Go by what the courts allow 50/50 on house, other assets and debts too. You will save yourselves alot of money and heart ache. If both of you will agree to an uncontested divorce, it would be just a matter of filing appropriate papers etc. Good luck and continue to ask questions here as many have been this rote and can offer lots of advice.

 

[dadtotheend]

Do not leave the house without consulting the lawyer first. Cardinal sin number 1 is leaving the house without proper representation. Do not make this mistake or I guarantee you will regret it.

Your child is pretty much grown up now, and will cease to be a child of the marriage once he finishes university, so child support will be a minor issue, if one at all.

Call the Law Society of Upper Canada and get yourself a free half hour with a lawyer to check out your options.

BTW, your wife's infidelity will be irrelevant to the settlement of your differences.

 

[Charlie]

Thanks for the replies guys.Should I just wait and see what she does ?I have also found a large bill on her credit card which is in my name.How can anybody stay around a person like this and remain sane.If she moves out what are my options then ? Can I change the locks and keep her away while I try to sell the house ?

 

[first timer]

If she is going to continue to increase the debt load that is in your name I would cancel the credit card or at least retrieve the one she has, destroy it, call whomever the credit card is with, tell them to remove her as a secondary card holder. I would also cancel or freeze any line of credits you have in your name that she has access to and will use without your knowledge. If she continues to fall behind on the bills slowly cancel the services she is not paying for and tell her why, especially if those services are in your name.

I would start to get the house ready to sell but I would not move out of the house until you have sold it.

I would talk to my son and let him know that the marriage is over and that you are next moving towards divorce and single life, congrats!