Can you please help me!
- Thread starter jakre90
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rwm1273
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If there is a no contact order, do not make any contact. You will be arrested, and you will have lots of problems in the future.
If you do not know if there is a no contact order, you can go to the court and ask if there is an order against you, or as others have said to contact the police. If there is, then there will be terms that you must abide by, and possibly a date for a hearing.
They have told you that they do not want you around. If there is no order and you do go there, then they will get an order, and you will have great problems to deal with.
You may have to wait until the child is born before you can really do anything. As others have said, you may want to talk with a lawyer to see what you can do to ensure you are named as the father on the birth certificate. It is important to be named, as then you will have less problems to get access in the future.
The game in court is to make you look as bad as possible. The other side will bring up all kinds of things to complain about, and it is all meant to show the judge why you should not have any access to the child. Don't worry about what they say. Your actions will be more important than their accusations. But be prepared to defend yourself. Try not to slander the other side. Just remember that the issues will be about you and the child.
If you do not know if there is a no contact order, you can go to the court and ask if there is an order against you, or as others have said to contact the police. If there is, then there will be terms that you must abide by, and possibly a date for a hearing.
They have told you that they do not want you around. If there is no order and you do go there, then they will get an order, and you will have great problems to deal with.
You may have to wait until the child is born before you can really do anything. As others have said, you may want to talk with a lawyer to see what you can do to ensure you are named as the father on the birth certificate. It is important to be named, as then you will have less problems to get access in the future.
The game in court is to make you look as bad as possible. The other side will bring up all kinds of things to complain about, and it is all meant to show the judge why you should not have any access to the child. Don't worry about what they say. Your actions will be more important than their accusations. But be prepared to defend yourself. Try not to slander the other side. Just remember that the issues will be about you and the child.
No, the no contact order is just all words. Nothing has be to court yet.
Like they said earlier, Im getting a ton of sworm statements on paper from friends, family, ex girlfriends, teachers ect. for this supossably violent, aggressive anger I have, to which I do not.
But what kind of actions will take place from their accusations?
Like they said earlier, Im getting a ton of sworm statements on paper from friends, family, ex girlfriends, teachers ect. for this supossably violent, aggressive anger I have, to which I do not.
But what kind of actions will take place from their accusations?
rwm1273
New member
It depends on the accusations, and how they are made. Your worst case would be if she went to court for a restraining order without telling you. This would be what is called an ex parte order, as you are not present in court. She would be able to say anything she wants that she thinks that will get you into trouble, and there is no need for evidence. Some judges fall for this, others don't.
The court could order your arrest, and prevent you from access to your child.
The court could order your arrest, and prevent you from access to your child.
rwm1273
New member
That is the problem with the courts. There is no proof needed to get an order.
If they don't want to spend the time, and are satisfied with just making the threat, then leave it be. You really don't want to cause a problem, even if you don't think that you have done anything wrong. The courts are very easily manipulated.
Just wait for things to settle down. Maybe in a short time she may come to her senses. But as others have said, you need to be prepared, and you should speak to a lawyer to find out your options.
If they don't want to spend the time, and are satisfied with just making the threat, then leave it be. You really don't want to cause a problem, even if you don't think that you have done anything wrong. The courts are very easily manipulated.
Just wait for things to settle down. Maybe in a short time she may come to her senses. But as others have said, you need to be prepared, and you should speak to a lawyer to find out your options.
standing on the sidelines
New member
Just remember one thing though, if they told you not to come back to the house and you do, you can be charged with tresspassing. They do not need a court order for that.
Yeah, and she might choose someone ELSE for that role....even while you are paying FULL support and not permitted to enjoy more than a few hours a week with your child.
You have a BIG job ahead of you....
standing on the sidelines
New member
Umm since when did you become an expert on that?? There are many cultures where there are three generations of a family that live together. Be thankful that she has a safe and secure place to raise the child and not some roach infested slum. You better make sure you have a great place to live if you try and use that in court.
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Just note that there is nothing that can be done in court until the child is born. While you can negotiate and discuss custody matters, no agreement made prior to the child being born is enforcible and the court will not make an order prior to the birth of the child.
So effectively, you get a lawyer now and you get that lawyer primed up that on the due date (or maybe one week after if you are not informed of the birth and have to ensure the child is born) you file for custody. You ask for access and decision making abilities.
In the mean time you do what is best to get you your results. A little presearch will be going to the local police station/court house and confirming there is a restraining order on you, as that will effect how you try to communicate (without a restraining order you only communicate via registered letter or email. With a RO you communicate through your lawyer).
First, you send her via registered letter reasonable offers on custody/access which you state can be put into an agreement and made enforcible post birth.
Second, you go to Baby Classes. You take Baby CPR, infant parenting classes, anything you can that will give you the skills to deal with an infant on your own. You prepare to be a dad. And should you end up in court, you show the court that you've done such things and the court will most likely be encouraged by it.
So effectively, you get a lawyer now and you get that lawyer primed up that on the due date (or maybe one week after if you are not informed of the birth and have to ensure the child is born) you file for custody. You ask for access and decision making abilities.
In the mean time you do what is best to get you your results. A little presearch will be going to the local police station/court house and confirming there is a restraining order on you, as that will effect how you try to communicate (without a restraining order you only communicate via registered letter or email. With a RO you communicate through your lawyer).
First, you send her via registered letter reasonable offers on custody/access which you state can be put into an agreement and made enforcible post birth.
Second, you go to Baby Classes. You take Baby CPR, infant parenting classes, anything you can that will give you the skills to deal with an infant on your own. You prepare to be a dad. And should you end up in court, you show the court that you've done such things and the court will most likely be encouraged by it.
Is this a good thing to email her?
- Jessica Consoli -
I “Jacob Spencer” would like to be part of our child’s life. My expectation is 50-50 custody with joint decision making via a parallel parenting model.
I am also requesting that you “Jessica Consoli” to confirm that my name will be added to the birth certificate and wish to be informed when you have our child so the two of us can make arrangements to finalize the details.
dadtotheend
New member
Doesn't have to be so formal. Yes it may be used down the road as evidence, but you aren't trying to draft a separation agreement/court order yet, you are simply stating your preferences.
Keep the language plain, get rid of the quotes and use first names for everyone as if you were to speaking face to face.
Let the lawyers worry about the legalise. Right now you are getting your wishes on the record so that no one can come back later and claim that you gave consent to anything but what you are stating you want now.
Keep the language plain, get rid of the quotes and use first names for everyone as if you were to speaking face to face.
Let the lawyers worry about the legalise. Right now you are getting your wishes on the record so that no one can come back later and claim that you gave consent to anything but what you are stating you want now.
You can go through mediation before, but any arrangement/agreement that you may come to will not be effective until after the child is born. So if you are looking at saving time, mediation would be a good start (if for no other reason to prove to the courts you want to be involved from day one and that you are looking to alternative dispute methods).
I would request that you seek mediation as it is a more cost effective and less acrimonious method of resolving your issues. And if it fails, the courts haven't gone any where.
Something like this? Emphasising support, but still getting the message across...
Jessica,
I trust you and our child are well, and are being well taken care of.
I am writing to offer my support and goodwill, and also to inform you of my intentions to become an active, fully-involved father to our child.
I am willing to share any costs you may be incurring (e.g. prenatal classes, or special medical care) before he/she is born, and will also provide child support amounts according to the federal guidelines after birth.
I would like to visit in the hospital after you give birth, so please inform me when the time arrives.
I request that when you fill out the birth registration form, you name me as the father, and also that her surname includes my own surname. The order of surnames is not important to me.
I am eagerly looking forward to being a parent, and expect that we will be able to overlook our differences sufficiently so that our child may have a mother and a father both.
I would like to have a basic co-parenting plan in place before our child is born. Please take some time to think about this, and get whatever advice you feel you need, so that we can start discussions soon.
Sincerely,
J.
Jessica,
I trust you and our child are well, and are being well taken care of.
I am writing to offer my support and goodwill, and also to inform you of my intentions to become an active, fully-involved father to our child.
I am willing to share any costs you may be incurring (e.g. prenatal classes, or special medical care) before he/she is born, and will also provide child support amounts according to the federal guidelines after birth.
I would like to visit in the hospital after you give birth, so please inform me when the time arrives.
I request that when you fill out the birth registration form, you name me as the father, and also that her surname includes my own surname. The order of surnames is not important to me.
I am eagerly looking forward to being a parent, and expect that we will be able to overlook our differences sufficiently so that our child may have a mother and a father both.
I would like to have a basic co-parenting plan in place before our child is born. Please take some time to think about this, and get whatever advice you feel you need, so that we can start discussions soon.
Sincerely,
J.
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