Can ex be compelled to switch careers?

3

350 Mag

New member
My soon to be ex quit a Govt job 18 years ago. A job that would now pay around $75,000 per year vs the $37,000 she is making as a Secretary.

Is it a long shot to have court suggest she return to her old job?

Or can she make as little as she wants and continue to get max support payments.

Also.

If she enters common law relationship or re married will court grant order to stop support payments?
 
Are you suggesting that she should or can just step back into a job that she left almost two decades ago?

As a couple, you guys both agreed that she should quit her job. Now, you both get to suffer the consequences.

As for the second question, it depends on why she quit the job. I'm going to guess that she quit the job in order to raise your children. The money you pay her is to compensate her for her lost income opportunities. If she repartners, that would be completely irrelevant.
 
350mag are you asking about spousal or child support? I don't believe cohabitation or remarriage affects child support payments at all.
 
I did not want her to quit her job....she refused.

We had a nice home in a stable market we ended up moving to where I work which is now becoming unstable.

This is all in regards to spousal support(alimony).

Are you saying if she marries again and the guy is well off or rich I still have to pay her support every month?

The kids are staying with me.
 
Ah, yes, the old "you agreed as a couple" justification for being forced to pay for an ex-spouse who spent years slacking off and wants to continue to do so after the marriage ends.

If you ask you spouse to go back to work, for example after the kids start school, and they say, "no thanks, I'm good." What are you supposed to do? Poke them with a cattle prod every morning to get them to look for a job and go to work?

IMO, it's a case of putting all the responsibility for one spouse and none for the other.
 
ifonlyihadknown said:
If you ask you spouse to go back to work, for example after the kids start school, and they say, "no thanks, I'm good." What are you supposed to do?
Click to expand...

Marriage is essentially a business partnership. If your partner is not living up to their end of the deal, then you dissolve the partnership.

If your spouse has been working until a month before you initiate divorce proceedings, I almost guarantee you won't be paying any spousal support.
 
ifonlyihadknown said:
Ah, yes, the old "you agreed as a couple" justification for being forced to pay for an ex-spouse who spent years slacking off and wants to continue to do so after the marriage ends.

If you ask you spouse to go back to work, for example after the kids start school, and they say, "no thanks, I'm good." What are you supposed to do? Poke them with a cattle prod every morning to get them to look for a job and go to work?

IMO, it's a case of putting all the responsibility for one spouse and none for the other.
Click to expand...


Had she kept her Govt Job....or went back and 1 kid could have been babysat or daycare.

She would be making $80k/year vs $37,000.

That job would have been a $800,000 pension indexed...by now...

She will probably go after my pension.

She has a college degree and is working as a secretary ???

I told her maybe she should call her old boss ...but she likes having Summers off and lots of spare time for leisure activities.

It's not fair as I work 12 hour shifts.....for 25+ years now supporting the whole household.

She needs to step up and get a better job....her current job is beneath want she is capable of.

In the same vein I could take a job pumping gas or working at Walmart.....BUT not allowed To do that.

I only want a fair deal for both of us.
 
You were complacent for 25 years. Something about your relationship led her to believe she didn’t have to work.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Alpinist said:
If she's been making 37,000 for the past 18 years that's what they're going to be looking at as status quo.
Click to expand...

No she left work in 2002.

Went back to work part time 2013.

She is almost full time now....but has 7 weeks off in Summer.

Ya I was complacent....BUT IF men complain they are azzholes....
 
350 Mag said:
I told her maybe she should call her old boss
Click to expand...
You want your ex to contact her old boss from 18 years ago? Your ex's job likely got filled 18 years ago. Workplaces hire based on filling a vacancy, not to help resolve a conflict in figuring out the details of separation.

The best that your ex's old boss can do (that is if they still work there) is to say to keep eyes open for job openings and apply like everyone else.

I would drop this argument you are making. Posed to a lawyer, would be a waste of your money. Posed in court, would make you look foolish.
 
Last edited:
350 Mag,

The system is rigged.
Any good deed will be punished.
This line of argument will get you nothing.

On the other hand, have you heard of the "Rule of 65"? If you STBX's age plus the number of years you've been married add up to 65 or more, you could be on the hook for "indefinite" spousal support. Yes, it is as bad as it sounds. Hope, for your sake, it doesn't apply.
 
LovingDad1234 said:
You want your ex to contact her old boss from 18 years ago? Your ex's job likely got filled 18 years ago. Workplaces hire based on filling a vacancy, not to help resolve a conflict in figuring out the details of separation.

The best that your ex's old boss can do (that is if they still work there) is to say to keep eyes open for job openings and apply like everyone else.

I would drop this argument you are making. Posed to a lawyer, would be a waste of your money. Posed in court, would make you look foolish.
Click to expand...


Well....I guess IF she isn't willing to compromise....I will get "stressed" and have to take medical leave....

And possible end up with a minimum wage job?

That could very well happen.

Then she gets "0".
 
350 Mag said:
Well....I guess IF she isn't willing to compromise....I will get "stressed" and have to take medical leave....

And possible end up with a minimum wage job?

That could very well happen.

Then she gets "0".
Click to expand...
It has nothing to do with compromise. Workplaces have hiring practices and there needs to be a vacancy or position to fill. Your ex is welcome to apply to any job hiring postings out there, if she so chooses, but by is no means obligated at all. To ask her to contact her boss from 18 years ago isn't clear thinking, and is actually quite ridiculous (sorry).

On the flip side, for you to purposefully quit your job and purposefully make less money to shirk your financial obligations will look terribly against you. That is precisely why courts impute incomes. Would you rather be paying $X in supports on your current salary, or paying the same $X in supports while making significantly (and purposefully) less?

It is evident you are grieving the loss of your wife and marriage, which is perfectly normal....you may wish to seek speaking with a therapist to ensure clear thinking through this difficult process.
 
350 Mag said:
Well....I guess IF she isn't willing to compromise....I will get "stressed" and have to take medical leave....

And possible end up with a minimum wage job?

That could very well happen.

Then she gets "0".
Click to expand...

Actually, they will impute income to you. Her income will be unaffected, you will still have to pay her the same amount. You will just have much less.

You aren't the first support payor to have the bright idea of reducing their income as revenge :).
 
So basically ....

I will be lucky to come away with the clothes on my backside....and she will be with another guy.

Marriage is the ultimate SCAM!
 
350 Mag said:
So basically ....

I will be lucky to come away with the clothes on my backside....and she will be with another guy.

Marriage is the ultimate SCAM!
Click to expand...


Wait a second. You had what, 20 years with a woman who gave you two kids, cared for your home and kids and gave you companionship. For whatever reason she fell out of love with you and wanted out. Making that decision was not easy.

You now have the opportunity to agree mutually on a financial way forward depending on the status of your income and what you built. Up until a day ago you were yammering on about how you wanted her to be happy and you loved her so much.

Marriage involves two people and you are both guilty for its failure and what went into it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
1) I BEGGED and PLEADED with her to keep her job.

2) We had a NICE home. Because we were making combined 120,000

3). She insisted she didn't care IF we made less money or had as nice house. She just wanted to be together as a family

We argued for a whole year about her quitting her job....I told her I was NOT happy at my job....and would look for work closer to our home.

4) In the end we moved away from friends, family, and ended up in a community far away from ANY support. We had no babysitter(parents or relatives) so we were always stuck with the kids and didn't get out much.

5) I struggled at work and with the pressure of being the number 1 provider so I was stressed out alot of the time. As I told her I did not enjoy my job.

6) She was not happy with our home. She complained constantly our house wasn't nice enough, we didn't have large savings, or rental properties like her sister....Who had a 70,000 /year job and her husband made 150,000/ year.

7) So after 17 years or so living here she decides she doesn't love me anymore?

So if I take home $2700 / 2weeks.

And the courts award her $2500/month.

Who wins and loses.

She has a college degree.....but chooses NOT to pursue a better paying Job?

The idea of spousal support is to compensate her for leaving her career to raise a family and to maintain her standard of living.

IF higher paying job is available is it unreasonable to ask her to expand her horizons?

I do love my wife very much, she is leaving, breaking up a family.....I and giving her $1500/ month....because I am keeping the 2 kids with me 90% of the time.

I feel worthless....and to add insult to injury I am still the "meal ticket".

All I want is a fair deal.....and for her to seek a better job?

She has education she should use it OR at least try ???
 
350 Mag,

Family court is the scam. Listen to rockscan since that is the point of view that family courts operate under. Janus also offers words of wisdom.

It's assumed that only your STBX contributed to the marriage and now must be compensated. Any contributions you made are ignored.

Any decision made by your STBX, you are assumed to have agreed with, even if you didn't and had no way of forcing her.

The marriage will end, your STBX will be free to live here life, and possibly be supported for life. You will be an indentured servant, forced to continue to provide for them even though the marriage is supposed to be over. Your responsibilities will continue. Your STBX has none and doesn't even have to try and support themselves. Why would they when they've won the "cash for life" lottery?


Getting married has become the riskiest financial gamble you can take. As Janus mentioned, the only prudent (and cold blooded) thing to do would have been to get divorced the minute your STBX decided not to go back to work.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top